Chapter 9 #2
"I remembered everything about you." I caught her hand, bringing it to my lips. "Every sound. Every reaction. The way you bite your lip when you're close. How you need it hard sometimes."
Her cheeks flushed, but she didn't look away. "Four years, and you still know my body better than anyone else ever has."
The admission settled something in my chest. Something possessive and primitive that demanded I keep her, protect her, make sure no one else ever touched her again.
"Good."
"I missed this," she murmured.
"The rough sex?"
She swatted my chest. "Well, yes. But I meant this. Just... being with you."
My chest constricted. "I missed it too."
"You were always so calm," she continued. "Even when I was losing my mind over something stupid, you'd just sit there and let me rant until I burned myself out."
"Someone had to be the calm one."
"And I was your fire."
"You still are."
"Sometimes you knew the way to fix the problem was to fuck me senseless. Distract me," she said with a devilish smirk.
"It was my favorite way of making your problems disappear."
She lifted her head to look at me, her red hair falling across her face. I brushed it back, tucking it behind her ear.
"What are we doing, Eric?" Her voice was quiet.
Uncertain. "I know you said that if you have to leave, you'll tell me.
You won't just disappear. You'll come back.
So does that mean you want this to become something real?
Something more? How can that possibly work after everything?
I don't know how to let the past go, to find my trust again? "
"I don't know." The honest answer. "But I know I don't want to stop. That I'll do anything to prove it to you now. To show you I'm a man of my word. That I was stupid before, and that not staying with you was my greatest regret."
She bit her lip, and I could see the war playing out behind her eyes. Hope versus fear. Trust versus self-preservation.
"I was your greatest regret? I'm wild, Eric. Chaotic, an absolute mess sometimes."
She had no idea that those words meant nothing to me. She saw herself as a problem, and yet I saw her as an answer. A reason. Something that made me want to wake up and live.
"Yes, but you're my mess. A chaotic, wild, fiery woman who brings me so much joy, a reason to seize life. You say you're a mess, but if that's the case, you're a mess I'll gladly be a part of, if you let me try."
The smile that spread across her face was one of relief. Relief that I didn't see her the way she thought she would be seen.
"What if we're just fooling ourselves?" she asked. "What if we're trying to recapture something that's already gone?"
"Then we figure it out together." I cupped her face. "Or we crash and burn spectacularly. Either way, at least we'll know."
She let out a sweet laugh as she shook her head. "That's a terrible sales pitch."
"I'm not trying to sell you anything. I'm just being honest."
She studied me for a long moment, then settled back against my chest. "Okay."
"Okay?"
"Yeah. Okay." She traced circles on my sternum. "We'll see where this goes. But Eric, if you hurt me again—"
"I know."
"I'm serious. I'll burn your car or steal your credit cards."
I laughed at her threats, although I also didn't doubt that she could do such a thing if she was burned.
"So am I." I tightened my arms around her. "I won't make promises I can't keep. But I can promise I'll try. That's all I've got."
She didn't respond, but she didn't pull away either. We lay there in comfortable silence, the rest of the world forgotten.
The morning drifted by in a haze of conversation, memories, and touch.
We talked about everything and nothing. We spoke about things we'd done before, things we'd done since we'd separated.
I told her of my visit to England, to see family and bury Daniel on the family estate. A place she wanted to visit one day.
A place I'd certainly take her if we could make this work.
She told me about Anna's new boyfriend Beau, who seemed nice despite his questionable comb-over. I told her about the hotel I was staying at, how the mattress was soft, but it wasn't the same as being beside her.
"You could stay here," she offered, then immediately looked like she regretted it. "I mean, if you wanted. Not that you have to. I just—"
I kissed her to shut her up. "I'd like that."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
Her smile was radiant, and I wanted to bottle it. Keep it somewhere safe where nothing could dim it.
We ordered Chinese food when hunger struck again in the evening, eating straight from the containers while sprawled across her couch.
Ivy stole my spring rolls, and I retaliated by stealing her crab rangoon.
She threatened to ban me from her apartment.
I threatened to tickle her until she took it back.
It was easy. Natural. Like slipping into an old coat that still fit perfectly despite the years.
And that terrified me.
Because I knew this was dangerous. Knew that getting close to her again when my life was what it was, when I might have to leave at any moment, was selfish and reckless.
But I couldn't stop myself.
I'd promised her I wouldn't.
