Chapter Twelve
Molly
I guess I’ve been out all night because when I finally open my eyes, the sun is filtering through the shades and the scent of coffee is in the air. I tap my tongue against the roof of my mouth searching for moisture, but there’s nothing. Clearly, Holden drained me of every drop last night.
Holden… Rhet… Maverick… what the hell happened last night? Why were Maverick’s fists bloody and why did I pass out?
I roll my hand over my stomach, comforting the baby I’m not even sure is there. How could I bring a child into this world with the mess I’ve created?
My stomach tightens as I reach for my phone on the bedside table, but it’s not there. Like the addict I am, panic streaks through me as I roll to the opposite side, spreading my hand wide over the sheets in search of the little black box that’s become my life force. Instead of the empty space I’m expecting, there’s a giant shaped lump lying beside me.
“Fuck,” the goliath groans, “what time is it?”
“Holden?” His voice is so groggy, but I’m pretty sure that’s him.
He rolls toward me, his shirt missing, and I can clearly see all the dark ink swirling over his chest and down his biceps. Now I know I’m still dreaming. There’s no world where Holden would spend the night here. He made that clear last night during his proposition, and I don’t blame him. He’s worked hard for his career. He needs to protect it.
I close my eyes and open them again quickly, but I’m not sure if I want to wake up. Maybe I want to see where this half naked scene where I’m in bed with my therapist goes.
“I’ve got you, sweet girl.” He lifts his arm up and tucks me beneath the crook of his shoulder with a deep sigh that rumbles connection and safety through me. “You okay?”
“Thoroughly confused. I thought you had to leave at night.”
He sighs again. “Me too, but I couldn’t leave you passed out. I’m the only one with medical training and the guys were busy taking care of shit over at Tyler’s until late.”
“What? Why were they at Tyler’s until late?” I’m lightheaded again, and my lungs won’t expand fully. I don’t want the guys to get in trouble with the law for defending me. I don’t want to lose them before I’ve even properly gotten them.
“You’re okay.” His heavy hand strokes the back of my head as I lay on his bare chest. “As far as I know, Maverick went over there with more of a warning than anything.”
“Then why’d they go back?”
“Rhett didn’t want any loose ends.”
Knowing Rhett’s history with his family the way I do, I understand his desire for a properly tied knot. He’s only two years into relocation. Two years free of really bad people threatening his life, all in the sake of money. He’s cautious for a reason, and I trust he knows what he’s doing.
At this point, I’m not sure I have a choice.
“You want to talk yet?” I hear Holden’s grin. “You are my first appointment this morning.” He smiles, and my chest tightens with excitement and the sense of possessiveness that I’ve had since I started therapy with him.
I lean my back further, snuggling deeper into Holden’s arms. I wonder how productive therapy would be if everyone got cuddles when they spilled their hearts out.
“Yeah, I guess I could talk.”
“Let’s hear it. How are you feeling after last night’s bombshell?”
“It’s weird but… I’m not even mad at Tyler for using me. I’m mad at him for hurting Maverick. I mean, he’s done this shit to me forever. I’m not even surprised anymore.”
Holden hums under his breath. “It’s not okay that he’s using you. You can go to the police.”
“For what? They’ll get him on some small fraud charge and my photos will still be out there. It’s not worth it. Not with the baby on the—”
“Baby?”
Shit! I swallow hard, trying to figure out a way to rewind time back to when I wasn’t a stupid idiot.
Holden turns toward me, creaking the bed. “Little one, are you pregnant?” It’s the first time his emotions have taken over his normally very resigned way of speaking.
My stomach tightens. “I think so. I just took a test yesterday. I still have to see a doctor, but… yeah, two big pink lines.” I purse my lips as I tell him my truth. “I don’t know what I’m going to do. I have the shop that’s failing, no family, and there’s no way in hell I’m telling Tyler. He doesn’t deserve to know.”
Holden doesn’t respond. He stares at me with a frozen expression, and for the first time since I started seeing him, I don’t think he knows what to say.
“You okay?” I finally prompt. “I know I should’ve told you last night, but I was… I wasn’t sure if it was real, and I wanted to see a doctor before I went running my mouth.”
“No, don’t be sorry.” He brushes the back of my hair again. “This is great news. We just need to be smart about how this goes down.”
