CHAPTER 46 Rowan
CHAPTER 46
Rowan
T he following weekend, I finally get to meet Charlie’s parents.
X said the text was from a website service that provides anonymous texting, and the username associated with the account was a fake. Figures. I deleted it and moved on to more important things in life like learning where my boyfriend comes from.
We pull up to a larger, older family house in the San Fernando Valley, one that looks like it has enough room for lots of kids and their friends to come over and play. I press my lips flat and try to shut down the burning sensation in my stomach. Charlie grew up so normally. It’s no wonder I’m jealous.
Before we get out of the car, I run my palms down my pant legs and scrape my fingers through my hair. Then I clear my throat. “Should I have colored my hair something normal?”
Charlie scrunches up his nose, shaking his head slightly. “Why would you do that?”
“So I could look more respectable. We could go do it really fast. And I could put on long sleeves?—”
He looks like he wants to scoff but thinks better of it when he sees my face and how serious and nervous I am. I’ve never met a boyfriend’s parents. Mostly because I’ve never had a boyfriend. “Rowan, one, they’re going to like you just the way you are. And if they don’t, I choose you.”
My cheeks burn in a good way, and I feel all warm inside. He’s the first person to ever say that to me.
“Second, they’ve met Shelby. So don’t think that you’re the first person to join the family with hair that isn’t in its natural state.”
Join the family . In the past few weeks, I didn’t just get one family; I got two. How is this my life?
“What about?—”
Charlie holds up a hand. “Have a little faith. My parents are cool. They have three queer kids. They know we all go our own way.” He pauses. “I have my own shit to deal with, but it mostly didn’t come from them. They’re good people.”
I pick at my mint green nail polish. “I’m still worried.”
“That just means you care, which I’m going to take as a good thing. Come on.”
We get out of the car and head up the concrete walkway. Charlie wraps his arms around me and hugs me before he reaches for the door. “You’re going to be okay. It’s all going to be great.”
While I appreciate him trying to be reassuring, I still feel faint.
I’m starting to understand why it’s such a big deal to meet your partner’s family and friends. I’m seeing where he comes from and what his life is like when he’s not with me. I got the idea that he’s different with me from things Danny and Cam said, and I’m starting to see it, too.
Charlie knocks once, then opens the door. “Hey, anyone here?”
“Come on in!” a woman calls, and we do. The living room is full of framed family photos and cozy couches. It’s the kind of place that invites you to stay for a long time.
I tug at my sparkly black Balenciaga tank top .
Am I always going to feel wrong wherever I am? Too small, too loud, too weird, too feral, and now too rich? (Old me would’ve given anything for that last problem.)
Charlie’s mom is tall, like him, with the same dark hair and hazel eyes. She’s wearing a cream turtleneck sweater and jeans.
“Mom, this is my boyfriend, Rowan. Rowan, this is my mom, Holly Cooper,” Charlie says.
I hold out a hand, but his mom takes one look at me and pulls me into her arms. She smells lovely, and her arms are soft. Everything about her is soft, and her hair smells nice, and oh my god, I’m going to cry, because I’ve never had a mom and I’m not soft and I can’t do this.
“Rowan,” she murmurs. “It’s so nice to meet you. Welcome to the family.”
I have never received a welcome like this.
“And this is my dad, Keith.”
Charlie’s dad comes over and shakes my hand. If Charlie ends up looking like his dad when he’s older, I bagged myself a babe. Not that I’m that shallow—and I don’t need to window-shop, now that I have the best man ever. Keith’s hand is firm and calloused. “Nice to meet you, Rowan. We’re glad you’re with our Charlie.”
Again, a sob almost bursts out of me, and I have to chew on the inside of my cheek to stop it. My legs feel weak. I need to sit down.
I think I may be more overwhelmed than when I met my father. Because I’d always been looking for him. I hadn’t been looking for this kind bonus family.
Shelby comes over and gives me a hug. I’ve pretty much decided that he’s my second-best friend, after Xavier. (Charlie doesn’t count; he’s the love of my life.) Cam hugs me, too, more briefly, and then I turn and meet a tall woman who looks like a female version of Charlie. She’s wearing slim jeans and a short-sleeved green sweater, with dangly earrings .
“Hi, I’m Reyna,” she says, extending a confident hand. I shake it.
“Are you all just genetically blessed?” I blurt, then touch my fingertip to my lips.
She laughs. “Come on, Rowan. Let’s get you something to drink. Want a beer? Or prosecco?”
