Chapter 18 – Mari
Itried to bring myself back to the conversation after that, but my brain was stuck trying to figure out what the hell had just happened.
You and Dominic have been engaged since you were sixteen.
There was no fucking way. Right?
I tried to remember if my father had acted strangely after his divorce, but nothing stuck out. Other than not pushing another match on me as I grew up, regardless of how old I got. It was pretty unheard of for me to get to sixteen without a match. Hell, Aislynn was engaged to her first beau before she was in school, though that obviously didn’t take. Men in our world were notoriously short-lived.
As if that wasn’t confusing enough, Mario never talked much about Dominic or Lucia after the divorce and their return to Chicago, nor did he attempt to woo anyone else to his side. By all accounts—though I didn’t keep track of my father’s sexcapades—he kept things casual after that. Nothing serious, nothing personal. In fact, his only real change after Lucia left was that he preferred escorts over attempting to find someone organically, and yes, I wished I didn’t know that.
He just went on with life, existing and ruling as if nothing was wrong.
Then he died.
That was the part that stuck with me as I sat on Lucia’s couch, mulling it all over. The pact would’ve ended as soon as Mario died, unless Antoni chose to uphold it. My brother hadn’t mentioned Dominic either, nor did he have any use for expanding our reach. Mario was the ambitious one; Antoni just wanted to survive his inheritance. He wanted to take Shara as his wife and grow old in Seattle with their children and grandchildren running around them. He wanted a pipe dream, but he hadn’t sold me out. I was as sure of it as I was of my own name.
If Antoni had asked, I’d have married Dominic in a heartbeat, but he didn’t. He wasn’t planning on honoring jack shit.
So why didn’t Dominic tell me?
I wasn’t sure and wouldn’t be until we talked, but did it really matter? Intention had always been the crux of Dominic’s and my issues. He wanted to bundle me up and keep me safe, protecting heart and head in every endeavor. I wanted a partner who trusted that I could handle myself.
Was the reality that we were just too incompatible? I didn’t want to believe that because losing Dominic for good felt like a fate worse than death, but I wasn’t as sure about us anymore.
Nate’s treachery had taught me one thing: I couldn’t be with someone who lied to me. Small things like whether they took out the trash or huge things like this, I couldn’t take it. I needed transparency or the trust was gone, and in both of their cases, I wasn’t sure we could get it back.
Greyson cleared his throat, reminding me where we were. Regardless of how I found out about it, Lucia was right. It had been the only way out for them, the only choice to ensure their survival. I could hate the situation all I wanted, but at least they were alive. That was better than most could get, and I was glad for it.
As the others talked around me, I felt this ache in my stomach. At first, I thought it was pain, but it felt like something else. Something urging me to be impulsive. To act.
But on what?
“Was there anything else you needed to know?” Lucia said some time later, startling me back into the room. Christ, what was wrong with me? I looked over at Grey, but his little headshake said it was nothing new or necessary for me to pay attention to. Thank fuck for that.
“No, that’s it.” Deciding to give Lucia the same honesty she gave us, I leaned forward. “You should go underground for a while.”
She sucked in a breath, clutching that necklace again. If she’d had another glass, I had no doubt she’d have emptied it. “So, the rumors are true.”
Dominic had mentioned soon after he arrived in Seattle that rumors had made their way to Chicago, but I didn’t realize that Cash was part of them. I glanced over instinctively before I tore my gaze away. Keeping my shit together meant I couldn’t look at him. Not now. Not yet.
“They are. He’s back and out for blood. I’d prefer not to give him an easy target.”
Lucia nodded. “Doug and I were planning to go on our yearly vacation next week. I’ll extend it.”
That infernal pressure pushed on my chest, making every breath a chore.
Engaged. We were fucking engaged. Had been for years.
Out. I need out.
“Good.” I stood, nodding Greyson to the door. If I didn’t leave the room, I was going to lose it. “We’ll let you say goodbye. Be safe, Lucia.”
As we headed for the front door, I heard Lucia’s whispered apology. “I thought she knew.”
Dominic’s silence was its own answer. Yeah, I should’ve.
