21. Emotional Physical Releases
21
EMOTIONAL PHYSICAL RELEASES
“ I ’m surprised you’re having lunch with me and not your boyfriend,” Raina said on Wednesday.
Tori kept the frown from her face.
She wouldn’t exactly use the word boyfriend just yet.
She wasn’t sure what they were.
Sunday during the day, she hadn’t heard a word from him but told herself not to get worked up.
She wouldn’t put a ton of pressure on what they had or did that weekend. So by seven that night, she’d sent him a quick text just saying she’d hoped he had a nice day.
He replied fairly quickly that he visited with his sister and mother and wanted to know how her day was.
She said she was with Raina.
They pretty much ended it after that.
Monday, no communication at all, but she was pretty busy at work.
Tuesday, he reached out first and asked if they could find time to see each other this week.
She was glad he’d asked and said she’d loved to.
No plans yet and here she was on Wednesday not that far from his office.
She hadn’t even told him she was going to be here.
Why was everything still so awkward for them?
“Not sure if he’s busy or not,” she said. “I haven’t talked to him much.”
Raina smirked over that. “Have you tried to?”
“We’ve been texting a little bit. I’m not one to do that and you know it.”
“Does he know it?” Raina asked.
“Know what?”
“That you aren’t much of a texting type of person?”
“Yes,” she said. “It’s come up. We left it with making plans for this weekend sometime. That was yesterday.”
“Are you going to go see him while you’re here?” Raina asked.
She laughed. “I didn’t know you were so pushy about this.”
“Not pushy,” Raina said. “Just asking.”
She stabbed her salad with her fork.
She wasn’t sure why she was so nervous about seeing Hyde again.
What they’d had over the weekend was a rollercoaster of emotional physical releases.
By Sunday night she’d gotten herself all worked up again and then calmed after his text.
This morning, she put a lot of effort into her appearance knowing she might see him but then told herself to make sure it didn’t look like she put a lot of effort into it.
When had she acted like this?
Never.
It went back to what she said before.
This time though it wasn’t a bad thing.
Just uncomfortable.
“I don’t know if I’ll see him,” she said. “When we are done, I’ll walk down and see if he’s there. Does that make you feel better?”
Raina grinned. “You’re nervous. Why are you nervous?”
There was no hiding anything from her friend.
She got up and shut the door. “I don’t know,” she whined. “And that isn’t like me either.”
“You know what I think?” Raina asked.
“I’m sure you’re going to tell me.”
“I think you’ve got a major crush going on.”
She snorted. “I think we are beyond crushes at this point. I’ve seen him naked.”
Raina laughed. “That isn’t what I mean. I mean, it’s a mental thing.”
“Yeah, I’m mental all right,” she said, frowning and attacking her salad. Her fork hit the container hard enough to poke a hole in the bottom.
She cringed and Raina rolled her eyes.
“Stop it,” Raina said. “You’ve become emotionally invested in a short time.” That is what this is about. You’re nervous in a few ways.”
“How is that?” she asked.
“Excitement to see him again. That’s the crush part. You’re giddy. I was like that with Cody too. It just means there is something there more than attraction, but attraction is a fantastic thing.”
“That’s good,” she said. “Because I feel that part. No worries there. Not sure if I tick the box for him though. Or enough to keep him.”
“Wow,” Raina said. “I never expected you to doubt yourself like that. Tori, you’re beautiful.”
“Thank you, but it’s not that. It’s just that I’m more simple or plain. I don’t put a lot of makeup on or wear tight-fitting clothing.”
“Do you know for sure that is what Hyde even likes?” Raina said.
She frowned. “No.”
“Then why are you saying that? You’re putting preconceived notions in your head again based on how he looks, aren’t you?”
She put her head on the table they were eating at just like she had Raina’s island days before. “Why do I keep doing this and not even know I’m doing it?”
“Because you’re scared,” Raina said softly. “You can tell me.”
“I am,” she said. “I have all these worries that I won’t be enough for him.”
“Talk to him about it. Could be he is thinking the same thing and you won’t know until you say it.”
Considering Hyde had said a few times he wasn’t the person he was in the past, her best friend made a good point.
“You’re right. I will.”
“We can eat fast while you think of what you’re going to say. Want me to help you?” Raina asked.
“No,” she said. “I need to do that part on my own. Now that I know what I didn’t realize I was doing it will help.”
“Then I’m glad I could do it.”
“How long did it take for Duke to stop crying on Sunday when I left? Sorry about that.”
Raina smiled. “It’s fine. He has those moments. He was having fun with you and didn’t want you to leave. There is nothing wrong with it.”
“No,” she said. “There isn’t. I love being around him.”
“You love kids in general,” Raina said. “You want your own and that is why you are feeling this way. You’re seeing time slipping by and trying to find a man you could be with and you’re concerned that you might waste time with someone that won’t work out. That’s it, right? It’s what has been going through your mind for the past few years.”