“Beer is good,” I say.
Charlie tags along as Reyna and I go into the kitchen. Keith and Holly are messing around with the oven.
“Something smells great,” I say, and Charlie nods. Reyna opens the fridge door and hands me a bottle of beer, then passes another to Charlie. She pours sparkling wine for herself and Holly. We clink bottles and glasses.
“We made Cam’s favorite casserole,” Keith says. “It’s got rice, chicken, cheese, broccoli.”
“Yum,” I say.
“How come I don’t get my favorite?” Charlie asks. I know him well enough to know that he’s mostly joking, but there’s an element of truth in there.
“Because it took you this long to bring your boyfriend by,” Holly says, moving to the kitchen table. Plates are already on the table, along with a green salad and bread. Everyone goes to take their seat.
Before I sit down, Charlie puts his arm around my shoulders and tugs me to him. He kisses the top of my head. “I’m sorry, Mom. I wanted to be confident we were solid before I brought him over, because you get so hung up on our dates.”
Reyna nods. “You do.”
Holly pouts. “Hmm.” She starts passing the salad while Keith dishes up the casserole. Everyone fills their plates.
“But me introducing Rowan to you means that I’m sure about us,” Charlie says. “He’s the one for me.”
This makes Holly brighten. “Then tell me how you two met.”
“He tried to mug me,” Charlie says, and I burst out laughing .
“Ha ha, very funny,” Holly says. “Really, how?”
“That’s how,” Cam says. “Charlie told me.”
I nod. “My life was in a bad place when I met him. Things are going much better now.”
“Oh, and why is that?” Reyna sips her prosecco.
“Because meeting Charlie changed my life. And—also because of him, come to think of it—I found my father.”
“Had he been missing?” Keith asks.
“Oof, it’s a long story,” I say. “Are you sure you want to hear it?”
Everyone nods. While my instinct is to pull back and not share myself with strangers, these aren’t strangers—they’re people the love of my life loves. So I tell them the whole story. Well, the highlights, at least. Of being orphaned and in foster care and group homes until Charlie made me get fingerprinted. And then how my father found me.
“Oh, and my father is Remi St. Thomas,” I say, sipping my beer.
Three sets of eyes bug out: Keith’s, Holly’s, and Reyna’s.
“So you’re a long-lost … billionaire?” Reyna says carefully.
“Kinda, yeah.”
“Well, shit,” Holly says. She gives Charlie an amused look. “Here you are jealous that Cam got a special casserole, but you’re dating a St. Thomas .”
“His family doesn’t matter to me, Mom,” Charlie says. “Only Rowan.”
I nod. “The only thing I’ve ever wanted was a family. To belong. Charlie makes me feel like I belong.”
“He’s mine,” Charlie says, as if on cue.
Everyone laughs. But Charlie’s possessiveness makes me feel safe.
Charlie makes me feel safe.
“You’re good for him,” Reyna tells me when we’re washing the dishes after dinner .
“Sorry?”
“You’re good for CharlieBoo. He’s been unhappy for so long. But around you, he’s all smiles. It’s like you help him be the person that he never let himself be.”
“Apparently he lets you call him CharlieBoo,” I say.
She smirks. “I’m his little sister. I can do what I want.”
I spend the rest of the evening hanging out with Charlie’s family and marveling at the fact that I finally belong somewhere.
Over the next few weeks, I live at Charlie’s house and visit my father in Pasadena when Charlie’s at work. I don’t go up to Montecito. Why would I want to be there without Charlie?
Day by day, I watch Remi decline. Not being able to ease his suffering hurts. And it’s going to hurt more when he passes, which is going to be soon.
But what choice do I have? Not knowing my father was a huge void in my life. Having answers to my questions and some time to spend with him is more than I ever imagined I’d have. So I’m doing my best to stop bracing against future sorrow and just be with him now. Sometimes we talk, and I amuse him with things I say. Other times he asks me about my past, and it seems to make him feel worse when I give him honest answers. Often we sit in silence. He knows I’m there, and I stay as long as I can.
It matters to both of us that I show up.
Today, we’re in his bedroom. I sit in a chair with my hands folded in my lap. He lies in a hospital bed with an IV drip. I’m staring at the rug, something undoubtably priceless. I notice my own slow, even breathing, because his is labored. Bettina comes in and out periodically, checking his vitals.
“I should have everything taken care of for you, as far as I can do so,” Remi says .
