17. Chapter 16
Why are you holding on to a past that didn’t even make you happy?
Bradford had already texted Hope so she would be expecting him, but he still called out as he stepped through the front door. “It’s me.”
“In the kitchen,” she answered.
Hot anticipation simmered inside him at the thought of seeing her again, after being separated for only a few hours.
He wanted to resolve this distance between them, even if he had no idea how.
The only thing he was certain of was that he had to keep showing up and he couldn’t let her run when she wanted to.
Because that was her instinct: to bail when things got hard.
She looked up from her laptop when he stepped inside and gave him a tired smile.
She’d changed into pajama bottoms and a sweatshirt she’d stolen from him.
The sight of it on her made his heart stop for a moment.
He’d let her borrow it one night years ago, and when she hadn’t given it back, he hadn’t wanted to ask for it.
But she’d kept it. That had to mean something. He had to mean something to her. Right?
Somehow he kept his voice even. “Getting a lot of work done? ”
“Eh. Just noodling on a story. And I sent a PI friend of mine information on the Killeen family. He’s not associated with my paper, but a friend. I know you’ve got Berlin, but maybe he’ll find something too. Did you eat yet?” she asked, sliding off her stool.
He shook his head. “Fleur said you got me dinner.”
“I did, and I waited for you… To be fair, I did have pie at the diner to tide me over.” Her mouth curved up slightly as she went to the fridge and pulled the boxes out.
“You and pie,” he said with a laugh.
“The best food there is.”
He poured glasses of water for them as she plated their food—patty melts and French fries. His mouth watered at the sight. “I’m going to have to hit up her diner again.”
“I could live there,” she said as she slid the food into the microwave. “The place was too crowded so I didn’t get to talk to Kim. Tell me you found something good, hopefully?”
Good? Not exactly.
He quickly recapped everything, noticed the surprise in her expression as he told her about the conversation between Killeen and one of his guys.
Then he said, “It’s clear he wants to kill you and blame it on someone.
” Even saying that out loud had him grasping onto his self-control.
He knew he couldn’t just go and kill the guy—even if it was exactly what he wanted to do.
“Yeah, all that sounds super murder-y. Jesus,” she muttered. “Definitely not the first death threat I’ve gotten, but none of this makes any sense.”
He knew she’d had death threats because of the nature of her job. But it was mostly trolls on the internet who were a lot braver behind their keyboards than they were in real life. Not that it was okay. He hated the shit she had to deal with .
“He’s pissed at you, but yeah, this seems over-the-top. If we can figure out why he sent the Tanner brothers here and why his son broke in here in the first place, maybe it’ll help us figure out why he wants to kill you. Not that I’ll let anything happen to you.”
“I know you won’t.” The smile she gave him was so trusting, but he could see the worry lingering in her eyes. “Do you think we should leave now?”
“No. If I did, I’d have had Tiago pack you up and toss you in his trunk.”
She narrowed her gaze at him. “As if I would have argued about leaving when my life is in danger.”
“I’m just saying.”
Her mouth quirked up again as she shook her head. “Okay, so we stay put for now.”
“Tonight only. And full disclosure, Tiago added a few more cameras outside. There are a lot of them. Berlin has them set up so that if anything bigger than a small animal triggers them, it’ll send an alert to my phone.”
“Yeah, it kind of sounds like Patrick won’t have a good alibi until tomorrow anyway. I think I’ll pack up my stuff tonight anyway so we’re ready to go.”
Good, he’d been planning to suggest that. His things were mostly still packed, but he always traveled like that. Being ready to run at a moment’s notice was ingrained into him.
“So what are you working on?” He slid his food onto a separate plate so she could take hers to the island top.
“It’s…complicated. I mean, no more than other things I work on.
But it’s a tale as old as time. A man in power abused his position to hurt women, young women in their twenties with very little work experience, and the people on his team covered it up.
I think it’s even worse because the women who went to work for him did so because they believe in the th ings he allegedly stands for.
” She took a deep breath and he could see the frustration in her blue eyes. “I actually liked the guy too.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, he’s very charming, and the things he says that he stands for align with my personal beliefs. Unfortunately, he’s just another predator hiding behind the good things he does.”
“I’m sorry. What’s holding the story up?”
“I don’t even know if I want to write it.
I mean, I do , but I’m well aware of what the fallout could be on the women who come forward.
So I haven’t been pushing them hard to tell their stories.
I honestly don’t know if it’ll help. Young, bright-eyed, twenty-year-old me would have been indignant that someone didn’t want to tell their story. ”
“But you’ve lived in the world long enough to understand why they don’t… Anything I can do to help?”
She gave him a ghost of a smile as she picked up half her patty melt.
“Maybe I’ll come up with something. For now, three of the women I’ve talked to have actual proof, but not the heart to go public.
Or maybe not the stomach, because they know there would be consequences for them.
” She shrugged. “We’ll see what happens. ”
He loved how big her heart was, but it still hurt to watch her take on so much without taking care of herself.
They were silent as they ate, but it was a comfortable silence as they both settled in for the night. He was exhausted, but wanted to do another perimeter check even though they had cameras and a security system. With Hope’s safety, he wasn’t taking any chances.
