CHAPTER 30 #2
“Alright, should we head straight away?” Sonny asks, looking between us for guidance.
“Probably for the best,” Harrison nods.
“Okay. I’ve got a blanket in the front seat for you. Maybe you can cramp down in the footwell. If you want to that is. I don’t know how you want to play it …” Sonny peters out.
“Sounds like a plan,” Harrison agrees. He turns and gives me one sad smile and then leads the way out to the garage.
Sonny turns to look at me, concern etched on his face. “Will I see you at the club soon? We have recovery.”
“Yeah. I’ll be there,” I assure him.
“Okay. You call me if you need me,” he says, eyeing me until I nod. “I feel awful leaving you here alone with that mob out the front. Want me to send Izak back?”
“Nah, man. I can deal with it. They won’t see anything more interesting than two cars leaving the garage but if that excites them then so be it.”
Sonny claps me on the shoulder one last time before he turns and follows Harrison who is watching me, eyes sad but guarded. They climb into the car, and I wait as Harrison does, indeed, cramp his tall form into the footwell and Sonny arranges the blanket over him.
I cannot believe my life has come to this level of ridiculousness. I feel like I should put a stop to this, to just pull Harrison out of this stupid situation and walk out the front of my house with his hand in mine—consequences be damned.
But I don’t. I hit the garage remote to open the roller door and watch until they drive away.
***
Sonny is waiting for me when I arrive in the player carpark under the Fever’s training facility. There are more media personalities camped out the front of the club but at least they can’t get in here without going through security.
“Hey,” he says as he steps toward me.
“Hi,” I reply. “Did … everything go okay getting Harrison out?”
“Yeah, man. Nobody followed us or anything. I just brought him straight here to the club.”
“Good,” I sigh, quietly relieved. “Did he say anything to you? Harrison?”
“Nah, he was pretty quiet the whole trip. Looked a bit shaken.”
“Dammit,” I sigh heavily, leaning back against my car. Sonny is watching me and I feel like I owe him answers even though he’s not demanding them from me. I glance across at him, seeing the concern in his eyes. “It’s true, you know. All that stuff about me and Harrison. We are together.”
Sonny chuffs out a soft laugh. “No shit, Sherlock,” he says with an eyeroll.
“You knew?”
“Of course I bloody knew,” he says, lending me another of those shoulder pats, this one slightly more condescending.
“Do you think everyone knows?”
“I doubt it,” he shrugs. “I mean, I figured after our conversation from the Goldie trip that you took my advice. And seeing as you so clearly did not leave Harrison alone, I assumed you took my other suggestion to heart.”
It’s my turn to chuff out a laugh. “Yeah, I took that suggestion to heart, alright. Many times over.”
“That a boy,” he replies, nudging me with his elbow.
“You think everyone else is going to be okay with this? Me being with Harrison?” I drop.
“I don’t know, man. I know how I feel about it though and that is fully supportive of you. Both of you. I’ve seen you two together and, I don’t know, it just seemed right to me even before you realised it yourself.”
“You do have a bit of a knack for that kind of thing,” I admit.
“You ready to face the music?” Sonny asks.
“Is that why you’re here? So I don’t have to walk in alone?” I ask, feeling warmth spread in my gut. “What’s the mood like in there? Is everyone talking about it?”
“Look, I don’t want to lie to you, man. Yeah, everyone’s talking about it, but we’ll be fine, okay?”
His confidence gives me the little nudge I need, and I nod as I reach for my sports bag and follow my friend into the club.
Sonny is right. There is definitely a mood in the club this morning.
Silence descends when I walk into the cardio room but it’s like everyone is actively trying to pretend they’re not talking about me.
Eyes ping my way and I feel another wave of worry hit before Sonny nudges me towards the treadmill.
We’re on recovery mode this morning so we set the pace to slightly above leisurely, Sonny a comforting presence at my side.
James Langton looks up from where he’s working out on the elliptical bikes and our eyes catch before I look away.
But then our illustrious captain carefully alights, wanders over our way like he has no concerns in the world and takes up the vacant treadmill beside me.