“It sounds really stupid when you put it into words like that,” she said. Even if it was true.
“Because it is stupid. It’s too early for you to tell if he is the one or not.”
“But we’ve had a lot of disagreements,” she said.
“And worked them out. They were misunderstandings. You both are working on giving it a try which means you see something or feel something there to do it.”
“Hormones,” she said. “That’s what I feel.”
“It’s more than that and you know it,” Raina said.
She laughed. “You’re right. It is. I’m trying to make light of it. Why am I so confused? I know I plan a lot in my life, which isn’t always the best way to do things, but I’m never so unsure of myself.”
“Which is why you plan,” Raina said. “And it’s not getting you anywhere right now. So my suggestion to you is to go with it for now. Put yourself first and lean a bit on Hyde to help you through it. He’s a good guy.”
“I know,” she said. “And that is what I’m reminding myself. A great guy that had a really hard year and he might have his own demons.”
“I’m glad to hear you say that,” Raina said. “We’ve all got them somewhere. It’s how we get past them that matters, but everyone slips now and again.”
“Myself included,” she said.
They finished their lunch and she left Raina’s office, then walked down to see if Hyde was in his.
She saw him at the table like Raina had with blueprints spread out, his back to the door and leaning over looking at them.
Her eyes landed on his ass in his dark jeans. He had a purple button-down shirt tucked in, brown leather sneaker-type shoes on his feet.
She had the craziest urge to go slap his ass and she wasn’t sure she’d ever felt that before.
He turned his head as if he felt eyes on him and the smile slowly filled his face.
“Hey,” he said. “Having lunch with Raina?”
“Just finished up,” she said. “Thought I’d come see you.”
“I’m glad you did,” he said. He moved past her and shut his door. “Don’t want any witnesses for this.”
He pulled her into his arms and kissed her.
Not a hot sexy one that she was almost wishing for. They were in his office, she had to remember.
But he held her in a hug when he was done and she returned the embrace, the two of them standing there.
It was almost as if he needed it as much as her.
“Have you missed me?” she asked. “You know, reaching for me like that first thing.”
“I have,” he said. “Have you missed me?”
“I think I have.”
He leaned back. “Think?”
She grinned. “I have.”
She stepped back from him and wasn’t sure what to do. Did she sit in the chair across from his desk? Did she pull one out at this table? Or just stand there like a fool and hope she didn’t wring her hands.
“You look nice,” he said.
She looked down at the navy dress she was wearing. She knew what she had on since she’d stressed enough about her clothing this morning.
But the long fitted cotton dress covered her to her ankles. It was short sleeved with a scooped neck.
There was nothing sexy about her clothing today other than the way it fit her body.
Rather than put little flats on her feet, she did put on nude colored wedges knowing she’d be in the office all day. It did amp the dress up in her eyes some.
“Thank you,” she said. “I might have been looking at you without you knowing. Purple is a good color on you.”
His eyes were popping even more than normal.
“My mother always said that too. I think she got me this shirt,” he said. “I told her about you yesterday.”
“Oh,” she said. Rather than her heart calming, it raced. Not in fear but in excitement.
If he was telling his mother, then he was putting an effort into this.
“Was that a problem?” he asked.
“No,” she said. “I hope you didn’t tell your mother what I told Raina on Sunday.”
She felt the heat fill her face. It only magnified when he laughed. “Not even close,” he said. “She was there when I went to see CeeCee. My sister would like to meet you at some point. No pressure soon, just saying.”
“I’d like to meet her too,” she said. “But maybe not right away.”
“Got it,” he said. “We’ve only had a few dates.”
“But we know it was more before,” she said.
He reached for her hand and held it a minute. “Are you okay? You seem off.”
“Just nervous.”
“Why?” he asked.
“I’m not sure we’ve got enough time for me to dissect it all to you right now,” she said. “But nothing is bad. I swear it isn’t. Knowing you told your mother went a long way.”
“You’re thinking this is a fling for me?” he asked. He lifted an eyebrow, but other than that, didn’t show any other reaction.
“I don’t think it,” she said. “At least not any more than I would with anyone else that I’ve gone on a few dates with. I hope that makes sense. It’s not you.”
“It’s just men in general,” he said. “Got it.”
He didn’t seem too fazed by it so she let it drop. “Did you want to make plans since we are here? I don’t like texting long things like that.”
“Sure,” he said. “I’ve got nothing going on any night this week or the weekend. You tell me what you want to do. We don’t have to wait until the weekend to get some dinner together, do we?”
She smiled. “No,” she said. “We don’t. Do you want to come to my place for dinner? You cooked me breakfast, so I guess I owe you a cooked meal.”
“I’d love to,” he said. “How does six sound?”
“Perfect,” she said. It would give her time to stop at the store and grab something. “Anything you want to eat?”
“I like surprises,” he said, pulling her close for another kiss. “Just like I think we are both feeling things are going now.”