“Smart how?”
“Tyler can’t know you’re pregnant. We have to think it through is all.” He goes inward, searching for answers to my problem. I have to say, this is when he turns me on the most. I love seeing his brain work. I love watching him process problems. “Have you ever thought of leaving town?”
“Yeah, but my shop with Rosie and… the three of you all have lives here. I don’t want to be without you.”
“No, little one, you’re never gonna be without me. I’m here.” He kisses my forehead. “I promise.”
If I knew every hit I ever took was leading me to this moment, I’d take them over and over again. I’m not sure what I ever did to deserve this kind of acceptance.
“I’ll figure it out for you. For now, just get yourself to the doctor.” He rolls over, weighing me down with the strength of his frame. He’s much leaner than Rhett or Maverick, but his body is still strong. “But before you go, I need you to repeat after me.” His tone is soft and gentle, and the mere tenderness of his words have my clit on high alert. “I’m strong…”
I wait for more, but he’s paused, and I think he really wants me to repeat what he’s saying. I feel silly that he’s asking me to.
“Come on. Say it. I’m strong…”
“I’m strong.”
He brushes a strand of hair from my face. “I’m beautiful.”
“Really?”
“Come on,” he rasps. “Say it. I’m beautiful …”
“I’m beautiful.”
“I’m smart…”
“I’m smart.” Why is this so hard?
“And I’m so fucking loved.”
For some reason, tears fill my eyes, and this soft bit of reassurance goes straight to my soul, filling me up in ways I’ve never been filled. I didn’t ask for it. I didn’t beg. He just listened, knew what I needed, and gave it to me like he wanted to, like he means it. “And I’m so fucking loved.”
His thumb swipes away the tears falling from my vision.
“How do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“How do you know the right thing to say, and when to say it?”
He laughs. “Years of therapist school teaches you a lot about what people need.”
“No, it’s more than that.”
He kisses my forehead and goes back to brushing my hair gently, barely touching my skin with each simple stroke. “Did I ever tell you why I wanted to be a therapist?”
“No.”
“When I was young, I watched my dad go into these rages. He’d get really angry at simple things. My mother asking him a question he didn’t seem necessary, or her needing simple reassurances. Sometimes, he’d get physically aggressive with both of us. She made excuses for him over and over again. A lot of people blamed her for staying, but I knew deep down that her brain wasn’t right anymore. She’d endured so much manipulation, so much abuse, so much trauma that she really truly couldn’t make a clear decision. I went to school to figure out how abuse affects the brain. I wanted to know every detail of what he’d done to her so I could help.”
“Did you help her?”
He looks inward again, then toward me. “I don’t think so. She was too far gone by the time I graduated. I mean, the shit abuse does to you is incredible.”
“Like what?”
“Even minor, repeated emotional abuse causes changes in brain chemistry. It leads to maladaptive coping skills, a disconnect from emotions, avoidant behaviors, and isolation. The worst part is the codependency that’s created through abuse. Your brain gets used to highs and lows, so you develop a sort of abandonment anxiety, which can lead to chronic pain, and all kinds of physical alignments.”
I swallow hard and make eye contact with Holden. “Codependency is no joke. Tyler would scream and yell, and I’d run back to him for comfort. I hated myself for it.”
“And when he hugs you after the abuse, it tricks your brain into thinking he loves you, because your heart believes he wouldn’t soften if he didn’t care. You trust again and the cycle continues.”
A lump forms in my throat and my voice cracks as I say, “Yes… that’s what kept me sucked in. I always thought that deep down he cared, and that he wanted to change but didn’t know how. In reality, he didn’t want to change at all.”
Holden stares down at me with dark brown eyes and brushes his hand against my cheek. “I’m here with you, little one. You’re safe now.”
I grin and hold him close. It’s so weird that I spent so much time watering fake flowers expecting them to grow. If I’d known for a second what it felt like to smell real roses, I’d have left ages ago.
Holden kisses the tip of my nose as I twist the hair on his chest. I’m not sure I’ll ever understand what I did to deserve these men. “I’m sorry you couldn’t help your mom. Is she still…”
“She’s up in Rugged Mountain. My dad died a few years ago. I hate to say it, but I think she finally feels free.”
