16. Jerry
JERRY
NEW YEAR’S EVE
“Where’s Reed?” Sean asks as he sets down our drinks.
The pub is as lively as you’d expect for New Year’s Eve, but I’m finding it hard to get into the spirit of it without Reed here. Especially with how we left things.
“Traffic,” I mutter. “Accident on the motorway, I think.” I stare into my pint like it holds all the answers. “I should never have said that to him as he was leaving.” Five days later, and I’m still not sure why I thought it was a good idea.
“I don’t know,” Vic muses. “It gave him time and space to think about it all without being here.”
“I guess.”
Sean nudges me. “Have you heard from him while he’s been gone?”
“Yeah.” I shrug. “We’ve texted all the time, just like we always do. We just haven’t talked about... that .” I slump back in my chair with a sigh. “He’s got weeks before he needs to think about moving out. Why did I have to say all that now?” I look to Sean for answers because I need someone to make it make sense.
And bless him, he doesn’t disappoint. “Because it’s how you felt. How you feel .” He meets my gaze, pinning me in place. “Can you honestly tell me that you could’ve kept quiet for the next few weeks while he looks for somewhere else to live?”
“No, probably not.” I bury my face in my hands and groan before sitting upright. “But what if he says no?”
“Then he says no, and you talk about what that means going forward. Just because he’s not ready to live with you right now, doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel the same as you do.”
“Yeah, I know.” I take a drink, letting the cool liquid ease some of the tension inside me.
“Maybe,” Sean says, voice soft but firm. “You should’ve told Reed how you feel about him before asking him to make a decision about the rest of his life.”
I stare at him, suddenly feeling like a giant arsehole. Because of course I fucking should’ve. “Oh my god.” My face meets my hands for the second time tonight. “I’m such a fucking idiot. I just...” I shake my head. “I thought he knew.”
“He won’t know anything unless you tell him.” Sean pats me on the shoulder, but his words sink in deep and they’re all I can focus on for the next couple of hours as I watch the door.
It’s almost nine o’clock when I look up and fucking finally see the door open and Reed appear on the other side. I’m up and out of my chair before it’s even closed behind him.
“Hey.” I hesitate, not sure where we stand, when all I want is to draw him in for a hug.
Reed stops too, and we sort of stand there looking at each while surrounded by a pub full of revellers. “I’m so sorry I’m late,” he says, moving a little closer. “Traffic was horrendous, and then I had to nip home for a quick shower.”
I smile at how he calls it home . I want him to feel that way, so, so badly. “I’m just glad you got here in one piece.” Only a few inches separate us and fuck it , I can’t stand here and not touch him after days of being apart. But I need to know where he stands too. I glance up and my smile widens at the perfect opportunity handed to me.
“Rules are rules,” I say and point above our heads. I hold my breath as Reed looks up and sees the mistletoe hanging there. It seems like years pass before he slowly smiles and reaches for my hand.
“Yes they are.” We meet in the middle, the pub and everything in it fading into the background as we kiss.
It’s like coming home, as ridiculous and cheesy as that sounds, the second his lips touch mine, I relax. I wrap my arms around him, loving the feel of him pressed against me, and it’s only the loud whistling coming from the table next to us that reminds me we are absolutely not alone.
We both jump apart, laughing, and I just know where that fucking whistle came from. Not that I give a shit, because Reed is smiling at me like I’m the best thing he’s seen in days, and the words are on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t tell him in the middle of a packed pub, so I go with something else that’s equally true. “I missed you.”
“I missed you, too.”
His eyes are the colour of the ocean as they meet mine, and I know then that it might not be the right place or time, but I can’t wait another second before telling him how I feel. I won’t be able to get through the rest of the evening with the words desperate to come out. “Come outside with me a sec? There’s something I want to tell you.”
His expression turns wary, but he nods anyway. I wave to Sean, telling him we’re just nipping outside, and he gives me an encouraging smile in return.
It’s fucking freezing outside. Reed still has his big coat on, but in my rush to get him outside, I forgot to pick mine up. I tug him around the side of the pub so we’re a little sheltered from the biting wind. The outside fairy lights sparkle around us, giving the corner I’ve dragged us into a little bit of magic that gives me butterflies. It’s a sign, it’s got to be.
I back up against the wall, pulling Reed against me, and he laughs.
“You’re just using me as a windbreak, aren’t you?”
I grin back at him. “Maybe.”
He snuggles closer, kissing the tip of my nose. “What did you want to tell me?”
I take a deep breath.
Here goes.
“When I asked you to move in with me, I should have told you this first, and I’m so fucking sorry I messed up.” He goes to speak but I put a finger over his lips. “I should’ve told you how I felt. That I know it might seem sudden, but I feel like we’ve been moving towards this for the last few months and that I do know you, Reed. That I don’t want you to move out, because I want to go to bed every night with you beside me and wake up in the morning wrapped around you, with three cats and a dog wedged alongside us.” He chuckles, and I swallow down the nerves making my mouth dry. “I should’ve told you that I love you.”
I have one second to worry that I’ve fucked up again and then he surges forward and kisses me. It’s not soft or slow, or anything like that. It’s blinding heat and wild passion, and he presses me into the cold brick behind me like he can’t get close enough and my heart soars at what this has to mean.
“Fuck, Jerry.” He’s beaming as he pulls back enough to look at me. “I love you too.”
I kiss him again. I need to after that declaration. And I don’t care about anything else. Because with those four words, I realise it doesn’t matter whether he wants to move in with me properly or not. Whatever happens, we’ll be okay.
