Hugo
It’s only after he’s pulled his hand from Mae’s to silence the ringing that it registers he was holding her hand at all. He blinks, still bleary eyed, wondering when that happened.
It’s a little after two in the morning, which means it’s eight o’clock at home.
For a second, he misses it fiercely: his brothers and sisters around the kitchen table, his dad frying bacon, and his mum already on her third cup of coffee.
Then a heavy dread settles over him at the thought of actually ringing them back.
He slips out of bed and into the bathroom, closing the door gently behind him.
“Haven’t you ever heard of time zones?” he says when their faces appear on the video chat. They always look slightly befuddled by this mode of communication, moving their heads in birdlike fashion as they both try to center themselves on the small screen.
“We got your message about the wallet,” his dad says, “and I have to say, I’m disappointed in you, son.”
“Look,” Hugo says with a sigh, “it was an accident. I just—”
“Now I owe your mum five quid.”
“Frank,” his mum says, giving his shoulder a smack.
“And another five to Alfie.”
Hugo groans.
“This is why I told you to get a money belt,” his mum says, still glaring at his dad in a way that makes it clear she’s forgotten Hugo can see her too. She turns back to the screen. “I read an article that says everything is safer that way.”
“Right, but I wasn’t pickpocketed,” he says, though maybe it would’ve been better to be mugged than to be irresponsible. At least then it wouldn’t have been his fault. He sits down on the closed seat of the toilet. “I just forgot it. Stupid, I know.”
His mum simply nods, as if she’d been expecting as much. The lack of surprise on her face only makes it worse. “Are you okay, darling?” she asks, and for some reason, this makes him feel like crying.
“I’m fine,” he manages to say.
“Do you still have your passport?”
He nods. “It’s just my credit cards and the dollars I took out from the bank, and—”
“Are you in the loo?” his dad asks with a frown.
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
Because, Hugo thinks, I was in bed with a girl I only just met, and who I’m starting to suspect I might like, even though I only just broke up with another girl who happens to have the exact same name, and who was supposed to be here with me instead, which makes this all more than a little bit confusing.
But he doesn’t say any of that. Instead, his groggy brain works to catch up with the lies he’s already told them, and he says, “Because I couldn’t find the light switch in the room.”
Behind them, Hugo can see Alfie walk into the kitchen, still wearing pajamas. He grabs an apple from the bowl on the counter and squeezes his face between theirs. “Hugo,” he says, leaning forward. “Heard you lost your wallet on the first day.”
“Second,” Hugo says grimly.
“Well done, mate. Were you drunk?”
“Alfie,” says their mum.
Hugo shakes his head. “No.”
“Stoned?”
“Alfred,” their dad says with a look of shock.
“No,” Hugo says quickly.
“Just being yourself, then?” Alfie says with a good-natured grin, and when Hugo doesn’t say anything, only glowers at the screen, he laughs. “Well done, you. We miss having that sort of top-notch attention to detail around here. Hurry back, all right?”
Hugo lifts a hand to wave weakly as his brother disappears again. “Where’s everyone else?” he asks his parents, suddenly feeling homesick, and they exchange a look.
“Oscar is upstairs,” his dad says. “Poppy’s gone down to Brighton for the day with that McWalter boy, heaven help us. And Isla and George are…well…”
They exchange a look.
“Over at the university,” his mum says.
Hugo frowns. “How come?”
“They wanted to have a look around,” she says, “since the housing assignments arrived yesterday.”
“They did?”
She twists her mouth up to one side. “Listen, darling…they put you together.”
“What?” Hugo’s brain feels slow and muddled. “Who?”
“All of you. Oscar and Alfie. Isla and Pop. You and George.”
“Me and George?” Hugo repeats numbly.
“It could be worse,” says his dad. “You could be with Alfie.”
“Hey,” comes a distant voice from somewhere behind them.
“George had a feeling you wouldn’t be too keen on this,” his mum says, which makes Hugo’s stomach feel like lead. “The others are going to stay where they are, but he said he’s fine to room with someone different if the university will let you switch. He’s going to leave it up to you.”
Hugo’s throat is completely dry. “Okay.”