I shoved open the front doors like I was breaking out of jail, sucking in huge lungfuls of air, even when I looked the epitome of calm. God bless Mario’s training; it was stupidly useful. Grey kept pace with me, eyes wary and sharp as he took in every shaking leaf around us while we moved.
“Do you think I’m destined to pick men who lie to me?” I asked, wincing at my tactlessness. Turning, I grabbed Greyson’s hand. “I’m sorry.”
His fingers swallowed mine, squeezing in that easy comfort that made my eyes prick with tears. “I understand, reina, and no, I don’t think so. I think the men you choose need to strive to be better.”
“Even you?”
His lip quirked, but it was tinged with sadness. “Especially me.”
I didn’t ask if he’d known about the marriage pact because it wasn’t his responsibility to tell me even if he did. It was Dominic’s or Antoni’s or my father’s. Grey wasn’t innocent, but he wasn’t in the hot seat either.
That was all on my other boyfriend.
Leaning against the town car, I let the wind ruffle my hair and sweep my thoughts away. We waited there until Dominic came outside, leaving his mother in the house. I slid into the back seat, hating that because our focus was stealth, I couldn’t sit in the front. I needed space to get my head on straight and to see if that piercing pain in my heart was something we could even fix.
Dominic came after me, laying his hand on my thigh. “Mari.”
I moved as far away as I could, desperate to keep some distance between us. Touching him hurt when I couldn’t even look at him. He’d lied to me for years, and I honestly didn’t know if I had any more grace to give him. My head was so jumbled, and my heart was already a bleeding, torn-up mess. This wasn’t something else I was prepared to endure. I needed to heal, not hurt.
“Not right now, Dominic.”
“Baby, please—” He reached for me again, and I slapped his hand away, even as it killed me to do it.
Looking at him, I felt like we were the only people in the world. There was no Grey, no Lucia, no Cash. Just me and my lying partner. Christ. “Don’t touch me. I asked for no lies, and you gave them to me anyway.”
“I know.” He swallowed, looking at where his hands sat limp in his lap. “I just didn’t want to lose you over something we couldn’t control. I was selfish and wrong, and I’m sorry.”
“You should be.” I saw those three words land, and it did nothing to soothe the ache. In fact, it made it worse. I hated him and I loved him, and I didn’t know which one was going to win in the end. The entire situation was a special kind of purgatory for me.
Turning to the window, I gave him my back before my pain made me lash out in more permanent ways. “I’m not interested in talking. Leave me alone until I’ve wrapped my head around this.”
From then on, everyone gave me a wide berth. In the car, on the tarmac, in the airplane. Hell, even the flight attendants were wary to offer me anything. I couldn’t blame them. No doubt I looked fit to kill, and Dominic’s moroseness was oozing through the cabin. Only Grey was acting normal, and he was glued to my side, a silent sentry.
Normally, I’d head to the gym to work out my frustrations, but by the time we made it back to the Celestine, I was exhausted. Opening the door, I felt both men on my heels, ready for whatever I needed. Dominic because he wanted to make things better, Greyson because he knew I wasn’t doing well. “I need to sleep,” I said, moving down the hallway to my room.
“I’ll come with you.” Dominic followed on my heels, and I felt my hackles rising the closer we got to my space. Blocking the door with my body, I glanced up at him. “No.”
His face was the picture of regret and surprise. “You’re pushing us out again?”
“No, Dominic. Just you.” I ignored the wounded look and pushed the door open farther, raising an eyebrow at Greyson. He didn’t hesitate to slide into the gap, taking over with Dominic as I went to shower the airplane funk off me.
Proving he knew me best, Grey left me alone to wallow in my shower. I scrubbed myself raw, trying not to fall into the fatalistic mentality I always did, but the hurt festered. It clung to the wound that Nate’s treachery left and dug its claws in.
Was this it for Dominic and me? Would I ever be able to trust him again?
Did he think the lying was worth it?
I wouldn’t know until I talked to him, but that was tomorrow’s problem. I needed to regroup; I needed to remember that Dominic’s actions weren’t my fault, and I knew just the person to help me see that.
