Chapter 43
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
Jude
K urt being a murderous dickhead didn’t strike me as a real turn of events since he’d always struck me as a sociopath. But had I expected him to pull a gun on me in the name of some random Hollywood jerk who was hurting young women?
Somehow, I hadn’t.
In a combat situation, I’d draw, and he’d be dead in seconds. But we weren’t in combat, I wasn’t about to kill this idiot, and I didn’t want to give him any reason to shoot me or, far more importantly, Jess. My body would likely cover her and we were both wearing Kevlar, but still. Not worth the risk.
In the seconds these thoughts slipped through my mind, Jess evidently had other ideas. Before I could so much as tell Kurt to back down or assure him I wasn’t going to go for my weapon, she’d crossed the space and held her Glock to his temple.
“Shoot him and I shoot you. That easy.”
The utter steel in her voice spoke just as loudly as the muzzle of her gun at his head, but Kurt didn’t relent as easily as I might’ve expected.
“Jessie, come on. You’re not going to hurt me. And I’m not going to?—”
I dove behind the love seat right as I saw her move—she hammered both arms down on the one he held out and his gun fell. Thankfully, he hadn’t had a chance to squeeze the trigger, but I didn’t regret not waiting around to see if he would.
I popped up to the sound of scuffling and just in time to see Jess knee him hard in the groin, then shove him to the ground and wrench an arm behind his back, his face buried in the carpet, her booted foot pressing hard on the back of his neck, keeping him immobilized. She held it until I came to take it from her, and she nodded, then eased the bedroom door open.
A man’s agitated shout rang out and she was talking, but Kurt was babbling at me.
“My goodness, she just did all that to save you? So you really got what you wanted after all this? I’m surprised you both didn’t just take me out, get rid of the evidence.”
I nudged his arm further back, causing him to arch to avoid separating his shoulder. “Evidence of what? That you’ve chosen to be human garbage? That you’ve thrown away any semblance of moral judgement or personal values?”
He laughed. “Oh, please, like you’re some paragon of morality when you’re sleeping with my ex-fiancée.”
I didn’t dignify this because Jess emerged, her arm around the back of a girl who looked far too young to be there and absolutely terrified. At the same time, footsteps in the other direction drew near and we heard, “Weapons down, hands up.”
Ah, Silverton police had arrived. I tossed my gun away from Kurt, and Jess moved slowly to set hers on a side table near the couch, both of us raising our hands to show we didn’t possess any weapons.
“Go on to them, Brittany. You’re okay,” she urged, and the girl bolted down the hallway into the arms of one of the female officers who instantly ushered her away.
“This is ridiculous,” Kurt said from where he still lay, my foot on his neck to ensure he didn’t get any bright ideas.
“You being complicit in some pretty nasty business? Yeah. It’s pathetic,” I spat, more than done with this clown.
“We’re security. We shouldn’t be treated like this. I was just doing my job. Plus the fact that you’re finally boning?—”
“Stop talking.” Jess’s voice cut through and must’ve finally pressed Kurt’s off button as the police moved toward us.
Or maybe that was the little love tap I gave his kidney when my fist slipped. Whoopsies.
Hours later, we’d given our statements to the police, helped find the girls’ parents or emergency contacts before they were taken to the hospital to get checked out, and very happily watched both Kurt and Anthony Pollusk get escorted out of the house and into police custody.
It was all so dark, but we’d gotten there in time to stop at least one person from being harmed any more than simply being there at all would do. And watching Kurt be carted away… honestly, it didn’t bring me any kind of satisfaction.
At one point in my life, I’d cared about him. I’d thought of him as a brother. Even though time and distance had helped me see he’d never treated me well, nor had he been a good man, I hated how he hadn’t grown into someone better.
After we’d turned in our gear, I found Jess waiting for me on the front steps of the Saint building. The night had stayed clear and pitch black save the twinkling stars and moonlight. Fall scented the air—dead leaves, smoking chimneys, and the changing season somehow smelling comforting and soft. She stood and reached out her hand, which I gladly accepted. We walked a ways into the lot and stopped by our cars.
