Chapter Six
Molly
“I really need to get you a coffee maker from this century.” I turn toward Rhett, handing him the stainless-steel tumbler I found in the cupboard and filled with coffee. “I hope you still like it black and bitter.” This moment feels oddly familiar and domestic. I like it a lot. The sun is barely up, the only sound for miles is the rooster reminding everyone that the day is about to start, and Rhett is about to kiss me.
Another man is about to kiss me randomly, and just because he’s leaving for work. This concept probably shouldn’t feel foreign to me.
His rough hand slides against mine as he takes his coffee and leans into my lips gently. “This coffee maker has been workin’ just fine. If you need fancy coffee, you’ll have to grab it on your way into town today. I left the keys to the truck on the table by the door. Remember to put it in second gear on these roads up here. I don’t want to be draggin’ you out of the ditch later.”
“It’s manual?”
He nods. “You can’t drive manual? Since when? You used to drive those tractors up at your parents’ farm all the time when you were young.”
“Yeah, but that was years ago. Now, I have the lazy sensibilities of a spoiled automatic Corolla. I haven’t been on a tractor in years.”
“Okay…” He glances up toward Maverick who’s sitting at the end of the island drinking his morning coffee quietly. I don’t remember a lot about the details of last night, but I remember enough that this morning has been embarrassing. “You think you can keep your hands off Maverick long enough to let him drive you in for your therapist appointment today?” Rhett says, laughing at his own joke. “But I guess I gotta worry about Holden now too, don’t I?”
I roll my eyes and shove his shoulder playfully. “I was drunk. People say stupid things when they’re drunk. Besides, Maverick is busy. He doesn’t have time to be dragging me around.”
“It’s alright.” Maverick swallows his coffee hard. “I don’t mind. I’ve gotta run into town for feed this morning, anyway. These chickens will peck us alive by noon if they don’t get some meal worms.”
Rhett doesn’t have a huge farm here, but the cabin is on a large lot with a horse barn and some free-range chickens that roost up by the house.
I glance toward Maverick, then away again, remembering the moment when I rubbed his chest and felt his hard cock brush against my leg. What the hell was I thinking, and why was it so hot to watch Rhett get so possessive?
A tickle of something glorious and untimely makes itself known between my legs. I shuffle forward, squeezing them together to avoid whatever psychiatric condition is trying to sneak its way out of me via my pussy.
“Yeah,” I finally say toward Maverick, “that sounds good. I can walk to the flower shop afterward. It’s not too far away.”
Maverick readjusts his baseball cap, nods, and the deal is done. Easy as that.
Rhett drags in a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “Okay, well, if I wasn’t going the opposite direction today, I’d do it myself, but…” He nods toward Maverick and they exchange a look. I don’t know exactly what it means, but my egotistical brain is pretending they’re sizing each other up.
I laugh to myself at the thought, then hand Rhett the breakfast and lunch that I made for him. It’s not much but a breakfast burrito I made with what he had in the fridge and a sandwich with the same.
I make a mental note to grab groceries later. It’s the least I can do after all he’s done to help me.
“Damn, I could get used to this. I usually skip breakfast and grab a gas station sandwich for lunch.”
“Well, I’m glad I’m saving you from some weird, stomach eating bacteria.” I shake my head and tip up onto my toes for another kiss. I’m not sure yet what all this familiar touching signifies, or what last night meant, or what we’re doing, or if it’s too soon to do any of it, but it feels good, so I keep letting it happen. “We’ll have dinner together tonight. Any requests?”
He shakes his head as he grabs the keys and heads out the side door. “Just that you’re there.”
I nod as a warmth pushes through my chest. I’m on a cloud so high up, that when Rhett shuts the front screen door and I twist back toward regular life, it’s a little jolting.
Mavrick glances up at me over the rim of his coffee cup. “You two seem to be getting closer.”
I don’t know Maverick very well at all. We shared one weird night together. One super weird night where I acted like a broken whore, and he so kindly let me. I’m not sure that’s enough to gauge a true litmus on a person, but I know he’s good friends with Rhett, and I know Rhett wouldn’t leave me with anyone he didn’t trust, so I try to let down my guard. “Yeah, is that weird? I don’t really know what we’re doing yet. Last night was… also… sorry about that.” Maybe I should put my guard back up. I’m clearly terrible at making any sort of conversation with it down.
