Fervor

Chapter 5

W hen I got to Arranged Hearts, I could feel my palms sweating. I was so damn nervous. Giselle told me that I would have butterflies and nervous jitters, but once I was inside the interviewer’s office, that would all fade away. I had requested Kerri, the same woman she interviewed with. I approached the front desk and let them know I was here for my appointment, then had a seat in the waiting area.

The other night had been weird as hell. Sitting there talking to Harlem had me feeling more sensitive than I had in years with a man. However, while I was dancing and stepping with Alexz and Skyler, I saw him leaving. I wasn’t sure what had happened, but whatever it was, it had to be for the best since I was coming here anyway. There was no point in me paying all this money if I was going to try to get to know him.

“Doctor Mott? Kerri is ready for you.”

I stood from my seat, trying to shake off the nervous jitters, and followed her to Kerri’s office. My mind was still on Harlem and the way he stared at me a couple of nights ago, and it was driving me insane. I didn’t know if he was serious about going through Arranged Hearts or not, but if we got matched, I would die a slow death. It would make me face my fears about ex thugs and street niggas. Was I ready to do that and to that extent? Probably not.

When the receptionist got to her office, the door was open. “Kerri, Doctor Mott is here.”

She smiled big and stood from her seat. “Hello! Welcome! Have a seat wherever you’re comfortable.”

I smiled back, and my nerves seemed to relax for the moment as I said, “Hello. Thank you.”

I made my way to a seat by the window as she watched me. She smiled again and nodded. After closing the door, she sat across from me, and we stared at one another for a moment. “I can already tell a lot about you by where you chose to sit.”

My eyebrows lifted slightly. “Really?” I asked.

The less I had to verbalize, the better. If she could read me, I would either agree or disagree. If I agreed, there would be no need for my input.

“Yes, ma’am. You have a spirit that longs to be free… like a bird. However, by the way you turned away from the actual window, it tells me that something is holding you captive.”

I lowered my head and swallowed hard then nodded. “Wow. That’s correct. I assume we’re going to get into that then.”

“Somewhat. I’m not here to address your issues but more so to find out your desires for a mate and gauge your personality traits accurately so you can be matched with your ideal mate. Are you talking to someone about whatever those issues are?”

“I am. Actually, Giselle’s mother is my psychiatrist.”

“Oh! Yes, I see that Giselle referred you to us. She and Gentry are amongst our success stories! I’m glad you’re talking to someone about whatever those issues are. Well, I have your responses to our questions pulled up on my computer, so let’s get to it, shall we?”

“Absolutely.”

She tapped on the iPad in her hand, then asked, “Is it okay if we record the session? It makes the process easier if you need to elaborate on your answers to the questions you answered online.”

“Sure.”

She smiled then stood to start the camera positioned across the room. My nerves were back. Although I agreed, I hated being recorded. I didn’t know why. It just made me uneasy for some reason.

Once she sat, she said, “Okay. I’m just going to read these verbatim, and if I need you to elaborate a bit, we can get into that.” She took a deep breath and began. “What are the most important values you look for in a partner? For example, honesty, loyalty, kindness, etcetera. You responded, I look for all those things mentioned in the example. Sometimes, I can be unforgiving of flaws, but if he’s honest about them from the start, then we can possibly have something to build on. So honesty is at the top of the list.”

She glanced up at me with a slight smile. “Did you want to add anything to that?”

“I think I said everything, except that I want him to be considerate of how I may be feeling. My hormones are going crazy these days. Since I turned forty, I feel like my body is trying to figure out if it still wants to be young and vibrant or if it wants to be led out to the pasture.”

She laughed hard. “Not led out to the pasture! Girl, you’re funny! Communication is important.”

I nodded, accepting what she said. That was hard for me. It was like I wanted my man to be expressive simply because I wasn’t. I wanted him to pull me out of my way of thinking through his expressive way of showing his love, coaxing me to eventually do the same.

She went on to the next question. “Which three qualities are absolute must-haves in your ideal match? You said that he must be expressive, confident, and aggressive.”

She looked up at me, I supposed waiting to see if I wanted to add to that. “Aggressive?” she asked.

“Yes. I’m aggressive. I don’t want him to allow me to walk all over him, because I will, unintentionally. I’ve been the boss of my affairs for a long time. I’m not used to needing anyone or being with anyone. I want him to be able to put me in my place… respectfully but with enough authority to make me submit.”

She nodded with a slight smile. “You’re hardheaded and stubborn. That’s what you’re telling me?”

I chuckled and shrugged. “I guess that’s exactly what I’m saying. Hmph. I can’t believe I admitted that.”

She smiled big. “Okay. Do you have a preference for your partner’s education level or career path? You said, no. As long as he has a career or job that sustains him, we should be fine.”

