Chapter 46
Chapter Forty-Six
KEELEY
After relenting on me staying at my place instead of his, Sal helps me up to my apartment when I’m discharged a couple of days later, a bag in his hand as proof he’s following through with his insistence on staying with me until I feel better. As the doctor ordered.
If I wasn’t so pissed off at being told I have to stay home for the next two weeks, I’d probably consider overexaggerating my pain so he stays longer, but I need to play it down if I want to get back to work anytime soon.
I smile as I crutch my way inside, ignoring the ache caused by the blood rushing to my foot.
“I know what you’re thinking.” Sal gives me a side-eye as he walks around me, making his way into the kitchen. “You can hide your pain as much as you want. It doesn’t change anything.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You don’t even realize you winced just now, do you?”
“Goddammit.”
“Come here.” He holds his arms out as I slowly move toward him, smiling when he meets me halfway.
Actually, more like four-fifths of the way since he’s that much faster than I am.
He puts his phone and keys down on the counter before taking my crutches from my hand and resting them against the wall, pulling me into a hug, supporting my weight as he holds me.
We stay like that for a minute before he pulls back, his gaze bouncing between my eyes. I’m about to ask him what’s going on when he maneuvers me around until I’m balanced against the wall, and cups my cheek with one hand, his other still holding my weight.
“I should have done this in the hospital.” He presses his mouth to mine, his touch like a whisper, eliciting a soft mewl from within me. He groans in response, deepening the kiss, and I quiver at the feel of him, bringing me back to the last time he kissed me, with the promise of what was to come.
After devouring my mouth, he drops his head to my shoulder before peppering my neck with slow, shivery kisses. And just when I think it’s going to lead to more, he pulls away. All too soon.
“Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.”
“No apology needed. I’m up for more of that.” I shift slightly and cringe when my cast hits the floor.
Sal lifts me higher, the lust gone from his eyes, now replaced with concern. “Maybe later.”
“Ugh. What else am I going to do?”
“I know I’m the last person that should be allowed to say this, but it’s only a week off of work. After that, they said you can work from home providing you keep your feet elevated. You can get through this. It’s a nanna week instead of a nanna night.”
“You’d think that would sound appealing…” I trail off as I pout, thinking about how much I have to do between now and the beginning of the season. I’m going to miss the first game, the opening night function…
“I’m not sure if this is going to be helpful, or if I just signed my own death certificate, but I asked Wes to find someone to… Ahh, how do I word it?”
“You had me replaced?” I push him backward and grab the wall behind me for support.
“I definitely didn’t have you replaced.” Sal chuckles. “We’re getting someone in to help in your absence, so you don’t return with more work than you can handle.”
“I can handle anything you throw at me, thank you very much.”
“I know you can. This is a good thing, Keeley.”
“Doesn’t feel that way.”
Sal smiles, and I wish it didn’t give me a buzz when I want to be pissed off.
“Has anyone ever told you that you’re cute when you’re angry?” he asks, bopping me on the nose.
“No. I don’t want to be cute. I want to be better.”
“I know. Come on. Let’s get you off your feet so we can get that recovery moving.”
With a nod, I hold out my hand to take the crutches, but Sal surprises me by scooping me into his arms and carrying me over to the couch. He positions me lengthways and props my foot up on some pillows, his eyes on my face to gauge my reaction.
“How’s that?”
“Good. But where are you going to sit? I can’t see you if you sit on the armchair.”
“Easy fix.” He lifts the coffee table out of the way and moves my armchair in front of the couch, close to my head. “See?”
“Guess we won’t be watching a movie.” I gesture to the TV behind him.
Sal shakes his head, his beautiful dark eyes fixated on my lips until he snaps himself out of it.
“We can figure that out later. First, we’re going to talk.”
I visibly wince, not even bothering to hide it. I knew that was coming, and I’m still not ready. “I said a lot the other day.”
“You did. And I’m grateful for that. Now it’s time to talk about us. The future, not the past.”
And that’s what I’m nervous about. “Where do you want to start?”
“I have no idea. But before we do, I want you to know that I’m only pushing for this because I want a future with you. I want to do this right. I want us both to begin this relationship with our eyes wide open. And that’s where it gets hard.”
“I want the same, Sal. I do. The problem is, I’m actually more guarded than I ever realized.
