Chapter 8
CHARLIE
I follow Pete round the side of the pub to the car park at the back. While he’s not looking, I dip my head, burying my nose in the depths of his coat, and inhale.
It smells like him.
Like pine and fresh air and something a little spicy. I take another deep breath, then straighten quickly when he glances over his shoulder.
“All right?” He slows his pace until I come alongside him.
“Yeah.”
I don’t miss the way his gaze drops to my gloves when I take my hands out of my pockets.
Or the way his smile makes his eyes crinkle.
I don’t know why I kept the gloves. Well, that’s a lie.
Meeting Pete that night was the one bright spot in an otherwise shit few days.
Despite him telling me to keep them, I could’ve left them with Hailey when I checked out.
Instead, I put them in my bag and took them home.
They felt a little like a good luck charm.
Seeing his face now makes it seem like the best decision ever.
We walk across the mostly empty car park, the weak winter sun still high in the sky, but the wind has a bitter edge to it. I sink my chin further into the collar of my borrowed coat.
Pete notices and moves closer, blocking out some of the chill. “We can go back if you’re cold?”
I shake my head. “The rest of me is toasty warm thanks to your coat. It’s just my face.”
He pulls us both to a stop, then shuffles close to adjust my hat, pulling it further down to cover my ears. Then he takes hold of my coat, tugging the edges together. It brings us that little bit closer, enough that I can feel his warm breath on my lips when he speaks.
“The zip can go a little higher if you want.” There’s nothing sexy about what he said, but the way he said it makes my toes curl in my boots.
His eyes dip to my mouth, then dart back up again. I lick my lips in reaction and he groans, pressing his forehead against mine. “I know we agreed anything other than friends was the worst idea, but I really, really want to kiss you right now.”
Yeah, I fucking want that too.
And with him looking at me like that, I can’t think of a single reason why he shouldn’t. “Do it,” I whisper, heart in my throat as he pulls back to meet my gaze.
“But you said—”
“I know what I said.” I slip my hands out of my pockets and settle them on his hips, fingers sinking into the thickness of his coat. “It’s just a kiss, Pete. We don’t have to make it anything else.”
I tilt my chin up in invitation. It’s up to him to meet me in the middle.
The seconds it takes him to make a decision feel like hours, then his hands tighten on my coat, holding me in place as his mouth finally covers mine.
My eyes flutter closed as I sink into it.
His lips are cold, but his tongue is so, so hot as he deepens the kiss and slides it into my mouth.
He groans, deep and guttural, and it goes right to my cock.
Not that it’s seeing any action out here, I’d like to keep it from falling off due to frostbite, but my imagination doesn’t know that.
I can’t help but picture Pete on his knees, that hot mouth wrapped around me as he makes that sound again.
Fuck.
This goes against everything I’ve clung to for the last four days, but the only thought in my head as Pete tugs me that little bit closer is why the fuck have we waited so long?
In the back of my mind, I know the answer to that.
Because I knew it would feel like this.
And I’d want to keep doing it.
The fact that I can’t, that I have to leave here in ten days to get back to my life elsewhere, is the push I need to slide my hands to Pete’s chest and gently ease him back enough to break us apart.
“Sorry,” he murmurs. The deep sigh that follows tells me he means it. Before I can take it the wrong way, he offers me a wry smile. “I think that’s made everything ten times worse.”
I laugh because what else is there to do?
It wasn’t just a kiss.
It was a toe-curling, pulse-racing, belter of a kiss that teased exactly how good we could be together. But our situation hasn’t magically changed in the last two minutes. “Eh.” I shrug. “Worth it.”
Pete’s smile softens and he reaches for my gloved hand, tugging me forward. “Come on then. Let’s walk before I’m tempted to do that again.”
I’m glad he starts moving, because if he kissed me again, I know I wouldn’t stop him.
We leave the pub behind, walking the slight incline that leads into countryside I trust Pete to navigate. I don’t let go of his hand, but neither of us draw attention to it. I might think he’s forgotten if it wasn’t for the way he squeezes my fingers every time he looks over at me and smiles.
I bury my face in my coat, the bottom half now protected from the wind, and sigh.
Going home is going to suck.
Pete draws us to a halt when we finally crest the hill. Rolling fields stretch for miles around us, the odd cluster of houses dotted about, along with pockets of trees. Its stark beauty makes me feel small and insignificant.
