Chapter 33
Tatum
Being stabbed isn’t something I thought I would ever have to deal with in my life. Getting my heartbroken was something else I never thought I would have to encounter either, but here I am. Want to know the worst part?
The broken heart hurt more than nearly dying.
When I woke up in the hospital and he wasn’t there, I knew. Vivian, Nova and their guys were there but he wasn’t. I tried to play off how hurt I was and told the girls I was fine and it was just a bit of fun with an expiration date, but they weren’t buying it. They were horrified when I told them what happened. They were more shocked that I called CJ Vatel and set up a meeting, according to Nova that is bad bitch energy right there. Having the girls here kept my mind off Alex, which was good, but the first night when the nurse kicked them out and I was left alone, I broke down.
The pain was unbearable, my chest felt like it was caving in. I’ve never experienced pain like that before in my life. I couldn’t breathe. I was so angry at him for making me love him only for him to get exactly what he wanted, then kick me to the curb like I meant nothing to him.
The girls visited me every day. I dare say I’ve even become friends with their guys which is something I never saw coming. Those four guys don’t speak to any females unless it's Vivian or Nova. They may be scary as fuck and kill people but it’s clear, the girls are the ones who you really need to watch out for. Ever since I was discharged from the hospital two weeks ago I’ve been staying at Vivian’s old house in Hollow Hills. The first day here I tried to reach for my laptop only for Ezekiel to throw it across the room. I stood there with my mouth agape.
“Rest. No fucking work. You try to do anything aside from that and I’ll fire you myself and deal with my girl’s tantrum later,” he declared. Vox, Hayze and Archer all stood behind him with their arms crossed, nodding in agreement. I feel bad they are all stuck here because of me. I know they need to be back at CHU and I’ve tried getting them to leave, but none of them will listen to me.
I find it easier to move around each day. I try to keep busy and play board games with everyone to keep my mind off a certain someone, but it’s useless. Alex is under my skin, he’s in my blood, my heart, my fucking mind and everything I do reminds me of him. Nights are the worst, when I lay in bed alone I try to fight off the tears but they fall without consent. I don’t know how many times I’ve prayed for him to turn up and whisk me away, but he never comes. Vox told me he and the others were at the hospital with me while I was in a coma, but they don’t know why they left.
I do.
In Alex’s head he would be blaming himself for what happened to me. No matter what anyone says or does, he’ll always blame himself and that’s on him. He was a fucking coward and turned his back on me, he gave up on us, not me. I thought we would come out on top and be stronger than ever, but I was a fucking fool. Love doesn’t win wars and I lost. That pill is bitter to swallow but I’ve lived through hell and came out stronger on the other side, and I’ll damn sure survive this too. I know I’ll never love anyone the way I love him, but I won’t put my life on hold and wait for a ghost to return.
“Come on.” I look up and frown at the sight of Vox standing at the edge of the sofa.
“Where are we going?” I ask.
“Next door.” My face falls, I’ve done everything I can to avoid looking out the windows on that side of the house so I wouldn’t have to see the home my brother grew up in and where my father lived his life like I didn’t exist.
I shake my head. “No.”
Vox sighs. “Either you come with me willingly or I make Hayze throw your ass over his shoulder and potentially tear your stitches… The choice is yours.” I peer over my shoulder and sure enough, Ezekiel, Hayze and Archer all stand there with firm looks on their faces. I roll my eyes and push to my feet. I look around the foyer as I follow Vox, looking for the girls but they’re nowhere in sight.
“They went to the store,” Archer says, answering my unasked question. I follow Vox across the lawn toward my sperm donor's house. My breathing grows choppy as we come to a stop at the front door. Vox turns to me and holds out a key. I stare at it for a long time, no one making a move or a sound, giving me time to grapple with the emotions warring inside me. I inhale a deep breath and reach for the key. I unlock the door and push it open but don’t move, I can’t.
“This is just a house,” Hayze says softly.
“It was their house, they made a life here without me,” I reply bitterly.
“If you had grown up here, you wouldn’t be standing here right now with us. They would have molded you into the worst version of yourself. You know he has your brother and that he won’t survive. You need to see for yourself that he was a monster and let them both go or you will be forever frozen in this moment.” Archer’s words stir something inside me. I square my shoulders and step inside. The house smells stuffy and dusty. I have no idea how long it has sat here untouched and closed up.
