Chapter 6 #2
“You don’t want to mess it up,” I finish for him, his sudden seriousness making me answer honestly. “I think you’ve been selfless and have jumped headfirst into everything with your chin held high.”
He sits forward, splaying his hands out in front of him.
“But I have no idea what I’m doing. I downloaded parenting books last night and I’ve never been so overwhelmed in my life.
” He blows out a breath before hanging his head, running a frustrated hand through his dark black strands.
“I mean, what the fuck? There are debates over everything…everything! Processed food versus whole food. Screen time versus no screen time. Standard schooling versus homeschooling. There is quite literally a decision every single step of the way and each side throws out such valid concerns and points I’m always left in the middle like I’m watching a fucking tennis match. ”
My hands itch at my sides to comfort him. “My cousin had the exact same meltdown you’re having right now.”
“Really?” he asks dubiously.
“Yep,” I say popping the p, thinking back to that day in her house.
“My mom, my aunt, and I had to confiscate her laptop and pregnancy books for nearly three weeks because she went down such a research rabbit hole. I’m telling you, Kieran, everything you’re feeling right now is extremely valid and normal. ”
A thought comes to mind and before I can stop myself, I’m whipping out my phone and sending off a text. “You know what, you need someone who’s been a mother before to answer your questions.”
Kieran’s phone buzzes beside him. His eyes flick to mine with surprise before something akin to heat replaces it.
“Did Layla Carson just…send me a text?” He throws himself down on the ground, punching the air. “My life has been fucking made!”
I playfully whack his shoulder. “Oh, shut up. I texted you my mom’s number.”
“I’m flattered, but I’m already head over heels for her daughter.”
I shake my head, though I can’t stop a smile from blooming. “You’re such a flirt. I told her about your situation, and she would be more than happy to answer any and all of your questions.”
His brows furrow. “Really?”
“Of course.”
“That’s very kind of you both.”
“She’s just happy I have a job and honestly, I’m surprised she’s not here right now. It took a lot of convincing to make her stay home and not go full-blown Momma Bear Carson on you and Emmy.”
I laugh to myself, but stop when I realize I’m the only one giggling. Kieran is still locked on our text thread.
“Kieran?”
“Why would she want to help me?” he quietly asks.
The utter confusion in his voice freezes me. “Why wouldn’t she?”
His tongue darts out to lick his lips. “Besides Grayson’s mom, I’ve never had a mother figure in my life, and the only reason she isn’t here right now is because they’re away on vacation.”
My heart tumbles.
The more I learn about Kieran, the more I realize how very different our childhoods were. My stomach flips and my hands itch to touch him, pleading with me to lean forward and comfort him, but what could I ever say to soothe the ache of him knowing no one wanted to love him growing up?
I hate everyone who ever made him feel that way.
I have to clear a lump of emotion in my throat to say, “Well, if you want it, my mom would love to help.”
He blows out a shaky breath. “I’ll take all the help I can get.
I’m not going to turn it away, not when it comes to Emmy.
Which brings me to you. We should talk about what I need from you, along with your salary.
” He rubs the nape of his neck. “I’ll have my agent draw up a contract.
I just…I haven’t told anyone else and there’s still the house to do—”
“Don’t even worry about it. Let’s just focus on one thing at a time. First step is getting the house done.”
“And figuring out what type of parent I want to be,” he all but growls, his frustration bubbling to the surface.
Worrying my lower lip, I tread with caution, not wanting to overstep. “I don’t want this to come across like I’m throwing another idea at you…”
His gaze sears me to the spot. “I’m always open to hearing your thoughts.”
“Why don’t you just be yourself? Emmy has had enough serious situations for someone so young, and by the way she’s playing with Bambi, maybe that’s all she needs right now.”
“A dog?”
“Fun,” I correct. “She needs fun. She needs to feel like a kid.”
He muses over my words. “But I can’t just be a fun parent all the time. All the parenting blogs I read last night said how important stability and a firm parenting style are. They said you can’t be too much of a friend, otherwise they won’t respect you.”
I weigh my head from side to side. “Everything needs balance, Kieran. I think you’ll learn that as you go.
Moments of fun, moments of tantrums and sadness, but right now, Emmy needs lightness.
” I nudge him with my shoulder. “Also don’t forget that all those parents writing the blogs are first-time parents, too.
Nobody knows all the answers and every child is so different you can’t be too rigid in your approach because what’s right for one might not fit another. ”
Kieran stares at me so deeply I can’t help but feel self-conscious. As the silence stretches, I wipe at my cheeks, murmuring, “What? Do I have something on my face?”
“No, I’m just…you always amaze me. Whenever I think I have you figured out, you go and surprise me again.”
“I can’t tell if that’s a compliment or not.”
His lip twitches. “It’s very much a compliment. I can usually read everyone.” He pauses. “You’re very wise for someone our age.”
“First of all, you’re older than me.”
He snorts. “By three years, but if an age gap is your type of kink I’m happy to get a fake ID.”
