43. Quin
The shock of finding Simon and Izzy playing happy families with Arina has fizzled to a dull twitch, something I can easily ignore. Sitting there, with my cub in my arms, breathing in her own unique scent of her tigress, I’m hit with a new sense of clarity.
The three most precious people in the world to me are all here, safe and within my reach. Right now, life is almost perfect. Or at least as perfect as it can get with so much still left unsaid between us. I can sense a camaraderie between Izzy and Simon I’d only dreamed of while locked up in Missouri, as though they knew my desires and brought them into being. I can feel the amount of respect and devotion they each hold for each other, but at the same time, I can also feel them both holding back.
For me.
Because of me.
Because they love me.
It’s a sobering thought.
The delicious aroma of chicken fried steak wafts from the kitchen and tickles my nose, causing my stomach to growl with ravenous hunger. It startles Arina, who had been dozing in my arms, and I croon to her softly as I push reassurance and love down our newly forming bond. I should probably put her to bed and let her get some rest.
I stand slowly so I don’t jostle her, my movements smooth and calculated. By the time I’m back on my feet, Simon has appeared, hovering awkwardly a few paces away.
“Uh, do you… um… would you… like my help? Just to show you where things are, and how to best settle Arina, I mean. She has a bedtime routine she loves, and she can get cranky if you try to change things up.”
Simon’s words are full of fear and uncertainty, and I absolutely detest that I am the one to have put them there. While it’s not every day that a man learns his best friend and blood brother is in love with his fated mate, I can’t really blame him, either. Izzy is perfect. She’s fierce, loving, compassionate, intelligent, hilariously funny, independent, strong-willed, stubborn, soft, friendly, nurturing, protective—everything you could ask for in a mate.
But the fact is, she’s my mate, not his. He found his fated mate years ago and turned his back on that opportunity. Knowing him as I do, I believe him when he says he’s resigned himself to being alone, and then resolved to only ever being Izzy’s friend.
Gods willing, Simon will have a long and fulfilling life. But how long and fulfilling will it truly be if he remains alone, always on the outside looking in, an outcast in his own family? How much more should the man have to endure before he can find his own piece of happiness, and what type of person does it make me if I’m the one who strips him of that possibility?
I smile crookedly at my friend.
“I’d appreciate that. I can feel through the bond just how much Arina already adores you, and I’d love for you to show me what she likes.”
Simon’s shoulders drop slightly, relief cascading through him like a waterfall.
“C’mon, Quin. Her nursery is this way. She currently sleeps in a bassinet in Isobel’s room. Well, I guess it’s your room, too.”
I follow Simon down the hallway, listening to his instructions with half an ear. I follow his directions when it comes to changing Arina into a clean, dry diaper and a footed onesie, but my mind is racing over possibilities.
My tiger seems to be pushing one in particular.
I have to admit, the damned cat has a point.
But I can’t make a decision until I speak with my mate.
***
After dinner, Simon busies himself with repairing the door that I kicked in. The hinges have been replaced, and he’s filled the cracks with wood epoxy. He’s even found some mending plates and hammered them into the door, strengthening them even further. Izzy and I are left to talk while Simon works on the splintered door frame. He disappears to hunt down some wood off-cuts that will suffice for the job, and I lead Izzy back to sit in the lounge with me.
“Izzy—”
Izzy cuts me off.
“Quin, I want you to know something.”
“Simon has been nothing but supportive and encouraging to me. I have held so many doubts about you, about us, over the last several months. At first, I got angry with you for disappearing. Then, I grew afraid. I didn’t know what was going on, where you were, or if you’d be back. Worst of all, you weren’t here for every new milestone of my pregnancy and Arina’s development.”
Shame fills me, but I remain silent. Izzy needs to get all of this out, and I need to take over the burden my absence caused her.
“After a while, I became numb to it all. I wouldn’t let anyone talk about you or say your name. It hurt too much. So, I pretended that you were gone for good, even though I could still feel you inside of me. I loaded up my days as much as Paw Paw or the guys would allow and would end up so exhausted that I’d fall asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. I don’t know if you could say I was living, more like surviving.”
Hearing Izzy’s pain stabs at my heart. She was right. I had left her, alone and lonely, even though it had never been my intention to do so.