“Yes, ma’am. I’m not trying to be his mother. We should be better together. I don’t need him taking away from me financially. I can do bad by my damn self… Sorry.”

She chuckled. “That’s okay. I can see you relaxing, and I love it.”

I smiled. She was right. I felt totally comfortable in this moment, so much so that I’d turned to the window and stared out of it at people walking and cars passing by, wondering where they were going.

Bringing me back to the task at hand, she asked, “What are your top two interests and hobbies that you enjoy most? You said, I love reading and dancing, especially when I’m with my sorors. I pretty much keep to myself, though, because trusting people is extremely hard for me.”

She gave me a sympathetic glance, causing me to lower my head. “So much happened when I was young. My dad was in the streets, and he taught us not to trust people. He said people were selfish and only thought about their own desires. Sometimes, I would find that I was selfish as well. That was something I had to work on, and I believe I got a handle on it. Relocating here from Houston gave me a fresh start in every aspect. New people, new environment, new Yunique. However, it still takes me a while to trust people or processes. I’m a work in progress on that front. I stay guarded to avoid getting hurt. I feel like it’s simply because I haven’t met the right person.”

“That’s possible. The right man can nearly make you lose yourself. I was somewhat guarded when I came through Arranged Hearts. My husband wore me down after a while. He’s everything I didn’t realize I needed.”

“That’s great. You’re proof that this can actually work, along with Giselle and Gentry. It proves they weren’t just a fluke.”

She giggled. “Well, it can definitely work. I’m sure you saw all the success stories online and how the owners of the company met the same way.”

“I did, and I’m excited and nervous to be matched to my forever. I deserve it.”

She nodded and smiled. “That you do, Yunique.” Going back to the questionnaire, she asked, “How would you describe your ideal first date together?” She smiled again and read my response. “I’m somewhat of an introvert, but because I like to dance, I can find myself in a club occasionally. Usually, clubs for the grown and sexy or salsa are more my speed. I can do hip hop sparingly. Dinner is always a great first date as well.”

I supposed she didn’t need me to elaborate because she went on to the next question. “What personality traits do you find most appealing in a potential partner?” After pausing to take a sip of water, she continued. “Sense of humor, protective instincts, and affectionate.”

I nodded, then lowered my head slightly. “My father was extremely protective until he wasn’t. I want a man that’s going to always look out for me, making sure I’m safe, and coaxing me to express when I don’t feel safe. I realize I can hold in a lot, and that’s why I want my life partner to be expressive. I don’t get to laugh a lot, either, because I’m mostly alone, especially since Giselle had her baby. I don’t want to smother her. She needs as much rest as possible. The rest of my family lives in Houston. So it’s just me. Affectionate because I need to feel loved. I want to be cherished and made to feel like I matter.”

“I understand. It’s one thing to know all that about yourself, but when someone else appreciates you in that manner, it’s good for your soul.”

I nodded and gave her a tight smile as she shifted in her seat. “How important is physical attraction and chemistry to you in a relationship?” She chuckled at my response before reading it. “It’s very important. I want children one day. I refuse to give birth to gremlins. If there’s no chemistry, there’s no relationship for me.”

“Yes. If we have no chemistry, we’re roommates. I wouldn’t want to have sex with him or anything else. In that case, what would be the point? The goal is to stay married, so I refuse to settle on certain things. And again, I need my children to be cute,” I added with a chuckle.

“Baby, listen,” she said, dropping her professional tone. “Ain’t nobody trying to stare at someone they think looks like a goblin.”

I laughed loudly. “Hell naw,” I said. “I wish I would.”

“What is your preference regarding having children someday? Your response was I want to have babies. My clock is ticking fast though. I’m forty years old, and it feels like an ovary slips out of me every month.”

She hollered with laughter, and I joined her. “Oh my God! You are hilarious!”

“It’s the truth. I feel like my time is truly running out. In five years, my clock will probably be broken and unfixable. I need a man that wants the same. If he has kids… uuuuuh, that can be iffy. It depends on the situation with his baby mama or baby mamas. Ugh. That could cause stalls in the relationship or kill it altogether for me.”

“Okay. Well, we will just note that you would prefer he didn’t have kids. If we can’t find him, we will get as close to those desires as possible.”

I didn’t want the drama of trying to get along with an entitled baby mama. I knew I needed to express that, because after paying this fee, I didn’t want to be matched with someone I couldn’t have forever with. I had to be honest about my wants and desires, even when I thought I was being picky and selfish. This moment was about me and what I wanted. Otherwise, I wouldn’t get it. A closed mouth didn’t get fed.

“Thank you. I would totally prefer he not have kids. I don’t like unknowns. Giselle had that issue with Clayton. He was cool until Gentry came into the picture.”

