Chapter 16 The Golden Orb
THE GOLDEN ORB
EMERY
“Where are you taking me?” I ask.
Damon remains suspiciously quiet as we weave through the villa toward the suites.
I perk up a brow as he leads me down the hall in the direction of his room.
“Damon…”
He sighs. “I’m not planning on seducing you, Emery.” As we reach his room, he punches in the key code and motions for me to step inside. I hesitate. I’ve been doing a lot of that recently. “Please. I promise I won’t try anything. I want to show you something.”
With a resigned breath, I step through the threshold, arms crossed over my chest as he circles around me, slipping into the closet. I hover anxiously in the middle of the room as he retrieves whatever the hell it is that he wants to show me.
“Close your eyes,” I hear him say from afar. A couple beats. “Please.”
I’ve heard him say the word please more times this past week than he has since he bulldozed into my life. It’s unnerving. I can’t seem to reconcile this side of him to the loud, destructive force that I’ve come to admire in the most twisted of ways.
“Are they closed?”
Against my better judgment, my eyelids flutter shut, and I stand in front of the unknown. “Yes.”
His footsteps grow louder as he approaches me, and my pulse quickens.
“Open.”
And I do.
My heart clenches as I stare at the canvas Damon holds out in front of me. I take in the details, the colors, the textures, and I'm instantly captivated, drawn into his world, his mind.
It’s a painting of a deep dark forest, the jagged branches and trees giving me access to his inner most thoughts. A river flows through the heart of the forest, its surface shimmering with the faintest reflection of the moon above.
I tilt my head, studying the painting.
Perhaps it’s not a moon at all, but a ball of energy, a ball of hope. The golden orb hovers in the sky like a promise. And it’s beautiful. Damon’s hope… It’s beautiful.
Damon's soft, almost timid voice breaks the silence. "I painted this for you.” He swallows, visibly nervous. “You’re the light, Emery.” His finger glides along the bumpy texture of the oil paint until he gently circles the orb. “This is you.”
I’ve seen his graveyard of half-sketched pieces, of unfinished canvases. But he did it. He finished a painting. He created this breathtaking piece of art…for me.
“It’s beautiful.” Tears well up in my eyes, and I glance up at him. Despite the lies and secrets and hurt, in this moment, I see him. I see the light. And he’s wrong. I’m not the light. He is. “I’m proud of you, Damon.”
Setting the painting to the side, he takes a deep breath. “I couldn’t have done it without you, Emery,” he says, raw and hoarse. “You… You make me feel like I can accomplish anything. Together, we could be unstoppable.”
And then he does something so goddamn foolish.
He sinks down on one knee.
“Damon…”
With a familiar black diamond ring pinched between his fingers, he looks up at me, expression tender and brave and so misguided.
“I know that these past two weeks have been chaotic, that I’ve made so many fucking mistakes,” he begins.
“But I love you, Emery. And I know you love me. I know that you’re scared and I’m scared too, but let’s be scared together.
Let’s take this leap of faith…together. I can’t undo the past, and I can’t change what I did, but I can promise to do better.
I am promising to do better. Let’s forget the past. Let’s forget everything and start new. ”
I shake my head, teeth clenched to stop myself from breaking down in gut-wrenching tears. “Get up, Damon.”
“Emery…”
“Get. Up. Right now.”
“But—”
“Get up, Damon,” I repeat myself, my hands shaking. “You need to get up right fucking now because I am not doing this with you.”
His face twists with genuine confusion. “Doing what?”
My eyes widen. “Are you serious? Damon! This entire week you’ve been parading Maya around the villa, rubbing her in my face, and now you’re proposing to me? Can you honestly not see how fucked up that is?”
“And you’ve been with Quinton,” he retorts, but there’s no venom in his tone. Surprising. “We both made mistakes. We’ve both…acted out of fear. It’s—”
“Fear?” I blink down at him. “What you did was not out of fear, Damon. It was out of resentment. You even said so yourself. You wanted to hurt me. You wanted to use Maya as some sort of revenge device.”
His teeth clench, and regret captures his dark, desperate eyes.
“I shouldn’t have done that. I-I was just so angry.
I was…lost.” He swallows. "Lost in my own insecurities.
I couldn't bear the thought of losing you, Emery, and it clouded my judgment.
I-I allowed my fear and jealousy to drive me to do things I never should have done. "
The raw honesty in his voice threatens my resolve.
The funny thing is, his short fling with Maya didn’t bother me in the way he had planned.
I didn’t wish her ill or instantly regret my choice to come here with Quin.
I mostly felt bad for Maya. And for Damon.
His behavior was childlike, almost innocent in its blatant intentions.
And if Damon were the only man who had a piece of my heart, I wouldn’t think twice about sliding that diamond on my ring finger. If I didn’t know what I know about his past, then it would be easy.
