2. Abby
TWO
ABBY
The shiny black car pulls up outside my apartment block at precisely the time Spencer said it would. I push down my nerves and cross the sidewalk.
He nods at me with a single raise of his chin as I climb into the backseat next to him.
I greet him, but he points at the earphones. He’s on a call.
Right. So that’s how this is going to be. We’re not doing this together, even though I have been stupidly hoping that this was my opportunity to get closer to my boss.
I’m going to this clinic, where everything will be done by doctors.
I’m an idiot for agreeing, I know. Why would I be a surrogate for a man I’ve had a crush on for years? It’s a recipe for disaster.
It only takes a few seconds sitting in the backseat across from Spencer for my pulse to race. The rich, deep scent of his cologne fills the confined space. The deep rumbling sound of him talking about business is the background noise of all my workdays.
You’d think I would be desensitized to it by now.
But no, all it takes is a few words from him in that commanding tone for moisture to gather between my thighs.
This silly crush makes me absolutely useless at my job, but for some reason he keeps me on. I cast one quick glance at him across the car.
He looks the same as ever. Utterly irresistible.
Thick chestnut hair streaked with gray. A smattering of dark stubble across his jaw that never seems to go away.
Blue eyes that can be cold as ice or as warm as the sun depending on his mood.
And his size. He’s not just tall, but thickly muscled.
I’m only 5’3 and I feel like he could pick me up with one hand.
I’m constantly wondering whether all of him is that huge.
Ugh.
Those thoughts are the reason I’ve tried to quit my job at Thelion multiple times. Every time I do, he offers me a ridiculous raise. I’ve stayed on for years longer than I should have.
This pointless crush on him has not gone away, no matter what I tell myself.
After three years of working for the man, you’d think my heart would have figured out that he doesn’t want me in that way.
There was a time that I thought he did, but this contract is the proof.
We’re never going to have anything more than a business relationship.
Otherwise, he never would have asked me to carry his child in such an impersonal, businesslike way. It’s silly, but I can’t help but feel a little heartbroken at what’s happening today. This is the closest I’ve been to Spencer, but it also sets a clear boundary between us.
I want to have children, it’s always been part of my life plan, but I never thought it would happen in this way.
Spencer and I enter the waiting room, give our names to the receptionist, and take our seats. The whole time, Spencer continues with his calls and ignores me.
Nerves start to flutter in my stomach. I’ve never enjoyed going to the doctor.
When they call my name, I get up to enter the room. He stays seated.
Oh.
His brow furrows as he processes my expression. “Did you want me to?—?”
I shake my head quickly, tears already welling in my eyes at the rejection.
I’m really going to go through this totally alone.
He’s not going to be in the room with me. It will just be me and the doctors.
I take a deep breath and pull away from him. The procedure should be quick, but the overwhelming disappointment at Spencer’s lack of involvement is like a crushing pain in my chest.
I take my seat in the chair and follow their instructions perfectly, reminding myself that I agreed, that I signed a contract. My emotions are not the priority today. Think of the money, I tell myself.
I’m about to do it anyway, holding back my tears, when the doctors look away from me in confusion.
“Stop.” The deep, commanding voice rings through the room. “She’s not relaxed. She’s not ready for this.”
It’s ridiculous, the way that just his voice makes me feel reassured. I start to sob, the tears that I was holding back welling up in my eyes.
“Give us some privacy,” Spencer tells the doctors.
It’s not a question. They clear away, Spencer’s authoritative tone working even in an environment where he is not the boss.
The doctors and assistants leave the room and Spencer takes a seat beside me.
“Abby,” he says, his arms tightening around me. “Are you okay, sweetheart?”
The tears start falling before I even realize what I’m doing. I’ve disappointed Spencer.
I thought I could do this. He starts hushing me and I realize I’ve been saying all this out loud.
“I pushed you into this too quickly, without appropriate support. I’m an asshole.”
“That’s not it. I thought…”
I can’t admit it to him. How I was holding on to the unrealistic idea that if I did this, maybe he would want me. How I had this stupid fantasy about how doing this would make us like a family. That maybe it wouldn’t just lead to sex, but to a real relationship.
“What did you think, Abby?”
I can see that his phone is ringing.
“You have a call coming in, sir.”
He tosses his phone aside.
“I don’t give a damn right now, Abby. Stop acting like my assistant for one second and tell me why you’re crying.”
He cups my face with one huge hand, swiping away my tears. I never knew he could be so sweet. The truth is, Spencer Thompson is such a ruthless businessman that I’ve never been able to imagine him showing tenderness.
I could fantasize about him fucking me.
But even in my wildest dreams, I knew it was unrealistic to imagine that my boss would ever love me back.
I allow myself to admit part of it to him. The part that I think he will understand, and maybe even reciprocate.
“I thought maybe if I did this, that you’d want me, sir.”
His hand stills on my face and for a second, I wonder if he’s going to be angry with me. If I’ve crossed a line.
“You were wrong, Abby. This isn’t the reason I want you. I’ve wanted you for years.”