Chapter 52
Layla
SEXY BOYFRIEND
*coordinates*
LAYLA
should I be afraid?
SEXY BOYFRIEND
never with me sunshine
My driver side door slams shut and I step out into the middle of nowhere—no seriously, I’m in the middle of nowhere up one of the Colorado mountains.
I wish I could say I know where I am because I’ve lived in Colorado my whole life, but I spent the majority of it indoors, either in my room or in a hospital.
I never had time nor the energy to traverse through the mountains, and with the sun setting, the horizon pink like cotton candy, I know it’s a damn shame I’ve never come here before.
“Kieran?” I call out.
My medication has begun to take effect again and I’m nowhere near as lethargic as I was just a week ago, but I’m still tired. A different kind, though—this is weathered by sadness.
Suddenly, he bursts through the trees, a wide grin spreading across his face. “You found it.”
“Was hard to miss,” I say, pointing to the cardboard sign he put up that reads, Park here. “What are we doing up here?”
Holding out his hand, he intertwines our fingers, lifting mine up to his lips and placing a kiss on the back of it. “I’d rather show you.”
Biting my lip, I let him lead me down a nondescript path that’s been cut through the forest, the trees surrounding us as if welcoming us into their fold.
“How was your day?” he asks, trying to make small talk.
Kieran never makes small talk. Ever.
“Um…okay?”
“Well it’s going to get a whole lot better than just okay.”
“Is that so?”
“Oh baby, that’s a promise.”
Stepping in front of me, Kieran wipes his palms down his black jeans, his tongue darting out to wet his lips.
“Kieran Ashford…are you nervous?”
“Fuck yeah I am.”
For the first time in a week, I laugh, and not just a small chuckle—a deep belly laugh that seems to come from my soul. I’m not at all surprised that Kieran was the one to make me do it.
His eyes spark with life. “I missed that sound.”
“My laugh?”
He dips his chin. “I live for the sound of your joy.” Taking a shuddering breath, he goes on.
“I know the past week has been unbearable. I also know there’s nothing I can do to fix this for you, and I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t killing me a little inside.
This is a big adjustment for you, something that you shouldn’t have to let go of, and fuck, sunshine, if I could change that for you I would.
In a split second. I wouldn’t ask questions on what I’d have to do. ”
The back of my eyes begin to burn.
Reaching out, Kieran clasps both my hands in his. “But I would do that for you. I love you with my entire heart, and most importantly, I love you as you are.”
My lip trembles, my knees threatening to buckle.
“But you told me you wanted a big family. You told me you’ve dreamed of it and the warm and loving home you can make and I can’t give you any of that, Kieran.
” My voice cracks. “I can’t give you the thing you deserve and after the childhood you had, you deserve it.
More than deserve it, it’s owed to you.”
I try to drop his hands, try to step back, but he won’t let me. Kieran steps with me, never letting go of my hands. If anything, he’s clinging to them for dear life.
“That’s the thing, there is no family without you.
You are my family, Layla, you and Emmy. You two are the most important things in the world to me.
You are my other half, the person I want to tackle life with through the highs and lows, and if I can’t experience it with you, I don’t know if I could cope.
You are the one that brought sunshine into my life when all I had was a dark cloud hanging over my head.
” He bends slightly, making our eyes lock.
“If you go, you’ll be taking my happiness with you.
I don’t want to have you in my life to have babies, I want you because I love you. ”
He steps closer, our shoes brushing one another as he drops my hands only to cup my cheeks gently, as if I’m the most precious thing to exist. “You Layla Carson. I love you and the light you bring with you everywhere you go.”
Shaking my head, my tears fall freely. This is why I didn’t want to have this conversation. This is why I’ve been avoiding it.
“I’m not allowing you to let go of your dream for me, not one as important as a family.”
“You’re not hearing me, baby. You are my family.
” He leans forward and presses his lips against my forehead.
“There would be no family without you, and Emmy can attest to that.” Pulling back, he holds my gaze as he says sincerely, “The thing you’re forgetting to ask is how I want to have a family.
I’ve always wanted to adopt, Layla. Always.
I knew that if I found the right person, I would want to save children from the same fate I suffered.
Family has never meant blood to me. Besides Emmy, my entire family is made up of the people I’ve grown to love and have met through life. ”
The air in my lungs is stolen with every word he speaks.
“You would be okay not having any more children of your own?”
