Chapter Four
By that evening, Ren seemed better, both physically and emotionally.
Still scared, and his injuries were still visible, but the wounds were healing and he appeared relatively at ease with Xavier, Wilbur, and me.
It had taken a couple of hours for Ren to feel comfortable enough to let Wilbur examine him, but the examination had eventually taken place, and Wilbur had pronounced Ren “healing but in need of rest.”
I offered Ren one of the larger bedrooms for the night, but he chose to sleep in the small room where he’d hidden from the Connecticut Pack wolves.
I showed him where I would be, in the third-floor suite I shared with Kyle, and told him to feel free to wake me if he needed anything during the night.
He didn’t, of course. I hadn’t anticipated he would.
Even though he seemed to have relaxed over the hours since his sudden arrival, I was still the Anax.
Not someone to wander up to in the middle of the night.
It bugged the hell out of me that people treated me like some kind of superior being, especially now that the power that had actually considered itself superior had settled the fuck down and was letting me live my life, but I understood it.
The next morning, when I went downstairs for breakfast and, hopefully, coffee, I found Ren sitting at the small kitchen table with Xavier.
Ren jumped when I walked into the room; Xavier simply got up from his chair and went to the counter.
“Breakfast is nearly here, Anax. To conserve food for the gathering, I asked Davion to go into town to pick up some breakfast sandwiches and coffees. I know you prefer coffee-shop coffee to what we make here, but I’m making some as well to ensure there’s enough. I hope I didn’t overstep.”
“Not at all. I appreciate you taking care of that.” And thinking about needing to keep enough food in the house for the gathering, something I hadn’t really considered.
More groceries would arrive with the guards and Chloe later that day, but what we already had on hand needed to stay on hand for the time being. “You mentioned coffee?”
Xavier let out a tiny sound that might have been a chuckle. Everyone who worked for me knew that Kyle and I both ran on caffeine. “Yes, Anax. One cup for each of us, and then we’ll have what’s in the pot. That’s just about ready if you’d like a cup now.”
“I’ll wait for the town coffee to arrive.” I ignored his amused expression. “Thank you, Xavier. You can sit back down if you want.”
“I’m going to go check the inner perimeter first, Anax.” He smiled at Ren, whose face reddened slightly. Oh, something was there. Something I didn’t want to be presumptuous enough to think about. “I’ll be back shortly.”
“All right,” I said, knowing that even though he was perfectly capable of making decisions like going out to patrol, he wouldn’t leave without some kind of permission from me.
He headed out the back door, and I sat across the table from Ren. “How did you sleep?” I asked. “And before you answer, I’d still prefer you to use my name instead of my title.”
“Okay, Tobias.” His face went even redder, and he looked down at the table.
He didn’t say anything else, and I wasn’t sure whether his “okay” was an acknowledgement of my request or an answer to my question. So I asked again, “How did you sleep? I know it can be difficult in an unfamiliar place.”
“Yeah. It’s a lot quieter here than I’m used to.” He scoffed. “Honestly, anywhere would be quieter than I’m used to. You ever been in a shelter?”
“No.”
“It’s never quiet. Overnight shelters, you’re supposed to be able to sleep, but you have to sleep with one eye open or you’ll wake up with your stuff gone.
Or worse.” He shuddered. “And if you’re trans, sometimes they won’t even let you in, because they have to figure out whether to bunk you with your assigned sex or your gender, and shelter workers don’t always have the time—or the brain power, some of them—to handle that. ”
“I’m sorry,” I said. There really wasn’t much else I could say.
He touched his tongue to his upper lip. “Thank you. Sorry for venting. I just… It’s been a long time since I’ve had anywhere to be or anyone to talk to.”
“We’re going to change that.” I studied him.
He didn’t show any reaction. “If you want, I can introduce you to someone you can talk to. Suzannah Daigle is the healer of Boston North Pack and the mate of that pack’s Alpha.
I’ve known her for decades. She’s helped me through a lot of hell.