The cold manages to creep between us, and I shiver violently as I’m reminded that we’re outside in fucking winter and I’m only in a shirt. “Come back inside.” I wriggle out from between him and the wall and go to walk inside, but Reed tugs me back.
“What about the rest of it? What you asked me before I left?”
I shake my head. “Whatever you decide is okay, Reed. There’s no rush. My offer doesn’t have a time limit.” I shiver again and it snaps him to attention.
“Come on, let’s get you back inside before you freeze.”
The warmth of the pub hits us like a furnace, but it’s got nothing on the warmth I feel inside, knowing that I’m not alone in this.
Vic and Sean wave us over, and Sean must be able to tell by the huge smile on my face that things are good, because he immediately pulls me into a hug and whispers, “I’m so fucking happy for you. For both of you.”
Yeah, so am I. “Thanks.”
We take our seats, Sean sliding a pint over to Reed, and Vic immediately engages him in conversation. I reach for Reed’s hand, smiling as he doesn’t hesitate to take it. I’m happy, really fucking happy, content to sit back and let their conversation wash over me, but Sean has other ideas and scoots his chair a little closer.
“You know you have me to thank, right?”
“For what?”
He nods at Reed. “If it wasn’t for me?—”
“Oh my god, are you really going to sit there and remind me that you and Reed used to date? When your fiancé is sitting right there?” I add, quietly though, because I don’t really want Vic to hear.
Sean cringes. “That’s not what I meant, but... yeah, forget I said that.” He sneaks a quick look at Vic, but both him and Reed are engrossed in conversation. “But still...” He grins, and I flick beer at him making him laugh. And that’s how the rest of the evening goes: fun and laughter as we say goodbye to the last year.
We’re all sat at the bar as it nears midnight, when Pete wanders over to wish us a happy New Year. He takes one look at Reed’s hand on my thigh and gives me a wry grin.
“I see things worked out for you two then.”
I grin back at him. Pretty sure I’ve not stopped smiling all night. “Yeah, they have.”
“That’s great.” His tone is wistful, as his gaze flicks between us and Vic and Sean. He pats me on the back and leaves to join his sister at the other end of the bar. Pete’s a great guy, and maybe it’s because I’m in a fucking awesome mood, but I lean over to Sean. “Pete needs to find someone.”
“What?” He strains to hear me over the music and chatter.
“Pete,” I say. “He needs his special someone.”
Sean hums and looks around the pub. I didn’t mean right now , but we both look up as a guy enters the bar.
A stranger.
A hot stranger.
All dark and broody.
Perfect.
Sean and I share a look, but before we can attempt any sort of matchmaking, Hailey appears in front of us.
“Absolutely not.”
“What?” we say in unison, trying to act as though we aren’t up to anything.
She lowers her voice. “That poor guy over there broke up with his boyfriend this morning. He left him here all alone on New Year’s Eve. Who does that?” She hisses the words, and I’m thinking it’s a good job the ex isn’t around for Hailey to get a hold of. “Leave him alone. Please,” she adds, and we both nod.
Satisfied she leaves us to it, and I’m suddenly aware that we’re about to start the countdown to midnight. I turn to Reed. “Can you believe it’s been a year since we were in this exact spot?”
He sets his drink down and shuffles close until there’s barely any space between us. “Yes. Because so much has changed in that time.” He smiles. “ I’ve changed.”
“Ten!”
We jump as the whole pub shouts out the start of the countdown. I take his hand in mine and twine our fingers. “I’m so glad Deb tried to fix you back up with Sean.”
Reed laughs. “Don’t let Vic hear you say that.”
“Nine!”
We both peer across at Vic and Sean next to us, but they’re busy celebrating the new year a little earlier than everyone else.
“Eight!”
Reed’s expression softens and he cups my jaw. “Thank you for looking after me that night. I’m not sure I ever thanked you enough.”
“Seven!”
I shake my head. “You don’t ever need to thank me for that. It was my pleasure.”
“Six!”
I glance around the pub, and just like last year, a lot of people seem to be in couples now, waiting for their midnight kiss.
Like me.
“Five!”
But unlike last year, I don’t have to wonder if Reed will want to kiss me back.
“Four!”
He leans in until our lips brush. “I love you,” he whispers, and I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of hearing him say it.
“Three!”
“I love you too.” I’ll never get tired of saying it either.
“Two!”
“I want to move in with you. For real.”
“One!”
I stare at him for a second as shouts of “Happy New Year!” ring out around the bar, and it takes far too long for those words to register, and then they do, and I yank him into the messiest kiss ever. I’m smiling too much to make it good, but it doesn’t matter because Reed is laughing, and it’s the best worst kiss I’ve ever had.
I pick him up and spin him around, almost taking out Sean and Vic in the process, but they just laugh and roll their eyes, obviously having heard our entire conversation.
“You sure,” I ask, because a part of me can’t quite believe it.
Reed kisses me again, soft and slow and full of everything I can now put a name to and know it’s true. “Yeah, I’m sure. I love you, Jerry. I don’t need to move out to realise that.” He sighs. “I’m sorry if?—”
I stop him with a kiss. “No apologies.”
“Okay.”
We stand there smiling at each other while the pub erupts in joyous chaos around us.
“Happy New Year.”
Reed’s smile is the best thing I’ve ever seen. “Happy New Year.”
I’ve never really believed in the superstitions surrounding New Year. That what you’re doing at midnight is what you’ll be doing for the rest of the year. But if that means I’ll have Reed beside me, looking at me like I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to him, then consider me converted.
Happy fucking New Year.