“None biologically, you mean? Of course. Whoever I adopt will be my child though, and hopefully if you love me enough, ours.” His thumbs rub back and forth on my cheeks, wiping away my tears. “I want to do this with you, Layla. No one else.”
“Are you sure?”
My heart couldn’t take it if he said all this only to change his mind. I’ve been driving myself mad, having to let go of the dream I had and Kieran’s, too. That is what devastated me the most through all of this.
Kieran deserves to create and build the life he was never given as a child, and the knowledge that I couldn’t give him that?
It crushed me, utterly devastated me. So to be standing here, listening to Kieran lay his heart on the line for me, offering the very future I thought was taken from me, makes me begin to hope again.
“Am I sure? Sunshine, I’m prepared to get on my hands and knees and beg you.”
“What if I relapse again?”
“Then I’ll take care of you.”
“You say it like it’s simple.”
“Because it is. I love you so much, Layla, I’d do anything for you. I just want to spend the rest of my life loving you. That’s my one wish.” Kieran kisses me and it’s so passionate, my head begins to spin. “Please, let me love you,” he whispers.
I don’t have to think for even a second.
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Okay.”
Kieran smiles, a lone tear rolling down his cheek. Lifting up on my tiptoes, I wipe the tear away and chuckle. “Is there a reason you brought me out into the middle of the woods to have this conversation? You weren’t going to kidnap me if I said no, were you?”
He winks. “You’ll never know, but something tells me your little dark romance mind wouldn’t have cared if I did.”
“If you did, no. Anyone else? I’d be terrified.”
“Good to know stranger danger is still instilled within you.”
Snorting to myself, I cock my hip. “But seriously, why are we out here?”
Kieran just smiles. “Why don’t you come see for yourself?”
Sliding my hand in his outstretched one, Kieran doesn’t have to walk us far for me to understand why he had me meet him halfway up a mountain.
A shocked gasp bursts from me, my hand smacking over my mouth as I gape at what he’s done.
In the middle of a clearing is a pitched tent, fairy lights strung across the clearing, along with two camping chairs positioned around a crackling fire.
Off to the side, a table is set up with various foods, including large white and pink marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate to make s’mores.
Tears spring into my eyes even though I thought I had no more tears left to cry.
My heart is feeling the whiplash of this past week, the high and low emotions, but this one is glorious.
Kieran leans forward, plucking up a book I hadn’t noticed. He holds it out to me, and I notice my hands are shaking as I take it.
It’s the copy of my favorite book, the one he annotated.
The realization hits me like a truck. “You recreated my favorite book scene.”
Kieran rubs the nape of his neck, sheepish—I repeat, sheepish! “I know he did it in the backyard for her but you deserve the beauty of the mountain. Then we can also tick something off your life list.” He searches my gaze. “I remember you said you’ve never been camping and want—”
I don’t let him finish his sentence. I throw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck. Kieran catches me, as he always seems to do. As I pepper kisses along his cheek, his laughter rings out, making my soul sing.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” I say.
“You like it?” he asks, his vulnerability on display.
I smile at him, finally at eye level as he holds me. “Like it? I love it, Ashford.”
His grin finally springs free. “Thank god, it took me hours.”
I plant one more kiss on his lips before declaring, “Let’s make s’mores!”
I’ve never made s’mores.
Kieran chuckles at my excitement as he gently puts me down, walking me toward the table of food he brought up here.
“Do we really get to stay here?”
“Of course, we’re camping overnight. I had your mom pack a bag for you.”
“Who’s watching Emmy?”
“Your mom and Allie. Allie is doing the nightshift though.”
“They’re spoiling her rotten, I take it?”
“Like you wouldn’t believe.” Kieran pulls out his phone and flashes me a photo they sent. It’s of Emmy surrounded by Barbie dolls in her room. “Enough phones though, let’s spend the night, just the two of us.” Waggling his brows, he adds, “And maybe tick off a few things on your life list.”
“We need to come out here with Emmy,” I whisper, watching the stars twinkle alongside the fairy lights. It’s two hours later, our bellies full, the moon hanging high as we sit on a log in front of the fire, a blanket wrapped around us.
“I have no idea if she’d love it or be petrified.”
Because of the dark, is what passes between us.
“If you strung up fairy lights like these I’m sure she’d love it. Maybe we could do a trip with Bella and Grayson, and they can bring Bambi.”