48. Nikolai
I was going to fucking kill my brother.
Was he seriously trying to make me lose control? Fuck that. It wasn’t going to work.
Did I watch her like he said I would? Yes.
Was I ashamed of it? Maybe a little. But I’d always had a talent for torturing myself with things I shouldn’t have.
I watched them feed her the chicken pot pie I’d made for them. Her laugh did something to me. The easy joy in it as she found humor in Kiron and Harlow’s antics. The sound carried through the CCTV feed, warm and unguarded, a lightness the house hadn’t held in a long time. A lightness they needed.
I told myself I didn’t.
That it was my job as alpha. It was nothing.
Just food. Just noise. And still I caught myself imagining joining them, taking my share of her light for myself.
It was selfish. I’d lost my chance at that a long time ago.
That didn’t stop my cock from aching, a low persistent throb I refused to acknowledge.
I did what I needed to do. I provided for my hive and that was all. Otherwise they’d suffer like Harlow had.
Like Elias had.
My gaze slid from the screen to him by the fireplace, a book open in his hands, firelight catching in his messy onyx hair.
He looked like he was reading. He wasn’t.
He was letting me stew in my own self-inflicted restraint.
I shook my head, and leaned forward as the camera fully stabilized on the living room.
A pang of loneliness swept through me.
There are times in a vampire’s existence when you wish for death, and times you wish you’d never gone through the Change at all.
Watching her like this, alive and warm and laughing, dragged me straight into the latter.
Her blood called to me, pulling tight in my chest, coiling there until it felt like I was seconds from losing control.
‘Go to her,’ my wolf urged.
“ No ,” I muttered. The word scraped out of my throat. I denied him.
Again.
I might have tasted that pretty little pussy. Might have let her suck my cock. I’d fantasize about it for the rest of my days. But that was as far as it went for me . As far as I would let this go.
She didn’t need me anyway.
And if I wasn’t careful, I’d fuck it up for my hive. I wouldn’t make that mistake again. At least I hadn’t lost complete control. Hadn’t fucked her. Hadn’t tasted her blood. My fangs lengthened, my mouth filling with saliva at the thought of it.
It was like my brother read my fucking mind.
On camera, they had her top bare, all three of them feeding from her.
My hands balled into fists at my sides as the feeds flickered, one by one, until every angle burned into my skull.
I watched anyway, punishing myself with the sweet little sounds she made while my hive enjoyed her.
She was close. I could practically taste that sweetened strawberry-pie scent through the screen.
“Turn it off,” Elias said sharply.
“Fuck you.” I didn’t look away. I was transfixed. There was no way I was missing the moment she peaked in pleasure, her eyes rolling as she lost herself in their bite.
Damn. She was beautiful.
Elias slammed his book shut and tossed it onto the coffee table. I ignored him.
I was so fucking hard it ached for relief as I watched her crawl over to Kiron, giving me a perfect view of her.
I leaned forward on my elbows, just a fraction closer.
My fangs ached, saliva pooling with the urge to taste her.
Want tangled with fear, with the memory of Clarissa’s back as she walked away from us, and it was just enough to help me hold myself back.
“Why torture yourself? I installed the cameras to protect her from the rogue, not for you to spy on her.”
“She knows I’m watching.”
“And that makes it better? You’re torturing yourself, Niko. Just turn it off.”
‘Mine,’ the wolf snarled.
“ NO ,” I said again, the word cracking, meant for both of them.
Elias was right. Turning it off was the smart thing to do.
I should have, but I didn’t. I dragged a hand through my messy blond hair.
I needed a haircut. I hadn't had time nor the headspace to care. I’d been too busy obsessing over a certain blood mate to have cared.
“If you want to be helpful instead of just pissing me off, bend over my desk and submit to me, Elias. Otherwise shut the fuck up.”
The sound of Elias’ belt could be heard as he bared himself to me. I palmed his ass with a groan and slowly bent him over my desk. I stroked his cock as a reward for doing what I asked. His hips bucked, seeking more friction.