Maverick laughs and adjusts his hat. “Believe it or not, I’ve been drunk a few times. I get it. No big deal. Sorry, I got a little excited. It’s been a while since I’ve had a pretty girl on my lap.”
Pretty girl. I must do something with my face because he corrects himself immediately.
“You’re not pretty in a weird way. I know you have a thing with Rhett. It was just a statement. Like, you’re pretty.”
“Thanks. You’re… pretty too.” I shove my mouth full of bread and twist toward the fridge. How am I going to get through a thirty-minute ride to town with this man, and why am I still thinking about how hot Maverick is or how big his cock must be to show so prominently through the denim like it did?
I’m so glad I’m seeing Holden this morning. I need a reality check, though I’m not sure I’ll actually share any of this stuff, mostly because I really would put him in my harem, and the fact that I’m thinking about any of this probably means that I need a new therapist, in a new town, and a new vibrator to redirect some of this sexual energy. I left mine in the drawer at Tyler’s.
What was I thinking?
Maverick stands from the stool and walks around the island. I didn’t notice yesterday how big he is. I’d guess six foot four with broad shoulders, a thin build, and tattoos covering his skin. His hair is long, and he wears jeans and an old t-shirt with a hole in the right shoulder as though his day is going to consist of something dirty. He sets his mug into the dishwasher before rinsing his plate and doing the same.
He rinsed his plate.
Damn. “So, that was a boss move. How are you single?” Oh, God. Maybe he’s not single. I didn’t even ask. I just climbed all over him like a mountain with no park ranger in sight. “I mean,” I swallow hard, “are you single?”
He glances down at the floor then back up again, laughing under his breath. “Yeah, I’m single.”
Relief washes over me. “Good. So, ugh… you date much or…” Why am I asking him these questions? We should talk about the weather, the Broncos, or maybe the fucking growth rate of peanuts. Anything but dating.
“No, I haven’t dated in a while.” He closes the dishwasher and grabs his keys off the hook by the door. “A long while. You ready?”
I nod, unplug the ancient coffee maker, and grab my purse off the sitting chair by the door. I’ve always been curious about people’s lives. Maybe it’s the reader in me. My brain is desperate to create a story wherever I go. At least that’s what I tell myself before I go deep on even more dating questions. “So…why don’t you date?”
He shrugs. “People are never who they say they are. It’s a pain in the ass.” His tone is low, but not like he’s annoyed. More so like he’s serious, which only unlocks more questions. How has this handsome man been so betrayed by women? Maybe I should’ve been a lawyer. Clearly, I’m good at questioning.
We step out onto the porch, and I’m reminded that mid-winter in Colorado is about as close to hell as you can get and still be freezing. I bundle my jacket as Maverick locks the front door and hops off the steps toward the truck. I don’t expect him to open the door for me, but like a gentleman, he does. And like the simple girl I am, I swoon over the way he’s careful with where he puts his hands, and how he holds my hips as I climb up inside.
God, have I mentioned that I need help… because I do. I need a lot of it.
I shouldn’t like the way he touched me. I shouldn’t have noticed. I should be clearly and unequivocally focused on no one but myself. I need to be right with me before I have anything to give. Holden hasn’t told me that, but I’m sure it’s coming.
Maverick starts the truck up and turns the heater on full blast. “So, you used to live on a farm?” His voice is low and gruff as he avoids the question I’ve asked him about dating.
“Yeah, my family is third generation farmers out in Tennessee. My brother and his family own it now.”
“You don’t like farmin’?”
“It’s not that I didn’t like it. It’s that I couldn’t see doing it alone. Are you avoiding the dating question for a reason?” I ask as cutely as possible to downplay the part where I’m being a nosey bitch again.
He laughs and twists the heat vents away from him. “You’re persistent. Usually when a person dodges a question, they’re dodging it for a reason.”
“Right, but what are reasons amongst friends? I mean, surely some lap humping makes us friends now, right?”
We pull out of the long stone driveway and out toward the main road. It snowed overnight and the pine trees are heavy with fresh powder. I never much liked the cold, but I stay for this. It’s beautiful the way the light hits the snow early in the morning before mud gets all mixed in with it. There’s something magical about that small window in time. It’s a different world. Peaceful. Untouched.
