38. Having Regrets
38
HAVING REGRETS
A week later, Tori was going through her work and figuring out if everything was done since it was her last week here.
“How is everything going?” Brianne asked, walking into her office. Brianne had interviewed for her position. Molly hadn’t decided on whether to promote within or hire out.
It didn’t matter what Tori said, Molly was making the final decision.
“It’s going well,” she said.
“You haven’t heard anything, have you?”
“I’m sorry,” she said. “Molly isn’t letting me have any say in this. I put in a good word for you. I think it’d be great if she promoted you as she had me. It’s good for morale to promote from within, but there’s not much I can do.”
“I know Molly is bent you’re leaving,” Brianne said. “I heard she just wants to see all her options out there.”
“Which is her decision to do,” she said. “Listen, Brianne. This is horrible of me and don’t take it for anything other than I’m being a friend and think you’re one of my best workers.”
Brianne smiled. “I won’t. I like you and am going to miss you. It was fun when we worked together, but when you became my boss, it didn’t even bother me.”
Brianne had been here a few years and Tori had been shocked she got it over Brianne and that there weren’t any hurt feelings. But she was a few years older and had supervisory experience at a previous job.
“I’m glad,” she said. “But I’ve got your number. You’ve got mine. I want you to let me know if you’re ever looking or need anything.”
Brianne smiled. “Meaning if things don’t work out here, you might have something for me there?”
“I’m not promising anything,” she said. She’d be stupid to do that before she even started her new job. “Just saying, let me know if you need anything. It’s a big area and if I think I have a lot of contacts now, it’s nothing to what I’m going to get.”
“Thanks,” Brianne said. “I won’t bug you anymore.”
“Why don’t we meet later today? I want to go over a few things with you, just in case. Or at least let you know where things are. Even if you don’t get the job, I’ve recommended to Molly to let you take the lead on some things. After today, I’ve only got three days left.”
“I know,” Brianne said. “Which is why I had hope that it’s going to be me.”
“I’ve got my fingers crossed too,” she said.
Brianne left and Tori went back to composing her notes for the next person.
When her cell phone rang, the last name she expected to see was her father’s.
He’d texted her Christmas Day like he’d been doing for years. She texted back. Nothing more. She saw he looked as if he was trying to type more the minute she hit send. It’d surprised her since that never happened.
But she brushed it off when nothing more showed up and she went about her day with Hyde’s family.
“Hello,” she answered. “Dad?”
“Tori,” her father said. “It’s your father.”
“I know,” she said. She kept the roll from her eyes over the fact she answered and said Dad to him. “What’s going on? Everything okay?”
“No,” her father said. “It’s not. I’m sick. It’s not good.”
“What’s wrong?” she asked. She didn’t know what to feel for the man whose voice she hadn’t heard in over ten years.
“It’s cancer. Stomach cancer. They aren’t giving me good options or prognosis.”
She felt cold at this point.
Her father was all but a stranger to her and now she finds this out. “I’m sorry,” she said.
“I’d like to see you,” her father said. “There is so much I have to say and don’t know when I might be able to. I’m going to start treatment next week and well...”
“So it took this diagnosis for you to call me?” she asked. Her voice was as calm as it could be.
“It’s wrong of me,” her father said. “I know that. I guess life has gotten in the way and we both went our separate directions. You haven’t tried either.”
He wasn’t wrong there. “You were the adult in this relationship,” she said. “Not me. I was eighteen when you walked away.”
“I don’t want to argue with you,” her father said. “I’m not in any shape to travel and have appointments this week and then I won’t know how I’ll feel. It’s a big ask. If you can’t come to see me, maybe we can set up a time to talk more. Even a video chat.”
Could she be so cold to not give him the time?
No. She couldn’t be.
She wasn’t sure what she was looking to accomplish going there, but it had to be done for her to move on in her life.
She was pretty sure she’d regret it if she didn’t at least talk to him.
She was sick of having regrets.
For too long everyone else took priority over her, and if she could do this for herself, regardless of the outcome, she was going to.
