Chapter 37 Mirabelle #2
Love.
I’ve never given it much thought. I think because I’ve found it everywhere. I don’t think everyone’s brains works this way, but I find things I love everywhere I look.
I loved all the girls I was friends with back at the facility. I love all the new foods I’ve gotten to try since I was sold to the farm. I love anything to do with the sky.
Even though I still have so much to learn about the world around me, I’m not stupid or naive enough to not understand that the love Rowan is talking about is different.
Or at least, he wants it to be. He wants me to be in love with him.
Am I in love with him?
If I can say I love the clouds in the sky, I think I can say I love him. And all the guys, really. Because that feeling of awe, that feeling that I’m looking at something special and important and magical, is the same sort of feeling I get when I look at them.
I want nothing more than to be with them all. And they do everything in their power to make me feel like I’m safe, by their side.
“Sorry, I—I should just shut up,” he sighs, starting to drive the golf cart again.
His disappointment sits heavily in my chest, almost pulsing through the bond.
“I love you, Rowan,” I say softly, reaching out and resting a hand on his bicep.
He slams on the brakes of the golf cart a second time, but this time I’m prepared.
“You—you don’t know what you’re saying,” he says, shaking his head. “No, you can’t do this to me, Sugar, not if you don’t mean it. I—I—“
“I do mean it,” I say, my tone almost pleading with him to believe me. “I don’t know when it happened, I don’t think it was a magic boom, I’m in love now thing, I just think… I just think it happened.”
His chest rises and falls rapidly as he continues staring into my eyes.
“Do you… do you feel the same?” I ask, my voice a little strained at the tail end of my question.
Rowan’s lips crash down onto mine. Normally, he’s a lot more hesitant with his kisses, especially compared to the other guys like Ash. Not this time.
I fall into the kiss, letting all my worries get swept away. There are so many things to look forward to. Like this kiss. I can worry about all the terrible, scary things that’ve been eating me up inside later.
“Fuck yes I do,” he breathes out, resting his forehead against mine.
“Really?”
“Yes, Sugar.” He lets out a soft huff of laughter under his breath.
“I love you. I just can’t believe you love me too.
And that you said it to me first, out of everyone else.
If I were a betting man, I would’ve bet on you and Griffin saying it to each other first, ‘specially cause of the bond you’ve got. ”
“I have a bond with you too, you know.”
“Yeah, but it’s not, you know, as strong as the one you and Griffin have.”
I think I’m starting to understand the feeling Griffin gets when I don’t listen to his seemingly logical advice. Even though he’s really nice about it, I can feel the thrum of confusion that flows through him when I just don’t understand something that he seems to think is so obvious.
Because I feel the same way talking to Rowan.
Knowing the family he comes from, I can understand why it’s hard for Rowan to accept any form of love or affection, but sometimes, I feel like I’m standing there with my arms outstretched while he paces back and forth, muttering to himself about how I probably don’t want to hug him in the first place.
That hasn’t actually happened, but it’s what how I feel like in these situations.
“I know it’s easier said than done,” I say, squeezing his hand. “But you have to try to stop doing that. You doubt yourself and your place within the group so much that you start to doubt me and it... Doesn’t feel good, you know?”
He nods, biting the inside of his cheek as he soaks in my words.
“You’re right, Sugar. Thanks for calling me out on my bullshit.”
“It’s not bullshit, it’s how your brain works. Just like how my brain works different, too. You and the other guys are always so nice to me when I need help. I just want to help you, too.”
“You’re helping me plenty,” he says, starting the golf cart back up.
“Does this mean I can say I love you now? Now that we’ve said it to each other?”
“I’d be careful saying it in front of the other guys unless you’re ready to tell them too. It’d probably piss Ash off and he’d get super territorial.”
“You’re right, I should say it to them too, later tonight.”
“You don’t need to feel pressured to do that if you’re not ready.”
There’s an emotion that’s really close to possessiveness that hums through the bond. I’ll have to try and make Rowan feel more special, but withholding my love from the other three guys isn’t the way to go about it.
I don’t need to have an emotional bond connection to Ash and Rage to know their feelings are really big. And just because they’re loud and sometimes a little aggressive doesn’t mean they don’t deserve to be taken care of, either.
“I’m ready, Rowan. I love all of you.”
“Yeah,” he says, his lip quirking up in a smile as he nods in understanding. “It’s why you just work. You’re a lot more conscious of the group dynamics than I’d imagine anyone else would be. You’re the best omega any of us could’ve wished for.”
Pride fills my chest and the smile on my face doesn’t leave my lips, not even as I get dressed in the revealing lingerie Jett bought me for the first fight night.