Chapter 46
LYRA
“Heart rate is strong and exactly where we want it.”
Dr. Okafor tilts the ultrasound screen toward me so I can see it—the tiny, flickering pulse in the middle of the gray blur.
Still there. Still beating. Still mine.
I start to cry. It’s a full, shuddering collapse that I’ve been holding back since the warehouse. It’s the tears I couldn’t shed on the concrete and the relief I wouldn’t let myself feel on the way over.
But our baby is safe. The relief is so overwhelming, I feel as if I might burst.
Julian wraps his arm around my shoulders and pulls me gently toward him while Dr. Okafor hands me a box of tissues. Julian’s hand is wrapped in gauze, the texture slightly rough against my skin.
“They are both perfectly healthy, Mr. Volkov,” Dr. Okafor says gently.
“Mom and baby. Ms. Thibodeaux has a bruised rib, some minor abrasions, and a mild concussion from the fall, but nothing that threatens the pregnancy. I’m going to recommend that she rest for the next seventy-two hours, hydrate aggressively, and come back for a follow-up scan in four days.
But the baby is fine. Everything is fine. ”
Everything is fine.
I repeat the phrase in my head like a mantra.
Upon our arrival to the hospital, we received the wonderful news that Misha is alive. He arrived in critical condition but is now stable.
Julian and I are alive, and the people who wanted to hurt us are either dead or in Yang’s custody.
Our baby is alive and has a strong heartbeat.
Everything is going to be okay.
Dr. Okafor prints another screen capture and hands it to me. It’s a fresh printout of my little kidney bean.
“Rest,” she says firmly. “And hydrate. I mean it, Ms. Thibodeaux. No car accidents or kidnappings for at least a week.” She follows up her words with a wink and a wry smile.
“I’ll do my best.”
“Do better than your best,” she says. “With what happened over the past twenty-four hours, it sounds like you’ve had enough adventure to last a lifetime.”
With that, she leaves us alone in the private exam room. Julian holds my hand, his face a mess of emotions that I can’t quite read. There’s relief, exhaustion, residual fury, and something else I can’t quite name.
He hasn’t spoken much since we arrived. He’s been overly protective of me since the warehouse, like I might blow away with a strong gust of wind.
"Julian."
"Yes."
"Breathe."
He laughs, shaking his head before dropping his forehead to the back of my hand. His shoulders are shaking.
"I should have killed him," he says against my skin.
"But you didn't, because that's not who you are."
"It is who I am, Lyra. That's the part you don’t understand. It is exactly who I am. I am a monster. I nearly killed my own blood. It would’ve been the smart move to remove him as a threat forever. But I couldn’t.”
"Because he’s your brother. You keep telling me you’re a monster, but you’re not." I put my other hand under his chin, tilting his face up. "Julian. Look at me. I'm okay, and the baby is okay. You got there in time. That's the only thing that matters right now."
"I almost didn't."
"But you did."
He leans in and rests his forehead against mine as I press the picture against my chest. We stay that way for a long while.
My little kidney bean is safe. Julian is safe. I am safe.
It’s all that matters.
Misha’s room is on the ICU floor.
He’s in a private suite—Julian made sure of that. The trauma surgical team worked on him for six hours and managed to stop him from bleeding out on the table. He’s unconscious when we enter his room.
Machines beep, an IV line snakes up his arm. His torso is wrapped with thick layers in the center, where they had to open him up for surgery.
He looks peaceful, more than I’ve ever seen before. It makes me realize that Misha has been on alert for every second that I’ve known him.
Julian eases me into the chair beside the bed before taking the one on the other side. We don’t speak for several moments, both of us simply looking at the man who took a bullet for me.
“I owe him everything.”
“We both do,” Julian says. “He’s going to be insufferable when he finds out. He never lets me forget how many times he and Ethan have saved my life.”
“After what he’s been through, I think he’s earned it. That and a long vacation.”
“That’ll be a hard sell,” Julian says. “He’ll want to get back to work the minute he wakes up.”
I reach out and take Misha’s hand. It’s warm. I squeeze it gently, hoping that somehow, he knows that Julian and I are here for him.
Julian’s quiet for a long time. When he finally speaks, there’s a vulnerable tenderness in his eyes.
“Lyra.”
“Yeah?”
He takes a deep, slow breath. “There’s… I need to tell you something. And I need you not to interrupt me while I do it, because I’ve been trying to tell you this for weeks, but every time I try, the words go in a different direction. I can’t explain it.”
I look into those gunmetal grays, damp with tears. He’s making no effort to hide the emotion.
“I love you,” he says.
The words land so gently and perfectly that for a second, I think I may have imagined them.
I don’t speak, don’t interrupt as he requested. I know he’s not done.
“I love you,” he says again. “I’ve loved you since I saw you at the gala.
