Chapter Five
Aspyn
The grocery store is buzzing with Saturday morning shoppers, which isn’t my favorite thing. Having grown up in Alaska, I’m used to a quiet little shop with very few, very expensive choices. Here, there are about forty versions of every spice imaginable and there are people on top of people on top of people. I reckon every person in town is at this shop right now.
“I’m literally going to kill you.” I shove Jake playfully, though he doesn’t move much. I swear he was put together with bricks.
“Why?” he laughs, leaning onto the shopping cart. “You know you want that threesome. Hell, you’d want a foursome if Liam were here. You should be thanking me.”
“ Thanking you? I’m humiliated! Ranger seemed less than interested. It’s a fantasy for a reason.”
“Nah, he was tired this morning. You know how he is. Give him a good night’s sleep and a steak, and he’ll be all about it.”
“Well maybe I’m not all about it. I mean, not in reality. It sounded good in my head. But in real life… where do my hands go? How do I make everyone feel… serviced?”
He laughs. “Serviced?”
“Yeah! Serviced. Ya know… pleased… pleasured.” This conversation is so much better than the one I should be having about why I’m running away from home.
“You don’t need to service anyone. You just need to have fun. Plus, this is about pleasuring you, Aspyn. Relaxing you. It’s not about us.”
I roll my eyes with jest. “Oh, so you don’t get off on fucking me while I suck your best buddy’s cock… because I seem to remember you coming pretty hard to that thought a few years back.”
His cheeks turn pink, and he grins wide. “I’m a man of many layers.”
“Exactly, and Ranger’s layers are different from your layers and my layers are different from all your layers. So, how do I keep everyone satisfied? The whole thing sounds stressful all the sudden.”
He slides his arm around my shoulders. “That’s cause you’re over thinking it, cat. You’ve just gotta let it happen. Tell me what excites you about it.”
My heartbeat picks up as I think about both of them surrounding me, touching me, pleasuring me. Their big hands moving all over my body, their harsh breath on my skin, their heaving thrusts taking me over.
It’s all so… intense!
“Clean up in aisle three.” An announcement comes over the loudspeaker and I check to see which aisle we’re standing in.
Aisle five. We’re in the clear, but it’s a reminder that I’m in a grocery store filled with people and my thoughts should be on which proteins I’m buying, not threesomes with my brother’s best friends.
“I guess Ranger has plans for Liam to come next week. He told me this morning when you were getting ready to go.”
My chest tightens, but not in a good way. I love Liam. I have for a long time, but seeing him right now isn’t going to work. “Next week?”
“Yeah, why? What’s wrong with that?”
Well, nothing except now I know I need to leave by next week.
“Nothing. It’ll be good to see him,” I lie. Ranger and Jake all took separate paths away from my brother’s business and Alaska. Liam stayed, and while I know he likes me and I’m pretty sure he’d do anything for me, his loyalties will always lie with my brother first.
“So,” Jake rolls the cart forward as he looks toward me, “you going to tell me what’s up with you or are you going to keep up with the secrets?”
I grab a package of steak and set it in the cart. “Steak sound good? I’ve got this great seasoning recipe with spicy honey and garlic. I’ll make crispy smashed potatoes and Brussel sprouts to go with it.” I twist toward him with wide eyes. “Oh, I should make apple crisp with caramel sauce for dessert!”
I know I’m avoiding his question, and I know that’s rude, but that little part of me, the part that wants to preserve myself, keeps choking out the truth. I hate it so damn much right now.
“I see you’re stressed, little cat.” Jake’s tone softens as he says, “I meant it when I said you’re safe here. We won’t let anything bad happen to you. Whatever it is, you can trust us.”
Trust is a weird thing. Of course, I trust Jake. I trust Ranger and Liam too. The trouble is, I don’t trust myself, not since my parents died. I suck in air quickly and bend forward against the end of the cart as my chest tightens and a wave of dizziness washes over me.
Jake meets me at my side and wraps me against his chest. “You’re okay, little cat. Let’s slow down. Tell me five things you see.”
“What? No. I can’t breathe.” I’m panting for air as I speak.
“Five things you see, little cat.” He rubs my back. “Come on.”
I swallow hard, and though the action feels ridiculous, I do it anyway. “Macaroni cheese boxes, rice mixes, chips, cans of beans, a pallet at the end of the aisle with a young guy restocking shelves.” For some reason, my heart rate lowers, and the dizziness goes away.
“Good. Now five things you smell.”
I hook into his big hand and walk down the aisle next to him. “Yeasty warm bread, the savory chicken roasting, fresh-cut flowers, paper cardboard boxes, you.” It’s helping. How does this help?
