Chapter 32
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Jude
P art of me had hoped we’d get out of here before the group did, but they’d been sitting and already had their food when I’d come in.
“Well, aren’t you two just adorable. ”
Kenny’s all too pleased voice alerted me to the trouble, and I saw my own acceptance mirrored in Jess’s dark eyes.
“How was breakfast?” she asked, completely disregarding the man-child’s question.
“Delicious,” Jack McKean said. “Thanks for the recommendation.”
Wait. Dammit. Jack McKean was who she directed the question toward?
I shifted in my seat enough so I could see the rest of the group. Bruce and Eddie were talking in low tones to Cookie, and then here stood my idiot friend and the Jack McKean.
Cool .
Great.
“Couldn’t let you miss it this time. But why are you up so early?” she asked, smiling up at the world-famous actor with perfect dark hair and vibrant blue eyes that gave Adam’s a run for his money.
I mean sure, the guy was good-looking. He was paid to be. His livelihood rested on his ability to look good. And he was in a tax bracket a retired soldier-turned-private-security guy like me could only dream of.
Not that I was comparing myself because I wasn’t an idiot.
Also, I was the one sitting across from Jess.
So. There. Take that, McKean.
Though looking at him in real life with no filters, I questioned what he did to have skin so smooth and to just look so… polished. It was like looking at a filtered photo but there he was in real life, not a blemish or errant hair to be found.
Guess when being attractive was half your job, you used the good stuff.
Jack had been saying something I missed, and Jess laughed, her wide, genuine smile bringing me back to the conversation.
“Thanks. Are you with me again today?” Jack asked.
I stoutly ignored the little geyser of envy at those words. With me again like they were together and that was a thing I had any business having an opinion on. Crap, my mind was scrambled with jealousy, and if I ever let on about it, Jess would probably punch me in the eye for being an idiot. Or worse, she’d think I didn’t respect her because I thought she’d date someone she was contracted to guard. Or even worse, because me being jealous hinted at not believing she was a faithful person, and that simply wasn’t true.
I caught Kenny’s eye and he gave me a sly, irritating grin like he knew exactly where my mind had just gone. The twerp.
“Sure am. Fueling up and I’ll be with you right at eight. I was briefed to be at your room, but feel free to have the team text me and I can meet you wherever.” Jess sounded friendly and professional, much as any normal person not enflamed with jealousy would expect.
“Room’s good. I’ve got to let this settle and then get in a workout. Any chance you want to run with me?” He gave her a hopeful look.
I kept my jaw wired shut and did not look to my left where I would undoubtedly see Kenny’s beady little puppy dog eyes boring a hole into the side of my head in an effort to catch a glimpse of my reaction to this exchange. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.
“I’m up for whatever. See you soon,” she said, like it really was all fine with her.
Everyone else filtered out, Cookie giving us a chin nod and Bruce and Eddie giving us a quick hello before they were all gone, leaving us to our meal.
Jess took a big bite of her omelet and waved out the window at Kenny, who was walking backwards and waving like a child leaving his parents.
She chuckled. “He’s an idiot.”
I grumbled. She had no idea the amount of hell I was going to pay now that he’d both seen us on our little breakfast date and had a front row seat to me mentally freaking out over Jack McKean talking to her.
“You’ll never hear the end of this, will you?” she asked.
I shoved a giant bite of pancakes into my mouth to avoid a more detailed answer. I’d been very honest with her all along, but I didn’t need to describe the torment Kenny no doubt had in store for me .
She dropped her head. “Wait, does he know about…” She cleared her throat. “Does he know we kissed?”
Her cheeks had deepened into a blush I wanted to savor for a moment, maybe explore other ways to make her blush. Jess wasn’t the kind of woman who got embarrassed easily—her innate self-confidence and competence made this blush a deliciously rare sighting. I was a good man and all for taking cautious steps forward to make sure she was on the same page, but my lovesick mind didn’t manage to avoid several vivid scenes flashing through my mind that might make her cheeks brighten just like this again.
That said, I also didn’t want her thinking I’d been wandering around talking about kissing her like some bragging idiot. “Not because I told him—apparently, he saw us at the hotel. But I did talk to him after I left your house when I followed you home from the cabin.”
Understanding dawned. “Ah.”
“Yeah. So. I’ll definitely never hear the end of it.”
She seemed thoughtful, so I took another bite. We ate in quiet, only the steady stream of pop songs playing low over the speakers and the humming white noise coming from the kitchen and other diners our accompaniment.
Did she regret it? I wouldn’t have called it fretting, but the peace I’d felt with Jess in the quiet moments at the cabin was nowhere to be found. Granted, there were plenty of times the silence had been full of me freaking out about her being so sick, but it’d felt different than this. Now, I worried she might be spooked over people knowing about this new… direction? Dimension? This new something between us that included brain-melting kisses and apparently jealousy thick enough to choke on.
A twinge of disheartening anticipation twisted in my gut. I didn’t want to have to talk her into this. I couldn’t do that to her or me.
