50. Sina
I’d spent my first night back on the island with just Rafe, and waking up in his arms had been perfect. Don’t get me wrong. But this morning, I woke up tangled in so many limbs I didn’t know where mine began and theirs ended.
I was curled up on Kiron’s chest, his arms hugging me to him. Harlow pressed against my back, one of his legs draped over mine. It was a small cocoon of their warmth. The bed felt safe in a way that made my chest ache pleasantly.
Leaning slightly, I peeked over Kiron and found Rafe stretched out on the other side of him, fast asleep.
I grinned to myself. That man was insatiable. When I’d asked him to make me forget, he’d done a pretty bang-up job. My head was still spinning, and I was sore in all the right places. His touch of magic was addictive, and now knowing my emotions could heighten his pleasure too?
Chef’s kiss.
My core throbbed at the reminder. I was glad we’d had the night to ourselves. I’d needed that time with him. Needed the space to explore whatever this was between us without anyone else watching or weighing in. And I think he’d needed it too.
But this—all of my guys, wrapped around me—was perfect.
I snuggled deeper, Kiron’s arm tightening instinctively around my shoulders as he let out a deep, rumbling snore.
I muffled a laugh into his chest. He was ridiculous like this.
Adorable. I tilted my head, studying his face.
His beard had grown thicker over the last few days, rough beneath my fingertips as I traced along it absentmindedly, then tucked myself closer into his chest, breathing him in and letting the moment settle.
I loved the longer look more than his typical five-o’clock shadow.
In sleep, the tension eased out of him. No permanently pinched brow. No hard, guarded edge. Just… peace .
My heart squeezed.
He was always so worried about doing something wrong.
Messing up whatever this was between us.
And I wished he would just relax and enjoy it.
Enjoy us. Just yesterday, his apology came out of nowhere.
He genuinely thought he’d crossed a line the night before in the living room.
That compelling me, taking control of his pleasure the way he had, had gone too far.
Heat crept up my cheeks as the memory surfaced. If anything, I’d loved how possessively he’d fucked my mouth. Knowing I drove him just as wild as he did me. I shivered. But if he needed reassurance, that was fine by me. I’d made sure he understood just how much I wanted his brand of dominance.
A zing of arousal pulsed low and slow. God, I was probably the insatiable one in this scenario, and I had the sudden urge to wake one of them up to satisfy me.
Stop it, Sina. You don’t need a dick inside you twenty-four-seven.
I snorted quietly and settled for snuggling into Kiron’s chest to watch the sun rise instead. The sky slowly lightened behind the curtains as morning crept in.
The mattress shifted. Rafe eased himself up carefully on the other side of Kiron, moving slowly so he didn’t wake anyone.
“Where are you going?” I murmured.
“Go back to sleep, honey. I’m going on a run with Nikolai.” He leaned in, brushing a soft kiss over my lips. “I’ll see you at breakfast.”
I nodded, but something about knowing Rafe was going to see Nik without me made all the emotions I’d been carefully suppressing surge back up. I didn’t understand the vampire alpha.
Why was he avoiding me ?
Rafe swore I hadn’t done anything wrong, but damn it , it felt like I had. And I hated that feeling. Hated the way it made me second-guess myself, made me want to fix something I didn’t even understand. I almost offered to go with Rafe, but fear of rejection had me biting my tongue.
What if Nik was pissed I tagged along? What if he said something? Or worse, what if Rafe said no?
I didn’t know why the thought of being rejected, of having that distance spoken out loud, made my chest tighten. But it did. Enough that I kept my mouth shut and kissed him back instead.
He paused, brows furrowing as he pulled his hair up into a messy man bun.
“You okay?”
Of course he sensed my emotions. I still hadn’t gotten used to that new fact about him.
“I’m fine.” I forced a smile. “Go. Have a good run.”
I love you. I rolled my lips between my teeth to keep the words from slipping free.
What the hell was wrong with me? Where did that even come from?
A fresh wave of anxiety rushed in, throat-tightening and sharp.