“That’s a good boy” I lowered my mouth to the back of his neck and ran my tongue up his warm skin. His cock jerked in my palm.
“I won’t be gentle,” I warned.
He groaned low, pleasure rolling through him. “I don’t care, alpha. Just fuck me until you feel better.”
With my eyes locked on the screen, I bit into my wrist, caught my blood between my thumb and fingers, and smeared it over Elias’ ass, pressing him forward to prepare him to take me.
On the screen, Sina took Kiron into her mouth as Rafe aligned himself with her ass, much like I was with Elias. My cock throbbed painfully. I coated myself crimson, preparing myself. I gritted my teeth and watched Kiron slowly disappear past her pouty lips.
Satisfaction tingled sharp as I gripped Elias’ ass and drove into him with a growl, letting their pleasure fuel mine.
Using my blood as lubricant made me feel feral, unhinged. My wolf demanded full submission from the raven.
“You. Are. Mine.” I punctuated every word with a brutal thrust. “ Say it .”
“I-I’m yours sir.”
I growled my approval, adjusting my grip on either side of his head and bracing on the lip of the desk so I could fuck him harder.
“Yes, Alpha!”
On the screen, Kiron fisted her long hair and brutally took her mouth, and I snapped my hips in time with him.
“Fuck.” I dragged my gaze from the live feed. “Touch yourself, Eli. I want to see you pump your cock while I fuck you.”
He moaned in answer but did what I said, spreading his hips a little more to reach his aching cock. He slowly began to move his hand up and down his shaft.
I felt every bit like the fucking predator I was. Shit . I wiped my hair from my face, pushing back the strands that had fallen into my eyes. Eli jerked himself faster, his breaths ragged with pleasure.
“I need to come,” he begged. His legs trembled with his effort to wait for my permission. My wolf growled in approval. That was exactly what we needed from our mate.
Submission.
“You can come when I do. And I’m this fucking close.” I drove faster, the desk inching forward with my efforts. “Are you ready? I’m about to mark you. ”
“Yes. Give it to me.”
The beast inside me purred with carnal satisfaction.
“Fuck,” I roared. “Come for me. Do it now. ”
I gritted my teeth, my head falling back as I gave him exactly what he begged for.
On the monitor, Rafe carried Sina toward the nest that I’d built for her on the third floor .
The room is finished in reds deep as blood, the bed large enough for the entire hive.
The bathroom designed to hold us all without crowding.
I’d had it made this past week just to stay busy.
Just to bleed off the pressure. I should’ve been relieved the bear was taking her there.
I wasn’t.
Jealousy tore through me, hot and ugly. I stuffed my cock back into my slacks and collapsed into my chair. I yanked my glasses off and rubbed hard at my eyes like I could scrub the image away. Sina looked boneless with trust in his arms, her head tucked against his shoulder.
I watched Rafe carry her past the bed toward the jacuzzi tub in the massive bathroom and set her on the edge as he went to prepare it for her. The pressure in my chest spiked, sharp enough to steal my breath.
“If you want her, Nikolai, the only one standing in your way is you.”
“It’s better if I’m not there.”
“Better for who, Niko?”
I shoved back from the desk, heart hammering.
“I am so fucking tired of having this conversation with you!” Elias didn’t flinch. He just narrowed his eyes, disappointment settling in. “Why the fuck do you even care? Just go . I’m done with the third degree.”
“I’m not leaving you.”
My heart twisted with the knife that had been lodged there for a century .
“You won’t commit to the hive either, Eli, so what’s the fucking point?” I raked a shaky hand through my hair. My skin burned with the need to shift. “You’re a rogue, and you love reminding me you’re not part of this.”
I didn’t give myself time to think. I stripped off my shirt and let the wolf surge forward, turning my back on him.
“Just leave. You always do... Everyone does. ” I regretted the words instantly and turned to apologize, but it was too late. The window stood open, night air rushing in, and my raven was already gone. The room smelled like sex and blood and absence. I stood there alone with all of it.
“Why do I ruin everything? ”