10. Nine
Nine
Kayleigh
S omehow, I was able to keep it together, but as I sat there retelling Erik about when I was attacked by Connor, I felt like I was back there and back to being the victim I was eight years ago. Maybe I’m not as over it as I’d like to believe.
The first tear falls from my eyes. “My sweet seamrag bheag,”Erik says as he wipes away my tears. His kindness cracks at the wall I keep around my heart. I have been determined to keep everyone out so they can’t see just how damaged I really am. Now that he knows, I am sure he will change his mind about wanting me.
“Come here, my precious girl,” he says, opening his arms, and I immediately wrap my arms around him and hold him as the sobs wrack my body.
“Shh, it’s okay, my precious girl. Let it out; I’m here now no one will ever hurt you again,” he promises as he holds me closer, and I burrow my face in his shirt. He rubs up and down my back as he kisses the top of my head. I wish I could climb inside his chest where I know I will be safe, but that isn’t reality.
I try to take a deep breath and get my body back in control, but it just shakes harder.
“Relax, seamrag bheag,”
“I..I…I ca…can’t.”
“Yes, you can,” he says, continuing to rub his hand up and down my back. I shake my head until I feel his chest vibrate as he grumbles, “Kayleigh Louise O’Sullivan, you need to take a deep breath and calm your mind. You are not there; he is dead.”
I try to calm my mind, but I can’t. I’m back there in my bedroom, Connor on top of me. I’m tied down and this time Emilia isn’t there to save me. No one is.
“Make it hurt, fuck her raw,” I hear Andrew sneer from the shadows of my room. No, he isn’t supposed to be here.
I feel Connor as he thrusts himself in and out of me. I know I’m bleeding; I’m not wet like I am when I’m turned on. No, its thin… like blood.
“Bleed her dry, then we can go fuck the twins.”
“NO! Leave them alone.”
“Kill her!” Andrew yells, I shake my head.
“No. Please don’t.” I feel pressure on my throat and see Andrew standing at my side with a knife to it. He chuckles as I feel my skin being sliced into.
“KAYLEIGH! THAT’S ENOUGH!” I hear a deep voice yell at me. No! Please. No one else. I can’t take it. I feel my chest tighten with each breath. I can’t breathe.
“OPEN YOUR EYES! SOMEONE GET THE FUCKING DOCTOR!”
Someone has my hands pinned above my head, and I can’t see Connor or Andrew anymore. It’s all black, but I can hear people yelling and running around me. I try and yank my hands free but hear, “You are not getting your hands free until you calm down and stop trying to hurt yourself, seamrag bheag.”
“LET GO OF MEEEE!” I scream so loud that I can feel a twinge of pain in my throat.
“FUCK! SHE’S FUCKING LOSING BLOOD! WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT FUCKING DOCTOR?” the same voice as before yells.
I continue to fight whoever has my hands pinned above me, bucking my hips, tossing and turning, yanking my hands to get free. I feel hot breath on my ear as someone leans down and whispers, “All you’re going to do is wear yourself out.”
“Get away from me.”
He chuckles. “Even after death I will never leave you. You are my queen, and you will always have me by your side.”
I shake my head violently.
“It’s okay,” he softly says before his voice gets a menacing tone and he continues, “What fucking took you so long? I don’t pay you to jerk your dick off when I need you. I call, you get your fucking ass here. Especially if it’s for my queen.”
Queen? Why does he keep calling me his queen?
WAIT!
Only one person has ever called me that. Ouch! I open my eyes only to see that I’m in Erik’s arms and a man in a white coat has a needle in my arm and is giving me something.
“Erik?” I hoarsely whisper.
“It’s ok, seamrag bheag. You rest. I will be here when you wake up,” he says with a kiss to my forehead.
I have no idea how long it has been since I passed out in Erik’s arms, but we are still in the same position.
“Hey, my sleepy seamrag bheag.”
“Hi,” I whisper.
“How are you feeling?”
“My heads hurts.”
Erik nods and kisses the top of my head. “The doctor said it might hurt when you wake up. He said to give you this,” he says while passing me two pills and a glass of water. I quickly swallow the pills and drink the glass of water. I hand him back the glass and he sets it down on the end table before he starts massaging my head. I sink into his touch.
“I need to call my Daid.”
“I already called him.”
“Oh… is he coming?”
“Why would he be coming?”
“To take me home.”
His fingers tilt my head up. “He is not coming to get you. How many times do I need to tell you that you are mine?”
“You can drop the act. I know you don’t want me, especially now.”
“Are you telling me how I feel?”
“I’m trying to save you the hassle of feeling like you need to spare my feelings.”
“Spare your feelings? I don’t need to spare your feelings when you are mine, and I dare anyone try and take you from me.”
“Why would you want me? You heard everything I have been through.”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“Because I’m fucking weak.”
He stands up with me in his arms, bends me over the edge of the bed, and I try and push against it, but he pushes me back down with a hand between my shoulders.
“Get the fuck off me, Erik.”
“No. You want to say stupid shit about my future wife, I will teach you to never do so again.”
“Fuck you. You can’t do this to me.”
“You will see that I can, and I will. You do not get to talk that way about my future wife,” he says as he strips me bare from the waist down, shoving my pants and underwear around my ankles. I try and kick out at him, but he traps my legs between his.
“Now, what lies were you saying about my future wife?”
“Lies? They are the fucking truth. I’m broken and weak. No one wants to be with a woman who has scars physically and emotionally.”
Whack.
“Ouch. Fucking hell. Don’t do that fucking shit.”
“I’ll ignore the cursing right now, but let’s get back to what you said about no one wanting a woman with scars. Boys might not want to be with a woman with scars, but a real man, especially one who knows he has found the woman who he is going to spend the rest of his life with, he will see her scars and know he has a strong woman by his side, and he will move heaven and earth to be with her.”
“As sweet as that is, and whoever becomes that for you is lucky to have a man so devoted to her, I know I am not that woman.”
Whack. Whack. Whack.
Ouch! My ass is on fire.
“What the fuck, Erik?”
“I told you, no one talks that way about my future wife.”
“I’M NOT YOUR FUTURE WIFE, YOU DELUSIONAL OLD MAN!”
He takes a deep breath before I hear the sound of his belt being pulled from his pants.
“Don’t you fucking dare,” I snarl at him.
“Oh, I will dare until you learn never to speak that way about yourself ever again.”
“Fuck. You.” He chuckles darkly before I hear his belt cut through the air.
I yelp when it stings my ass.
“Ready to take it back?”
“No.”
“Okay then.” He smacks my ass five more times. My hands curl around the blankets on his bed as I fight not to give in.
“How about now?”
“As I fucking said: no. I’m not what you need.” I sneer as I look over my shoulder at him, and he nods then brings the belt down on my ass even harder.
“Fuck!” I scream and slump my head into the mattress. “Please stop.”
He ignores me and keeps going. I keep begging, crying for him to stop, but he doesn’t. After another fifteen smacks with the belt, I give in, sobbing.
“I’m sorry, please.”
“Are you ready to admit you are not weak, broken, or any other of that pathetic bullshit you were spewing?”
I nod.
“Good.” He picks me up in his arms and holds me as I cry everything out.
“You are not weak. You have gone through so much and have refused to lean on anyone. You will not do that anymore. I am here. When you need something, you come to me, and I will provide it for you.”
I can’t do anything but cry.
“It’s okay,” he coos.
I have no idea how long it takes, but exhaustion slams into me and I surrender to the darkness.