23 Cutter
I KNOW IT’S CHILDISH, I know it’s petty, but I can’t get past it.
Daryl put Callum ahead of me. And apparently he did it a long time ago. Long enough that he should have had time to say something before now.
Oh, that’s right. He didn’t say anything. I did. He was never going to tell me.
Just like Amber wasn’t going to tell me.
Fuck him. Fuck both of them.
Somehow I manage to get through the rest of my shift while wondering if I’m going to be looking for another job.
I don’t know if Daryl would fire me for my outburst, but do I want to work for someone I can’t trust?
Okay, maybe that’s a step too far, but like he said, we bonded over our dislike for my brother. Was all that just bullshit?
I’m halfway to my truck when I remember Evie’s text. She’s probably already asleep, but I fire off a reply to her anyway.
ME
Sorry I didn’t get back with you. Been a stressful night. Talk tomorrow?
Surprisingly a response appears almost immediately.
EVIE
No worries. Just wanted to let you know I’ll be out of town the rest of the week.
That’s disappointing. I look forward to our lunches.
Talk to you when you get back.
I climb into my truck and sit there for several minutes, unsure what I want to do. While it used to have its appeal, the thought of going back to a dark lonely apartment sounds like torture. I obviously can’t go to a bar. If the weather was nicer, I’d take the bike up the coast to unwind.
I can think of a dozen things I can’t do right now. Not a single one that I can.
Well, other than that.
Because if I’m being honest, that’s the only thing I really want to do. Seeing him tonight–seeing all of him tonight–proved I’m full of shit if I think I can just ignore this.
I knew it would be hard. Beating any addiction is hard. I should know.
I just didn’t think it would be this hard. Something happens to me when he’s around. I’m not sure if it’s something good, but it felt better than anything I’ve ever known when I was deep inside him.
I don’t think I consciously do it because I would have talked myself out of it before now, but I somehow find myself parked across the street from Aubie’s house.
This is becoming concerning. Driving around without awareness is dangerous, but I can’t seem to care right now.
The only thing I care about is getting inside that house.
It’s going on two a.m., so he should be home.
I’m just about to get out of the truck to do the stupidest thing I’ve ever done when a car pulls up in the driveway. I notice the neon Uber light on the dash, then the back door opens and Aubie pops out.
No one else.
Not sure what I’d do if there was. I wait until the Uber driver leaves before getting out of my truck and approaching the house.
What the hell am I doing? I can’t be here. I can’t see him again.
My finger finds its way to the doorbell. I give serious thought to Ding Dong Ditch for a second, but I doubt I could reach my truck before he answered the door and how would I explain that?
So I wait the thirty seconds that takes three years until I hear the door unlock.
If he’s surprised to see me, he doesn’t show it. He lounges against the door jamb like a lazy cat, his eyes conducting a leisurely appraisal of my body. I can almost feel their touch on my skin.
How can he stand there so calmly? I feel like I’m going to crawl up the wall.
“Hmm,” he purrs when his gaze finally settles on my face. “I did not have this on my bingo card tonight.”
I’ve suddenly lost the capacity for speech. I swallow, trying to convince my mouth to release enough saliva so I can form words. Aubie doesn’t help me out either, seeming to enjoy my distress.
Not that I have any idea what I want to say or how to explain my presence.
Aubie crosses his arms and regards me with that damned smirk.
“I don’t know why I’m here,” I finally manage to sputter.
The smirk turns to a smile that almost looks genuine. “Lucky for you, I do.”
He reaches out and grabs my hand, pulling me inside. As soon as we’re behind closed doors, something roars to life inside me. I reach for him before he can say anything, crashing my lips into his with all the pent-up anguish I’ve been feeling since I watched him strip tonight.
After a momentary shock, he jumps up and wraps his legs around me, crawling into my arms while his lips and that devilish tongue devour my mouth.
No one should taste this good. No one should feel this good rubbing against me. No one should be making the kind of sounds coming from Aubie’s mouth.
My hands can’t stop touching him. My tongue can’t stop reaching for more. I need all of him.
“Fuck, baby,” he gasps against my lips. “I’m all about spontaneity, but let’s take this somewhere more comfortable.”
“You need to stop talking,” I warn before smashing my mouth against his again.