I feel his message of support and it clogs up my throat and pricks at the back of my eyes.
“Alright, Callie?” he asks conversationally.
“Alright,” I reply around the shards in my throat.
Just when I start to calm and my breathing returns to normal, Harrison enters the room, Ben at his side.
If I thought the Fever guys were good at acting when I entered the room, it’s nothing on the way twenty sets of eyes suddenly ping between the two of us like we’re the most interesting thing that’s ever happened at the club.
I choke up again when my eyes cross paths with Harrison.
He looks tired, almost diminished and worried as he focuses back on the clipboard in his hands, clinging to Ben at his side.
Coach enters a moment later and it’s like his energy alone brings the tension down, like our dear leader can save us all from this situation.
Coach’s eyes find mine and he nods at me, just a singular yet overwhelmingly reassuring move as he barks out orders to the team who are all too eager to comply.
Soon we’re all pushed out of the cardio room to various activities, and I find myself in the hydro pool, James and Sonny with me keeping me from spiralling.
This is usually the part where Harrison finds me and takes me for treatment, but I have a growing suspicion that won’t be happening today. Sure enough, Coach enters the pool area with Ben and calls me over.
I towel myself down as I walk towards them, dread sinking in my stomach.
“You okay, kid?” he asks in a way that makes me certain he’s read today’s news. I just nod, aware of the way everyone’s eyes follow me. “Listen, I’ve asked McLean to take over your treatment this morning. Head to the showers and then make your way to the treatment room.”
“Yeah, okay,” I falter, not sure of what to say. I turn to leave and then swivel back, needing to know. “Is Harrison …”
“Harrison’s gone home. I told him to take the day off,” Coach tells me, eyes a heavy weight on me.
“Oh. Right,” I stammer. I turn to leave again before Coach calls me back.
“Callie? If you need to talk you know where to find me. We’ve got people who can help.”
I just nod and then turn and leave the room, not trusting myself with my words or emotions.
Ben is in the treatment room, out of place where Harrison should be. I miss him so much, the last few hours already feeling like days.
“Up you get, Callie,” Ben says, voice kind as I climb onto the treatment bed on autopilot. I miss Harrison’s soothing tone as he works on me with those magic, sensual hands. I miss his soft smile and that cute red headband that fails so badly at holding back his gorgeous curls.
Ben doesn’t know the spots like Harrison does but he’s still a great physio.
I don’t say a word as he gets to work on me.
In all honesty, my adductor issues are almost a forgotten memory these days.
I’m getting through training days with no effort at all and it’s only really after a full game day that I feel the twinges anymore.
That’s all on Harrison too. I suddenly miss him with every atom in my body.
Izak finds me in the locker room afterwards. Most of the other guys have gone home already, just a light recovery session today. Izak eyes me as I pull on my shoes, but he doesn’t look overly worried, more contemplative.
“You know, I always thought there was something between you and Harrison. I convinced myself I was seeing things but I guess I was on the money,” he mulls.
“Would it bother you if there was?” I ask, just testing the waters. Izak’s offended face has me feeling slightly better.
“Course not. What do you take me for?” he huffs. “You know I got your back, right?”
“Thank you,” I say, letting him see how much I mean it.
“It is true though, right?” he asks, just to be sure. “You and Thornfield?”
“Yep. Every last sordid detail.”
“Well. I’m happy for you both,” he shrugs. “Not for this shitshow that has followed but I’m glad for you and Thornfield. He’s a nice guy.”
“Thanks, man,” I say.
“Definitely explains all those times you disappeared from our hotel room,” Izak laughs. “Sounds like you did get a bit of west coast action after all.”
“And south coast. And east coast and northeast coast,” I add just because I can.
Izak barks out a laugh. “Good for you. I was worried you were turning into a monk when you first moved here.”
“Definitely not a monk,” I chuff. “But not a word to anyone else, yeah?” I add, eyeing him like I mean it.
“Course not. Consider me a vault.”
