28. No Explanations Needed
NO EXPLANATIONS NEEDED
Baker pulled the phone out of his back pocket two weeks later when it vibrated.
The call from his mother was unwanted and unneeded when he was trying to figure out why this batch of rum didn’t seem right.
But his mother never called first without texting so he worried something more was going on.
“Hang on, Mom,” he said, putting the phone to his ear. “I’m going back to my office where it’s quiet.”
He waved to one of his men to come over and pick up where he left off, then moved off the floor, down the hall, and shut the door to his office.
“Can you talk?” his mother asked.
He barely kept the roll from his eyes, and sure the hell didn’t stop clenching his teeth. “I can now. I hope it’s important.”
“Dad is sick.”
He closed his eyes and sat back in his chair, the squeaking telling him he needed to let up the weight or he’d topple over.
“Sick how? Like has a cold sick? A disease sick? Dying?”
He didn’t want to be a cold asshole, but his mother exaggerated things at the best of times.
His mother sniffled and the dread crept in slow and sure, settling into his gut and told him they were in for the long haul just when he was getting somewhere in his life.
Somewhere happy and secure.
“He’s got an enlarged prostate.”
“Huh? That’s it? Not cancer, it’s just enlarged. So like what? He has trouble pissing?”
Hadn’t his mother said that months ago? He’d figured his father got some dick disease by putting it where it didn’t belong.
“Yes. He says it’s painful. We are looking into options. It’s been going on for a while. He’s really embarrassed. He feels as if it makes him less manly. That’s why he was cheating, but he stopped. He really did.”
“Don’t throw that excuse at me. Dad has been cheating most of your marriage. I’m not sure why he even has to come up with reasons anymore.”
“That’s not nice, Baker. This is serious.”
He was typing into his laptop while he talked. He’d see how serious it really was, but in his mind it wasn’t that big of a deal.
It’s not like it was a life sentence.
“Not from what I’m looking at. What did the doctor say? That maybe he should get off his butt and go for a walk and change his diet? Cut back on the alcohol?”
His mother’s sigh was loud enough she might as well have shouted at him. “Yes. All those things. I’ve been telling him for years and he calls me a nag. Now he doesn’t think so. I’m looking up all the new recipes to make.”
Working harder than she ever had before, most likely.
“He needs to take those steps, not you busting your ass for him. If he’s not willing to help himself, then you shouldn’t.”
“He needs me though.”
He rolled his eyes. “That’s all the doctor is doing? Diet and lifestyle changes?”
“No. He’s got to go on medication. But there are side effects to the medication,” his mother whispered.
“Is Dad home right now?”
“No.”
“Then why are you whispering? And what are the side effects?”
“It’s embarrassing to say.”
His fingers were tapping the computer. He saw what one of the medications might be and the side effects. “So he might not be able to get it up? You should be happy. He won’t wander then.”
“I don’t know why I called you,” his mother said. He could hear her sobbing now.
Fuck.
He didn’t want to upset her, but it wasn’t like she ever worried if she did those things to her kids.
Or if she ever put herself first for any kind of happiness.
“You called because you need to tell us,” he said, his voice softer. “But you’re making a bigger deal about this than it is. You know how Brittany and I feel about the way he treats you. Maybe this is his penance for being a horrible husband.”
“He’s not a horrible husband. He’s supported me financially for years.”
“Mom, he would have had to support you regardless of you staying in a loveless marriage.”
“We love each other,” his mother argued. “Love comes in a lot of forms. I know he loves me. Maybe he just doesn’t always like me at times, but now he does. Now he needs me more than anything.”
He wanted to toss his cookies on the desk over this.
How could he have come from someone with such low self-esteem?
“You do you, Mom. I’m not sure what you want from me.”
“There is one thing.”
He wasn’t sure why he knew this wasn’t going to be anything he’d want to do. Or even something that would help her.
“What’s that?”
“Can you talk to your father? Let him know that it’s fine. That things like this happen. It doesn’t make him less of a man.”
“No,” he said simply.
One word. One answer. No explanations were needed in his mind.
“Baker. You haven’t talked to him in years.”
“And it can stay that way. Everyone knows how the other feels right now. Do you think him not being able to piss when he wants means we are going to reconcile? He’s not going to change who he is and if you want to live with it, that’s on you. We’ve had this conversation.”
“I just thought this would change things.”
His mother put the phone down to blow her nose.
“You thought wrong. Mom, I’m here for you. Most times. But not if it concerns something like this. If you want me to help you move out and get set up somewhere? I’m your man. Say the word. But talk to Dad because he’s insecure over a common male condition? He can find someone else for that.”
“I didn’t think you’d be this cold,” his mother said. “Alexa really did a number on you. If you can’t let go of your bitterness, you’re going to be alone for a long time. Is that what you want? She’s engaged now. She moved on. But not you.”