After they’d finished, she sat back in her seat and said, “So…how exactly did you get the information on the Killeen family? More spying?”
“You really want to know the details?”
She arched an eyebrow. “You worried I’ll narc you out? ”
“No.” That was one thing he definitely wasn’t concerned about. “Fine, but you’re losing plausible deniability. A friend and I broke into their place and planted listening devices and cameras.”
She blinked once, but he couldn’t tell if it was in real surprise. “You brought one of your coworkers?” she asked carefully as she stood, taking her plate.
“That a problem?” He wasn’t sure why he was pushing, and tried to temper his tone. But something about her body language was off.
“I didn’t say that.”
He followed her to the sink with his plate, nudged her out of the way so he could load up the dishwasher. “You’re not not saying it either. What’s the deal?”
She scrubbed a hand over her face. “Nothing. This just feels like things spiraled so fast and I hate that I don’t have a clear picture. I don’t like not knowing what’s going on, especially in my own life! And now strangers are involved—”
“Not strangers.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Maybe. But we all tried to stay in touch with you,” he added, unable to keep the bite out of his tone. Apparently he wasn’t holding back, even though he told himself he should.
She turned away from him then. “I know. I know! I just…I suck, okay.”
Well, hell. “No, not okay. And I’m calling bullshit.” He tugged on her hand to keep her from walking away. It was past time they hashed this out. He wasn’t letting her run from this conversation.
To his surprise, she turned back quickly, so he used her momentum and tugged her flush against him until they were inches apart. “You don’t suck. You’re just a coward sometimes,” he growled.
Her pupils dilated as she glared up at him. “I’m not a coward! Just a realist.”
“Whatever you’ve got to tell yourself to sleep at night. You ran from me years ago. And you even ran from the others when they would have been your friends for life. You’re a runner, Hope. Might as well own it.”
She gritted her teeth as she continued to glare at him, and for a moment he thought she might lean up and kiss him.
He wasn’t strong enough to turn away from her, but he also wasn’t going to initiate anything.
Not this time. She’d been running from him, and probably her past, for years.
He couldn’t force the issue too hard and make a misstep now.
He’d pushed his luck just by confronting her. But she was worth it.
“I want to wipe that smug look off your face,” she finally managed to grit out.
“Pretty sure you want to do something else to my face.”
Her pupils dilated again, this time with something wild and heated, but she abruptly turned away from him and stalked from the kitchen in a few long strides.
Still running. The words were on the tip of his tongue, but he held back.
“I’m not running!” she tossed over her shoulder almost as an afterthought.
“Sure seems like it.”
She growled in frustration as she stomped up the stairs.
Good, he was under her skin. Was only fair, since she’d lived under his since the day they’d met.
Now every time she contemplated running, she’d think twice. And maybe she’d eventually stop running altogether.
** *
Hope sat up and punched her pillow, rolled over, then punched it again. Coward? Ugh. “Screw him,” she muttered, then immediately felt like a jerk.
But whatever, she wasn’t a coward… Except…maybe…she was. And it was like he’d seen straight into her soul years ago and never left. Which was part of the reason she’d run from him in Vegas.
“Maybe I’m a coward. But it’s a protective mechanism,” she whispered into the quiet.
And there was nothing wrong with wanting to protect herself. That was just normal human behavior. People always disappointed you. Always .
Her father. Her mother. The few boyfriends she’d had.
She should just march right down to his room and…what? Knock on his door and…maybe hook up? Right about now she felt as if she could crawl out of her skin and it was all his fault.
Maybe if they had sex again, it would help scratch the itch that had been destroying her since she’d walked out of that hotel room in Vegas. Not that she actually believed that. Not anymore. She’d had him before, and if she went down that road again…she didn’t think she could walk away. Or run .
But if she did go see him, then left his room—which she inevitably would—he’d call her a coward again… “Oh my god, you’re spiraling.” Groaning, she rolled over and shouted into her pillow.
Why was being a human so damn hard? Just why?
It was like the world had gone mad, with people trying to hurt each other all the time, mostly for no reason. And the voices of reason were just ignored. Someone was plotting to try and kill her right now for absolutely no reason that made sense.
Closing her eyes, she rolled over and stared at the ceiling.
This wasn’t about Bradford calling her a coward (well, maybe it was a little), but where her brain was lately.
She was thinking about leaving her job, one she’d been doing forever it seemed.
Her work had been part of her identity for so long.
It had been the one thing she could dive into and use to ignore her own life and problems. If she was helping tell other people’s stories, helping shed light on the wrongs of the world, then she didn’t have to deal with her own crap.
She was just up in her head about all the changes coming her way. And her dad dying without them having resolved anything. Everything was so messed up right now.
She simply needed…nothing she could put into words. Not even to herself. There was nothing simple about this situation or what she wanted.
So she closed her eyes and tried to sleep even as it pulled away from her. Tomorrow someone would be trying to kill her, apparently. She couldn’t be sure, of course, but that conversation between Edward Killeen and the guy who worked for him was beyond ominous.
And giving his son a strong alibi? Yeah, she needed to shelve all the other nonsense in her brain and just focus on staying alive.
Not worry about a future with a man she loved but could never have.