“Thanks,” I repeat. He pulls me in for a brief man hug and we go our separate ways. Sonny has texted to see where I am, worrying about me like a mother hen. I text him back that I am fine and don’t need a police escort back home.
Besides, I have no intention of going straight back home. I have someone to see first. As soon as I am confident I don’t have anyone on my tail I turn the car towards his apartment.
Harrison takes a while to answer my knock, but he hurries me inside once he does, checking over my shoulder to make sure none of his neighbours saw me.
“No one followed me,” I assure him, still not quite believing those words have come out of my mouth.
“Casey,” Harrison worries at me. “You shouldn’t have come here. It’s too risky.”
“I don’t care about that, Harry,” I say, stepping forward to wrap him in a hug. He sighs but doesn’t stop me, sliding his arms around me to wrap me up just as tight. We don’t let go for a while.
“Listen, Case,” he says. And just that tone tells me I’m not going to like what he says next. I start to protest but he steps away from me, silencing me with his words. “I know this sucks, okay? Because it really, really does. I’ve asked the Fever for the week off and they’ve given it to me.”
“You shouldn’t have to take the week off, Harry. That’s not fair,” I protest.
“I know it’s not fair, Casey. But you were there today.
You saw how much of a distraction our … relationship is to the club.
I can’t be the reason for that, Casey. It’s not fair to the club either, not when they’re just starting to get things together this year.
I don’t want to stand in the way of the club. ”
“Harrison, this is going to blow over,” I argue. “It’s today’s news and yeah okay, everyone was distracted by it today. But they’ll get over it.”
Harrison sighs. I feel it in my gut. “Maybe they will. Maybe they won’t,” he says.
He sounds so utterly defeated and all I want to do is pull him back into my arms, but he steps away from me, creating more space between us.
I don’t follow. “I just … we need some space from this. I didn’t mean to drag you out like this. I know it’s not fair to you either.”
“It’s also not fair to you, Harrison,” I add because he seems to be placing far too much blame on his shoulders.
“I know. But this really is not the type of thing that is going to blow over. Be real for a minute, Casey. How many other openly queer players are there in the league?”
I’m silent as I watch where his thoughts have taken him. I’m silent because there are no other players I can name. I know there must be some out there. Statistics would support that argument but it’s telling that even if there are, they have chosen to remain silent.
“Have you really considered what this will mean for you, Casey? What this will do to your career? What it could do to the club? The league?” he presses, unwanted reality coming out to take a chunk out of my idealised future.
“I don’t care,” I whisper, but the wind has gone out of my sails. “I don’t care about all that.”
“Well I care,” he replies, leaving no room for argument in his tone. “ I care about you and your career. And I care about the Fever. I care enough to be able to recognise how much of a huge risk you seem to be walking into blindly.”
“I’m not blind, Harrison. I get it,” I return with a bit more sting.
“Okay. Good,” he sighs. “Then please, respect that I need to have space here, Casey. Please . I’m doing this for your sake even though I know you don’t agree. Please just take some time so you can really think this through.”
“I’ve already thought this through—”
“ Please , Casey,” he chokes, emotions brimming in those chestnut eyes I have come to love so much.
He says it with so much heart and feeling that I know I’m going to agree even though I feel my heart breaking with each second that passes.
“Just, think about this, please. Really think about this. About whether you truly think you can live this way with all this attention on you, on every aspect of our relationship. It will always be there, Casey. That will not go away.”
“Okay, Harrison,” I concede softly. It gives me no joy but I can see how much he means what he says. So I’ll give him the space he thinks we need, and I’ll do what he asks. Even if it will break my heart to walk out of this apartment alone.
“Thank you,” he says, just holding back the emotions that threaten to spill over. I am not as successful, one lone tear leaking down my cheek that I do nothing to stop.
Harrison looks at me, so much sorrow and tenderness in those eyes like he already knows I’m not going to choose him.
Like he thinks my career is more important to me than him.
I know he doesn’t want to hear it right now, not with all these emotions and outside attention on us so I just nod, heart breaking in two. Then I turn and head for the door.
He doesn’t stop me.