I give him a weak smile. “I don’t know what to say, other than that I wish you weren’t sick. And thank you.”
What was Remi like when he was healthy? It seems like he would’ve been vigorous, vital, engaging.
“The biggest regret of my life was not finding you—and the biggest accomplishment was that we finally did. I’m just so glad to have you in my life even for these few short months,” he says. “And I found something else.” He grimaces. “It’s not good news, but it is closure.”
“My mother?” I ask.
“She passed away twenty-two years ago. The rumor I’d heard was true.”
My eyes are hot. “Some part of me always hoped she’d magically appear.”
“For you, I wish that were true. But no, she overdosed on medications.” He sighs. “She had moved out of state, which was why I didn’t find her sooner. But the private investigator found information about her in Arizona.”
“Why there?”
“I think she had connections there.”
I sit up straight. “Does that mean I have an aunt or uncle somewhere?”
“No,” Remi says. “She was an only child.” His phone buzzes with a call, and he glances at it. “That’s odd. It’s Matilda.” He answers. “Hello?”
The volume on his phone is up high enough that I can hear her. “Someone was caught on the security cameras earlier today, and we called the police,” she says.
Ice goes through my veins, and I tug at my hair. Remi and I exchange worried looks. He puts her on speaker and lets her know I’m in the room. “Did the police catch them?” Remi asks.
“No, and we didn’t get a good image,” she says.
“Who do you think it was? Just some random person?” I ask .
“It’s never random with the St. Thomas family,” Remi says. “We’re constantly making sure no one gets into our properties.”
“Hmm.” I rub my face. “What do you think it’s about?”
Remi’s voice lowers. “A number of months ago, Bree and Anastasia wanted me to give them more money than they were entitled to from the trust. I said no, and they brought a lawsuit against me … and as part of that, we ended up needing to increase security, because they hired some unsavory people to surveil me—though I’m not sure what they hoped to discover.”
I take a deep breath. “I guess that explains why you’ve been so insistent on security for me,” I tell Remi. “Although I would hope that family members wouldn’t be the reason for an attempted break-in.”
“When this much money is at stake,” Remi says, “you’d be surprised what family will do.”
Matilda hums. “Things seem under control here now, but I wanted you to be aware.” They exchange a few more words, and she hangs up.
Remi gives me one of his small smiles. “In case you don’t know, I love you,” he says, and my throat gets scratchy. “I loved you from the moment I knew you existed, but the real you is so much more than I’d imagined. You’re lively and fierce and loyal and fun. You somehow made it through your nomadic upbringing with a sense of humor and smarts. You’re a marvelous young man, Rowan. I’m overwhelmingly grateful that I found you.”
My vision blurs, and my heart hammers. I take a deep breath. “I love you, too, Dad.”
Remi missed most of my life, but it wasn’t his fault, and he’s more than made up for it now, both with all the time we’ve spent together and how accepting he’s been of me. Like Charlie, my father’s never asked me to change. He’s only asked me to spend time with him.
I’m going to miss him when he’s gone.
At home that night, I tell Charlie about Bree and Anastasia while he and I are cuddled on the couch, my back to his front. I’m drained from the long day, and my chest aches from keeping myself together.
“He told me he loves me,” I whisper.
“Of course he loves you,” Charlie says.
I shake my head. “There’s no ‘of course’ about it. Meeting him feels so fragile. Like he’s this ephemeral being who came into my life and answered questions I never could have gotten answers to otherwise. He sprinkled the fairy dust of wealth on me.” I kiss Charlie. “You came into my life when I needed you, too. But you’re solid. He’s a wisp in the wind.”
“I wish your past were different.” Charlie runs a finger along my arm. “And that you had more time with your dad.”
“I guess there really are some things that money can’t buy.” I sigh. “At least I told him I loved him.”
Charlie beams. “Yeah?”
I nod.
“Good.”
I look around Charlie’s living room, which is still pretty bare. “You should get that cat. Something to give us a little more chaos in our lives.”
A raised eyebrow. “You think we need more chaos?”
I shrug. “You’ve wanted a cat for ten years.”
“I don’t have time for a cat.”
I give him a mock glare. “You told me you were going to take time off to create videos. In between you hauling around heavy bags of concrete, shirtless, and painting, also shirtless, you’ll have time to feed a cat.”
Charlie huffs in amusement. “I have to do construction work shirtless?”