I blow out a breath then lean up and kiss his lips gently, pushing my fingertips through his hair. I can’t imagine what life would’ve been like had I watched my father abuse my mother growing up. They died when I was young and I don’t have many memories of them, but those that I do have are good, sweet, and romantic. My father was always doting on my mom. I remember him bringing her handpicked flowers and planning romantic picnics for them by the lake.
Holden heals so many people, but who heals him?
My tongue slips past his lips and I grip him tight, stroking his hard, thick cock in my hand as I lift my hips to scrub against his mindlessly.
He rolls onto his back as I climb up onto his waist, straddling his frame as our lips stay bound together. His hand is on my face while his thick cock is hard and waiting.
I slip my panties to the side and pull him from his boxers, lowering down onto his long, wide girth slowly with a moan. I should have thought about a condom, especially if I’m actively having sex with Rhett too, but what’s done is done. He’s inside of me, raw and hard.
His fingertips sink into my hips as I rock back and forth gently, holding his gaze.
“You’re such a good girl, little one.”
My eyes roll back in my head as I finger back through the wild mess my hair has become. “You’re so deep.” I grind back and forth, rubbing against his length as my heavy tits sway back and forth. “I’m going to come.”
“Give it to me. Give Daddy your come. Be a good girl and give it to me.” I don’t know if it’s the dirty talk, the emotional vulnerability, the pregnancy hormones, or the way Holden touches me, but my body coils up tightly, squeezing my thighs hard around his cock before I come hard, finally releasing all the built-up tension from last night.
A moment later, Holden joins me, groaning as he shoots hot come inside my soaking pussy.
“Damn,” he pants, keeping his hands firmly stuck on my hips as we ride out the orgasm. “I don’t deserve that.”
“You deserve so much more of that.” I lean down and kiss his lips, savoring the way he smells. The rich mandarin and the undefinable spice. It’s elevated, rich, and will always be immediately comforting to me.
He growls low in his throat and rolls me onto my back, his weight again on top of me. “You know what you deserve?”
I shake my head and unintentionally wet my lips.
He leans into my neck and kisses me softly, rubbing his thumb against the faint whisper of my collarbone and up the line of my jaw. His lips land near my ears and in a soft rumble he murmurs, “Everything, little one. You deserve everything, and I’m gonna do whatever it takes to give it to you.”
Tears well and fall from the corners of my eyes, soaking a bird tattoo on his left shoulder. “Is that a raven?”
He nods and kisses the lobe of my ear. “Got it ten years ago now. He reminds me that change is always present.”
“It’s funny, Rhett brought me a raven feather the other day. Did I tell you I collect them?”
He shakes his head and holds me closer, kissing the tip of my nose before he speaks. “No, but that’s one more reason why this is meant to be. I can’t wait to learn all the small details that make you, you.”
I swallow hard and lock on Holden’s gaze, memorizing every fraction of emotion that’s coursing through me. I never want to forget the way I feel right now.
I never want to leave this bed.
My phone buzzes on the bedside table, and a moment later the front door swings open and closes again. It slams heavily enough that we hear it in the back room. As much as I’d like to stay here all my life, I need to move. I need to see where Rhett is, know what happened to Maverick last night, and I need to call a doctor to get a proper pregnancy test done.
Leaning up, I kiss Holden over and over on the lips, on his chest, on his shoulders, on the tip of his nose. As much as I need to move, I really don’t want to.
“Molly, can we talk?” A heavy knock hits the bedroom door and my stomach drops. “I’ve been trying to text you.” The voice on the other side of the door is Maverick.
Holden glances toward me and kisses my forehead. “I’ve got to shower and get to the office, anyway. You okay to talk to him alone?”
“Yeah. I want to know what happened last night.”
Holden nods and climbs up from the bed. “I’ll take the back door out then. I love you, little one. I’ll be back tonight.”
I can’t help but grin. “You’re coming back tonight? What happened to all the rules?”
He kisses my forehead gently and steps from the bed with every tattooed muscle on his body flexing. “I don’t have the strength to stay away from you anymore. And truth be told… I don’t want it. I’ll figure things out with work.”
My pulse races, and though I haven’t stood yet, I know my knees are weak. Holden is everything, and though I know we’re playing with fire, I’ve never enjoyed the heat so much.