The selfish part of me wanted to take her with me when I left. Wanted to find a way to make this work, alliance or no alliance. If we expanded here, if the Donatis agreed to our terms, maybe I could stay. Maybe I could have this.
Have her. Exactly like this.
If not… well, I prayed she'd come with me. But I'd need to open my world up to her.
Keeping her was not something I could do without bringing her into my world. I left to protect her, and it had killed me. Now, I couldn't do it again, even if it was the right thing.
I couldn't bear the thought of her being with anyone else again, marrying another man or anything.
She was mine. From the moment I saw her, I knew I couldn't let her go again.
My phone buzzed on the coffee table, shattering the moment. I reached for it, seeing my father's number flash across the screen.
"Work?" Ivy asked, her tone careful.
"Probably." I stood, moving to the kitchen for privacy. "I need to take this."
She nodded, focusing intently on her dessert like it held the secrets of the universe.
I answered. "Yeah."
"The Donatis want another meeting." My father's voice was clipped. Businesslike. "Tonight. Seven PM. Different location."
My pulse quickened. "They've made a decision?"
"Apparently. Don't fuck this up, Eric."
"I won't."
"See that you don't. Call me after."
The line went dead.
I stood there for a moment, staring at the phone in my hand. This was it. The verdict on whether the Hale Syndicate would expand into Ironstone, whether I'd have a reason to stay.
Whether I'd have a chance at something resembling normal with the woman currently avoiding my gaze from the couch.
I walked back to the living room. Ivy looked up, and I could see her already building walls.
"I have a meeting tonight," I said.
"Oh." She set down her food. "Work?"
"Yeah. The potential contracts I mentioned." True enough, even if the contracts weren't quite what she imagined. "I need to go prepare."
Her expression shuttered. "Right. Of course."
"Ivy—"
"It's fine." She stood, gathering the food containers with jerky movements. "I have work tonight anyway. I should probably get ready."
I caught her wrist as she moved past me. "Don't do that."
"Do what?"
"Put your walls back up."
She met my eyes, and I saw the hurt there. The fear. "What do you expect me to do, Eric? You're leaving. Again."
"For a meeting. Not forever."
"How am I supposed to know the difference?"
Fair point. I'd given her no reason to trust that distinction.
"Can I come see you after?" I asked. "After work? Or tomorrow if you're free?"
She blinked, surprise flickering across her face. "You want to see me again?"
She really didn't have any faith left in me. I'd have to work my ass off regaining that trust and belief. I didn't blame her though. I had no right to expect anything from her.
"Of course I do."
"Even after you get what you want?"
The words stung, but I couldn't blame her for them. "This isn't about getting what I want and leaving, Ivy. I'm asking because I want to see you again. Tomorrow. Next week. As many times as you'll let me."
Some of the tension left her shoulders. "I get off around two in the morning usually."
"Okay, I'll come back here a little after two."
"You're sure? You'll be awake?"
"I'm sure." I pulled her closer, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I know you don't believe me yet. But I'm not going anywhere. Not without you this time."
She searched my face, looking for the lie. When she didn't find it, something in her expression softened.
"Okay," she said quietly. "Come back after your meeting."
"I will."
I kissed her then, properly. Thoroughly. Trying to convey everything I couldn't say out loud.
When I pulled back, her cheeks were flushed and her breathing uneven.
"You should go," she said, but her hands were still fisted in my shirt. "Before you're late."
"Yeah." I didn't move.
"Eric."
"I know." I kissed her again, quick and hard. "I'll see you tonight."
"You better."
I forced myself to step back, to grab my jacket from where I'd tossed it over her chair. At the door, I paused.
"Ivy?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you. For giving me another chance."
Her smile was small but genuine. "Don't make me regret it."
"I won't."
I left before I could talk myself into staying, before I could promise her more things I wasn't sure I could deliver. The drive to my hotel was short, and I used the time to shift gears mentally.
Ivy belonged to one part of my life. The Donatis belonged to another.
I needed to keep them separate. For now, at least. Until I was ready to try to bring her into it.
If she chose not to accept me for the truth… the thought of losing her was not one I wanted to entertain.
She needed to accept it. Because I couldn't lose her again.
In my hotel room, I showered and changed into a fresh suit, checking my appearance in the mirror. Professional. Polished.
The Donatis held the key to everything. To expansion. To territory. To a future that might actually include the woman I'd left behind four years ago.
All I had to do was convince them that an alliance with the Hale Syndicate was worth the risk.
And hope that when she learned the full truth of what I was, Ivy wouldn't hate me for it.