“I get it. That situation almost ended their HEA, as I’m sure you’re aware of.”

“Absolutely. I wanted to shank his ass.”

She laughed, then typed something on her iPad and looked up at me again. “What is your idea of the perfect way to spend a weekend? You wrote, any time spent with the man I love is perfect. Can you elaborate on that?”

“I’m not a very outgoing person unless I’m around people I know, and I know that stems from my trust issues. I only go out occasionally because the only people I trust either don’t go out or live too far away. So, even if we didn’t go anywhere, it would be perfect. Laying around the house, binge watching a TV show, cooking together, and just loving on each other, those are the things I long for… things that my soul craves.”

Kerri looked like she wanted to cry, and I felt like I wanted to cry. “That’s beautiful, Doctor Mott.”

“Please, call me Yunique.”

“Yunique. You sound so much like Giselle. You’re just a little more outgoing than her. If a man were to take you out, though, what are some places you wouldn’t mind going?”

“Clubs are cool, restaurants, concerts… almost anywhere if I’m feeling him. My attention would be on him the entire time anyway.”

She giggled as she nodded and typed a few things. “How important is sharing core beliefs or interests with your partner? You said that it was very important. You refuse to argue about your beliefs, because, most likely, that was what would happen. You aren’t the type to back down. No need in creating issues before the relationship can even develop.” She glanced up at me and said, “That was worded perfectly.”

I smiled slightly. Opinions about small issues didn’t matter, but as far as religious preferences and lately, political ones… we had to be in agreement on that. I was a boss in every sense of the word and would argue to the bitter end about something I believed in or was passionate about.

“I’m going to cover two questions in one this time, like it is on the questionnaire. How would your closest friends describe your personality? What is one quirky or unique quality about yourself you embrace? You said, I really only have one true friend, and she tells me that I’m bossy but kind, argumentative but passionate, and no-nonsense but loving. I’m petty and sarcastic too. You kill my dog, I kill your entire family.”

She shook her head slowly as she chuckled. “That means you can be hotheaded when provoked.”

“Absolutely. Sometimes people F around and find out. That H-Tine is strong when I get angry or offended.”

“I can hear it,” she said then giggled. “For the second part, you said you’re very organized. You color code your clothing and shoes, and everything has to be in its proper place. You can’t stand disorganization. It disrupts your mood.” She giggled. “Is there anything else? Like mannerisms?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I don’t pay close enough attention to myself to notice.”

“Right. I’m sure there’s something. We all have something that we do that’s specific to who we are, no matter how unique or not.”

I nodded and sat there trying to think of the small things I did. I could feel a frown form on my brow as I thought hard.

Disrupting my thought process, Kerri continued her questioning. “What are your love languages, and how do you prefer receiving love? Your response was acts of service and words of affirmation. At some point, all of these could be my love language. My needs change with situations. Sometimes I may crave physical touch or want a gift that shows how much I’m appreciated. I believe as we age, our primary needs tend to change a bit. Words of affirmation is big for me because I’ve been alone for so long. I just want to know what I mean to someone else… that I’m enough.”

I nodded and lowered my head as she stared at me. “You are enough, queen. But I understand sometimes needing that validation… hearing someone else express things about you that you already know. I get it.”

I gave her a tight smile. This interview was just as enlightening as my counseling sessions. Companionship was something I craved, but seeing it up close with Giselle and Gentry, then Keke and Vegas, only made me long for it even more.

“How much time do you ideally like to spend with your partner versus alone? You said, I haven’t had a partner in years, so I would probably be clingy at first. I’m always alone, so I probably won’t need any alone time at first.”

She looked up at me and smiled. “Okay. Last question. What three adjectives would you use to describe your ideal partner?” She paused and smiled. “You said respectful, loyal, and trustworthy.”

I nodded. “I think those qualities say it all. Even if we don’t agree, if he’s respectful, the arguments won’t be as bad.”

“That’s realistic thinking.” She nodded and smiled again. I watched her type a bit on her iPad, then she stood from her seat. I did the same as she extended her hand.

“Oh! One more thing. Physical attributes. Do you have any preferences?”

I closed my eyes, and Harlem immediately popped into my head. Jesus. “Tall, medium to dark brown skin, no braids, and a nice beard and smile.”

I opened my eyes to find her staring at me. It was like she knew I was visualizing someone. “Well, we are done here. I will forward your information to the next department that will match you with your ideal partner. They will reach out to you when they find a match. That could be as quick as a couple of days or as long as a month, but hopefully, you will hear from them soon.”

“Thank you so much, Kerri.”

I walked out of the building feeling extremely optimistic about my appointment. Operation find Nique-Nique a husband was underway.