Chapter Thirty-Two
Sailor
It’s two days before Jaxon gets home, though it’s felt like a month. I shouldn’t be so excited about watching him without him knowing—but I am. And I guess I get why he was so into the stuff he did. It’s thrilling in a way nothing else is.
Jaxon looks annoyed when he steps into his apartment, grunting something I can’t hear.
He pulls his shirt over his head as he walks into his bedroom, tossing it into the hamper in the corner.
He toes off his shoes, kicking them into the closet all while still muttering.
I catch a word here and there, but he’s talking too quickly and quietly.
I click the volume button to ensure it’s all the way up, but all I’m getting are things like.
Irish. Cunt. Boyfriend. And was that mafia?
I’m distracted when he works at the button and zipper on his jeans, then shoves them down.
I suck in a sharp breath as I stare at the screen, taking in his body.
The muscles, the tone, the outline of his dick…
Even soft, it’s impressive. He drops his boxers next, adjusting his balls before heading out of his room and into the bathroom.
I click on that camera, enlarging it so it fills my screen.
Jaxon reaches into the shower to turn the faucet.
He goes to the mirror, looking at himself with his hands pressed to the porcelain sink.
Something is going on with him. This isn’t normal…
or maybe it is. I’ve never seen him in his place before, alone.
I swipe up, making the video picture a smaller screen in the corner so I can pull up Solar Surge. I send a text to Shadow. The moment it goes through, I realize two things.
One: This is going to be the moment that solidifies my suspicion—that proves to me that he’s Shadow. As much as I think he is from the video, there wasn’t a clear view of his face.
Two: He left his phone in the other room, so it’ll probably be awhile before I figure it out.
Only his head turns toward the door, like something caught his attention. He leaves the room. I quickly click on the video again, then go to the others and follow him through the house. He digs his phone out of his jeans, and a small smile comes to his face when he sees the notification.
I do the screenshot picture again and see the bubbles on my phone as he types on his.
LMCYTTWACYAGG: About to hop in the shower. You?
Golden_Phoenix: Getting ready for bed.
LMCYTTWACYAGG: Let me see
I put my phone down to take my shirt off, then pull the sheet up higher to cover my boobs. I put the phone up high, aiming down to take a picture. I snap a few, go through them, and send the one I like best.
“Fuck,” comes from the video, and I make it big again, just in time to see his dick growing.
A notification pops up from Solar Surge, but I swipe it away, my eyes glued to the screen and the way Jaxon’s hand is now gripping his dick and stroking.
He’s still staring at the phone screen, waiting for me to answer, but I’m too mesmerized by what I’m looking at.
I get it now… I understand why watching is so addicting. I could do this all day.
His head drops back as his hand holding the phone falls to his side. Something on his face looks almost… sad. After a few deep breaths, he goes back to the bathroom, putting his phone on the sink and getting in. I can’t watch him in the shower, the curtain is in the way, but I wait until he’s done.
The shower curtain is pulled back, and there he stands dripping with water, sexy as all hell.
I should tell him.
I should tell him that I know who he is, that I want him back, that he should come here right now.
Tears sting my eyes, blurring my vision.
I miss him so much, and I just want him back, but…
something has kept him from reaching out to me, so I’m not ready to go to him yet.
I’m not ready to open myself to him again, especially after what happened last time.
Maybe the answer would be for us to talk about it, but what if he lies?
He’s capable of it. I know that. It’s all so messy, and I wish it were simple, but it’s just not.
I need more time.
Jaxon checks his phone again, shakes his head when he realizes I haven’t answered. A disappointed look crosses his face, and I close out of the feed, suddenly feeling weird for this. Guilty. Maybe he would think it’s romantic, but he didn’t agree to this. I, at least, consented to what we did.
Okay, well, not entirely true. I agreed at first, but I didn’t agree to the cameras in Sam’s house—or Jaxon pretending to be someone else and breaking into Sam’s house.
Only… I did consent to that because I told Shadow I wanted it… but I thought he was someone else. Right?
No, I didn’t know who he was, and that’s what I liked about it. It’s confusing, but I did consent. It’s not my fault I didn’t know who he really was. That’s what I get for inviting a stranger into my bed.
All I know is that deep down, in my messed up heart, buried very, very deep… I find all of what Jaxon did, romantic. And I miss him.
My phone falls to my chest and I sink down further into my bed.
I pick my phone back up and pull up Jaxon’s contact. I type out a message. Just one sentence. One of us has to be the bigger person, and if the route I’m going is staying steady, I’m going to be miserable in no time. I need to talk to him, I need to know… because then I can make my next move.
Me: Have you ever lied to me?
I have no idea what his response will be, if he responds at all.
My fingers itch to pull the cameras back up, to see if he’s staring at the notification or if he’s getting dressed—I would love to see him getting dressed.
But I don’t do that… I keep staring at my phone, my heart beating a little harder and my breath coming out a little sharper as I wait for his response to come in.
He could tell me to fuck off, though that’s unlikely.
He could not answer the question at all.
He could straight up lie to me.
There are so many options.
The response that comes in is quick. It’s simple. It… feels like the truth, which hurts in a different way.
Jaxon: Never.