Maverick shakes his head. “Trust me, you’ll be lucky to end up with Rhett. Dating is a pain in the ass.”
I hadn’t put much thought into what dating would be like. Truth be told, I never really dated. Tyler and I met in high school, and the most elaborate date we went on was a trip to the ice cream shop. I never looked back on it like I was missing out until he started to get violent. Then, I felt like I’d missed everything, though Maverick doesn’t make it sound like much fun. “How so?”
He sighs. “Well, there’s the answering questions portion that’s annoying as fuck.”
Was that a personal dig? I am peppering him with questions. “How else do you get to know someone?”
He laughs. “Trust me. The questions people ask are only set up to trick you. It’s almost like women want you to fail. Then, there’s the part where I have to convince someone that the things I like and the way I choose to spend my downtime is approved. I don’t want to do that after working all day outside. When I’m home, I want to lean back in my recliner and scrape my knife against a piece of wood. That’s all.”
“Okay… that doesn’t sound so bad. Women like a hard-working man.”
“No, women like rich men. Hard-working men have no time, and they have no money. Those two things aren’t what women want. Besides, I’m not looking. I had my love. I did that. It’s over now.”
“Wait, what? Oh my God. So, you’re not… not dating. Your heart is a Morgan Wallen song. You’re trying to drink her away.”
He glances toward me and laughs. “Yeah, not quite, but… something like that.”
“What does that mean?”
“You really don’t quit, do you?” He brushes his hand down over his beard and shakes his head with a smile.
“Not really, but I’m probably distracting myself from my own trainwreck of a life. If you hadn’t noticed, I spent all of my twenties in a shit relationship.”
Maverick draws in a deep breath as though he’s about to tell me things he doesn’t want to just keep me from having to think about my own problems, which is kind of sweet. “I’m sure you’ve heard it a thousand times from Rhett, but you should be thankful you realized it wasn’t going to work when you did. Some people waste decades, then wake up in their forties and realize they were probably never in love in the first place.”
“Is that what happened to you?”
“No, thankfully. I’ve never been married.” He drags in a deep breath. “The trouble with me is… I’m a sucker. I’ve been in love with this girl forever. Well, the past year anyway. Turns out, she’s, ugh, she’s not who I thought she was.”
“Oh. Like… how?”
Maverick glances toward me with eyes that turn green in the morning light. “Rhett’s a great guy. Holden is too. Don’t know him as well, but the dude helped me get my bike up off the road last year after an accident. Takes a pretty solid guy if you ask me.”
“What kind of accident?”
“Hit a stone out on Route 10. It was raining pretty bad. I flipped the bike and broke my collarbone. Holden called the ambulance and kept me talking ‘til they showed up.”
“Shit, that’s awful. I’m so sorry.” I want to lean in and hug him, but we’re not in that place. Plus, he’s driving.
“Yeah, just recently got back to work a few months ago. It fuckin’ sucked. I hated being laid up.”
“And this girl. She, like… didn’t care about you or all the things you had going on? You broke your collarbone! You’d think she’d be all over you with love and homemade soup.”
He laughs under his breath. “Like I said, she wasn’t exactly who I thought she was.”
“You should,” my stomach turns and hot saliva swirls on my tongue, “pull over!” I manage the words as nausea creeps up my throat.
Maybe I need to see a doctor too. My stomach is insane lately.
Maverick pulls the truck to the side of the road, parking next to a grove of thick pine trees and a bank of snow that’s piled high. I swing open the door, hop down, and crunch two feet into the snow before I’m bent over vomiting.
What the hell?
Heave after heave spills everything I had for breakfast onto the pure white snow. I’m not sure I’ve ever been more embarrassed, though if I sit and think about it long enough, I could probably come up with something. I’m pretty sure this beats the time I was carrying a vase of flowers into a wedding, and I tripped and fell in the center of the aisle with a church full of people watching, though that was pretty bad.
Maverick’s thick hand lands on my back and he rubs gently against the small curve as I bend forward, holding my stomach. “You’re okay.” He hands me a napkin and a bottle of water as though he prepared for this moment. “You drank a lot last night. I’m sure you’ll be sick all day today.”
I did drink last night. More than I have in ages. “I’m not sure. I’ve been getting sick a lot lately. I think it’s stress. I Googled it.”