Somehow we manage to stumble our way in the direction of the livingroom, but I’m too hard to worry about comfort. I flip him around and crush his chest against the wall, caging him in with my arms while jamming my knee between his legs.
He smells like heaven and hell shaken together in some gloriously addictive cocktail and I can’t get enough of it.
I drag my nose through his hair, inhaling his essence.
It’s not the flowery feminine scent Amber used to wear.
This is spice underlaid with a heady musk and the salty tang of male sweat. It’s both exotic and erotic.
I never thought I could get hard just smelling a guy, but my dick is bucking in my pants. I want to be inside him more than anything right now.
I press against him and grab a handful of his ass while my teeth nibble at his ear. “I want to fuck this.”
Where is this coming from? I don’t act like this. I damn sure don’t talk like this. Something about him turns me feral.
He twists his head to me and grins like he can hear my thoughts. “Yes to the fucking, just please use lube. I haven’t prepped for this.”
I should back up and follow him to the livingroom. To be considerate and use the lube. But I can’t tear myself away from his body. Without thinking, I run my tongue down the side of his neck, tasting him. Wanting more.
It doesn’t help that he writhes against me like a cat in heat.
“I want to fucking ruin you,” I growl as I reach around his hip and slide my hand into his pants.
I’m so pissed at him for forcing me to lose control like this, but I can’t stop myself.
I’m like a man possessed as my fingers close around his hard length.
The feel of his cock in my hand is like a dream.
“Mmm, yes,” Aubie groans as his ass grinds sensuously against me.
Fuck me, why do I need to possess this brat? I didn’t come here for this…
Liar.
Seeing him up on that stage.
All those eyes watching him.
The combined lust in that room all directed at him.
It’s maddening. Driving me to the point of insanity. Doing things I would never otherwise do. I’ve never felt this frustrated.
“Take it out on me,” he breathes, again reading my mind.
What is it with this guy? How can he know me so well? Right now, the way he’s moving…his ass so needy…his eyes so hungry…his lips so fuckable…
I want to own him.
“Where’s the lube?” I grunt. I give his cock another squeeze, reluctant to let it go.
He turns in my arms and flicks his tongue out to lick my lips, sending sparks of lust through my body, then crooks his finger in my shirt and pulls.
“Follow me, lover.”
That’s how we make it to the livingroom. Somehow I manage to get my pants off while watching Aubie wriggle his down. He bends over to unzip the calf high boots when I stop him.
“Leave them.”
Who am I?
I can’t answer that right now. I just know I need to see him naked in those boots.
He grins. “Kinky. I have to take them off to get out of my pants, but I promise to put them back on.” He winks as he slips off the boots and shimmies out of his pants.
And then…there he is.
Remember all that saliva I wasn’t getting before? Yeah, not a problem now. My mouth is definitely watering. What is it about him that affects me like this?
I barely notice him pulling the boots back on until he’s standing in front of me and the whole filthy picture comes together.
Black leather boots. Perfect tawny skin. Skimpy white cashmere sweater sliding off one shoulder, the tail of that damned tattoo peeking out from under it. Smudged eyes. Fuck me hair.
Cock standing at attention.
God, he’s a vision.
A wet dream come to life.
I’m done for.
I’m done trying to explain it. I need to feel this right now. I’ll probably burn in hell for it. At the very least wake up tomorrow wracked with guilt.
But for right now, I need this.
His eyes pull me in and I can taste the lust in them.
Have an overwhelming need to have his tongue in my mouth.
Want to suck on it until I feel him whimper.
I close the distance between us and reach out to finger his silky hair. Running my hand down the side of his face, across his lips, over his chin. Settling around his neck. I close my grip and drink up the sight of his pupils responding to the threat.
It would be so easy to eliminate his annoying presence. One squeeze and no more Aubie.
No more questioning my sexuality.
No more pining for a manwhore.
No more drowning in this feeling.
This feeling of life.
Because that’s what it is. For the first time in so long I can’t remember, I feel alive.
Like, fully in the moment.
And it’s all his fault. I hate it.
Make it go away so everything can go back to normal.
A normal you were miserable in.
A normal that was waiting for a change.
Who knew it would come in this form?
I relax my grip and his slender hands slip around the hem of my shirt and lift, slipping it over my head and discarding it.
His eyes drop to my chest as he runs his fingers through the furry patches Amber had always insisted I wax.
I went along to placate her but stopped when she was no longer in the picture.