“Okay, good.” He kisses my head. “Now five things you hear.”
“The rattle of grocery bags, cashiers calling for prices, the bleep of items being scanned at the checkouts, the squeaky wheels of a shopping cart, the whoosh of air conditioning and electronic doors. ”
I stare up at the stained drop ceiling tiles and then back toward Jake with a calm I didn’t feel before. “Where did you learn that?”
“Shit… you know how many times I had to pull my head together out there in the sand?”
“What happened?”
“What didn’t happen?” He holds his hand on my back as we make our way toward the front registers. “The day my mom died, I was in a little town outside of Kabul. The sun was up, musicians were singing, the shops were filled with kids running, dogs playing, people… living. It was my day off, and I was two hours away from going on leave to come home and attend her funeral service. But… before I’d even entered the shopping center, a bomb went off.” He looks down at the ground and then back up at me again. “It was mayhem. I did what I could to secure the people I could get to, but there was so much devastation. I couldn’t handle it alone. When backup arrived, I decided to stay and help.”
I didn’t know that his mom had passed. In fact, I did my best to stay away from any updates on Jake at all. The pain of losing his love was too much. “I’m so sorry about your mom and,” I wrap my arms around him tightly, “everything. I don’t know how you stay so strong, Jake.”
He swallows hard and kisses my head. “Sometimes I’m not, so I learned to keep myself in the moment. Five things you see. Five things you hear. Five things you smell. It helps ground me.”
I want to ask him about his mom, about what happened with the funeral, about how he felt that day, but I don’t. I know how close Jake and his mom were. I know how much he loved her. I know how hard it was for him to leave. Missing the funeral must have been him putting up walls. I can’t imagine something like that is easy to talk about in aisle five.
I hold him against my chest while every person in Maple Grove buzzes around us. “You’re so brave.”
“I’m not brave. I was doing my job.” He shifts away and holds his gaze on mine. “Whatever’s going on with you… I’m here.”
For a moment, I let the truth play out in my head. I imagine telling Jake what I’m running from. I imagine what he’d say, what he’d do, how he’d react. Though I’d like to think he’d hear me out, there’s a part of me that’s terrified that he’ll see me as a monster. How could he not? He’s a hero. A valiant, strong, put together hero… and I’m just me.
A monster.
I look around at the people surrounding me, wondering if the mom with the baby carrier strapped to her chest, or the old woman with the long black coat have secrets. I bet they do, we all do, but none of them are as horrid as mine.
Jake sweeps a strand of hair away from my face and kisses my head as we pull into the last aisle in the store. “What do you say we get out of our heads for a bit? I want to hear more about how you want Ranger fucking you after I fill you with my come.”
A shot of warmth spreads between my legs. Maybe he escapes through sex too. Maybe we all do.
I grin, happy to lose myself. “I kind of want to lick you both off afterward.”
A slow grin lifts his face. “You always have been a dirty girl, haven’t you?”
I drag in a deep breath and lean onto his lips for a gentle kiss. “Thank you for being here. I know I sound crazy right now.”
“Yup! Certifiable, but… I get it. I don’t always wanna talk either.”
“Bullshit! You tell random strangers your life story all the time. We were walking in and you told a guy how you had to have the engine rebuilt on your snowmobile or something.”
“Woah, woah, woah.” Jake shakes his head playfully as we make our way toward the register. “I said I needed to rebuild it, not have someone rebuild it. Man, it sounds like you’ve got me pegged as some useless loser.”
“Sorry.” I grin and lean on his lips for another kiss as we pile our groceries up onto the conveyer belt. “Do you know I realized something just now?”
“What’s that?” He stands before the cashier with his card out, ready to pay.
“Last night was the first full night we ever spent together, and I think we just had our first real grocery trip. Do you remember how we used to talk about how great that would be? Doing normal people things… but together?”
His eyes crinkle in the corners. “Fuck. I hadn’t put it all together yet. I feel like this deserves a celebration of sorts.”
The curly red head scanning our groceries gives Jake a total, and he swipes his card.
“You thinking a parking lot celebration or a fishing hole celebration?” I flash my teeth in his direction as he rolls the cart toward the automatic doors.
“Parking lot for sure.” His big hand lands on my ass as we leave the chatter of the grocery store behind and roll toward his truck at the back of the lot.
I remember reading once how good sex is for stress. If you had a bad day at the office, an orgasm is sure to bring up your spirits. If you get into an argument with a friend, an orgasm will bring you peace. If you do something terribly illegal and need to leave everything behind, a threesome with your brother’s best friends is sure to get you out of your head. It’s not a flawless argument, but it’s one I’m sticking with. Hell, it’s the only one that’s worked yet.
