Chapter 25 #2
I know they mean well, truly I do because I know I was probably this annoying with Bella and Grayson but what they don’t understand is the amount of baggage I bring.
Kieran can have any woman he wants with how they throw themselves at him and he was just handed a child to look after.
The last thing the man wants to do is date a chronically ill girl who will come with a lifetime of complications, working medication or not.
He hasn’t seen the anxiety that can consume my body, the nightmares that plague me. The ones where I wake up sobbing into my pillow as I curse in fear that my body is failing me again.
My medication isn’t certain, and in turn, neither is my future.
I can’t subject him to that, Kieran deserves stability after everything he has been dealt in life.
For Christ’s sake, I was Googling this morning if bleeding gums are a side-effect of lupus. Newsflash, nearly everything is, and so I spent twenty minutes in the bathroom staring at my gums looking for abnormalities while tears rolled down my cheeks and my hands shook.
Kieran doesn’t deserve that type of chaos in his life.
No one does.
Why would he choose me over a perfectly healthy woman with no complications?
Bella’s gaze softens as she asks, “What’s this really about, Lil?”
I throw my hands up in the air as my emotions bubble to the surface.
“Why would I want to do that to someone? Why would I want to add another person to the list that I’ll eventually disappoint?
” I hold up my hand as Bella’s lips part, our age-old argument rising to the surface.
“I love you, Bella, so much, but you won’t change my mind on this.
My illness has not only changed my life but my parents’, too.
I’ve watched their world turn on its axis to help me and Kieran needs to focus on Emmy.
He doesn’t need another burden in his life. ”
Cindy and Bella exchange a glance and I can tell they want to push the matter but they must see my bone-tiredness because Bella places her hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry you feel that way because you’re not a burden Lil, truly you aren’t.”
“I’ve never seen you as a burden, neither has anyone who cares about you,” Cindy adds gently.
Pursing my lips I shake my head. “You won’t change my mind.” Shaking the heaviness off us all, I quickly change the topic, lightening the mood. “You’re dying to ask questions about us, aren’t you?”
Cindy exchanges a look with Bella the pair choosing to follow my lead, they drop the depressing topic I brought up. Cindy clears her throat before smirking. “Like you wouldn’t believe. I’ve never done friends with benefits. It’s always been O’Connor.”
Bella points with her glass. “That’s adorable.”
“Not as adorable as I bet Kieran is being with Layla. Is he all soft and mushy because it’s your first time or is he commanding?”
Bella snorts as my mouth gapes open.
“What? I’m curious if he’s a big softie behind closed doors.”
A round of laughter behind me has me waving off the girls. “We’ll talk about it later, when there aren’t so many ears close by.”
Cindy’s eyes flick past my shoulder, her nose wrinkling at another obnoxious burst of laughter. I’m all for a good time but we all know when someone’s putting on a fake show.
Her gaze swings back my way. “How’s Emmy? Did she like the toys I dropped off?”
A gasp rings out beside me. “You dropped off toys and didn’t visit me?” Bella interjects.
“You were at the studio.”
“Oh, Emmy’s obsessed.” Playing with one of the coasters on the booth, I explain, “Cindy got her these little golden retriever figurines. She put them on her bedside table.”
Bella mirrors my smile. “God, she’s adorable.”
“Literally the cutest little girl.”
“Identical to Kieran.”
Cindy’s voice drops. “Has she said anything else?”
Bella chokes a little on her drink as she turns in the booth, her full attention on me. “My heart all but melted at Sunday lunch, I can’t believe sausages of all things made her talk!”
“I know, right? Kieran already ordered a sausage Jellycat.”
“How does he even know what a—” Bella stops abruptly, a knowing smile on her lips. “Allie,” she says, as way of explanation.
Cindy smacks a hand over her chest. “My uterus just exploded.”
“Oh trust me, being around him with her…” I whistle. “He wears this backwards black hat majority of the time and it’s just…”
“Gets you going.” Cindy wags her brows.
“Subtle, Cin,” Bella deadpans.
Her shoulders lift in a halfhearted shrug. “Clearly it does, look at her cheeks!”
Before Cindy can go down that rabbit hole again, I jump in. “Sadly, no more words after Sunday.”
“She’ll be running around yapping to everyone in no time.”