He lands his palm on the back of his neck as he says, “What does Google say will help?”
I shake my head. “Something stupid like to stop stressing. I also think it said I should carry peppermint and do some exercise. I don’t know because I haven’t done any of it.”
“Well, if it’s stress, I think you’ve just done something huge to get rid of it. Maybe after the alcohol works its way through your system, you’ll be good to go. Do you have your feathers with you? I know you like to keep the bluebird one in your pocket to fidget with when you’re stressed.”
I don’t remember talking to Maverick about my feathers, or more specifically the bluebird feather I keep with me when I’m stressed. No one knows that but Tyler. Then again, the vodka I drank last night was telling Rhett and Maverick lots of things about me I’d never told anyone.
“No. How did you know about the feathers?”
“Oh.” He clears his throat and looks back toward the truck as a gust of wind blows a frigid breeze between us. “Yeah… Rhett or someone. You collect them, right?”
“All kinds. I have a shelf full of them.”
“Which one do you like the best?”
“I don’t know. I guess they all mean something different, but my favorite is the bluebird feather. I found it when I came back from this sabbatical to visit my brother last year. I thought I was going to run then, but I ended up coming back. The feather was on my doorstep when I got home.”
“What does a bluebird feather mean?” He leans forward slightly, widening his broad shoulders.
“Renewal and hope,” I laugh. “At the time, I thought it was meant to tell me I should stay and that everything was going to be okay, that he’d learned his lesson. Now, I realize the universe was trying to tell me to run.”
His hand lands on my back again and he guides me up toward the truck, helping me inside. “I’m not sure I believe in fate, but I believe we all end up where we’re supposed to be.”
“Isn’t that fate?”
“No. Fate assumes there’s a predestined law in life. I think all this shit is random. It’s the randomness that makes it that much better.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, if that storm up in Wyoming had happened a week later, I’d still be there, and you’d be stalled out on a snowy road, throwing up all by yourself this morning. I don’t think that’s fate. I think that’s random shit. Random shit we’re both thankful for.”
I laugh as he closes the door and rounds to the driver’s side. “You just described fate.”
He puts the truck in drive and pulls back out onto the road, focusing on the single lane highway that twists around the side of the mountain. I’ll never understand why they don’t put more guardrails up here. So many people go flying off the edge this time of year alone. Black ice is some real sneaky shit.
Maverick nods slowly. “You think it was fate that you ended up with some asshole who ruined your life? And please don’t tell me he taught you something because that’s bullshit.”
“Okay…” I sigh as we round to the quarry at the edge of town before turning down a winding road of manufactured homes that have acres of land covered with acres of junk. Most people hate coming this way to town, but it’s my favorite route to travel. If you look beyond the broken-down vehicles and dry riverbeds, there’s a dark green mountain that lifts into the sky with white powder sprinkled on top. Sure, those are a dime a dozen here, but this one is all on its own. A single mountain surrounded by a valley. “You say that, but it’s true. I did learn something from being with him.”
He holds the steering wheel with one hand as he leans against the door. He’s so relaxed looking. Like even though he’s had a shit time with life lately, he knows everything is going to be okay. “What did you learn?”
I open my mouth to talk but I’m caught by the way the words twist in my mind. “I don’t know yet. It’s still so hard to see it, but maybe that loving Tyler was never about love. Maybe loving Tyler was about learning how to be resilient.” I laugh as I say, “It does sound stupid when I say it out loud. I mean, plenty of people never need to learn that lesson. Love just gets to be love.”
“Look, I’m not saying it was for nothing. I’m sure you took something away from that experience, but I don’t believe for a second that a sweet girl like you should have to see the worst love has to offer in order to know what love doesn’t feel like. Think about it in terms of business instead. You don’t let fate guide the way. You make strategic moves to get your affairs in order. How’s all that going by the way? You said you were having trouble and—”
“How do you know all these things about me?”
“What?” He glances toward me then back toward the road again, his previously relaxed frame tensing.
“You mentioned the feathers earlier and just now you said a ‘ sweet’ girl like me. You don’t know that I’m sweet, and I never told you about my flower shop. So…”
He swallows hard and tugs at his salt and pepper beard again. “You’re right. I don’t know you.”
“How do you know all these things then?”
“I don’t know… Rhett talks.”