I fear that by the end of this job my eyes will be stuck in the back of my head by how often I roll them around Kieran. “You’re shameless, Ashford.”
“Only with you.” He nudges my leg with his knee, the ghost of his touch heating my skin, the warmth traveling up my body.
Do not blush over a knee brush, Layla. I repeat, do not blush over a goddamn brush of his knee.
I blush.
“And the second thing?” he prompts.
Clearing my throat and my mind, I go on. “Having an illness ages you, especially one that robbed you of your childhood.”
Kieran’s quiet for a moment before he whispers, “Seems like Emmy isn’t the only one who deserves some fun.”
I smile at that. “Can I tell you a secret?”
“I’ll be your vault.”
I’m not sure why I want to confess this to him. I haven’t even told Bella about it, but I suddenly find myself saying, “I made a life list.”
Kieran sits up straighter, dramatically gasping. “Layla! How scandalous of you!”
I slap his chest again, but note this time how my hand tingles and his chest rises on a sharp inhale at the quick contact.
I quickly avert my gaze. “Don’t make fun of me.
I read a lot and as much as I love it, I’ve recently realized that I was reading that much while I was sick because I could live vicariously through the books.
But now that I can do things without my body failing me… ”
“You want to experience life outside of books.” All pretenses of humor have faded away.
I nod. “Hence the life list. I’ve written down moments from books that I want to experience.”
“Why is it a secret? I think a life list is an amazing idea. You deserve to live, Layla.”
My cheeks flush, no doubt matching the shade of my hair. “Because some of the things on the list are…embarrassing, to say the least.”
“How come?”
I shrug self-consciously. “I’ve not experienced as much as the average twenty-five-year-old. I was constantly in and out of the hospital growing up, so I missed out on a lot of firsts in my life. Many of them are things most people do as teenagers.”
“Can I see the list?”
My eyes are wide as I bark out a laugh. “God no. I don’t need anyone seeing how much I haven’t experienced. That’s humiliating.”
“There’s nothing humiliating about your situation, Layla. You were sick.” He sits up straighter. “Come on, tell me at least one thing.”
Biting my lip, I shake my head.
And then Kieran goddamn Ashford softens his face, giving me that megawatt smile. “Come on, sunshine, just one.”
“It’s dumb,” I blurt.
“I’m sure it’s not.”
I wave my hand in the air. “It’s just stupid stuff like forts and water fights and—”
“Done.”
Kieran stands suddenly, cupping his hand around his mouth as he calls out, “Hey, Emmy! Have you ever had a water fight?”
She careens to a stop, wobbling on her feet. That guarded look reenters her gaze and I can feel Kieran stiffen beside me, just before she moves her head slightly back and forth. No.
Kieran spins, holding his hand out to mine. “Looks like you both are ticking off some firsts.”
Licking my suddenly dry lips, I whisper, “You’re crazy.”
“Good-looking.”
“And cocky.”
“I prefer the term confident.” He sticks out his hand even farther. “Come on, Layla, what do you say? You and Emmy against me and Bambi?”
Eyeing his hand, I can’t help but smile as I slide mine in his, feeling his rough callouses against my smooth skin. A sudden charge fills between us, a palpable energy as we touch. I try to shake it off, try to force the butterflies taking flight in my stomach to settle.
This is why I never responded to his texts.
Flirting for him is second nature and doesn’t mean anything, but for me, it awakens something inside my heart that I never thought I’d experience. It doesn’t understand that Kieran isn’t mine, nor will he ever be.
I purse my lips and concede. “Fine, I’ll play, only if it’s us girls against you. Because there’s no chance in hell you’ll be able to drag Bambi away from Emmy.”
He crosses his arms over his chest, and I order myself not to look at his straining biceps. “And what do I get if I win?” he drawls.
“We’re betting now?”
“Why not?”
My hip cocks to the side. “What do you want?”
“A date.”
“Absolutely not.”
“You asked me what I want and that’s exactly it.” Striding off down the steps, he bends to pick up Emmy as she comes running, sweat sticking her hair to her face. “What do you want if you win?”
“You skimmed over that date idea pretty quickly, Ashford.”
“Because I’m not budging.” He turns to me, Emmy on his hip. “So tell me, sunshine, what do you want?”
I pause to think. Knowing a date is on the table, I have to win. I can’t be subjected to his charm because…I’ll fall for it, and the last thing I need is some guy who never commits to more than one night with a girl to break my heart just as my life is finally taking a turn for the better.
Kieran snorts. “Don’t think too hard about it. Just blurt whatever comes to mind first.”
“Fine. Books,” I say. “I’d love you to buy me a new book.”
Kieran’s eyes come alive at my answer. “Deal,” he drawls.
He holds out his hand to shake and I’m so momentarily stunned by his promise that it takes me a second to slide my hand in his again. As we shake on our pact, Kieran’s hand lingers around mine, holding on for several beats, as if he never wants to let me go.