If you’d rather talk to a guy, Carlos Garza, the City Pack Beta, is a licensed social worker and does some counseling for members of both Boston packs, and for me sometimes. ”
“I…wow.” He looked at me with an expression somewhere between happiness and irritation. “I don’t know. I can’t…Am I staying? I don’t even know where I belong anymore. I can’t go back to the shelters, right?”
“It would be unwise.” Especially since it sounded like the shelters didn’t always shelter him even when he was human.
“Full moon nights, you have to shift. There’s no way to stop it.
And humans in general can’t find out about us.
If you tell a human that you’re a werewolf, and you don’t have permission from a higher-ranked wolf, it’s one of our most serious crimes.
” A death-penalty crime, but I didn’t want to say that out loud.
“So at least on full moon nights, you’d have to find someplace to hide from humans.
A place where you’d be able to shift and run.
Some of us, leading up to the full moon and/or for a day or so after, have a harder time managing anger, which can be dangerous. ”
“So basically I’m fucked.” His eyes widened and he put both hands over his mouth. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” I said gently. “It’s a lot. Bottom line, though, yes you’re welcome to stay.
You belong to my household if you want to.
If you’d like to talk about what has happened in your life, before or since you were changed, we can arrange that with someone you’re comfortable with.
Everything is up to you, and if you need help making decisions, we can do that.
You aren’t alone anymore, Ren, unless you choose to be. ”
“I won’t.” His voice broke, and he abruptly put his head down on his arms on the table. A loud sob escaped him. “I never chose to be alone. I never had a choice.”
“You do now.” My heart broke for him, and my eyes watered. I couldn’t begin to know what he’d gone through, and I might never know unless he was willing to tell me, but I knew how it felt to be lost. To be afraid. To feel like you didn’t belong.
I’d felt it as a fifteen-year-old boy, ripped from my family by the man I thought loved me after he assaulted me in the worst way possible, changing me into a werewolf in the process.
Jed and Eloise Howe, the Alpha of NH-Mass Pack and his mate, had taken me in and done their best, but neither of them had any idea how to help a traumatized teenage boy—and Jed had recognized, almost from the start, that even though I was young and was the lowest-ranked in the pack by virtue of being the newest member, I was one of the most innately dominant wolves he’d ever known.
I’d felt the fear, the sense of being lost, again shortly before my eighteenth birthday, when Chal Torres and Jed had convinced me to challenge the Alpha of Boston North, who had descended into senility and was causing harm and far too much risk to his pack.
They were thinking of the Boston North members’ safety—but they were also thinking of a way to get me out of NH-Mass Pack before I rose high enough to challenge Jed, because no one believed for a second that Jed would win a fight against me.
Too many times in my life, I’d been afraid. Lost. And for too much of my life, I’d hidden those feelings because I couldn’t afford to let anyone believe I was weak. The absolute least I could do was make sure Ren didn’t have to feel that way.
His shoulders heaved as he cried, and I stayed silently in my chair even though I desperately wanted to comfort him. Sometimes there was no comfort to offer beyond simply being present.
Gradually, he quieted. I went to the counter for the box of tissues we kept near the sink and brought it to him. “Take your time, Ren. I’m right here. Here’s some tissues if you need them.”
“Thanks.” He sniffled and, without raising his head, pulled a tissue from the box and dabbed it against his nose.
I returned to my chair and waited. Something I wasn’t always good at, but Ren deserved the time and space to pull himself together.
More time passed, then he sat up and wiped his face with some tissues. “Damn it. I’m sorry, Anax. I didn’t mean to fall apart like that.”
“Why have you gone back to calling me Anax?” I gave him a small smile. “I won’t pretend to know what you’ve been through, Ren, but just the parts you’ve told me warrant falling apart. You have nothing to apologize for.”
He bowed his head. “Thanks, Tobias. Seriously. I didn’t know where I was going when I ran from those guys yesterday. I’m thankful that I ended up here.”
“So am I.” I completely meant it.
Xavier returned from patrolling at about the same time Davion arrived with a large bag full of fast-food breakfast platters and a cup carrier that held four large hot beverage cups.
The four of us stayed at the kitchen table as we ate and drank.
The two guards and I chatted. Ren didn’t say much, and he kept his face turned mostly toward Xavier.