38. Wasted Energy
WASTED ENERGY
“Is Micah sleeping now?”
“He is,” she said, moving into his arms.
Baker wrapped them around her, held on tight and hoped to shield her from everything around them.
There was no way to do it though. There couldn’t be.
How the hell had she ended up with a man like that?
One who could just disregard having a child they didn’t know about?
“Now all you can do is wait,” he said.
He brought her to the couch, nudged her to sit and then got next to her. Turning her so that her back was to him, he rubbed her shoulders.
She had every right to be as tense as she was.
As wound tight as she’d become after discovering the man she’d had a child with could still cut her down so easily. Still make her doubt herself and feel things she’d told him she never wanted to feel again.
It made more sense now, why she’d kept everything buried for so long.
Why she’d tried to protect herself by keeping it quiet.
And maybe, if he was honest, part of him wished it still was a secret.
That realization sat heavy in his chest. Made him doubt what he always believed.
He’d felt hurt like that. He knew that pain.
It was something he didn’t want to experience again.
“I hope he takes the test,” she said quietly. “I think he knows I mean business. I’ll be able to call the lab and see if it was submitted.”
“Do you think he won’t?” he asked.
“I don’t know what to think.”
His hand moved instinctively, finding the place at the base of her neck. He squeezed once, then worked his thumbs into the tight knot there easing the tension as best he could.
She let out a low sound, leaned into him, her body giving permission before her words ever did.
“Would you really have the subpoena sent to his house?” he asked.
“I can subpoena him if I need to, and I will. And if it comes to that, it’ll go right to his house. Where his wife is living now.” She paused. “There’d be no hiding it then. In a way, I’m giving him the chance to keep it from her. For now.”
“How do you feel about that?”
He wasn’t sure he’d do that. He’d make sure the guy was taken down every way he could, but it wasn’t his battle nor his decision.
She sighed again, her head tipping forward, offering him more access without asking. His hands slid under her shirt, warm against her skin, but she shifted and lifted it over her head herself, leaving her in just her bra.
She wasn’t pushing him away.
Wasn’t insisting she could handle it alone.
She was letting him in.
“I can’t afford to feel one way or another,” she said softly. “That’s his life. There’s always going to be a part of me that hates that Micah has half-siblings out there. But when he’s older, that choice will be his.” Her voice steadied. “These documents aren’t just for me. They’re for Micah.”
“Do you think Shane will want to see him?” he asked gently. “You haven’t said what your plan is.”
She exhaled and shook her head. “Baker, please don’t take this the wrong way. I just… I can’t talk about it anymore tonight. Guessing what Shane will or won’t do feels like wasted energy. I didn’t expect him to react the way he did, so I have no idea what comes next.”
“You’re right,” he said.
The questions had been for his own peace of mind anyway. Answers she didn’t owe him.
That he had no right to ask.
“I’m not trying to shut you out,” she added, her voice tired now. “Or hide anything. I’m just… exhausted. Like it’s in my bones. I don’t even know how I’ve functioned this past week. It’s all a blur of second-guessing every thought, every decision, and wondering what’s right, what’s wrong.”
He pulled her closer, holding her there, and letting her decide the next move.
It felt like most of his life that was what he did.
Let someone else make decisions in his relationship. But this was different.
Way different.
It wasn’t just the two of them. It was the three of them.
A little boy sleeping in the other room who had come to mean as much to him as the woman in his arms.
He’d do anything to protect them both and if that meant quieting his own inner doubts so she could work on hers, then he’d have to suck it up.
“Then shut it off for tonight.”
She turned in his arms, hers lifting and looping over his head, her mouth to his. “Help me shut it off. Help me just feel in this moment what it’s like to be with someone who loves me. Who doesn’t doubt my intentions, my thoughts, my wants and desires.”
The soft smile tugged at his lips. “What are those wants and desires?”
She stood, her hand out for his, and urged him to walk with her. “I’m going to show you.”
He didn’t hesitate. His hand slid into hers, solid and sure, grounding them both as she led him down the hall.
The bedroom was dim, a single lamp casting warm light across familiar walls.
The woman in front of him had always been honest. Once she opened up, she never stopped.