I felt a thread of something inside me, something that had been there for a while, slowly picking up steam. It felt like inevitability, fate. A piece of me screaming for its match. For home. And the louder it got, the more necessary it felt to act. To move. To do.
When I was dry, I changed into one of Grey’s shirts, needing the extra comfort to get through the night, and finished getting ready for bed. The murmured conversation by the door was still happening, but I ignored it. That wasn’t for me.
Dropping my phone on the bedside table, I cringed when it buzzed loudly. I was in no way ready to face the world, but I flipped it over with a sigh anyway. My job meant I didn’t get a break, even when I needed one. Still, nothing could’ve prepared me for the name on the text.
Nate.
Stay home for a while. Cash is gunning for you.
For the longest time, I just stared at it. The wounds he’d left were open and raw, and I wanted to drag him through them with me. If I hurt, he should hurt. But I also knew I wasn’t ready to open that part of me up to him again. That vulnerable section of me was locked away, where it needed to be.
In the end, I didn’t respond because it wasn’t like it was new information. Cash had been gunning for me for months, and he wouldn’t stop until one of us was dead. I knew that, he knew that, the entire fucking city knew that, and they were placing bets on the victor.
Grey finally shut the door, turned out the lights, and curled up in bed, saying nothing as he wrapped himself around me. It felt like he was trying to imitate Dominic’s actions in the gym, but I didn’t need a weighted blanket; I just needed him.
My Greyson. My heart.
My most trusted friend.
That something in my stomach pushed me again. Do it.
“I love you,” I said quietly as I let my eyes adjust to the darkness.
“I love you too, reina. I’m sorry about today.”
“You’re always having to apologize for the others. Doesn’t it get frustrating?”
He hummed, the sound vibrating against my body. “Maybe, but it’s not about them in the end. It’s about you. I want you to know that you’re safe with me, that I’ll take care of you, even when I’m not the one who’s broken something.”
How did he know exactly what to say to my fragile, bruised soul? I knew the uncertainty wasn’t forever, that I’d probably find a way to forgive Dominic again, but for now, it felt impossible to regain our footing. I was too thick in the pain to see past that, but one thing was becoming perfectly clear.
“I think you’re the only one I trust.” Snuggling deeper into his embrace, I realized this was the place I felt the most at home. That was the thought that struck the match.
Grey had always been there for me. When we were kids, he was the one who held me when I needed it, who picked me up when I fell, who kissed my boo-boos and wiped my tears. As adults, he was my shadow, the other half of my brain, my everything.
I didn’t want to live without him for a second.
“Baby.” He pulled closer, trying to squeeze his love into me with actions instead of words, but he didn’t need to. I knew he loved me. He showed me every fucking day, even when I didn’t deserve it.
Now, it was my turn to show him something.
“I’m serious. Dominic has already proven he’ll keep things from me to get what he wants and—” I cut myself off before I talked about Nate. I couldn’t talk about him right now. Not when I wasn’t sure what was happening. “This isn’t about them, though. It’s about you. You’ve always been there for me, even when I didn’t deserve you. I don’t want to lose you.”
“You’ve always deserved me, reina. I’m not going anywhere. Not unless you’re with me.” He said it so fiercely that I felt it in my chest, but he didn’t understand.
That need in my stomach was growing with every second and had been for days, weeks, months. Years, if I was honest. Maybe I’d spent my whole life with it coiling and writhing in my belly. All I knew was, it was time to do something about it. Time to claim what was mine.
Do it.
I twisted, lifting my head so that we were facing each other. His brows furrowed, and he ran his fingers over my cheeks gently, soothing me. But I didn’t want to be soothed. I had to do something. It was time. “I’m serious, Greyson. I can’t lose you. Not now, not ever. I can’t survive without you.”
“Mari, I’m not going anywhere.”
“I know that. I do, I just want to make it official.”
“Official?”
I pulled him closer, wrapping myself around him this time. Giving him every piece of me that I could. I didn’t want Greyson every day; I wanted him always. When I tipped my head back to see his face, Grey wrapped his hand in my hair, supporting my neck so I didn’t hurt myself. It was so simple, so full of love, that I smiled. It was just one more example of how in tune we were.
I never wanted it to end.
“Marry me, Grey.”