“I’d lost hope, Quin. My life revolved around this sanctuary, our cub, and what my life would look like as a single mother. And then, one night not too long ago, a lion turned up. He was absolutely shredded to pieces, rife with infections, and barely able to walk. But he nuzzled my belly. This enormous monster of a lion nuzzled my belly, felt our cub move, and then collapsed at my feet. He gave me a new purpose, and with each day that passed, we both grew stronger.”
Izzy’s eyes are glazed with tears, but she doesn’t let them fall.
“I woke up one morning, after dreaming of you. You’d returned, but then I fell. You didn’t catch me. I woke up near screaming only to find a lion asleep on my feet. He was the one who caught me. He was the one who supported me. And he was the one who saved me when I fell for real, taking the brunt of the impact and shifting to give me a softer landing. It was Simon and Tálstrom who were here for me, but never once did they make me believe that they were here to replace you. If anything, Simon went out of his way to reassure me.”
She drops her gaze and the tears welling behind her lids finally fall.
“The night he turned back into his human form, Simon told me something. He said that you never intended to leave me alone, that you always meant to come back to me. He said the people you had run from had found you and taken you. That you were protecting me from them. From your parents.
“Every day since he shifted back, he’s reassured me of your love and devotion. He would remind me that you were coming back, that you never truly left me. He bolstered my faith in you, and never, not once, did he give me any indication he felt anything other than platonic love for me. But my feelings changed.”
My blood runs cold. Is this where my deepest fears are finally realized?
The trust and certainty I’ve held for Simon up until now has been absolute. Trauma has a way of bonding people together, and having not only survived O’Hare and my parents, but joining together to protect those that were physically weaker united us in a form of brotherhood that few outside similar circumstances could understand. A fleeting thought passes through my mind—that Simon would deliberately set me up, only to betray me like he did with Sila—and I’m instantly ashamed of myself. Through every single action, he’s proven his worth to me. The pain and suffering he was dealt by O’Hare’s hand, the brutality of life at Vieux Sang, the very fact that I can feel his intentions through our blood bond, it rings out the truth like a clarion.
I slump back against the cushions of the sofa and inhale deeply, using each breath to calm the whirlwind of my thoughts. Traces of baby powder and milk, along with fried chicken and sawdust linger in the air, and the sounds of Louisiana’s nocturnal wildlife wends through the open kitchen door. This is home, not only for Izzy and Arina, but for me as well. This is the place where I found my heart and soul, where I first experienced unconditional love and acceptance. And it’s where Simon found hope for a second chance. It’s his home, too.
Simon is my brother, my best friend, and is the most important person to me only after my mate and daughter. He has no intention of dividing our loyalties, and even now I can feel tendrils of despair and self-loathing drifting down our connection. I reach out through the bond, my touch soft and cautious, and delve into the emotions pouring from him.
My heart bleeds.
He’s bracing himself for loss and rejection, not only from me, but from Izzy as well. His acceptance and resignation taste bitter on my tongue, and the frigid walls of isolation that are growing around his soul chills me to my core. The realization of what it all means slams into me, and I almost weep at the knowledge.
Simon and Tálstrom vowed to protect fated mates back in Georgia, and rather than cause any friction between Izzy and me, they will remove themselves from the equation. Simon will give up his second chance at having a family, one that truly loves and accepts him, and do so without a fight.
All because he believes he’s unworthy.
My reactions have made him feel this way, that I don’t trust him with my mate and daughter and would make Izzy choose between us both.
No. Izzy wouldn’t do that. I can feel her emotions through our bond, and their truth sets me free.
“I never fell out of love with you, Quin. I always have, and always will love you with every part of me. But I’ve also learned that I can love someone else without diminishing my feelings for you. I love Simon, and more than just a friend or family. I’ve dreamed of him, of us all, together. And now that I have the chance? I want all my dreams to finally come true.”
Izzy’s gaze meets mine once more, and the desperate hope in her eyes shatters the last barrier damming up my own emotions. The truth has been inside me all along. My tiger’s demands may have confused me at first, but as I sink into the possibilities of accepting a new reality, my soul lightens and rejoices. My worries ease, and my heart fills with love and promise. I grasp Izzy’s hands in mine, my voice a raspy gravel as I fall into accord with my tiger to give my mate the world:
“So, we’re agreed. Simon is ours. We just need you both to become true mates.”