CHAPTER 32
harrison
I stare at the gloomy, grey ceiling, accepting I’m in for another night of restless sleep when I hear the sound of persistent knocking on my apartment door. I roll over and check the time on my phone. It’s a few minutes before midnight.
I know who it is. The Fever were due to fly straight out of Adelaide after their game against the Firetails this evening, so I know it’s him. My heart gives a swift resounding kick in my broken chest as I throw off the covers and rush to the door.
Casey stands on my doorstep, windswept and exhausted but still the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. He chokes up when he sees me, probably clocking the mess I’ve made of myself this week, the dark circles under my eyes, the tangle of messy curls.
“Casey,” I rasp. He doesn’t hesitate, stepping straight into my arms, right to where I need him most.
Why did I let him go last week? I thought I was doing the right thing, but I think I might have gotten it monumentally wrong what with the way he is trembling in my arms, my shoulder growing damp from his tears. What did I do to him?
“I’m sorry,” I breathe out, pulling him in tighter as his arms lock around my waist. I inhale him into my lungs. “I’m sorry.”
We stand like that for a long time. A really long time. I let my hands soothe him, stroking his back, running my fingers through his hair as he just buries himself in my neck and cries. I think I owe him a million apologies. Maybe more.
I should have known this would be the result of my attempt to be self-sacrificing and heroic. Saving Casey from himself. Saving the Fever from imploding.
I am an idiot. A monumentally, stupid idiot.
At long last, Casey pulls back from me, those beautiful blue-green eyes red rimmed and glassy. I hate myself.
“Don’t ever push me away again, Harrison Thornfield,” he rasps, more meaning in those words than I have ever heard from him.
“No,” I promise. “I won’t. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Casey.”
“You should be. I had a shit week,” he tells me.
“So did I,” I admit. If it wasn’t for Sonny and Izak I think I might have gone mad this last week. Even Ben dropped in to make sure I was okay. He didn’t ask me anything about the rumours but I appreciated his support all the same.
Casey’s still clutching onto me and I have a feeling he’ll need a tonne of physical contact and reassurance if I have any chance of making this up to him.
I lead him towards the sofa, pulling him down beside me.
He clings on, knees pressed to mine, but I can see he still has words to say to me. And I need to hear them.
“Did you see the game today?” he asks.
“Yeah, I saw it,” I smile softly, rubbing circles with my thumb over the back of his hand.
“It was … incredible, Harry. There was so much support for me at the game. From the opposition cheer squad too,” he says, shaking his head in disbelief.
“It wasn’t all good though. You should know that too.
I had plenty of slurs called out at me during the game.
Which I expected. But the thing is, Harrison, I only heard the love from the crowd.
I blocked out all the bullshit and focused on the good things. ”
“There will be plenty more negativity than that,” I say, stroking the hair from his forehead. I don’t know why I say it, but I just need him to know a future with me will not be all sunshine and roses.
“I know,” he agrees with a nod of his head.
“But Harrison, I don’t care about that. I don’t care about ignorant people and their ignorant views.
All I care about … all I care about is you.
” He chokes up again and I give him a moment to breathe through it as my heart starts to restitch itself together after I took a set of sharp pins to it last week.
“If I could go back in time and rewrite my list of goals on my whiteboard at home,” he continues, taking in a shaky breath. “You would be my new number one, Harrison. You . You’re more important to me than playing football or winning a flag or even winning the Brownlow. I’d give it all up for you.”
“Casey,” I sigh, my turn to choke on my words. “I don’t want you to give it all up, baby. I want you to have everything you dreamed of. You deserve it all and you’ve worked too hard to give it away.”
“Then don’t make me,” he says, more forcefully than I expect from him.
I watch him for a moment longer, and I see the resolution in his eyes.
It answers all the fears and doubts that made me push him away this week.
Answers plenty more too about how much he openly loves me, how much he’s willing to risk to be with me.
I shift closer, holding his precious face in my hands.
“You really think you can do this?” I ask, just to make sure.
He nods. “Yes. I’m going to call my agent tomorrow and tell him everything. I’m going to tell the club and work out a plan to make it public.”
I nod, holding him tighter as he wipes away the last of my fears. I believe him. I believe he can do this, that if anyone could do this it was always going to be Casey Calloway.
“I love you, Casey,” I tell him, needing him to know. “And there is nothing that will change how I feel about you. I’ll be there beside you at every step of the way, just like I should have been there for you this week.”
“It’s okay, Harrison,” he says, eyes misting over again. “I get why you pushed me away. I know it wasn’t to save yourself. I know it was for me. And I hate you for it and love you for it all at once. But never doubt how I feel about you. You are everything to me. Everything .”
My heart explodes with joy and happiness as I pull him towards me, breaching the last of the distance between us as I kiss him the way he deserves. His breathing is jagged, face damp from his tears as he kisses me back, the whirlwind of emotions still tangible between us.
Casey clutches on tighter, his body still trembling as we kiss each other like it’s the first time all over again. I don’t think I can get enough of him, like there is no possible way to get as close to him as I need to be. But I can try.
I pull him to standing, neither of us breaking the kiss as I push him towards my room. I need him more than I’ve ever needed anyone and I can see that he feels the same.
I pull him to a stop at the side of my bed, gently reaching for the hem of his top.
He pulls back from the kiss, eyes swirling with a thousand emotions as he watches while I peel the shirt over his head.