She never shut him out. Not once.
So tonight, wanting the time to quiet her thoughts was an easy request.
Maybe he needed the same from her.
She turned to face him, their hands still linked, her thumb brushing over his knuckles like she was memorizing the feel of him. Like she needed a reminder that this was real.
“This,” she said quietly, lifting their joined hands between them, “is what I want. To feel safe. To feel chosen. To not have to brace myself for the moment it all falls apart.”
“It’s not going to,” he said, voice low and full of certainty. “Not with me.”
Her breath hitched. She searched his face like she was looking for the crack, the doubt, or the hesitation. She’d never find it with him.
“I love you,” she said then. Simple. Unguarded. Like she’d been holding those words in her mouth all night and finally let them go.
“I love you too,” he answered, just as quietly. Just as sure.
Her hands went to his shirt, removed it over his head as easily as she’d left hers in the living room.
“I want you to show me tonight how you can make the world cease to exist. You can do it. I know you can.”
It was the wicked look in her eyes. From tender to seductive.
She wanted to escape. To be in a place she wasn’t taking up residence right now.
He wanted to be right there with her.
If even for a moment. A few moments.
Thirty minutes.
Any amount of time. He’d give her what she needed because he knew he needed the same.
He lifted her in his arms. Not to cradle her. Not to be tender.
But to give her something fast and urgent. What she loved. What transported her and made her free right alongside of him.
She bounced on the bed, her laughter filling the room, him kneeling down and spreading his thighs around her, one of his large hands gripping her wrists and holding them over her head.
“Are you sure you want it like this?”
“I need it like this,” she whispered.
His mouth crushed hers, holding her in place, telling her without words that he needed the same.
That he needed to have some control in a situation where he felt so out of control.
She was lifting her hips against his, grinding, thrusting, trying to find some relief, but he was moving out of her way.
He released her hands, slid them under her back, found the clasp of her bra, unhooked it and sent it flying in the room.
Once she was free, her fingers were reaching for the elastic of her leggings that she’d changed into, lifting and wiggling out of them.
He took over for her, yanked them down hard and fast, tossing them next to her bra.
He scooted between her legs, spread her wide, dove in and tasted her wet, sensitive flesh.
His mouth went to work sending her up and over in seconds.
As if she needed that first release to finally feel what would come next.
His dick was like steel, straining against his jeans, the dew gathering and dampening his underwear in one spot.
He was up and discarded the rest of his clothing fast, then yanked her down to the end of the bed, grabbed her ankles as he’d had her wrists and spread her wide.
Wide enough to look while he thrust inside deep. While he held her body to take everything he was dishing out.
She took it like she’d been born to accept him inside of her.
Like there was no other place she’d rather be.
He was on his feet, slamming in and out, her body sliding up some on the bed, but him pulling her right back where he wanted her.
She was moaning, arching into him, his name breaking from her lips like a plea she couldn’t hold back.
“Don’t you dare stop, Baker.”
He had no intention of stopping and wasn’t even sure he could if he tried.
The pressure was everywhere now. In his chest, tight and burning. In his arms, locked and holding her in place. In his legs, bracing to keep him upright as the moment threatened to overtake him.
He was hanging on by sheer will alone, and he didn’t know how much longer he had before it shattered.
“Tell me you’re there,” he grunted, thrusting his cock into her again and again. “Touch yourself if you have to, but get there now!”
Her hand went between her legs, her middle finger landing on her swollen bud, swiping and twirling the tender flesh around, her hips trying to lift as he continued to pound into her.
And that moment when her hand dropped away, when her body lifted and froze, sending him the deepest yet, she shouted out his name, and came all over him. Every pulse, every twitch, every moan, he felt inside to his core.
His arms went under her thighs, lifted her even higher, sending him so far inside of her, he was positive he was touching her heart.
He held himself there, feeling every single release she had, squeezing him until he had no choice but to blow everything he had inside of her.
His body gave out, forcing him to drop toward the bed, but he turned before he landed and had her on his chest.
“How did I do?”
She burst out laughing. “You did wonderfully.”
Then she held him tight, closed her eyes, and let her body just melt into his, the fast release replaced by a loving, tender one.