Chapter 5 #2
To my surprise, he laughs. “Yeah, okay, I get why you’d feel that way.
And I know it’s easy for me to sit here and say there’s someone out there for you, Pete.
Especially when I’ve already found my person.
But I used to feel like you did, and if I hadn’t given Vic a chance, then I’d have missed out on one of the best things in my life. ”
He has a point, I guess.
“I’m not saying Charlie’s that guy for you. You might be right and the two of you have nothing in common.” I snort and he shrugs. “But don’t write him off before giving it a chance. Even if all you do is talk—” He rolls his eyes, pulling another laugh from me. “—what’s the worst that can happen?”
He gets bored in the first five minutes and leaves?
I don’t say that out loud though, because even I can recognise how defeatist that sounds. I glance over Charlie’s way, again. The pub has got busier in the last twenty minutes and he’s partially blocked, but I catch a glimpse of his dark hair. “Fine,” I mutter. “I’ll give it a chance.”
Sean reaches over and clasps my shoulder. “If nothing else, you might gain a friend and there’s nothing wrong with that.”
About an hour later, Sean sets his empty pint glass down and rubs his hands together. “Right,” he says, catching Vic’s eye. “We need to get going.”
“Do we?” Vic looks confused until Sean raises his eyebrows. “Oh. Yes, we do.”
“Subtle.” I almost don’t want them to go, but I refuse to let nerves get the better of me. I’m a grown man, for fuck’s sake. I can have a drink with a guy and not have a meltdown.
The two of them stand and shrug into their coats. I glance over at Charlie’s table, easier to see now that the crowd has thinned, and find him watching me.
His lips curve into a smile and the thrill of anticipation hits me low in the belly. I smile back, forgetting I still have company, until Sean’s soft laughter catches my attention.
His hand lands on my shoulder. “Remember what we talked about, and let us know how it goes.”
“Will do.” Although I’m not confident there’ll be much to report back. It’s just a drink.
I mentally give myself a slap for being so pessimistic, because there won’t be with that attitude. That voice in my head sounds suspiciously like Sadie, which reminds me I’ve got a bone to pick with her in the morning.
But that can wait.
Because while I’ve been all up in my head, Charlie’s grabbed his notebook and is on his way over. Vic and Sean are barely out the door when he reaches my table. That’s got to be a good sign, right?
“Hey.” He smiles down at me. Maybe I’m reading him wrong, but judging by the way he’s gripping his notebook, he’s as nervous as me.
That settles my own nerves and I smile up at him, hoping it’s as warm and welcoming as I want it to be. “Hey.” I gesture to the chair next to mine. “Have a seat and I’ll go get us a drink. What would you like?”
He scrunches his nose as he sits, like it’s a hard question, and I’m struck again by how young he looks when he does it. Cute too, but yeah . . . young. “Um . . . Coke?”
My smile widens. “Are you asking or telling me?”
He huffs and sets his notebook on the table. “I’d like a Coke, please. I’ve got a bit more work to do tonight, so I need a clear head.”
Work?
Definitely going to be asking about that when I get back with drinks. “No problem. I’ll be back in a sec.”
Hailey’s behind the bar and when it’s my turn to be served, she smirks at me. “What can I get you?”
I ignore her knowing look. “A Coke and . . .” I glance at the beer on tap but hesitate. I don’t have work tonight like Charlie, but I’m driving and I do need to be up early, so that’s alcohol and coffee off the menu.
“Hot chocolate?” Hailey offers, because it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve finished off a meal here with one. I’m about to say yes, but again, I hesitate. I’m trying to impress Charlie, and hot chocolate doesn’t exactly scream exciting and interesting.
But I really fucking want one.
You’re overthinking this, Pete.
I am. I know I am, so I take a breath, shake off the doubt countless failed dates have left me with, and smile at Hailey. “Yeah, I’d love one, thanks.” I can’t start out by pretending I’m someone I’m not.
She hands me Charlie’s Coke. “I’ll bring yours over to you.”
“Thanks.” I pay and take Charlie’s drink back to our table.
He eyes the solitary glass in my hand and frowns. “Not having one?”
“Hailey’s bringing mine over.” I rub a hand over the back of my neck.
“Oh, you having a coffee?”
“Hot chocolate.”