I’ve loved you since I stood with you in that New Orleans graveyard.
I’ve loved you since you threw a seating chart in front of me and thwarted an assassination plot at a fundraiser.
I should’ve said I love you a thousand times by now.
But I haven’t because I was so busy convincing myself that I didn’t deserve to. ”
I open my mouth to speak, but he holds up his hand.
“Let me finish. Please.”
I snap it shut, unable to suppress the smile that forms.
“I’m sorry it took all of this, a car accident, a kidnapping, and…
. I’m sorry I made you wait so long. I should’ve told you in New Orleans, when we stood together in your kitchen and waited for the coffee to brew.
Or in my penthouse the first night you stayed.
You deserved to hear it so many more times before now, and I’m going to spend the rest of our lives making up for each and every moment. ”
And just like that, I’m crying again. But they’re happy tears this time, streaming gently down my face.
“I love you, Lyra. I love our baby. I love both of you with every ounce of me. And I will protect both of you until the day I die.”
“Julian.”
“Yes.”
“I love you, too.”
I watch the tension leave his face, as if he’s finally letting go of something that’s been tightly coiled inside of him for so long.
“I’ve loved you since the orphanage and the cemetery, and every day since. I just didn’t know how to say it. Or maybe I did, but I was scared.”
He says nothing. He gets up and walks around the bed, leans down, and kisses me gently.
“Oh, for fucks sake.”
We jolt apart.
Misha’s eyes are open but barely. His voice is just above a whisper.
“Misha!” I spring out of my seat, nearly falling backward over the chair.
“You know, if I’m going to die, I’d at least like to do it not being slobbered on in a hospital bed by you two.”
“You’re not dying,” Julian says.
“I could be. I’m very injured.” He coughs, then winces.
“You were dying,” Julian corrects. “But you’re going to be fine.”
“Finally, some good news,” Misha says. Then he turns to me. “You good? And the baby…?”
“We’re both good. The baby is healthy.”
Relief washes over his face, and he nods, satisfied.
“Listen,” he says. “I’m so—”
I cut him off. “Misha, if you even think about apologizing for what happened—”
“I was driving,” he says. “I should’ve gotten you away from those pricks.”
“You took a bullet for me,” I say. “You almost died. There’s not a chance in hell I’m going to let you think that you screwed up somehow.”
Julian reaches forward and places his hand on Misha’s shoulder.
“When you recover, you and I are going to have a serious conversation about a vacation.”
Misha opens his mouth to speak, but Julian cuts him off. “No arguing,” Julian says. “It’s not up for discussion.”
Misha closes his mouth and nods, accepting the order.
“Listen,” he says, “If I pass out again and you haven’t proposed to her by the time I wake back up, I’m going to haul my sorry ass out of this bed and do it for you.”
Just then, Ethan steps into the room. His shoulder is back in a sling, and he looks exhausted. But he’s walking solidly. “Make an honest woman out of her, Julian, and get all this sugary nonsense out of Misha’s recovery room.”
He looks at Misha. “It will be a while before you’re back up to fighting status. I’ll take care of your light work.” He playfully punches at Julian with his good arm and gives me a wink.
"Sounds like you're just jealous because you haven't found your own true love yet," Julian quips. “How are you feeling, brother?”
“Like I got shot three times with Kevlar on,” he says with a grin. Then, “I’ve found her. I just can't have her."
Julian and I look at each other, then he smiles. Big and genuine.
"You're wrong about that," he says. He pulls out his phone, types a quick message, and sets it on the bedside table. "Give it about thirty seconds."
Ethan frowns in confusion. "What did you just do?”
"I texted Anya."
Ethan's eyes go wide. "Anya’s here?"
"Anya has been here since you were brought in. She refuses to go home until someone gives her an update on you and Misha. And… she informed me about certain things."
The door opens, and Anya steps into the room. She's in jeans and a sweater, her hair in a messy bun, makeup smeared, a fatigued and worried look on her face. When she sees Misha awake, she freezes in the doorway. Then her eyes flick to Ethan, tears springing.
"Ethan."
"Anya." His voice breaks on her name. "You look terrible."
"You look terrible."
"Fair."
I catch Anya's eye as she crosses the room toward the bed. She kisses Misha on the forehead, then turns and smiles shyly at me. It’s the smile of a woman who has been in love with a man for some time but has been keeping it hidden.
She crosses over to Ethan. He places his good arm around her waist, and with one final glance, they leave the room.
Julian laces his fingers through mine.
"Coffee?" he asks.
"Please. Decaf."
The doctor comes in. We say our goodbyes to Misha, making him promise that he’ll get some rest—both physically and mentally.
Then we leave, my hand in his, my kidney bean printout in my pocket.
And a big, happy smile on my face.
My heart is full.