Chapter 4
CHAPTER FOUR
Jude
Ten years ago
T he moment after we were introduced and she said my name for the first time and I fell in that no stopping, no turning back aaaas youuuuu wiiiiish tumble down a mountainside like Cary Elwes in The Princess Bride , that’s when he stepped up.
She’d walked into training, one of three women in a group of fifty people, and she’d had the attention of everyone there. Her counterparts had also been under inspection, but she’d had this fire I couldn’t look away from.
Or maybe it’d been those dark brown eyes and her dark hair twisted into a tight bun at the back of her head. Full lips and delicate-looking ears and a voice that sounded like she hadn’t gotten a full night’s sleep in a while—a little husky and rough.
She hadn’t exactly smiled at me, but she’d extended a hand. “Jess Korbel.”
My hand had swallowed hers, though that wasn’t unusual for me, being larger than the average bear. “Jude Rawlins.”
And then it’d happened.
“Jude,” she’d said, like my name— my name— had charmed her.
Cue the tumble.
She’d given me a half-smile and a little nod as she’d dropped my hand, then pivoted to my right. To Kurt, she’d said, “Hi. I’m Jess.”
He’d grinned his charm-the-pants-off-a-girl smile he’d used countless times and replied, “I’m Kurt. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
Emphasis on the pleasure, like he had plans to provide her some at his earliest convenience.
And as though she was meant for me, she’d laughed right in his face. “Are you serious with that? Pleasure.” She’d rolled her eyes and walked away like she’d never been less impressed.
I’d never liked anyone more. Not that Kurt didn’t occasionally get shot down, but the man had little to no humility.
Was it wrong how I savored her response to his best effort? If so, then call me wrong.
“She can laugh now, but she’ll see.” He’d said this with a smirk on his face and the competitive gleam in his eye that made me want to take a nap .
Normally, I wouldn’t respond at all to his big talk. That was just who he was. I’d looked up to him since joining the unit a few years ago because he was a damn good soldier, but we’d known each other since childhood. He’d been my best friend growing up, and though we butted heads, we were like brothers.
Or so he said. As an only child raised by my grandparents after my mom died having me, and my dad passing soon after due to what everyone said was heartbreak, I didn’t know. But we’d looked out for each other and ended up in special operations together a few years apart, and most of the time, I was glad about it.
Until maybe right this moment.
Because I’d never cared when he talked about wanting to wear a woman down. I’d never minded if he bragged about his many “conquests” as long as he confirmed anyone involved was on the same page.
Until now.
“Might want to let that one go.” I said it quietly so no one else heard. His eyes were glued to Jess’s back—well, lower.
“Don’t think I will, brother Beast. Don’t think I will.”
She was catnip to Kurt, and apparently, Jess didn’t mind being chased—or if she minded, he eventually wore her down. Two years later, they were engaged. You’d think he’d want to lock her down, especially considering he knew how many of us were half in love with her, too. Funny how he’d been outspoken about his aversion to marriage, though I couldn’t fault him for reconsidering the stance when it came to Jess. He had to have known how special she was.
Before she said yes to a ring from him, we were friends. We had coffee and sipped beers in the team room after missions. She met my grandparents, and I could see my Omi making plans for us.
“You know, Jude, I think she’s special,” Omi said the day after I brought her to lunch. Kurt was TDY, and I’d convinced myself taking her to lunch with my grandparents was for her, to distract her from her boyfriend being gone and make sure she had a good meal.
It had been for me. Only for me.
“She is,” I agreed.
What more could I say? That she set my heart on fire with her dark eyes? That her calm under pressure, her ready energy on mission, her strategic mind… they fit together into a dream I had night after night?
“Might be a good idea to tell her you think so,” Omi suggested, her knowing eyes seeing straight through me.
I nodded, but I also knew the truth.
She was dating Kurt, and this had crossed a line. Maybe not for her, but if I told her how I felt, she’d see the reality that I’d taken my best friend’s girlfriend to meet my family because I wanted her for myself.
And damn, but I wanted her. Like I’d never wanted anyone or anything. It shredded me, this longing for any glance my way or tilt of the chin or brush with her.
It was pathetic.
So I vowed I wouldn’t do that garbage again. I was better than that, and even if I’d felt the wedge between me and Kurt easing us farther and farther apart, I wasn’t trying to make a move on Jess. God forgive me, I’d simply been drawn to her.
I’d discovered the definition of inexorable—my preoccupation with her and her footsteps away from me, into Kurt’s arms .
It was three years before they set a date—three years I put space between us so she wouldn’t know, so I couldn’t tell her, and so I wouldn’t betray my friend.
And then it blew up, and she never looked at me with that smile again.