Charlie’s eyes crinkle at the corners as he smiles. “Ooh, good call. If I didn’t have work to do later, I’d be tempted to join you.”
I immediately relax.
Wow. My self-esteem issues are getting way out of hand if I need that much validation for the kind of drink I’ve ordered. With a vow to work on that, I focus on what Charlie said for the second time tonight. “Work?”
His eyes widen this time and a flush creeps over his cheeks. “Oh, um . . . yeah.”
What kind of work elicits that reaction? Before my imagination can run riot, I ask, “Not just here for a holiday then?”
He bites his lip, obviously debating whether or not to tell me.
Fuck’s sake. The last thing I want is to make him uncomfortable, so without thinking, I lean forward and put my hand over his.
“Sorry. You don’t have to explain yourself to me.
” His gaze snaps to where my fingers curl around his, and I quickly snatch my hand back.
“Shit, sorry. Again. I’m a tactile guy, and sometimes I forget that not everyone appreciates it.
” He looks at me for what feels like forever without saying anything, and I can’t help but sigh and say quietly, “I’m fucking this up, aren’t I? ”
His expression softens, his smile slowly widening until it reaches his eyes. If I’m not mistaken, there’s a flicker of amusement in them. “No, you’re not.”
It takes me a moment to get what he means. “You sure? Because for a minute there, you looked like you’d rather be anywhere else.”
He grimaces, and I want to bite my tongue off. “It’s not that. I just . . .” It’s his turn to sigh and take a sip of his drink, and it feels like he’s stalling.
I want to reach for him again, but I clasp my hands instead. “Honestly, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
“Iwritebooks.”
He speaks so quickly it takes me a second to work out what he said, then I huff out a laugh because that was so not what I was expecting him to say.
Charlie bristles and my stomach sinks. Fuck’s sake, I’ve done it again.
“I’m not laughing at what you said—”
“Really.” All the warmth has gone from his voice.
Shit. “Well, I am, but not because you’re a writer.”
He raises both eyebrows, still looking less than impressed.
There’s no wonder I’m single. Jesus. “I’m only laughing because it was the last thing I was expecting you to say, and it surprised me, that’s all. It was shocked laughter.”
The tension in his shoulders lessens, but not by much.
I can already feel the evening coming to an early end, and I could kick myself. “I’m sorry.” I hope he hears the sincerity in it, because I mean it. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I’m not upset. It’s just . . .” He sighs and slumps in his seat, one hand finding his hair. “Let’s just say it’s a sore subject and move on.”
I really, really want to ask him more about it, but even I can take this big of a hint to let it drop. “Okay.” I bite my bottom lip, trying desperately to think of something else to say, but I’m coming up blank. It obviously shows on my face because Charlie snorts and throws his hands up in defeat.
“I can see you’re dying to ask, so just ask.”
“Nah, it’s fine, honestly.”
He sits forward just as Hailey appears with the worst timing ever, bringing my hot chocolate.
“Here you go, Pete.” She sets it on the table in front of me. It’s in a Christmas-themed mug—cream ceramic with decorated green Christmas trees all over it.
I look up to find her grinning at me. “You think you’re funny, don’t you?”
She shrugs. “Just a happy coincidence. We got these new in today. Char thought it’d be a nice touch.”
I shake my head but smile, because she’s right. It is a nice touch. The festive mug, coupled with the mountain of whipped cream and mini marshmallows on top screams Christmas. “Thank you. It looks incredible.” It really does, and I catch Charlie eyeing it and licking his lips.
He glances at his Coke and sighs. “Wishing I’d had one now.”
“I can get you one, it’s no trouble.” Hailey says, turning her smile his way.
“Tempting, but I’d better not. I’d probably fall asleep in my chair if I had one of those, and I’ve got plans for later.”
“Okay then.” Hailey can’t hide her smirk fast enough as she looks between us. “I’ll just leave you to it. Enjoy.” She winks at me as she turns to leave.
If only I was part of Charlie’s plans.
We both fall silent as she walks away, awkwardness setting in.
Charlie’s cheeks are bright red and he huffs out a laugh. “I meant writing,” he mutters. “I’ve got writing to do.”