“I’ll text you the email for the housing office, in case you want to try,” she says. “But make sure you talk to George about it first. I know he’s anxious to hear from you.”
“Of course,” Hugo says, staring at his bleary reflection in the mirror. There’s a short silence, and then he says, “I should probably go. It’s late here. Or early, I guess.”
“Right,” she says. “Look, just send us the address of your next hotel and we can ring the bank and have them send new credit cards.”
Hugo nods. “Brilliant. Thanks.”
“What will you do for money in the meantime?”
“I’ll just…,” he begins, then pauses, choosing his words carefully. “I made a friend on the train. I can probably borrow some money from…him.”
“So you’re having a nice time?”
“I am,” Hugo says. He opens his mouth again to describe it to them but realizes he has no idea where to begin. It’s only been a couple days, but already so much has happened. Already he feels like the space between them is made up of more than just miles.
“I’m glad,” she says. “Just try to hang on to that passport, okay? We’d still like to have you back here at the end of all this.”
Hugo feels something slip in his chest, like the locking of a bolt.
“Yeah, and don’t forget we love you the best,” his dad says with a grin, which is what he always says to each of them.
“Love you too,” Hugo manages.
After they hang up, he sits there beneath the harsh bathroom lights, staring at the blackened screen.
He thinks about Isla and George wandering around the campus, peering into the windows of the residence halls where they’ll all be rooming together, much the way they do now, as if nothing has changed at all, as if they never even bothered to leave home.
How is it possible to be so disheartened at the thought, yet still feel so alone without all of them?
He meant what he said to Mae last night.
It wasn’t just what happened at the pizza place.
It was the sudden realization that after being tethered to his family for so long, he was now adrift.
Which is exactly what he’d wanted. He just hadn’t expected it to make him feel quite so lonely.
With a sigh, he switches off the bathroom light and steps quietly back into the room, hoping not to wake Mae. He looks from the bed to the cot, surprised by how much he wants to curl up beside her again, to listen to the sound of her breathing, to feel the warmth of her hand in his—
He stops himself there.
Better be the cot, he thinks.
The infomercial for the vegetable chopper is still on, making the room flicker with light.
Hugo walks around to Mae’s side of the bed and picks up the remote.
When the picture snaps off, the room goes dark, a dark so thick that there’s nothing to do but stand there, waiting for his eyes to adjust, afraid that if he moves he’ll trip over something.
He goes to set the remote back on the table but manages to knock something else off instead.
Worried it might be a piece of jewelry, he drops to his knees, feeling around on the carpet without any luck.
After a minute, he sits back again, and when he does, it’s to find himself eye level with Mae, who is now awake and staring at him with an unreadable expression.
“What are you doing?” she whispers, though it’s only the two of them in the room.
“I…well, the TV was on, and then I dropped something, so I was trying to—” He starts to stand up but manages to bash his knee against the corner of the table in the process. “Bollocks,” he says, hopping around in a circle, and when he stops again, Mae is standing right beside him.
“Are you okay?”
To his surprise, he feels his eyes prick with tears.
What a question, he thinks.
“I’m fine,” he says in a voice so heavy that she steps forward and slips her arms around him. Hugo stands very still, wondering if he’s dreaming. “What’s that for?”
“I don’t know,” she says, resting her cheek against his chest. “Nothing. Everything.”
After a moment, he raises his arms, allowing himself to hug her back.
Her head fits just below his chin, and he wonders if she can hear his heart beating like something that’s trying to escape.
When she starts to step back, it feels to Hugo like a kind of loss.
But then he realizes she’s looking up at him, almost like she’s waiting for something, and he lowers his chin to meet her gaze.
“Hugo?”
“Yeah?”
“You have really lovely eyes.”
He laughs, mostly because it’s too dark to even see. But then before he can overthink it, he takes a step forward, and he leans down and kisses her.
For a few seconds, they’re all searching hands and beating hearts; her lips are soft, and her hands brush the back of his neck, sending a shiver through him.
All he wants is to tumble sideways onto the bed with her, to burrow under the covers and stay there forever.
But instead they remain where they are, pressing themselves closer and closer together in the dark.
Outside, the storm has stopped. But if you could hear the way Hugo’s heart is thundering, you wouldn’t be so sure.