“Do you want to meet tomorrow before we start?” I asked, hoping we’d circle back to the very important conversation before we both dove into the last few days of this festival that wouldn’t end.
“No. I can’t wait. I want to talk now.” She squeezed my hand and released it, then tucked her arms close.
My heart began racing, trying to read her body language, the tone in her words, her expression in the moonlight.
“Okay. Yeah.” I swallowed hard, more nervous now than I had been all day, save for the moment I’d confessed my undying love for her.
She shifted on her feet, then dropped her hands, shook out her arms, and exhaled sharply. “You said you loved me… a lot.”
A gust of air escaped me, no words to make sense of it. “Yeah. ”
She shook her head. “But I don’t know whether I’ve done too much damage… whether my stubbornness has ruined everything.”
Her eyes found mine and the pleading there nearly undid me.
“I could say the same. I never told you the whole truth. I was too hung up on doing what I thought was best and I never allowed you to decide—I should’ve. I’m sorry for that.”
I truly was. How much of the hurt we’d caused each other could we have avoided if I’d only been braver?
“Maybe all of this comes down to trusting each other to know what we need instead of assuming we know what’s best for the other person,” she said, her gaze searching mine in the darkness.
I dipped my head. “Tell me, then, and I’ll trust your answer. Could I ever, in some version of this story, be what you need?”
She reached up, pressing a hand over my thundering heart.
“There is nothing in this world that could make me forgive myself for failing to see you and hear you and insist I believed you back then. And nothing in this life or the next could compel me to turn away from you now.”
I swallowed hard against the hope rising so rapidly I could hardly breathe. “I do forgive you, though, and I want you to forgive yourself. As for the rest… you’ll have to translate it. Tell me what you mean.”
Her smile flashed. “I mean I’m sorry. I believe you when you say you always cared for me.” She sobered and stepped closer, clutching at my shirt. “Always loved me, even if you didn’t know how to show it. That you were fighting for me all along in some messed up way. And now I say… I need you and want you. You, Jude Rawlins, and no one else.”
The sun rose in my chest, pulling back shadows and splaying light into every recess of my bruised and broken heart. She needed me. She wanted me.
There was no chance of holding out another second. I’d already told her and I’d tell her again—every day, if she’d let me.
“I love you, Jess. I love you so much it physically hurts sometimes, and if you don’t feel the?—”
“I literally just told you I need and want you,” she said, a baffled look on her face, a laugh sneaking out. “Don’t you get it? I love you. I love you so much, it’s stupid.”
It took her no time to react to the way I pulled her in, sifted my hand into her hair, and guided her mouth to mine. In a matter of seconds, she’d hopped, and I’d lifted her, her legs circling my hips, and backed her into my truck, pinning her there as we savored each other. This was no frantic kiss, but it was all-consuming.
She loved me.
Jessica Korbel loved me.
I hadn’t let myself sink down into the fear she might not return my feelings—I’d lived with the unrequited reality of my love for her for nearly a decade, so I could handle that. Anything shy of the hate she seemed to feel for so long.
Now, we had repaired something broken between us. We had hammered through the walls we’d built and miraculously let each other in. We were stronger now, on this side of the rebuild.
“Now that’s what I like to see!” Kenny’s voice invaded the moment.
I briefly plotted murder as Jess pulled away and chuckled, her dark eyes shining back at mine .
“Go away, Barbie.” He would be able to hear the displeasure in my voice, though whether that would do anything, I couldn’t say.
“Nah. Don’t think I will,” the little twerp said with no small amount of joy in his tone.
Jess bit her lip like she might laugh, and a flood of wanting and love washed through me.
“Damn, you’re beautiful,” I said, because now, finally, I could.
Her grin lit the space between us, and she reached up, sliding a hand along the beard at my jaw. “You are, too.”
Even if Kenny was still watching, I dropped my head to steal another kiss. I had a feeling that if she let me, I wouldn’t ever stop telling her she was beautiful, that I loved her, or taking this liberty.