My darling mother pointed it out. I don’t want to be that way with you, only I can’t help it.
It’s ingrained in me. A protective measure to look after my heart.
” My heart pounds at the thought, and I wish I could tuck my knees up to my chest to protect myself now.
“Do you need protection from me?” Sal asks, his voice gravelly, his eyes locked on mine.
“No. Never. Only it seems to be my default setting.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. Why would I ever need protection from you? You’re the most genuine person I’ve ever met.”
“Thanks, but I don’t mean me personally. I mean us. Maybe you’re subconsciously protecting yourself against getting hurt by the things you’ll miss out on in the future. Because of who I am.”
“What?” I shake my head aggressively until his meaning sinks in. “Fucking Easton.”
Sal laughs. “He told you we spoke then?”
“He did. And he shouldn’t have done that.”
“He raised valid questions, Keels.”
My pulse spikes as my frustrations rise, until it hits me that I might have it all backward. “Do you want marriage and kids?”
Sal’s shoulders drop as his eyes soften with sadness.
“At this stage in my life, I don’t. I can’t.
It’s not a reflection on you at all; it’s just not something I want to go through again.
I’m not saying never, for the marriage at least, because I didn’t think I’d ever want another relationship either.
Especially not one with someone closer to my daughter’s age than mine.
Only, I don’t think I’ll change my mind again.
As for kids. I… ahh.” He scratches the back of his neck, clearly uncomfortable.
“I’ve had a vasectomy. I know they can be reversed, but I’m already a grandfather and…
” He trails off with an incredulous laugh.
“I’m painting a lovely picture of myself, aren’t I? ”
It’s probably the nerves mixed with relief, but a laugh bursts out of me. He doesn’t want marriage or kids. It’s not just me.
“I don’t want either of those things, Sal,” I finally admit, making him frown.
“You don’t know that. You’re focused on work right now and?—”
“I’m going to stop you before you say something that forces me to throw something at your balls.
The gentleman I know and love would never try to tell me how I feel and…
” Jesus. I subtly clutch at my chest. Why did my heart jump when I said love?
Do I love him? I know I’m falling, but am I already there? We haven’t even had sex yet.
“Keeley.” Sal stands up and drags his chair forward before sitting back down and reaching for my hand, seemingly oblivious to my minor freak-out. His touch sets me on fire, and I almost flinch away from the burn.
“You know I didn’t mean to speak for you,” he begins, and I squeeze his hand to stop him again, because I do know that. He’s looking out for me. Only he doesn’t have all the facts.
“I’m not saying I won’t change my mind about getting married either, because like you, I don’t know what the future will bring. But I can say with absolute certainty that I don’t want kids.”
“How? You said so yourself—you’re a mother.”
“A mother type. A protective hen. A carer of lost souls. There’s a big difference. The people I mother go home at night. They’re not dependent on me.”
“That’s debatable at times.” Sal smirks and a laugh bubbles out of me.
“You’re not wrong. Especially with some of the rookies. What I mean to say is that I don’t want kids of my own.”
My body heats, making my hands clammy. My mind takes me back to when I was twenty-four, and try as I might, I can’t stop the emotion welling in my chest. I was able to tell Easton and Paige with a clear head. Now I want to cry?
“Fuck, Keeley. What happened?”
“How do you know something happened?” I laugh softly, hoping it will help ease the pain.
“I can see it in your eyes.”
I nod as I find the right words. It was much easier to yell it in anger at dinner the other night than it is to speak the truth now. But with Sal looking at me with his penetrating gaze, his eyes holding so much warmth, I know that I’m safe.
“I got pregnant when I was twenty-four. The asshole dad abandoned me the second he found out. But it wouldn’t have mattered.
With or without a loving partner, I knew I didn’t want to be a mom.
And I hated myself for it. I cried nonstop for almost a week.
Then I threw myself into work and started looking into adoption agencies.
” A lump catches in my throat, and I swallow it down as tears fill the backs of my eyes.
Sal jumps up from his chair and lifts me again, this time pulling me onto his lap while keeping my ankle on the pillows.
“You don’t have to talk about it anymore, Keeley. I’m sorry I pushed you. I’m sorry I didn’t believe you when you said you didn’t want kids. I?—”