Pretty sure this evening can’t get any worse, so I meet Charlie’s gaze. “Can we start again?” He frowns, so I add quickly, “This is so not how I wanted this evening to go.”
“Oh? What were you hoping for?”
So many things I could say to that, I have to bite my tongue. I can’t help my smile, though, and thankfully, Charlie laughs even though he’s blushing again.
“Let me rephrase.” He opens his mouth, then scrunches his nose. “Actually, I think it’s a fair question.”
Okay then. “Honestly? I just wanted to spend time with you, nothing more than that.” Charlie tilts his head, probably wondering if I’m telling the truth or not.
Maybe I need to be blunt. “We’re in a country pub.
There’s not much expectation for picking someone up for sex.
Besides,” I add, because I might as well lay it all out there.
“It’s not really my scene.” I realise a beat too late that if that’s what he’d been hoping for, I might’ve just ruined my chances.
I’m not lying though.
I’ve tried the casual-sex thing, more than once. After the initial high, I tend to feel a bit meh afterward.
Charlie takes a sip of his drink.
I half expect him to chug the rest of it and make his excuses to leave. He sets it carefully back on the table instead and flicks his tongue out to catch a drop of Coke from his bottom lip.
My gaze snags on the movement, a flare of heat in my belly catching me by surprise.
I shift positions. And yeah, I might not like the aftermath of a hook-up, but Charlie is hot.
I would be lying if I said I wasn’t tempted.
When he still hasn’t said anything, I turn his question back on him. “Were you hoping for sex?”
I manage to ask him that just as he takes another drink, and the coughing fit that follows has Charlie’s eyes watering. I lean over the table and shove his abandoned Coke closer to him. “Shit, I’m so sorry.”
He grins, wiping tears from his eyes. “If I wrote this whole scene in one of my books”—he waves a finger between the two of us—“readers would call it unrealistic.”
I glance down at my cream-topped hot chocolate and his half-empty Coke. “Which bit?”
“All of it. Two gay—” He stops, raising a questioning eyebrow, carrying on when I nod. “—men meeting up for a Coke and a hot chocolate. And neither of them wanting the night to end in sex.”
Oh.
I have no right to be disappointed that he’s not after a hook-up either, but I am. My face clearly telegraphs everything because Charlie frowns.
“Right?”
Ugh. I scrub a hand through my hair and give him a wry smile. “It’s not that I don’t want it. It’s more, I don’t want the feeling that comes after.” I gesture to him, debating whether to say what’s on the tip of my tongue. Ahh, fuck it. “You’re really hot.”
His eyes widen a second before his smile stretches wide. “Thanks.” He deliberately gives me a thorough look, letting his gaze linger on my mouth. “So are you.”
That spark of warmth is back. So is my smile. I wish I wasn’t so fucking needy sometimes, but it is what it is. My self-esteem has taken a few too many knocks recently.
“So,” I say, feeling a little more confident that we’re on the same page.
“With all that in mind, and the fact that you’re only here for a couple of weeks, I didn’t have anything planned for tonight other than getting to know you a bit better.
” I sit back and take a drink, moaning at the rich chocolate and cream combo.
Charlie clears his throat. “Um . . . You’ve got a little cream . . .” He taps his finger at the side of his mouth, so I flick out my tongue to catch whatever he’s pointing at. He groans and shakes his head. “Not fair.”
It takes me way longer than it should to catch on.
Oh.
“I’ve spent the last eleven months regretting not asking for your number that night?”
Recognition sparks in his eyes. “I wasn’t in a good place.”
“I know. But I liked what little I got to see of you. I wanted to know if you were okay. If things worked out for you, or . . .” I let it hang there, leaving it up to him to answer or not.
I doubt anything would’ve happened if we’d swapped numbers when we first met, but it felt like a missed opportunity, however brief.
He reaches for his drink, then sighs before setting it back down without having any. “If you mean did I get back with Dan—the bloke who drove off and left me—then no.”
“Oh.” It makes no difference in the big scheme of things, but I’m still ridiculously pleased by that.
He meets my gaze. “I’m not with anyone.”
“Me either.”
The tension in the air feels heavier suddenly, and I reach for my mug, needing something to occupy my hands so I don’t reach for him.
Because we’re not doing that.
I have a feeling I’m going to be reminding myself of that a lot over the next two weeks.