Chapter 29
twenty-nine
Nessa
Caleb is here, lying through his teeth and staring at me. As he speaks, he radiates superiority, his posture at the podium too casual and friendly.
He doesn’t even know these people . My blood boils as I’m forced to endure this farce. I’m cold yet sweating as his speech goes on for an eternity. .
The more Caleb pontificates on half-truths that will coerce the people I love to join him, the heavier the lead in my stomach becomes.
Knowing there are clauses to trap and bankrupt these good, hardworking, well-meaning people causes me to double over in pain.
I hiss out a breath during one particularly violent roll of my stomach, and Jim chides me. His use of the word miss drips with derision and disrespect.
Leaning toward Delia, I whisper, “I need to get out of here.”
Mateo tries to stop us, but I tell him to stay. This is information he needs.
Liam repeats his comment about keeping the upper hand, and Mateo promises to come see me as soon as the meeting is over.
I shrug, and we slink out of the room.
Delia holds my hand and rubs my back soothingly for the duration of our walk. Once we’re inside, she insists I change into pajamas while she does the same. I’m already lying in bed when she knocks on the open doorframe.
“Duh, I left it open for you,” I say with half the sass I normally would. This is really taking it out of me.
She sits beside me with her laptop open, but instead of the movie I expect her to have cued up, I’m met with the faces of Stef and Lily. I groan, rolling over to pick up a pillow to hug, and hide behind.
“That’s okay, Nessa. We don’t need to see you as long as we can all hear each other,” Stef says.
“You’re getting good at the school counseling portion of the degree,” I say, hoping to deflect the conversation.
“Thank you. You’re very skilled yourself. I think that’s how we ended up here.” She doesn’t hesitate to keep to the night’s topic. Me.
Pulling my knees up toward my chin, I bunch into a tiny ball.
“Remember when you had me put up those signs in the women’s bathroom for angel shots?” Delia asks, starting the next round of interrogation. “And told me about some of the signs to look for when someone was in distress?”
“Yes,” I say, trying to keep my voice even while my stomach continues to roll.
“It gives someone in distress the ability to ask you for help without telling everyone in the bar, and it allows you to get the police to them discreetly. It’s been life-saving for some of the women I’ve worked with. ” I pull the pillow tighter.
“Ness, your work sounds scary,” Lily says with her usual low filter this late in the day. “Are you scared?” The question is innocent and soft. She’s not judging me.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I say, hoping to avoid triggering Lily’s sensitive soul or disclosing more than I can handle tonight.
“Okay.” Delia wraps an arm around my shoulders, causing the computer to wobble in her lap.
While I can’t say for sure, because video calls are weird , it sure feels like I have all eyes on me.
I take a deep inhale and let out a noisy exhale.
Lily uses her yoga class inflection when she says, “That was really good. I think a cleansing breath together could be a nice next step.”
“Sure, Lil,” I croak, sadness seeping out of my pores.
“Okay, let’s all take a moment to send Nessa our healing energy and the strength to share in her own time. Good. Now, take an inhale for four, five, six, seven. Now exhale loudly,” Lily says sweetly. “That was beautiful.”
“Ness.” Stef’s tone is direct. “Does my brother know what’s going on? Or is this about him? Because?—”
“No,” I interject. “Matty’s been a sweetheart. We’re… whatever. I don’t know. I’m not supposed to get tangled up with men again.” That kernel of truth slips out.
Three sets of eyes remain locked on me, unblinking, waiting for what I’ll say or do next.
“Caleb is toxic. You know that. Yet, somehow, even as a doctoral candidate graduating summa cum laude in psychology, I missed all the signs in my own life.” I scoff, still bitter that I could be so smart and yet… “I was so very stupid at the same time.”
“You aren’t stupid.” Delia shrugs, her expression soft. “You were thinking out loud, honey.”
“Not everyone you meet will be like that,” Lily promises. She’s been through her own challenges with men and women, so she’s speaking from first-hand experience.
I sniffle. “Or I’m meant to be the love doctor and everyone’s cheerleader. I’ll keep you safe and you’ll keep me loved.”
“I’ll accept that offer, but only if you promise not to lead Matty on. He really has high hopes for you two—” Stef’s words are interrupted by our doorbell.
Glancing at my phone, I see I have multiple calls and texts from him. “Speak of the devil.”
“It’s okay to be scared,” Stef says.
Lily hums. “I’m pretty sure you guys were the ones who told me I could only be brave if I did the scary thing. You can be scared and brave, Nessa.”
Heat and pressure build behind my eyes.
Delia squeezes me once more before sliding off the bed.
“I’m going to let him in before he calls the PSPD to do a welfare check,” she teases as she exits my room with her computer in hand.