“I hope so,” I whisper.
I can tell it’s weighing heavily on Kieran. He’s talking to Emmy even more, giving her open-ended questions, his eyes always holding a hint of hope when he looks at her.
During the times he’s away at practice, I’m making sure I do everything the speech therapist suggested but I’ve not gotten far. She listens though, practically hangs on every word.
“We need another girls’ night at Totti’s. I want to prove I can handle their liquor. Even Asher was asking what I drank when I came home.” She snorts derisively to herself. “I swear, it put me on another planet.”
Bella and I double over with laughter at that when cheers erupt in the bar, and I know the team has arrived. Before long, Kieran is sliding in beside me, his scent invading my senses as he slides an arm over my shoulder. “Hey, sunshine.”
I’m grateful the girls are distracted as Cindy slides out to throw herself into Asher’s arms and Grayson and Bella stare at one another, Grayson looking like he wants to devour her whole.
I try to shrug Kieran’s arm off my shoulder but fail miserably, his arm not budging. He smacks his free hand against his chest in mock hurt. “No celebratory hug? I got two of the winning slapshots.”
Patting his chest, I pull back with a flat smile. “There, there, winner.” Ignoring the tingle of energy that races down my hand is as impossible as ignoring the hard muscle I’m met with.
Kieran laughs. “You really suck at feeding my ego.”
“Sorry, buddy, I do believe I was put on this earth for a purpose other than pleasing you.”
“I’d beg to differ. Just looking at you pleases me.”
Rolling my eyes as he winks at me, I try and shove him off me again. “Go fill your cup elsewhere and take your arm off me before one of your groupies over there decides to corner me in the bathroom and murder me.”
Kieran snorts as he nods his thanks at Asher, who slides a beer his way. Everyone takes a seat in the booth once more, falling into conversation with their respective pairs.
“Trust me, no one will touch you and if they do, I’ll fucking murder them.”
I study his features. “You sound serious.”
“I am.”
I deadpan. “Kieran.”
He smiles around his beer bottle. “Sunshine.”
“I’m scaring away the puck bunnies, plus no one can know about this besides friends, remember?” I frown. “I don’t want my first time to be splashed online for women to put me down.”
“Fuck, I didn’t think about that.” Kieran glances over at the bar before smiling back at me. “Good thing the bunnies are trying to hook their claws into the rookies.”
Snapping around, I find he’s right. The only ones around are the drunk guys watching highlights of tonight’s game on the TV.
“Move over, you big eejit,” Ellington declares, Valenti close on his heels.
“You suddenly Irish, Ellington?” Kieran asks.
His cheeks flush. “My cousin came to visit after a year abroad and it stuck. Now move.”
Frowning, I take in the very full booth, wondering how we’re going to fit two more people in. Suddenly, large hands are sliding around my waist and lifting me onto a very solid, very muscular lap.
Kieran’s lap, to be exact.
My eyes widen in horror, my cheeks flaming in an instant and no doubt matching not only my hair but the color of this booth, too. Grayson has done the same with Bella, but while I’m sitting here panicking, she looks like she’s in heaven.
I move to scold him, but he simply places his chin atop my shoulder, his head for once at level with mine. “Much better.”
“Are you a goldfish?”
I can feel his chest rise and fall in quick succession behind my back as he laughs quietly. “No.”
“Are you sure? Because you suddenly forgot the conversation we just had.”
“I believe it was you scolding me for touching you.”
“So you do remember.” I turn my head to the side, sucking in a sharp breath when I find Kieran’s face extremely close to mine. “Care to tell me why I’m on your lap then?”
He shrugs as he wraps his arms around my waist. “Perhaps I like being scolded.” Kieran’s lips brush across the shell of my ear and as always, I shiver.
I can feel his lips tug up. He must have felt it.
“What would you do if I told you it turns me on?”
“What? My shivering?”
“Try again.”
My brows lower, my brain running a mile a minute trying to figure out what the hell he’s talking about, but if I’m being honest, sitting on top of him is making it hard to concentrate.
Kieran helps me out, his voice a raspy drawl in my ear.
“Your sharp tongue, sunshine.” My body stiffens, my core clenching. “Turns me on more than anything in this world.”
He goes on, talking to his teammates and friends as if he didn’t just make my heart trip and stumble for him.