Chapter 44
Chapter Forty-Four
Sailor
Jaxon lies still on top of me, his breathing heavy and loud. His lips are a millimeter from mine, and it’s taking everything in me not to lean up and kiss him again. I want to so badly, but I’m not sure if I made a mistake.
In my head, this played out perfectly. It’s exactly what we both want, isn’t it?
Yet now, as we lie here in this abandoned building, sated and dirty and tired, I can’t help but wonder if I’ve ruined it all.
I don’t know what I was expecting. I hadn’t thought past telling him I knew who he was.
Did we then run away into the sunset together? Holding hands and skipping like all is right in the world?
Did we walk out of here together, holding hands and smiling at each other?
That’s not us. That’s not what we do. It never has been, and it won’t be. I’m fine with that, but… where do we go from here?
I hadn’t anticipated Jaxon taking this badly. I was excited, and I thought he would be excited too. Yet… this doesn’t feel right.
The storm outside starts to ease, and I’ve caught my breath, but Jaxon is still breathing heavily—hyperventilating, maybe.
“What did you say?” he breathes out.
I grip the end of his ski mask and carefully pull it over his head. I run my fingers along his cheek, brush my thumb over his lips, wishing I could see him through the dark.
“I know it’s you,” I say softly, still running my fingers along his cheek. The restraints are digging into my wrists, and the more I pull on them to touch him, the more it hurts.
“How…”
“Can you take these off?” I ask. He doesn’t move. “And maybe we should talk about this somewhere else.”
Still, he doesn’t move. I don’t know how to take this, I don’t know what he’s thinking.
“Jaxon,” I whisper. “I—”
“Fuck,” he growls, his voice full of pain and hurt. His body starts to shake, his forehead coming down against mine. His breaths are shaky, and I can tell he’s trying to keep it together.
“It’s okay,” I whisper. “I’m okay with it. It’s okay.”
His breathing gets heavier and more ragged, his body still shaking.
I do the only thing I can think of. I grab his face and bring his lips to mine. I feel the wetness of his lips before I taste the saltiness of the tears, and it chokes me up.
I don’t know why this is so emotional for him. I don’t know why he’s so upset about it, but I’m going to find out.
The kiss turns frantic, like he can’t get enough of me. I try to pull away, but I have nowhere to go.
“Jaxon,” I say, pleading. “Jaxon, pl—”
He nips at my lip, his tongue exploring my mouth. Whimpers and groans fill the room, and I’m not sure he’s hearing anything I’m saying.
“Jaxon,” I say a little harsher. “Let me out of these.”
With a growl, he pushes up, grabs onto the ropes right after my wrist and tugs so hard something on the desk breaks and lands on the floor.
But I’m free.
Before I can say a word, his mouth is back on mine and he’s lifting me up, pulling me to him. It feels like he needs me to live, like if he stops or slows, he’ll die.
I let him take what he needs.
He tears his mouth away from mine before dropping to the floor and going back to my pussy. I cry out, my hands digging through his hair. I don’t know how it happens, but he makes me come again, and I’m pretty sure this time it turned all my bones to noodles.
“Sailor,” he says frantically, his mouth coming back to mine. “Sailor, Sailor, Sailor…” He repeats my name over and over like a chant or a prayer between kissing me—my lips, my neck, my jaw, everywhere he can reach. I have to taste like absolute shit, but he doesn’t seem to care.
“Sailor, fuck!”
He jerks away, and I blink through the dark, trying to see where he is, but there’s nothing there.
“Jaxon,” I whisper, but all I’m met with in return are soft whimpers.
I hop off the desk, fix my pants, and reach forward. My hand lands on his trembling chest, and I slide it down to take his hand. I use it to guide me toward him, and I walk forward until my arms are around his waist and my cheek is resting on his chest.
“It’s okay,” I tell him softly. “Everything is okay.
His arms come around me, squeezing me tightly as his body continues to shake. It’s a long time before we pull apart.
The storm has gone, and it’s deep into the night, a calmness to the world around us now.
The clouds are gone, leaving a clear sky and a bright moon in its wake.
Jaxon found us chairs and set them up by the window that looks down over my car.
We’ve been sitting in silence for a while.
I keep sneaking glances at him, but he doesn’t seem to know I’m here.
His elbows rest on his knees, hands clasped together, head hung low. Every now and then, he’ll shake it, as if he’s just thought of something ridiculous, but neither of us has spoken a word.
I want to, I’m just not sure what to say. Still, I should try. Someone has to, or we will get nowhere. I knew all of this coming in, that we would have to talk to one another, and I knew I may have to be the one to do it.
“Are you going to talk to me?” I ask.
He raises his head slowly, but doesn’t straighten his back, to look at me. He looks devastated. Such a wreck. I never thought I’d see him like this.
Blinking slowly, he searches my face. For what? I don’t know. But I sit there and let him, because obviously he needs this.
Finally, he says, “How long have you known?”
“Not long. Couple months.”
“How did you find out?”
“Does it matter?” He holds my stare. “It’s not that I don’t want to tell you, it’s just a long and involved story. It’s going to lead into a much bigger discussion, that honestly, I don’t want to have here.” I look around the room.
“Are you mad?” he asks then.
“No. Are you?”
“No,” he says, giving a slight shake of his head. He frowns, and I want to jump into his arms and hug him. He looks like a sad, lost little boy. “I’m relieved, honestly.”
“Why did you do it?” I ask.
“Does it matter?” He smirks, and I can’t help but smile.
I’m grateful for the lightened mood. It was getting heavy.
“Can I make a suggestion?” I say cautiously.
“Of course.”
I lick my lips, shifting in my seat. I won’t say that it’s awkward between Jaxon and I right now, because it isn’t, but everything is so…
fragile. Vulnerable. Confusing. I don’t know where we stand, and this is a huge thing for us.
Everything coming out. The emotions. The vulnerabilities.
It’s a lot. We’ve never done this before, and I’m not sure either of us knows how to navigate it with each other.
“I think we should go home. Sleep. Eat. Pick this back up in the morning.”
His frown deepens. “You want to leave me already?” It’s almost a growl.
I can’t help but smile. I get to my feet and walk toward him, holding out my hand. “I meant together.”
He stares at my hand like he doesn’t know what it is, before he finally takes it and gets to his feet. He yanks me to him, pulling me into a hug and kissing the top of my head.
“I have so much I want to tell you, so much to say.” He kisses me again. “I missed you. I want to tell you everything. And we will never be apart again.”
With that, we go to my car, and I drive us to my house.