Chapter 47
Layla
SEXY BOYFRIEND
hello hello sexy fuckers
BELLA
ew
GRAYSON
don’t call my girlfriend sexy you weirdo
SEXY BOYFRIEND
okay fine you ugly weirdos, listen up and go take your sexting into another text thread
Emmy wants you all to come trick-or-treating with us tonight
GRAYSON
HELL YES
BELLA
YAY! I’ve got a costume for Bambi already
why don’t you all come over here beforehand? I’ll cook us dinner
SEXY BOYFRIEND
will there be muffins?
GRAYSON
for me, her boyfriend, not you, you ugly toad
SEXY BOYFRIEND
first of all, you and I both know I’m not ugly you jealous twat
and second, you can learn to share
GRAYSON
I’m not jealous
Bella thinks I’m sexy and that’s all that matters
BELLA
I made brownies
SEXY BOYFRIEND
FUCK YES
we’ll be there
GRAYSON
put some aside so he doesn’t eat them all
SEXY BOYFRIEND
you know I’ll sniff them out
LAYLA
Like the dog you are
BELLA
HAHAHAHAHA
Rolling my eyes at the apparent name change Kieran no doubt did while I was asleep, I can’t help but chuckle. We haven’t even had a conversation about what we are or labels and he’s gone ahead and decided that. We honestly should talk about it, but it seems we went about things backwards.
I don’t mind it, knowing that he wants labels. He said he loves me, and my god did that make my heart soar, but there is a part of me that wants to feel reassured that he truly wants to commit to me.
I need to hear it.
Although Kieran has certainly been showing how much he cares for me through actions. I’m almost glad he wasn’t here this morning to watch me get teary-eyed over his kindness.
Kieran amazes me, every single time.
When I saw the book I had been eyeing sitting beside me, along with his thoughtful note and delicious waffles under the stainless-steel food cover, my heart melted into a puddle.
And, surprisingly, ached with guilt, because how in the world had I ever thought that Kieran only ever saw me as a challenge?
Sending a photo of what he did to the girls, minus the note because they’re nosy enough to zoom in, they squeal right alongside me over how sweet he is. Then I proceed to spend hours reading.
I’m more than halfway through the book he bought me, curled up on his living room sofa, when the front door opens and he comes strutting through. The moment he lays eyes on me, his lips tip up into a grin.
“Fuck do you look good on my couch.”
My cheeks flush crimson at the blatant heat in his gaze. I look behind him as he kicks the door shut.
“Where’s Emmy?”
“Grayson called me demanding I bring his niece over.” His long strides quickly eat up the distance between us. “It’s just the two of us for the next couple of hours.”
My brow arches. “How lovely.”
Bending, he lays his forearms on the back of the couch and leans forward. The book in my hands drops as he welcomes me with a kiss.
A really fucking good kiss.
A kiss that sears my blood, that zaps me with electricity.
I hope that feeling never stops.
Pulling back, his eyes flutter open at the same time mine do.
“Hi,” he whispers.
“Hi.”
“I missed you.”
Swallowing thickly, I admit, “I missed you too.”
He juts his chin at the book I dropped. “Any good?”
“It’s amazing. I haven’t been able to put it down.”
“Any guesses?”
I cock my head from side to side. “I think the prince is actually the villain. Nothing’s hinted to it, but I have a feeling there’s going to be a plot twist and the betrayal is going to hurt.”
Tucking a lock of hair behind my ear, he playfully tugs my ponytail. “Can you pry yourself away from it for a little while?”
My smile immediately blooms. “What do you have in mind?”
His chuckle is dark as his eyes seem to blaze. “Fuck, you’re trouble. As much as I want a repeat of last night and trust me, there absolutely will be one, I think we should talk.”
My heart sinks to my stomach and it must show on my face.
Reaching out, Kieran brushes his fingers across my cheek, delicately, as if I’m precious. “Nothing bad, sunshine, I promise. I’ve just had to wade through a tricky conversation with Emmy. I think she’s noticing how close we are.”
I’m afraid to admit to myself how hard my heart is pounding, how much panic filled my body at the thought that Kieran was going to…I’m so silly. I was just thinking about how well he’s treating me. I don’t know why I don’t fully trust that he won’t hurt me.
Maybe because as much of a whirlwind it is to fall in love with Kieran Ashford, it’s just as terrifying to know that I’ll never feel this way about anyone else.
How funny that the thing I’ve been trying to push away is now the thing I want to cling on to for dear life and dread ever losing.
Nodding, I place my bookmark in my spot—once I find my page again after dropping it from that kiss—and follow Kieran out onto the back patio.
Instead of taking a seat on the outdoor patio furniture he bought a few weeks ago, he sits down on the stairs leading to the yard. Sitting beside him, Kieran spreads his legs until his knee touches mine, as if he always has to be touching me in some capacity.
Blowing out a breath, Kieran goes on to relay the conversation he had with Emmy in the car. I can’t help but feel equal parts honored and yet sad that Emmy is in the position to be asking for a nice mommy.
I look out over the backyard, at the life that Kieran built with his bare hands for Emmy. I can feel his eyes searing a hole into the side of my face.
“I don’t want to hide that I love you,” he says suddenly.
At the gravity of his tone, I turn to him now, finding that I’m unable to look away.
“I don’t want to hide how much I care for you from Emmy, but I’m also terrified that I’m going to fully embrace you into both of our lives and hearts, only for you to leave one day.”
Kieran lays it all bare, fear etched across his face. It sucker punchers me.
