Chapter 30 #2
Oh sweet goddess, do I want to believe those words.
Want to trust that this gentle, honest man could truly choose me over everything else.
The wanting is so intense it’s almost frightening, like standing at the edge of a precipice and fighting the urge to jump.
What would happen if I let myself fall? What would happen if I trusted completely, loved without reservation, allowed myself to believe I could matter to someone?
The young rider’s frustrated sigh draws my attention back to the conversation. “This isn’t working. We haven’t worked out enough shared words to explain complex magic theory properly. Eerie wants to take to the sky to show you rather than tell you.”
Harlen’s grin is immediate and infectious. “Zh and I can take you up. Been too long since we had passengers.”
“I am honoured by the offer to ride a dragon,” I say formally, allowing courtly training to shape my words, “but there is no need.”
Without further preamble, I let the shift take me.
The familiar sensation of bones reshaping, magic flowing through every cell as I trade my humanoid form for something altogether more practical.
The transformation is always strange, like stepping out of clothes that never quite fit properly and into something that feels like home.
My perspective shifts, colours becoming richer and more nuanced, my vision sharpening to see details that my humanoid eyes would miss.
When the transformation completes, I perch on the stone table as a raven, wings spread for balance. My talons find purchase on the ancient stone, and I can feel the vibrations of everyone’s heartbeats through the rock.
Jack’s sharp intake of breath makes me preen slightly.
When I look at him with my corvid vision, his expression is pure wonder.
Impressed and awestruck and something else that sends warmth through my feathered chest. He’s looking at me like I’m something magnificent rather than something to be feared, and the admiration in his eyes is intoxicating.
I’ve shifted forms countless times, for convenience and necessity. But I’ve never had someone look at my raven shape with such genuine delight. I assumed humans would find the transformation unsettling, a reminder of how alien I really am. Jack just looks fascinated.
The relief is overwhelming. I realise now that my abrupt willingness to shift form in front of everyone was not as blase as I would like to think. My feelings for Jack were making me uncomfortable, so as usual I sought self-sabotage, latching on to an act to push him away.
I should have known that Jack is far too solid to push anywhere.
Harlen claps Jack on the back with enough force to make him stagger. “You wanna come? Taking to the skies will be the best way to see the anchor points properly.”
Jack blushes, that endearing flush that spreads up his neck and makes him look younger. “Ah, no reason for me to come, really. I don’t have a drop of magic.”
Harlen’s grin widens until it threatens to split his face. “Fun is a good enough reason!”
I tilt my raven head, studying Jack’s expression. There’s longing there, carefully hidden but visible to someone who’s learning to read him. He wants to go. Wants the adventure, the chance to fly on a dragon’s back, the opportunity to be part of something magical and impossible.
But he’s holding back. Probably convinced he’d be in the way, that his lack of magic makes him a burden rather than a welcome companion.
I hop closer to him on the table, fixing him with one dark eye. If I were in my humanoid form, I’d take his hand and tell him that he belongs wherever I am. That his presence makes everything better, magic or no magic.
Instead, I let out a soft caw that I hope conveys encouragement.
Cai straightens from his casual lean. “Actually, it might be useful to have a non-magical perspective. Sometimes we get so caught up in the theoretical possibilities we miss practical problems.”
“See?” Harlen’s enthusiasm is infectious. “Come on, Jack. When’s the next time you’ll get a chance to ride a dragon?”
Jack looks at me, and I can see him wavering. The want is there, bright and eager in his eyes. All he needs is permission to let himself have this.
I spread my wings and take to the air, circling his head once before landing on his shoulder. The symbolism is clear. Where he goes, I go. We’re partners in this.
His hand comes up to reverently brush my feathered head. “Alright then. But if I fall off a dragon, I’m blaming all of you.”
Eerie’s musical laughter fills the chamber, needing no translation. Even across species and language barriers, joy is universal.
As we prepare to head to the stables, I catch sight of Cai and Kirby again. They’re still holding hands, still looking at each other like they’ve found their reason for existing.
Someday, I think, watching Jack’s excited smile as Harlen explains dragon-riding safety, I want to look at someone like that. I want someone to look at me that way.
The terrifying thing is that I’m beginning to suspect it might already be happening.