I’m left with the naked expanse of his perfect chest, and I let my fingers trace over every inch of him, reacquainting myself with every dip and ridge and cut of muscle, the pink nipples in his pecs.
He watches me the entire time, eyes so expressive they have no hope of hiding his love for me.
“Casey?” I ask, pausing to make sure we’re on the same page about where tonight is heading as I toy with his waistband. I’ll happily just cuddle him all night long if that’s what he wants.
“Yes,” he says on a breath, grabbing my hand and pushing it down to where he is already achingly hard and ready for me. I clasp on to him, relishing the sound he makes as I stroke his dick, soft and slow. “Harry. I need—”
“I know, baby,” I soothe. “I got you.” I don’t waste any more time, shoving his sweats and boxers down his legs while he pries off his shoes and socks.
I lower him to the bed before I quickly shed my ratty t-shirt and loose boxers.
And then I lower myself beside him, feeling the slide of his warm, soft skin against mine.
Gosh, it’s only been a week but I need him so bad I can barely control the tremble in my own hands as I touch every inch of skin I can reach.
All the places I love and know best, thumbing across his slit, tracing my finger down his vein to his sensitive balls, lower still to circle that sweet, pink hole.
Casey is passive, watchful eyes on me and I know he needs this from me tonight. He needs my touch and my reassurance and my love, all the things I stole from him this week.
I kiss him, pushing him back against the pillow as I stroke his cock gently.
I reach behind me into my nightstand, patting around until I find the bottle of lube.
I leave the condoms where they are. I know the club conduct tests routinely on their players, and I know I’m good for this too.
I’ll still check with him first of course. But not right now.
I kiss him soft and languorously, tongues toying and colliding with each other while he spreads his legs and I prep him for me. Considering we’ve not been together for a week he’s still remarkably pliant for me as I press into him, swallowing his breathy moans and sighs.
When he’s ready I pull back my fingers, tracing his jaw with my mouth.
“Case?” I ask, lifting my head to look into his eyes. “Do you want me to wear a condom?”
“No,” he says, shaking his head. “I want to feel you.”
He waits patiently while I lube myself up, something thudding deep and low within me. I need this. I need to feel him around me, to be as close to him as I can possibly be with another person.
I settle between his legs and guide myself to his entrance.
I notch up to him and push. Our eyes connect and the world silences around us.
This is what it’s all about, just him and me alone together where nobody else can reach us.
Yes, we still live in a world where there will be some who accept us being together, just as there will be others who hate that a professional athlete is in a relationship with me.
But Casey is right. None of that outside noise matters when it is just us together like this.
He feels utterly perfect as he clenches around me, nothing between us, nothing better than this in the whole entire world. I still when I am fully inside him, eyes colliding with mine as he stares up at me, nothing but trust and love in his eyes, hearts full.
“Good?” I ask.
“Perfect,” he says. I couldn’t agree more as I lean down to kiss him and we move together and silence every worry and doubt we have, lost inside each other.
***
Casey calls his agent first thing next morning after a warm and cosy sleep in, our bodies curled around each other. I leave him in the bedroom and fret about in the kitchen where I make us omelettes with mushroom and cheese and ham.
I’m so unbelievably proud of him. I know it’s not an easy thing, coming out to friends and family.
My story is probably less painful than most given I had Henrietta and her ultra-annoying observational skills at hand to helpfully point out I was gay before I even knew the word.
Everyone was very accepting once I’d come to terms with it myself, but I know not everyone’s story is as wholesome as mine.
I can hear him talking to Luna through the thin walls of my bedroom, the low laughter making me feel good for him. I know he was planning on telling her before he spoke with his parents. He’s a good big brother.
He comes out a moment later, looking like the world has lifted from his shoulders. His smile is warm and real as he walks straight for me. I kiss him and then push his shoulders down to sit at the island for breakfast.
“How did it go?” I ask, hovering beside him like a helicopter parent.
“Good,” he says around a mouthful of food. “Riley knew already of course. Kind of obvious when I told him you were sleeping in my bed last weekend. But he has things ready to go and he’s going to call the club and organise a meeting for both of us.”
“Yeah? Did he say when?”
“Probably Thursday so he can fly up to Sydney and there’s less people around the club,” he tells me.
“And Luna? What did she say?” I ask, suddenly nervous.
“She desperately wants to meet you,” he grins, knocking me with his knee and keeping it there. He’s probably touch starved after being away on the phone for the last forty-five minutes. That’s okay. I’ll happily make it up to him.
“But if it makes you feel better, she thought you were, and I quote ‘ hot’ from the photos in the papers,” he tacks on, making me smile.
“I’m glad I have your sister’s approval,” I smile.
“Well, at least she has good taste,” he shrugs, scrunching his nose up at me. “You’re definitely hot.”
“You nearly done with that omelette?” I ask, running a suggestive hand over his shoulders.
“Why? Are you propositioning me, Harrison Thornfield?” he grins. He’s adorable. Just adorable.
“I might be,” I shrug.
“Well, isn’t this a nice change,” he chuffs, and I want to just kiss his gorgeous face and hold him. All day if he’ll let me.
Which he does after he takes his merry time eating the omelette I made for him, the little tease. Then I take him to my room, and we shut the door, and we talk and laugh and kiss and cuddle and I remind him how very, very much I love him. For the rest of the day.