“I can see why you live here.” There’s a touch of wistfulness to my tone. I live in the city now, but I didn’t grow up there. Where I lived wasn’t exactly like this, but we were surrounded by greenery and forests, and I miss it sometimes.
“It’s my home. I’ve never wanted to live anywhere else.” He sighs heavily, head dropping as he focuses on his feet. “I love it here. My family is close.” His shoulders hunch as he kicks a stone back down the path, and he speaks so quietly I almost miss it. “But it can be lonely sometimes.”
When Pete draws close enough that our shoulders brush, I lean into him a little. I tell myself it’s because he’s a nice barricade against the wind, because that’s easier to accept than the fact I just want to be near him.
His words have made me curious. “You never found someone you wanted to live here with?” My heart beats hard as I wait for his answer. It has no bearing on me whatsoever, but that doesn’t seem to matter.
Pete’s bitter bark of laughter takes me by surprise. It doesn’t suit the warmth he exudes, and I’m frowning as I turn to face him.
“I tried a few times. Never worked out.” He faces forward as he talks, eyes taking in the winter scene like it makes saying the words easier that way.
“They wanted to get away from here or from me; either way, none of them wanted to stick around, so . . .” His shoulders hunch, and before I can say or do something to make it better, he starts walking again.
“Come on, we need to head back before it starts to get dark.”
There’s a tension to him that wasn’t there on our walk up here. I don’t like it. Not one fucking bit, and I silently curse all the men that’ve made him feel like he’s not good enough. Because I know that’s what’s going through his mind right now.
I’m a fucking expert after all. Dan saw to that.
“Dan left me on New Year’s Eve because he told me to stop wasting my time on a fucking hobby and concentrate on my real job.
That his plans for us didn’t include me getting lost in my laptop every night when we could be out with friends.
” Pete stops abruptly and turns to face me, where I’ve stopped in the middle of the path.
I tilt my chin up, this last part hard to get out.
“He said I wasn’t good enough to make it as a writer because no one would want to read my shit, and that either I accepted that or we were done. ”
Pete gapes at me, shock slowly replaced by anger on my behalf. “What the fuck?”
“Oh, he apologised for that last bit, said it had come out wrong in the heat of the moment. But the truth comes out when you’re too angry to temper your words.”
“Not sure there’s any right way that could’ve come out,” Pete growls.
“I like to think it at least sounded harsher than he intended, but the sentiment was the same. He didn’t believe in me, wouldn’t support me while I tried to succeed at something I loved, and I couldn’t be with him after that.”
“I don’t fucking blame you. What a wanker.”
He still looks pissed off, and the fact it’s all for me fills me with a warmth that I want more of. Even though I shouldn’t.
“He wanted you to stop doing what you wanted to do and spend all your time doing what he wanted.”
“Basically, yeah.” I shiver, not really cold, but not warm either. Talking about this brings back feelings I’d rather not experience again.
“Come here.” He opens his arms and I don’t hesitate to sink into them. “He’s an arsehole and you can do so much better than that.”
Like you.
I stamp on that thought like it’s on fire.
Instead, I wrap my arms around him and let the warmth of his hug soothe me enough to get to the point of me bearing my soul like that. “The point of that story was to tell you I know what it feels like to believe you’re not enough.”
“I don’t belie—”
I lean back and cut him off with a raised eyebrow.
“Fine. Maybe sometimes I do.”
“We are enough,” I tell him, voice soft but steady. “If someone can’t see that, then they’re not the ones for us.”
He holds my gaze for what seems like forever, then sighs and looks up at the sky. “Yeah, I know. It’d still be nice to have someone to come home to at night.”
And there’s not a lot I can say to that.
We get back to the pub as the sun is just beginning to set. The tree outside is all lit up, and even though it’s not dark yet, it’s still a beautiful sight. Christmas music plays inside, and with the chill in the air, a little festive spirit creeps in.
I know it’ll be warm and cosy inside with more decorations, and I know I’ve got more than a week left of my stay, but the thought of going back to my flat—which is devoid of anything Christmassy at the moment—doesn’t feel all that appealing right now.
It’s got absolutely nothing to do with the wall of warmth standing next to me.
“Have you thought any more about Friday night?”
“Hmm?”
“Saving me from being a fifth wheel.”
“Oh.” I forgot about that. “Do you still want me there after today?”
He frowns. “The kiss?”