Her attention snagged on something outside and I followed her gaze, fully expecting to see Kenny making a scene of some sort. Instead, it was a group of Blackthorne guys standing in the Saint Security parking lot talking with Bruce and Wilder, who must’ve shown up in the last few minutes.
Her shoulders deflated a little as she turned back to the table. “I don’t like that he’s here. And then I don’t like that I don’t like it.”
“You think it’d be normal if you liked seeing your ex?” I asked, incredulous to hear she cared. I wished she’d left him behind and never thought about him. Maybe then, we’d be different, too.
Her head tipped from one side to the other. “Kind of. I mean, not normal to not care at all, but I wish it didn’t still feel like a punch in the gut to see him.” Her eyes flickered up to meet mine and then quickly away.
My stomach clutched, dreading the answer before I could even form the question. “Do you still…” I couldn’t say the word, though. Not after what I’d said to her, even last night, and not after everything in me waking up again thanks to her.
She raised a brow. “Love him?”
Hopefully, my wince didn’t show on my face. “Yeah.”
She took a huge breath. “Thankfully, no.” She nudged a bite of her omelet with her fork. “I just hate that he left me. Yes, that he cheated, but then he left. I should’ve left him . I shouldn’t have stuck around until the truth came out. It’s not like it was good between us. It hadn’t been for a while, but we’d both been gone and?—”
The flush in her cheeks had traveled down her neck, as though she’d just realized who she was telling and what she was saying. She never would’ve told me any of this before—certainly not when she was with him, but even weeks ago. We didn’t talk like this.
We were different. Maybe each of us as individuals, but also our dynamic together. I could be nothing but grateful and greedy for more of this change, and I’d make sure she understood how much. I’d worked on speaking more freely, and I’d done so, and I wouldn’t go back to grunting when I could find words instead, because I wanted her to know me now.
“I’ll never forgive him for how he treated you.” Seeing her pain, even so many years later, made me want to crush something.
How about Kurt’s stupid face?
She smiled softly but shook her head. “Nah. Don’t let that eat away at you. And I shouldn’t let it me, either. Not anymore. I just wish… I don’t know. I guess I wish I could be impervious to him.”
“I get it. As much as you like to pretend you’re cold as ice, I think you’re actually deeply empathetic and feeling.”
As my words settled between us, her face shifted from a thoughtful one to something mildly shocked. “Wait, so I seem like I’m frigid?”
I glanced from side to side. No one to help you now, idiot! Where was Kenny with a poorly timed interruption when I needed him? “Uh, no?”
She burst out laughing, a luscious, free sound I was instantly addicted to. “You are a terrible liar.”
“I’m not lying. I’ve never thought of you as frigid. I knew better than that.”
Our gazes held, and I wondered if she could read everything behind mine. I was in love with you, so it didn’t matter anyway. I didn’t want to fight for her to believe me right now, when we were talking about her, but she had no idea. Saying I’d thought of her as frigid would be like saying the surface of the sun was cold. She had done nothing but light me on fire from the day I’d met her. Even when I’d pushed that desire down, when I’d buried it deep, it’d still burned like the Earth’s core.
I wouldn’t deny the truth, but I didn’t want to focus there for now. Not just yet. She had so much farther to go before she could hear all that. So I pushed on. “Point is, I get wanting to just forget about him. Move on and not let him affect your life.”
She sat back in the booth, omelet nearly gone, toast in tatters, and coffee empty. “This has been such an odd first date.”
“You’re not wrong.” Though I hoped the oddness of it didn’t mean first would be only.
Catherine came to clear a few plates and soon, our first and very odd date was over.
We’d talked about grief and loss. We’d seen friends. I’d had a brief but wildly jealous interlude where I’d momentarily considered looking into better facial products. And we’d even gotten around to Kurt.
What we hadn’t discussed was what came next, and so before we stood, I rushed in.
“Are you free for dinner tonight?”
Her mouth dropped open. “Um, tonight?”
I nodded. I couldn’t have been clearer, and if she didn’t want to see me again so soon, I wasn’t going to cry about it. But I also wasn’t going to pretend I didn’t want to see her again—maybe with a smaller crowd around us, and maybe without our friend Catherine popping in to provide excellent service. Patience I had in spades, but I also didn’t have to wait anymore, did I? And our schedules were awful during the festival, so if we both had time, we should take it.
She pressed her lips to the side, then chuckled lightly. “Okay, sure. Yes. I’m free tonight after eight.”
“My place around eight-thirty?” An odd tunnel vision hit me as I said the words, the surreal feeling of inviting her to dinner at my house a moment of fantasy. And yet, my feet were on the ground, and our hands brushed as she exited while I held the door.
It was real.
Her “See you then” clinched it as we walked out into the gorgeous, chilly fall morning.
Eight-thirty. My place. Just the two of us and Bones.
I didn’t bother hiding my smile as I made my way toward the office, even if I knew Kenny was lying in wait.