Chapter 22
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Jess
S aint Security had enough going on that no one stopped to ask me how things had gone at Beast’s cabin. Everyone inquired about my health and Doc had double-checked I was feeling up to working, but otherwise we were all going in different directions in preparation for the film fest starting next week.
Celebrities would begin flooding Silverton in a matter of days, and the staff who tended to precede them, in a matter of hours. The resort and all local lodging were packed to the gills. Reservations at restaurants and any local events were nearly sold out. It would be a fantastic weekend for the small businesses in town, and as long as everything went well, Saint Security would be counted among them.
“Pop, you good?” Bruce asked after concluding the quick stand up we’d had to kick off the event schedule.
“Yes. All good.”
And by that, I meant mostly good because I hadn’t seen Beast and couldn’t totally tell how I’d feel when I did.
Did I hate the man still?
… No?
No. I didn’t.
Part of the issue rested in the reality that I really didn’t know how I felt other than angry. So darn angry. And yes, by now, I’d had enough interactions with the unit psychologist back at EMU, and other wise types, I knew it was my default emotion these days, but still. Talking with Dove and Elise hadn’t helped me ease up on those feelings, though I had worked through some of my brain fog and developed a list of questions the man would be held to account for.
He would not avoid telling me the truth for another five years.
He’d let it all hang out yesterday, so to speak, and now he was going to let it hang… further out. Okay, ew, not loving the metaphor, but the point stood. Beast owed me a little bit more than “I used to be in love with you sorry, not sorry, but kind of sorry,” and I probably owed him another apology.
Bruce gave me his friendly boss smile and moved on to check in with Dorian, who’d showed up for the meeting and pleasantly surprised us all. He looked strong and steady, and having Bear in the office was always a treat. Since he’d showed, he must be working at least part of the event, which meant he had to be doing even better than I’d realized. Warmth filled me as I looked at him standing tall, his beard and hair trimmed and clothes neat, and nodding softly in time with whatever Bruce and Wilder were saying.
“Hey, Pop,” Kenny said, sidling up next to me.
“Barbie.” The irony that his name was Kenneth and his nickname was Barbie was… not irony. It was the root of his nickname. Everything about him said sunshine and blond and brightness. But Kenny did a lot more than “Beach” for his job and his IQ was definitely on the high end of those in this room, which was saying something since anyone who worked as an operator was screened for IQ among many other things. Basically, we were a giant pack of super capable smarties and some of us could even hold a conversation.
Me? Depended on the day.
“Have you seen my dear friend Beast?”
My head whipped toward him. “Why would you ask me?”
For all he knew, I hadn’t seen him since I’d left his cabin. With this gossiping horde, there was no way every last one of us hadn’t heard I’d been there during the storm, but still. He didn’t need to know how Beast’s name was rattling around my head along with at least twenty questions.
Kenny shrugged a shoulder. “Oh, I don’t know. Seems like you’ve been together more often. Just asking.” He held up his hands, all innocence. “Didn’t mean anything by it.”
I glared at him. “Good to know.”
He flashed his bright grin. “Oh, look, there he is now.”
As usual, Beast’s bulk literally blotted out the doorway for a moment before he moved into the conference room. Our eyes snagged and my stomach flipped.
The feeling invading me was not hatred. It wasn’t the usual knee-jerk repulsion and fight-or-flight response begging me to spew something mean or bolt and make for my office.
Instead it was… warm.
Soft, somehow.
Confusing.
I couldn’t have been sure he actually acknowledged me, but somehow during the seconds our gazes had locked, I’d felt his greeting. Or, if not an actual hello, then a proverbial one I could almost hear.
Then he joined Stone, Bruce, and Wilder, and extended a hand to Stone and— oh.
I sucked in a breath at the sight of Jude’s wide smile as he shook Stone’s hand and pulled him into a quick hug before releasing him and saying something just quietly enough I couldn’t hear it over the din of conversation buzzing in the room.
I’d thought Jude was handsome the minute I met him, but I wasn’t the kind to get mushy for someone based on looks alone. Then Kurt came in and just… blocked him out. We were friendly until something shifted and… well, now I wondered if maybe it shifted when he caught feelings for me? Or, was it right around when I’d gotten engaged? I couldn’t recall exactly because it had been gradual but inexorable.
And all of it led to me standing here gazing at a man I’d convinced myself I hated for the last five years with decidedly non-hatey feelings.
What a mess.
“He looks good, doesn’t he?” Cookie asked, his words quiet as usual.
He was more like Tristan but not as introverted or shy. Simply less in-your-face than many of my friends, though none of them were all that bothersome. Although maybe now that I wasn’t fuming over Beast all the time, they’d be more grating?
“Stone?” I asked, since we were both watching the small circle chat and he couldn’t possibly be asking me if I thought Beast looked good. Why would he ask me that?
“Yeah. Proud of him.” And his tone and expression spoke to the sentiment. He had a soft smile on his face and a genuinely affectionate feel to his words.
“Me, too.” I didn’t know Dorian as well as some of the guys, including Cookie, but I’d witnessed some of his ups and more of his downs the last few years. I’d seen him struggle and work to get to a place where he could even leave his property. The fact that he was here was just freaking great.
Cookie excused himself, and when I looked up, Jude was coming toward me. His face was typically unreadable, but now, this countenance gave me more mysterious vibes than how I used to interpret it, which was something along the lines of assuming he was lightly fantasizing about murdering me.
But now… maybe he’d been fantasizing about something else entirely… something equally passionate but far less likely to end in literal death. I swallowed hard, the thought sending my heart to my throat as my pulse knocked up and I braced for the first words between us since his confession.
But none came.
He just stood there, and even crossed his arms.
What?
He was giving me that impatient stare, and it had to be thanks to my poor sleep and coming off of having the flu or whatever virus I’d hosted at his cabin, but every bit of frustration and anger I’d felt in the wake of his truth bomb exploded inside me.
“What do you want?”
His eyes narrowed.
“I don’t have time to pretend I can read your mind. Obviously, I’ve failed spectacularly at that for the last few years.”
“’Bout a decade, I’d say.”
The deadpan tone. Funny guy.
I gritted my teeth. “I’m sorry, but in what universe do you walk up to me with an attitude? I should be the one having an attitude!”
My voice had raised just a touch, but most people had filtered out of the room, apparently not interested in witnessing our face off.
His eyes blinked slowly—pointedly. “Aren’t you?”
A bitter laugh escaped, and I pressed my hands to my eyes, grateful I hadn’t bothered with makeup today.
“Maybe I am, Beast.” Defeat dropped over my head like water from a leaking faucet. “I don’t get it.”
Any trace of smugness vanished on his stern face. “What don’t you get?”
I exhaled, suddenly completely exhausted. “All of it. And I feel like you could explain it to me but based on whatever dynamic you’ve walked in with today, I don’t think I have much chance.”
He stared back at me, that obnoxiously big brain of his ticking away almost audibly. “Name a time and place and you can ask me whatever you want.”
My brows rose in surprise, and I scrambled through my schedule until I found the only empty window I could think of. “After the opening gala. I’m off at ten. We could meet in the bar at the resort.”
He nodded, gave me one last lingering look, then walked out.
I was watching him go when he turned. “Just make sure you’re ready to be honest, too.”
The challenge in his voice, the edge saying I bet you won’t dare tell the truth , had me readying my internal forces. I wasn’t going to cow to this man who I thought was my enemy but was maybe never actually that. I wasn’t going to let him win the honesty competition.
He could ask me anything he wanted. I , for one, had nothing to hide.