Chapter 34
Chapter Thirty-Four
Jaxon
My week goes by in a blur of Irish accents, blood, and broken bones.
I didn’t realize how fun hurting people was.
Yes, I got a shit ton of satisfaction out of shoving Mindy off the cliff, but that wasn’t very violent. It wasn’t done with my bare hands. I didn’t get to feel her life end.
I also didn’t get to enjoy it the way I am now, because of everything that happened with Sailor.
All I felt was guilt and disappointment.
I don’t regret what I did to Mindy; I’d do it again in a heartbeat. I don’t regret killing all the people I’ve killed now to get to my mother—who is a hard woman to get to, it seems.
Because it’s all for her. For Sailor. My little dove. And I would do anything for her… still.
The fact that she still thinks about me?
Well, it’s hard to express how that makes me feel.
Like a kid on Christmas morning finding giant boxes under the tree and candy popping out of an over-stuffed stocking.
Mixed with the high I’m running on over this murder spree Fionn and I have been on, life is good.
It’s so fucking good. Only it would be better if I had her by my side.
And maybe I will because she texted me.
She fucking texted me.
It was such a random text, but it was something. It’s been months—months—since she’s texted me as me and not Shadow. Though, she’s done that too. Now, I feel even more guilty. If I’ve had a chance with her this whole time as Jaxon, then I’m an asshole for tricking her.
I could tell her no from Shadow, but one text doesn’t mean we’re getting back together.
So what’s the right answer?
Morally… I know what it is, but that isn’t a word I use to describe myself.
It’s late now, and she’s fast asleep in her bed. My text won’t get read until the morning, but that’s fine. At least she’ll see it.
Just one more time as Shadow. That’s it.
She came to me, out and open, as Jaxon. She reached out. That gives me an opening I can use to get back with her. I don’t need Shadow anymore. At least, I shouldn’t. I’ll know for sure after this last time together.
LMCYTTWACYAGG: I’m sorry I’ve been so busy
LMCYTTWACYAGG: That sounds amazing
LMCYTTWACYAGG: Send me the details and I’ll be there.
Even though I see her asleep on my laptop, I stare at my phone screen hoping for an answer.
I’m not sure how long passes before I shut off my phone and plug it in.
The sun will be up soon, and I should get some sleep before Fionn comes knocking on my door again.
Every day he shows up with more information and a new plan, a new way of getting to my mother.
We haven’t yet, but he’s never far off. Everywhere we go, she was just there.
I don’t know how he’s getting this info, or from who, and he won’t tell me.
But when he shows up, I go with him because he’s the only lifeline I have.
I don’t know if I’m fucking myself more, getting myself involved in something much bigger than I can handle, but what else do I have?
Nothing.
Not a single fucking thing.
A mother who would kill me without a second thought.
A father who puts his own fears in front of my well-being.
A girl who… wants nothing to do with me, who is scared of me.
Why do I deserve this?
I roll over, getting comfortable and shoving my face into the pillow. Now isn’t the time to get emotional and sappy. I’ve known my whole life I was dealt a shit hand, and I’ve never had a problem with it… and that won’t change now.
So I close my eyes and fall asleep, but I barely get any sleep at all. Because before I know it, there’s banging on my door that can only belong to one person.
“It’s been a long fucking day,” I groan, resting my head against the headrest. “Are you sure about this?”
“I haven’t been wrong yet.”
“Uh, but you have. Or else she’d be dead by now.”
He scoffs, waving me off. “This is it. She’s in the building. There’s a meeting going on, and I’m certain of it. We got here in time.”
“And how many others are in there? Feels like a deathtrap.”
Fionn grins. “That’s why we have backup.”
I glance around the empty road, seeing nothing but empty parked cars.
“Where the fuck do you see back up?”
“Just trust me.”
That’s getting harder to do by the day.
Maybe it’s just because I’m tired.
I slept no more than three hours and spent the day tagging along with Fionn like a fucking puppy.
Stopping into this business and that business to collect money.
Going out to lunch like it was a fucking date.
Stopping at houses for him to run in and not tell me what the fuck he’s doing.
It’s like a ride-along but with a mafia guy instead of a cop.
Maybe I should have tried this before I decided to get this deep into it…
Fionn’s phone lights up with a notification. He pulls it from the holder on the dash.
“Time to go.”
He doesn’t wait even a second for me to follow, just gets out of the car and hurries across the street. I scramble after him, and from the corner of my eyes, I see others coming in from all sides.
I’ve already got a knife in my boot, a gun on my waist, and plenty of ammo in my pockets. Still, I’m not sure I’m prepared for what the fuck we’re walking into.