“I’m starting a new job on Monday, Dad,” she said. “I can’t take time off. I’m finishing up at my current job this week.”
“It’s only five hours,” her father said. “If you’re still in Durham. Are you?”
She frowned, not sure how he knew that. She’d moved a few times since college to now and never said those things to him.
“I am,” she said. “How do you know that?”
“I see it on your social media pages.”
“Oh. I hadn’t realized you were on social media.”
“I’m not. Shelly is,” her father said.
“Who is Shelly?” she asked.
He sighed. “My wife.”
“You’re married?” she asked. Not that they’d ever talked about things like this, but you’d think she’d know if her father was remarried or not. “For how long?”
“Five years,” her father said. “She’s been pushing me to talk to you.”
“She’s been pushing you for five years and now that you might die, you think it’s time to talk to me? To explain things?” she asked, her voice rising.
Yeah, she was no longer calm over this.
“I know it’s a lot for you to take in,” her father said.
“You think?” she asked sarcastically.
“Can you just let me know?” he asked. “Think about it. Five hours could be a weekend trip.”
“I’ll think about it,” she said. “I’ve got to go.”
She hung up the phone and went upstairs to see Raina. Raina would understand more than anyone else.
“That is crazy,” Raina said after she told her best friend. “What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. My social worker background says to hear him out at least.”
“But your personal side says to kick him to the curb?” Raina asked.
She sniffled. “Yeah. I’m a horrible person.”
“No,” Raina said, getting up to hug her. “You are not. You were just hit with a sizeable piece of news and you can’t be expected to know how to feel about it let alone run and jump to see what is going on.”
“Thank you for saying that,” she said. “There is so much I want to say to him and then I tell myself, is it worth it? Should I do that to someone who might not make it?”
“First off,” Raina said, “you don’t know anything because he didn’t give you information.”
“He didn’t have to. I looked up stomach cancer. It’s not good regardless. Not a long-term prognosis. He’s already saying they told him it’s not good.”
“I’m sorry,” Raina said.
“Thank you. I’m going to think about it for a day or so. I guess I could leave work early on Friday and go down then come back on Sunday before I start Monday. It’s not like Molly is going to fire me. And Jax would understand if I did that. Not fulfill my full resignation time. I just don’t want it to reflect poorly on me professionally.”
“Don’t think that,” Raina said. “You gave more notice than you needed to, right?”
“I ended up giving an extra week,” she said. “I wanted to be helpful.”
“Then stop. And Jax would totally understand. Sleep on it. Go talk to Hyde. Let him know. I’m surprised you came to me first.”
“You’d understand more,” she said.
But when Hyde walked into Raina’s office talking to her about work and then stopped when he saw Tori there crying, she realized maybe she made a mistake again.
“What’s going on?” he asked, rushing over. “Are you hurt?”
“No,” she said. “Just got some bad news.”
He frowned. “Why didn’t you call me?”
He was looking back and forth between her and Raina. “I’m sorry. I knew Raina would understand since it’s something she is more familiar with.”
“Oh,” he said. “Is it a friend of yours?”
“Why don’t you two go talk in Hyde’s office,” Raina said.
“Thanks, Raina. I’ll let you know what is going on,” she said.
She got up and walked down the hall to Hyde’s office and shut the door, then took a seat.
“Are you going to tell me why you’re so upset?” he asked.
“My father just called. He’s got cancer and is dying by the sounds of it. I didn’t stay on long enough to get that information. He wants to see me.”
“And you went to your best friend before the man you’re in love with?” he asked.
“Because she knows more and I wanted another woman’s thoughts on this,” she said. “Don’t be mad at me. I can’t take another hit right now. I was going to tell you. I wouldn’t keep it from you.”
“I’m sorry,” he said, moving toward her and putting his hand out to pull her up and into his arms. “I shouldn’t have reacted that way. I guess I’m just hurt.”
Not what she needed on top of everything else.
But wasn’t this what Carolyn and Diane said?
Nothing was perfect and she and Hyde surely weren’t even close to it.