"Emery, I don't expect you to accept this proposal now," he says, slowly rising to his feet, the ring still held gently in his hand. "But please know that my love for you is real, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make amends for the pain I've caused you."
I take a deep breath, the tension in my body slowly easing. The room is silent, and for a moment, I find myself staring at the painting, the distant golden orb shining amidst the shadows.
"Emery… I'm asking for your forgiveness. I want the chance to prove to you that I can be the man you deserve. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I promise I won’t let you down."
In my heart. A heart that he’s given to me.
No.
I take a step closer to him, my anger subsiding, replaced by a sorrowful, aching sadness. I care for him, so deeply that I wouldn’t be able to live my life with him, knowing I’m harboring the devastating truth of his mistakes.
“We can’t be together, Damon,” I say, voice trembling with longing. “I left for a reason. That reason hasn’t changed.”
“I know,” he breathes, tone pleading. “But I promise to never lie to you again. I’ll tell you everything.
Every secret, every thought. That accident, it was…
It’s my biggest mistake, the darkest mark on my soul.
I-I was drinking, Emery. I was so fucking wasted when I hit that cab.
” His neck tenses. “The light was yellow. I swear I thought it was yellow but...” He closes his eyes, tears spilling on his cheek, into his stubble.
“I was going too fast. If I had been sober, I would’ve reacted faster.
I would’ve stopped. I would’ve seen what was happening in front of me.
But I-I paralyzed him, Emery. I ruined his life. I…”
And this is why he can never know. He can never know he took a life.
“It doesn’t matter,” I say, forcing conviction in tone but he doesn’t buy it. “It doesn’t change anything.”
And then he’s back on the floor.
This time on both knees.
He’s not asking for anything.
He’s begging.
“Please.” He clasps his hands, and my heart fucking shatters.
“Please forgive me, Emery. I need you to forgive me. I don’t have anyone left.
They’re all gone. I only have you, Emery.
I only want you. Please forgive me. You have to forgive me.
” Tears flood his eyes. “I don’t want to be alone again, Emery. Please! Please don’t leave me.”
A sharp pain radiates in the center of my chest, and I want nothing more than to kiss his tears away. With every tear that streams down his face, a fragment of this painted mask washes away, and I finally see him. All of him. Afraid. Alone. Grieving. And vulnerable. So fucking bare.
“I can’t, Damon,” I whisper between trembling breaths. “I wish I could, but I can’t. You don’t… You don’t understand. You can’t understand. I—”
“Don’t you love me?” he cries. “If you love me, Emery, then forgive me. Please, God, forgive me!”
“I do forgive you,” I whisper, forcing myself to step away from his magnetic pull. “It was never about that. I forgive you, Damon. But it doesn’t matter. My forgiveness doesn’t change anything.”
“Then why, Emery? Please! Tell me why! Is it Quinton? Do you love him? Do you love him more than me? Do you choose him? Are you picking him? Just tell me. If you’re leaving me, tell me why!”
I shake my head, swallowing back sobs. “I love you both,” I whisper so quietly I’m unsure if he hears me. His glossy eyes quiver with the truth. He heard. “I can’t… I can’t do this, Damon. I…”
As the words die on my lips, I take a step back, turning away from the heart-wrenching man before me. And I run. I keep running. My hurried steps lead me away from heartache, and before I know it, I'm on the roof of the villa surrounded by a sea of stars.
I clutch the railing, my tears finally falling freely as I lean against the cool metal. The night is silent, except for the soft rustling of the trees. The stars twinkle, offering no answers, no solace.
Oh my God.
I love them.
My heart aches and cries at the realization. At the truth I so desperately wanted to avoid. I can’t hide anymore. The emotion washes over me, flooding everything in sight.
God, I love them.
I fucking love them.
Closing my eyes, my tears freeze upon impact as they hit the railing.
A mirror of where I stand. I'm at an impasse. There’s no clear path forward.
What do I do? What am I supposed to do? Each man occupies a distinct place in my heart.
They’re both important. Both so fucking fulfilling.
But it can never work. Not with so many secrets.
Not with so many broken layers of trust.
I stand alone for what feels like hours, days, and I cry. I cry so much that the skies begin to join me, flakes of snow viciously tumbling down from the hovering clouds above.
As I’m lost in the sorrow of my own making, soft footsteps sound behind me, and my breath hitches.
In the dim starlight, I turn around. My heart races, and I wipe away my tears, searching for the source of the footsteps. For a brief moment, the night shrouds the approaching silhouette, and I gasp when their face comes into focus.
“You… What’re you doing here?”
“I’m sorry, bella. This might hurt.”
Before I can react, a crowbar connects with my skull with a sickening thud. Pain explodes in my head, and my vision blurs. The world tilts, and I feel myself falling under the stars.