He searched my face for another second, then leaned in and kissed me once more before slipping out, the door closing softly behind him. My lips tingled. I pressed my fingers where his mouth had been and scowled. I was going to have to set some serious empathic boundaries with that man.
The quiet pressed in, and this time it didn’t feel comforting. It felt loud. Too much room for my thoughts to ricochet. Too much space where Rafe had just been, and those three words I’d almost said.
Nope. Don’t think about the L-word, Sina .
Focusing on vampire motives felt like a better use of my time. I stared at the door a second longer than I meant to, irritation curling in my chest right on the heels of the anxiety.
Get a grip on yourself.
I shifted carefully, aware of Kiron’s steady breathing beneath me, the solid weight of him anchoring me in place. He hadn’t stirred once. Completely out. Typical.
I tried to breathe through the mess in my head. It didn’t help. Because Harlow was awake, I could feel it. The tension in the line of his body behind me. The deliberate stillness. He wasn’t asleep at all.
He was pretending.
Why ? Was he giving me the chance to say something?
He knew more than he was giving me. And I was done being patient. He’d told me Nik was watching the cameras. Told me to make him regret not coming downstairs.
Again, why? What was his goal besides provoking his brother?
The urge to swallow back my questions resurfaced, that familiar instinct to ignore the red flags. I’d been doing that this whole time, and look how well that was working out.
Be brave, Sina.
I let out a small, steadying breath, staring at the light filtering in through the window.
“I know you’re awake, Low. I can feel you staring. It’s like daggers in the back of my skull.”
A soft huff of amusement sounded behind me.
“I can’t help it, darling. I like what I see.
” The memory of the last time he’d said that slammed into my chest. My heart betrayed me instantly, fluttering hard enough that I sucked in a breath.
Harlow leaned closer, his lips brushing the sensitive skin just beneath my ear, barely there. “Like little bird wings. ”
My pulse jumped right on cue. I tilted my head, giving him better access without quite admitting that’s what I was doing.
He growled softly in approval.
Back then, I’d had no idea about any of this. I’d been completely in the dark.
Well fuck being left in the dark.
I had a right to know everything, didn’t I?
I slid carefully out of Kiron’s hold and rolled onto my side to face Harlow. His eyes were already on me.
“There’s so much I don’t know. Like… Why don’t I ever see you guys feed? Vampires should definitely be feeding more.”
“Are you asking for my bite, little vixen?”
The dark lust in his voice made my brain short-circuit. My body reacted instantly, traitor that it was, already remembering what his bite could do. I shook my head. “Stop that. I’m being serious right now. Don’t try to distract me with flirting.”
“Got it. No flirting . Do I get a reward for being a good boy?”
I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands, frustration buzzing under my skin. Getting Harlow to stay serious was going to be half the battle.
“ Harlooow ,” I complained, dropping my hands. “Please. Be serious. Just for once.”
“Okay, Sina. For you, I’ll try.”
The fact that he used my name instead of one of his nicknames told me he meant it. I chewed my lip.
“Thank you.” I exhaled, already regretting this.
I tried to organize my thoughts, but they refused to line up, my brain bombarding me with insecurities. Most of them circled back to one brooding vampire alpha. And what any of this actually meant. I searched Harlow’s face, hoping for something to latch onto .
A tell. A crack. Anything .
But the infuriating vampire gave me nothing, his expression smooth and unreadable. The questions twisted tighter in my chest. There were too many of them. Too many answers I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear. And if I were being honest with myself, I was afraid of what some of them might cost me.
So I chickened out.
I couldn’t ask anything that would make me too vulnerable. Not after I’d almost told Rafe I loved him just minutes ago. I swallowed and went with something vague enough that maybe Harlow would open up on his own.
“What don’t I know? What aren’t you telling me?”
Harlow’s mouth curved faintly as he propped himself up on his elbow. “Darling, there are plenty of things you don’t know. So ask something specific.”
Damn it.
I hesitated.
Be brave, Sina. Remember?