Talk about a shot below the belt.
Just when he thought maybe he could let his mother know about Tasha.
Not now. Not after that.
“I’d rather be alone than with someone who doesn’t respect me.”
He hung up after that before he regretted anything else coming out of his mouth.
The back of his head hit the top of his chair while his eyes stayed fixated on the ceiling.
Thoughts should be running through his brain, but instead it was just blank.
He felt the anger in his bones, the frustration, the annoyance, the lack of being able to do anything to change this situation.
Or change it the way it should be.
“Everything okay, Baker?”
His head lifted slowly, his eyes landing on Jolene standing there, a concerned look, not a humorous one. Not one where she came to ride his ass and find out what was going on in his personal life.
This was the kind of mother he would have wanted in his life.
One who could turn things on and be a caring, supportive parent, even if she was busting his ass in the process.
“Yeah,” he said, pushing himself back in the chair to stand.
“Nope,” Jolene said, shutting the door and sitting across from him. “Keep your butt there and talk to me.”
He forced a smile. “I’m good.”
“Says all my kids when they aren’t. I mean it. You don’t have to tell me exactly what is going on, but we can just chat if you want to get in a better head space. I won’t even bug you about Tasha and that was the reason I came in.”
“Wow,” he said. “I’ve got a free pass today?”
Her scrunched-up nose said maybe she wouldn’t consider it that. “Fine. Free pass. You’re looking a little down.”
Which was kind of sweet of her in her own way.
But there was a reason everyone let Jolene get away with what she did.
This, right here.
That at the root, she really cared.
“Nothing more than family drama.” He crossed his arms. “I’m sure you’ve seen your fair share of it. Or you cause it.”
The wink sent his way told him what he expected. “My kids will always say that. I just want everyone to be happy. There isn’t anything wrong with that is there? Isn’t that what every mother wants?”
“Not all of them,” he said, his voice drier than the wheat in the bags on the production floor.
“I’m going to let you in on a little secret about motherhood,” Jolene said. “We’re scared. All the time.”
He frowned. “Of what?”
“Of everything,” Jolene said simply. “That our kids will get hurt. Get sick. Be lonely. Unhappy. Left behind. That they won’t find their place or their people.
” She paused, her voice softening. “But if I’m honest?
The biggest fear is losing them. Saying or doing something that pushes them away.
” She sighed. “That fear makes us do stupid things sometimes.”
“Even you?” he asked, one eyebrow lifting.
“Especially me.” Jolene smiled without apology. “But my kids know I mean well. They know where my heart is. I can’t speak for your mother—or any other mother—but I’d be willing to bet it’s the same place.”
“My mother isn’t anything like you, Jolene.”
Jolene scoffed lightly. “Baker, honey, there’s no one else like me. I take great pride in that.”
He laughed. And just like that, the tight knot of family tension in his chest loosened. His heart followed.
“I don’t doubt it. And for that unsolicited therapy session, I’ll say thank you.”
Jolene stood. “What are you thanking me for?”
“For thinking of me,” he said honestly. “When I didn’t do a very good job of thinking of myself.”
Watching her jaw drop was totally worth it. “Are you telling me what I think you’re telling me?”
The hope in her eyes was unmistakable. The one that said she really hadn’t been expecting him to bring this up.
“Maybe we are thinking alike,” he said, laughing and moving past her and into the hall.
Her much shorter legs ran to keep up with him. “Don’t think you’re getting away that cleanly.”
“But you said I had a free pass,” he whined just for show having caught sight of Mason rounding the corner. “Your mother won’t leave me alone.”
Jolene’s shoulders dropped. “Mom,” Mason said. “What have I told you?”
“Don’t play that game with me, Baker. You’re just leading me on, aren’t you? And here I was being so nice.”
He dropped his hand on her shoulder and gave it a quick rub. “Yes. You were being nice and letting me lean on this tough muscle right here. And for that, the answer to your question is yes. I’m telling you what you think I am.”
His hand dropped away and he was moving faster, Jolene keeping up, Mason joining them. “That didn’t tell me what exactly. I don’t want to assume.”
“Mom,” Mason said. “Take the win. You got what you wanted, but it doesn’t mean everyone is going to be as clear as you think about it.”
He and Mason left her standing there dumbfounded, then he burst out laughing when they got onto the floor and knew Jolene wasn’t around.
“Wow, that was more fun than I thought it’d be. And not how I planned on her finding out either.”
“Do you want her to know?” Mason asked. “Because she’s going to bombard me. I’m positive she’s running to my office now and will plant her ass there until I return.”
“She can know,” he said. “I’m not hiding it. There is no reason to. I also know you won’t give her everything she wants.”
“Not even close. Which means she’ll come back for more from you.”
“Not today, she won’t,” he said confidently. Because Jolene was right, she knew when to draw the line and when to not push someone away.