38. Thirty-Seven
Thirty-Seven
Kayleigh
“A re you ready?” Erik asks as he holds the door open for the nurse who is pushing my wheelchair into the NICU.
“Yes,” I say excitedly.
“Hello, Mom and Dad. Before you can spend time with Miss Makenna you need to wash your hands and then you can put them inside the incubator. We can’t take her out yet, but you can hold her hand,” one of the NICU nurses tells us. Erik helps me to my feet and holds onto me while I wash my hands at the sink before he lowers me back into the wheelchair and washes his own hands.
“Look at her,” I whisper and rest my hand on the side of her incubator.
“She is so tiny,” Erik says next to me.
“She is, but she is also a little fighter. My name is Abigail. I’m one of the nurses here in the NICU,” the same nurse from before says.
“Nice to meet you. I’m Erik, and this is my wife, Kayleigh,” Erik says.
“How is she doing?” I ask.
“Not much improvement from this morning, but it takes time to build strength in the lungs. Mom, why don’t you hold her hand?”
I nod and open the latch on the side of the incubator. I rub my finger over her tiny knuckles and almost weep as she flexes her fingers and starts getting fussy. “It’s okay, baby girl. Mama is here,” I gently coo and give her my finger to wrap around hers around.
“Look at that. She knows who her mama is,” Erik says. I look over to see a smile on his face like none I’ve ever seen before. “I’m still in awe that she is here,” he continues.
“Me too,” I say, giving Makenna all my attention. We both stare quietly at her, and after a bit, I remove my finger from her fist but she starts to fuss.
“What’s wrong, baby girl?” Erik asks immediately, doing the same thing I did, and she quiets down.
“Looks like we have a daddy’s girl on our hands.” I smile and Erik nods, not taking his eyes off her, like he’s afraid to miss a moment.
This is not how it was supposed to be. Fucking Eva and fucking Elizabeth are the reasons I didn’t get to enjoy my pregnancy. I couldn’t go walking around a baby store and ooh and aah over all the adorable baby clothes. Granted, we didn’t know the gender because every sonogram Makenna was difficult. Yes, we could have done the blood work to find out her gender, but we wanted to find out by the sonogram or be surprised. Just shows she is definitely our daughter being so stubborn.
I wanted to have a baby shower, but I was on strict bedrest, only able to get out of bed to pee and sit in the bath. They were worried about me standing in the shower, and I could only soak in the tub for ten minutes.
It’s not fucking fair, and because of everything they did, they took away the chance of us having another child. Yes, we can do surrogacy, but I want to carry them, feel them move like I did with Makenna.
Sensing my mood change, Erik grabs my hand with his free one. I squeeze it but swallow back my tears of anger. It’s not his fault.
I’m being a fucking bitch; I should be soaking in the moment not bitching and moaning. She is here and alive, that is all that should matter.
“Look like someone is tired,” Abigail tells us after Makenna yawns.
“Do we need to leave?” I ask, hoping and praying we don’t.
“You can stay until visiting hours are over,” she tells us with a huge smile. She is like a little ray of sunshine. She checks Makenna’s monitors, and I watch too, seeing her blood pressure is a little high but that’s to be expected. Her little body has been through a lot. My eyes keep scanning over all her vitals.
“Would you like me to explain what each one is and what we are looking for?”
“No need, Kayleigh is actually studying to be a nurse.”
“Really?”
“What are you focusing on?”
“To be an emergency room nurse. I like how each day will be a surprise of what is going to walk through the doors. I like the challenge.”
“I give you credit, girl. I hate when I have to go down and help in the ER. I’d rather have my babies who aren’t crabby, grouchy old men, or the stories that break your heart and no matter how bad you want to help you can’t do anything to heal their injuries.”
“Yeah, those are hard to witness, but I also help them have a few moments of relief while they are with me. It can mean a lot just to see a kind face. I understand firsthand that one person can make a difference in someone’s life.”
“That is true. Is Miss Makenna here your first baby?”
“Yes, first and only,” I tell her.
“Does that mean you are going to be extra spoiled, pretty lady?” Abigail coos at her. Makenna turns her head away from us and toward Abigail. I want to be mad that Makenna has formed a bond with Abigail, but on the other hand, Abigail is so sweet and caring. I know Makenna is in good hands and is not alone. Erik hired extra security for outside the NICU and Grant has hacked into their security footage so me or Erik can watch at any time.
Which we did earlier.
We spend hours in the NICU. I really like Abigail. I think I’m going to see if Erik can hire her to be Makenna’s nurse when she comes home from the hospital until she gets a clean bill of health. We talk to her, and she tells us how she is a single mom to a twelve-year-old boy who loves sports and computers. She lives with her mom who has been helping watch her son when she is at work. Apparently her son’s father walked out the moment she found out she was pregnant.
She said she never begged him to stay. “He made his choice, which was his biggest mistake. He is missing out my son, who is the biggest blessing and joy in my life.”
And before having Makenna, I would have said I understood, but I had no idea until actually having my daughter. If Erik walked away today, I wouldn’t regret it because being with him got me Makenna and there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her.
I just hope she starts getting better because I have no idea how I am going to go home when she is still here in the NICU. How can I leave knowing she is going to be thirty minutes away from me?