So far, running only makes me feel more stressed and sitting in my car alone in an empty parking lot makes me feel more exhausted. But climbing up onto Jake’s lap in the seat of his truck, riding his thick, throbbing cock while shoppers unknowingly pass by… that takes me to another place entirely. A place I don’t want to leave.
He pushes back the seat and I alternate between sliding and bouncing on his long, hard pole. “You feel so fucking good, little cat.” He grips my throat with his rough hand and kisses my lips. “Are you going to kiss Ranger like this tonight? Are you going to show him how well you take a cock?”
I bounce harder, tightening my walls with each slight move. I’m trembling now. Desperate. Needy. My legs are squeezing him tight. There’s something about that fantasy that drives me over the edge. The one where Jake watches me doing something sexy. The one where I have the love and adoration of multiple men surrounding me.
What’s wrong with me?
Jake pulls one tit free from my dress and scrapes his teeth against my nipple. “I’m not going to last long like this, cat. Come on. Be a good little girl and come on my cock.” His face is dark and contorted. Wild and feral.
“I’m so close, Jake,” I moan, rocking back and forth. A car parks next to us and the passengers climb out, staring toward us.
I’m thankful in this moment that his windows are tinted. It’s one thing to see everyone else, but to know they can’t see in is another thing entirely. I’m not that adventurous.
“Look at me,” he growls, holding my chin in his big, rough hand. “Don’t take your eyes off me.”
My clit throbs as my eyes land on his. I will never forget how beautiful they are, or what it feels like looking at him. In all these years, I’ve never forgotten this feeling. The way my heart swells and warms when we connect. The desperation and longing that’s finally quenched the second we’re together again.
“Fuck, cat. I’m going to come.” His tone is deep and ragged, and his eyes are intense and focused on me.
I hook my legs as tight as I can and lean back against the steering wheel as he wraps his arms around me and thrusts upward.
We’re so close. I’m so safe and nothing else matters but our release.
Shoppers pass as they gather carts, return to their cars, and hold hands as they walk, none of them any the wiser about what’s happening in the navy-blue truck outside of Ben’s Grocery.
Moments later, my body shakes violently against his as I shudder and bury my face against his chest, breathing in the scent of cedar as he lets out a wild growl that I’m sure people hear through the glass.
My pussy spasms around his cock and every muscle in my body tightens as I collapse further into him, listening to his heart slam against his chest. Fast and steady, the thrum of his life mixing with mine… it’s everything.
“Fucking hell, little cat. That’s just not right.”
I lean up and simper, still hazy from the hormones crashing through me. “No, it’s not right at all. There should be some sort of ration on the number of times you can orgasm in twenty-four hours.”
“Don’t tell Ranger that. He’ll be disappointed if you’re not raring to go later.”
I wet my lips and lean into his. “You really want this to happen, don’t you?”
“Ah, is it weird that I do?”
“Yeah, it is. Why do you want it so bad?”
He shrugs and lands his hand on the side of my face, brushing his thumb over my cheek. “I want you to stay, and I believe Ranger, Liam, and I can give you want you need.”
“ Liam? What makes you think Liam is interested in any of this? You do know Liam, right? He’s sort of a rule follower, and he currently works for my brother. You remember… the guy I’m staying away from.”
“I know he’s gotta thing for you.”
“Everyone can’t have a thing for me, Jake,” I bite back a grin, “though I appreciate the confidence boost.”
“They do, though. You forget I watched these guys around you for years. I used to catch Liam staring at you all the time.”
“Whatever!” I laugh. “Now you’re being ridiculous. Besides, that was a decade ago. Also, who said anything about staying? I can’t stay forever. This is temporary.” I leave out the part about how I’ll be leaving before Liam arrives next week.
He’s still inside of me. I’m still on his lap. My gaze is still on his. We shouldn’t be talking about me leaving.
I kiss the tip of his nose and brush my hand down over his rough beard. “Whatever happens, we have this moment, right?”
“It’s not enough, little cat. I want you all the time. I can’t go back to the way things were before. Think about it for a moment. We could wake up every morning, have breakfast, do chores together, and you’d always have the guys around to help you through things.”
This is all getting too real. I need to stop all these games before someone gets hurt.
“Jake, I love you. You know I love you, but—”
He pulls my head against his chest. “Let’s not make sense of this right now. Just… sit with me, okay?”
My heart melts into a million little puddles as I rest against Jakes warmth. I love him and I want this feeling for a lifetime.
How did I get here? How am I ever going to leave? How am I going to tell him about the awful, horrid, terrible things I’ve done? How am I going to tell anyone?
My heart rate picks up and my chest tightens.
Jake squeezes me tighter and I study the truck for five things I see.