“We were going to take you home to Washington, but Nova and Vivi said you needed to come here to face the ghosts of your past. I seem to think they might have been right,” Ez says as I walk around the dining room and take in the sight of the photos that line the walls. Nexus is in most of them. It’s hard to see the little boy in the photos who looks innocent but the man he became is a demon.
“Thomas ruined him,” I mutter as I reach out and trace a photo of him smiling. He must have been only ten or eleven in this image.
“Thomas ruined a lot of people’s lives. He took loved ones from families and never cared about their loss or pain, as long as it served his agenda he didn’t care. I fucking hate to admit it but Nexus was the only person Thomas cared about aside from himself.” Vox’s words settle over and calm some of the anger inside me.
I continued looking through the house, seeing Nova’s old room gave me pause. When I went inside to take a look, Vox refused to come in saying that was part of his past and he refused to live it again. I have no idea what that meant but I didn’t push him either. Nexus’s room was next. It reminds me of a typical boys room, clothes were everywhere, the bed unmade and the curtains were askew as if the last time he was in here he just threw them open and left them as they were.
I stand in the center of my brother's room and spin around in a slow circle, taking it all in. His life growing up was so different to mine. I can clearly see the wealth he grew up with but I feel no envy, just pity for him. Our father bought his love and used him. He was nothing to Thomas but a tool to be used in a war of his own making. Tears prick the back of my eyes. I slam them closed and try to breathe through the pain. Yes, Nexus hurt me deeply but he’s still my brother.
“I won’t stand here and act like I’m sad knowing he’ll die, but I do feel sorry for you.” I snap my eyes open and swivel around to face Hayze. His eyes soften as he steps forward and places his hands on my shoulders in a comforting gesture. “He’s your brother and no matter how any of us feels, there will always be a part of you that will hate knowing he isn’t here with you. Part of you hates him for what he did, but a small part of you still wishes for the big brother you thought you would find when you learned you had a brother. I’m sorry, Tate, but that dream will never come true. We may not be blood but we are your found family. We’ll always have your back.” A lump forms in my throat and tears cloud my vision.
“T-thank you,” I rasp out past the lump.
“We know this is a lot for you to deal with on top of Alex fucking off, which is why we have come to a decision about your job.” Panic begins to rise inside me. I pull back from Hayze and implore him with my eyes not to do this, my job is the only thing I have left. “Tate, we want you to come to CHU with us and go to school. Once you finish school you can have your old job back if you want it, but we think CHU will be the best place for you.” I stare up at him like he’s lost his fucking mind.
I shake my head. “I can’t afford that,” I admit bitterly.
Vox and Ezekiel share a look before Ez comes to stand beside Hayze. “We aren’t going to force you but whenever you’re ready, there is a place for you at CHU with us. Think nothing of the cost. It has all been taken care of, so has your dorm and everything. This is a fresh start for you, Tate. After everything we all went through, a fresh start away from all of this shit is what we needed.”
I mull over his words and nibble on my lip. “Can I think about it?”
Ez nods. “Of course.” His tone is filled with pity and it's going to take a long time for them all to stop looking at me like I'm fragile.
“Do you think you guys could give me a minute alone?” I ask. All of them nod and tell me they’ll meet me back at the house. I thank them all and wait for them to leave before moving toward his bed and dropping down onto the edge. I twiddle my thumbs and try to sort through my wayward thoughts.
I actually liked you, I really did, but then you had to go and ruin it and let that fuck face between your legs and caught feelings. I’ll be sad to see you go but I won’t miss you.
His words play on repeat inside my head. I cared for him deeply. I let Nexus in, only for him to use me to get to Alex. He’s just as bad as my brother. He lulled me into a false sense of love, allowing me to think I found a home in him, only for him to toss me aside when he got what he wanted.
I guess I lost to a ghost.
I knew his love for his sister ran deep but I guess I just didn’t realize how badly he needed to satisfy his demons. I love him and I would have found a way to deal with him doing what he does. I don’t condone what he does, but I loved him enough to find a way to deal with that shit.
A part of me envies Ellie. Her brother went through hell to seek vengeance for her while my own just shit on me, used me as bait to lure out the most notorious killer in the country. Alex searched the world trying to seek justice for his sister, while my brother offered me up to a monster on a silver platter.
I let the monster devour me, own me and consume every part of me, only for him to spit me out when I served my purpose.