Silence ensues for a long hard moment as I watch the single white-capped mountain disappear. Maybe Rhett talks about me more than I thought. Though, I didn’t tell anyone but Tyler about the flower shop failing and that was a huge regret. He made me feel like shit about that almost every day. Maybe I am all the things he—
No! I can’t let myself go down that hole again.
I swallow hard and stare toward Maverick. “I’m sorry this girl let you down. You don’t deserve that. I mean… you seem like a great guy.”
He stares out at the mountains beyond the front range as though he’s in thought about something. I feel bad. I shouldn’t have brought the girl up again. Whatever happened there really messed him up.
“You know this is an old bank.” He glances toward me as he pulls in front of the brick building where Holden and I meet for therapy each week.
My brows wrinkle. “A bank?”
“Yeah, from the eighteen hundreds. The first folks that came through this town set this up as their financial institution. And that building next door used to be a blacksmith. They’ve got some great photos down at the library.”
“I never knew.” I’ve read about guys like Maverick in books. The type that dodges everything real to keep himself from pain. I empathize with that sentiment more and more lately.
He nods and unbuckles his seatbelt, shifting the truck into park. “Silver miners brought their families here to get rich. They did well until the price of silver dropped off.” I never considered the history of the old west, but when I hear folks talking about it, I’m always fascinated by the dreams people had when traveling out to this area. Life was unknown, and anything was possible. This was a whole new world.
“Didn’t they all freeze to death or something?” I twist toward Maverick and screw my finger into my hair as he talks.
“Not all of them, but this one woman did. Her and her kids. Her husband left her for a younger woman. She had to fend for herself, which meant hunting was up to her too.”
I produce an untimely grin. “But if she had a harem, she’d have had two men to fall back on.”
Maverick smiles and readjusts his baseball cap. “Well, if that ain’t some shit. We’ve all been livin’ wrong, haven’t we?”
“I mean,” I smile and shrug, “I’ve been trying to tell you.”
His gaze locks with mine and his hand sweeps up, landing on my cheek gently. “You’ve, ugh, you’ve got something right there.”
Given the fact that I threw up twenty minutes ago and the man is wiping something off my face, I’d say he deserves a medal. Embarrassment wants me to swat him away and bury myself into the snowbank in front of the brick building, but something else holds me in place.
Maverick leans in slightly, and my body responds. “This was an enlightening ride,” he says as he brushes his thumb against my cheek again. “Maybe fate did mean for us to be here.”
I swear to heaven I must be in a coma. I wonder how to signal to the nurses that I’d never like to wake. Instead, I’d like to keep this version of life. The one where I’m putting the past in the past and finding myself in a square with three men that I wholeheartedly don’t deserve.
Maverick leans in closer, his eyes dropping to my lips before meeting my eyes again. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he wanted to kiss me. That, or I’m reading this whole situation like I’m actually living in the harem I’ve been reading, which is wrong. I shouldn’t do that. Real life isn’t a hot guy club sandwich every day of the week. Real life doesn’t have space for one woman to love three men. It just doesn’t happen. Yet, here I am, come still dripping from my night with Rhett, while Maverick comforts me and Holden steps out onto the sidewalk.
He straightens his suit in the blowing wind. It’s not like him to meet me outside like this, but given the circumstances of yesterday’s events, I see why he’s here.
Maverick leans back and clears his throat before blowing out a heavy breath. “You ready?” His tone is rough and laced with what sounds like frustration.
“Did I do something wrong?”
He smiles and shakes his head before hopping out and rounding the truck to open my door. A cold blush of air pushes into the warm truck and his hand extends out toward mine to help me down.
I’m flat on my feet staring up at him when he brushes my hair back away from my face and says, “Sweetheart, I don’t know you all that well, but I got a feelin’ you ain’t never done nothin’ wrong in your life. I see why Rhett is so in love with you.”
I glance down for a moment, then up again, a sudden desperation in my palms to reach out and hold him, to touch him, to heal the parts of him that are as broken as me.
Holden interrupts the moment by clearing his throat. “We, ugh, we have to get started on our session. I’ve got an eleven a.m. behind you.”
“I should let you get to it then.” Maverick stands straighter and shuts the truck door, holding my gaze as he nods a goodbye that we both know deep down, isn’t nearly enough.