I hold up my hands. “I don’t make the rules. Besides, cats aren’t like dogs. They don’t require as much attention. We had some in a few foster care homes, and they were mostly fuzzy slugs who lay in the sunshine. With a little chaos. ”
“I’m not sure I want more chaos. And it sounds like you might be walking into even more family drama,” Charlie says slowly, shifting our position on the couch. “It seems like Bree and Anastasia are no strangers to litigation, and what your father said about being targeted worries me.”
I tug at my earlobe. “Bree and Anastasia are spiteful hags, but they weren’t raised the way I was. They grew up in this spoiled, glittering bubble. I can’t see them hiring unsavory people. How would they even find one?”
“We shouldn’t underestimate them. I don’t like them at all, and I don’t trust them.”
“I trust that my father has it covered.”
“We still need to watch out for you,” Charlie says, kissing the back of my neck. He loves the tattoo there.
“You always watch out for me, Daddy. But you know I have my own resources, too. First, X. I need to get him dialed in on the computer stuff I want to do, anyway. And then I think I need to call some old friends—Chet and Fabian.”
Charlie tilts his head to the side. “Who are they?”
“Muscle I can trust. They helped me get revenge on the bullies who cut me.”
“Ah.” His touch lingers on my belly.
“Wanna know how I first met them?”
“Of course.”
“We were in a group home together. I helped them with their English homework. We were studying Catch-22 , actually.”
“Is that why you remember it so well?”
“Likely so. When I have to explain something to someone else, I find I learn it better. Anyhow, I want to get them caught up on my life these days and see if they want a future job working for me.”
“On the A-Team? Or whatever you’re calling it?”
“Precisely. I might as well get it going.” I look at him. “There’s nothing like someone who’s gone through hell and back with you when you’re talking about trusting someone with your life.”
Charlie rubs one of his eyebrows. “I’ve never really trusted your security. Or, at least, I have a bone to pick with the people Remi hires, ever since that Charger-driving jerk kidnapped you.”
“I’ll be fine.”
He doesn’t look convinced.
I call my old friends at the gym where they work, and they agree to meet me on the Santa Monica Pier for hot dogs and fresh-squeezed lemonade. I could take them somewhere fancy, but they wouldn’t like it, and I want to be outside where the sound of the waves will cover our voices. I tell today’s security guy to stay back and give us space to talk.
“Rowan!” Chet says, picking me up in a hug like I’m a small child.
I hug him back. Fabian gives me a high five. “Hi, guys!” I say, once Chet finally puts me down.
Chet and Fabian are even bigger than they were when I last saw them, which was maybe two years ago. Before, they were the size of boulders. Now they’re small mountains. We’ve kept in touch, but we haven’t seen each other because I was in Lancaster.
“You’re looking good,” Fabian says. “Is that a real Versace sweater?”
“Yep.” I grin. “We have a lot to talk about. You first?”
We stand in line to order food, and they catch me up on their lives. They’re my age but are in the process of buying their own gym, and they teach all sorts of fitness and self-defense classes. When we turn away from the window, balancing cardboard trays and drinks in our hands, I spot a perfect bench to sit on that’s away from most of the foot traffic. It’s also plenty noisy, with the ocean thundering below us, the breeze ruffling our hair, and the music and other distractions on the pier.
While they each eat three corn dogs, I give them the rundown of what’s happened to me since Black Friday, watching their eyes get bigger and bigger as I talk.
“So you’re a billionaire?” Chet says when I finish, his tone incredulous.
I shake my head. “Not yet. But I will be. And I want to do something good with that money. I was wondering if you two want in.”
They look at each other. “What are you talking about?” Fabian asks.
I suck the last of my lemonade out of the cup and rattle the ice that remains. “I’ve got a lawyer creating a nonprofit for me to help LGBTQ causes and kids without homes or adequate resources.”
“That’s noble of you.” Chet glances at the people walking down the pier.
“I also want to do something that isn’t so noble. It’s more … personal. Although maybe it will end up being noble, too, in a twisted Robin Hood kind of way. Do you two remember my vengeance list?”
Fabian smirks. “Yeah. We didn’t get that far down it. Just the bastards who cut you.” He cracks his knuckles.
“I’m thinking about something like that, only sophisticated. Planned. I want to clear the world of monsters who hurt people who can’t fight back. I wondered if you two would want to help. I’d obviously make it worth your while.” I’m thinking, no matter what happens, they’re getting the money for the gym of their dreams.
They don’t even hesitate. “We’re in.”
We shake hands.
It’s good to have friends in your corner.