“When I said I love you, Kieran, I meant it. I cannot fathom walking away, not from you and certainly not from that little girl.”
“What if I fuck it up, though?”
I decide to lead with honesty, because Kieran deserves that much, especially when he’s holding his heart out to me.
“The only thing I’m concerned about is your commitment to me.
” At his frown, I plow forward. “I think a part of me is still scared about dragging you into the mess of my health. I, um…haven’t been that transparent about how I’ve been feeling recently. ”
Kieran’s lips twitch. “I know.”
“You know?” I ask dubiously.
“Not sure if you’ve noticed but I’m very good at reading people.”
I push his shoulder playfully. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I wanted you to come to me. I didn’t want to push you on this.”
“Well, I’ve been feeling more lethargic than I usually am.
They’ve run a lot of tests, and as per usual, no one can tell me what’s wrong.
” My bottom lip trembles. “And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared I’m seriously relapsing.
You have so much going on in your life, I don’t want to drop my problems in your lap on top of that. ”
“But I want you to, Layla. I don’t think you’re aware of how much I love you. It’s practically an obsession.”
I snort.
“I’m serious. You’re the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing on my mind before I fall asleep.
I constantly wonder about what will make you happy and how I can show you how much I care.
” As he runs his fingers through his hair, the tattoos along his forearms ripple with the muscle beneath it.
“I’ve never opened up to someone like I have to you. It terrifies me how much I love you.”
“It does?” I breathe.
“I have nightmares that you’ll wake up one day and realize I’m nothing special and leave.”
“That won’t happen,” I promise.
Swallowing thickly, he whispers, “What if it does, though? What if we show Emmy how beautiful love can be, only for it to implode in our faces down the line?”
“I don’t think that will happen.”
“You sound sure of yourself.”
“No, I’m just sure about you,” I say honestly. “You’re too stubborn to let it fail.”
Kieran’s head falls back on a deep belly laugh. It’s so contagious I have to join him. “That, sunshine, is very true.”
Reaching over, I run my fingers through his hair toward the nape of his neck, my thumb brushing along his smooth skin.
“I see you, Kieran. I see the gold in your heart, the kindness in your words, the humor in your personality, and even your strength through the struggles life handed you. I see it all, and I love every inch of it. I don’t plan to go anywhere anytime soon.
” Giving him a watery smile, I savor the love pouring from his eyes as I whisper honestly, “It would crush me to walk away from you.”
Kieran doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t have to, not as he leans forward, clasping my jaw and capturing my lips, pouring everything into it with such passion it makes my heart skip a beat.
Resting his forehead against mine he rips his lips away as he heaves, “I love you so much it’s hard to breathe sometimes.”
Smiling to myself I lean forward and place another gentle kiss against his lips. He pulls back, though he doesn’t let go of his gentle hold on my cheeks, his thumbs rubbing back and forth. “You’re making me the happiest man on earth.”
Quirking my brow, I tease, “You have to ask me first.”
Standing suddenly, Kieran steps down on the grass, his eyes dancing with mischief, and I’m unsure as to why until he drops to one knee.
Screaming, I launch myself at him, smacking my hand over his mouth as I tackle us to the floor. I knock the wind from him but he bounces back fast, laughing behind my hand.
I smack his shoulder, going to move off him as I scold, “That’s not funny!”
Kieran locks his arms around my middle, keeping me firmly on top of him as he chuckles. “Was extremely funny from where I was kneeling.”
My eyes flash. “You insufferable idiot.”
“An idiot you love.”
“An idiot all the same. That’s not what I meant and you know it.”
“I know, sunshine, but you best belief I’ll put a rock on that finger of yours.”
My cheeks heat but my tongue moves on its own. “You have to ask me to be your girlfriend first.”
His brow cocks. “Do I? We’ve done things so out of order, we can do whatever we want now.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “Kieran.”
“Layla,” he sings.
Groaning, I try to push off him, only for Kieran’s deep laughter to trickle along my skin as he quickly spins, pinning me to the floor. His smile is so radiant and dashing it steals my breath.
He dips his head, capturing my lips for far too short an amount of time before he pulls back and whispers, “Layla Carson, will you do me the honor of being my girlfriend?”
I couldn’t hold back my smile even if I tried. “Yes.” The word is barely out of mouth before Kieran is kissing me again.
An hour later, along with a few grass stains on various limbs and a christened patch of Kieran’s backyard, we’re lying on our backs, Kieran’s arm beneath my head as I follow the various tattoo designs along his skin and kissing every scar I find.
“Would you ever want to be Emmy’s mom?”
I answer straight from my heart. “It would be an honor.”
“Do you want to have kids of your own?”
I smile. “I never knew if I could have them with how sick I was, and I definitely wouldn’t have been able to take care of a child if nothing improved. I forgot about my dream to have a family a long time ago, but working with Emmy has made me want them so badly.”
“She’s special, isn’t she?” he whispers, smiling to himself.
“Very special. What about you?”
“I want to have a large family, one with a lot of light and laughter in the home.” Turning his head to me, he places a kiss on my cheek. “We should get going. Grayson and Bella are probably wondering where we are.”
As he stands, offering his hand to me, he walks me up the patio steps, his hand resting on my lower back, and I’m not sure what persuades me to do it but before he can open the back door I stop him, tipping my head up to face him.
“Please don’t break my heart.”
“Never in my wildest dreams, sunshine.” He kisses me, soft and languid, before pulling back. “I’d rather rip out my own heart than ever hurt yours.”