Chapter 10
CHAPTER
TEN
ATOMIC
“Atomic,” a little voice calls out.
Ryan is resting. I’ve fed her breakfast in bed and helped her bathe under protest, but she needed the help, and I’ve seen every square inch of her. Although, I have to admit that those inches are a bit different these days… better.
I’m still pissed as fuck at Ryan, but when I look at this kid, all that goes away, and I don’t know why. He’s innocent in all of this, and honestly, I can’t be mad at Ryan. I fucked around a hell of a lot on her. And I’m not sure I won’t again, either.
“Adam?”
He lets out a heavy little sigh, which makes me chuckle because he seems so bothered, but he literally has not a single care in the fucking world. He’s only five. What the fuck could be bothering him so much?
“That man,” he begins.
I realize he has more to be worried about than I initially thought.
I didn’t even think about what he’d seen.
I’ve never even asked him. We’ve been getting to know one another the past few days, but everything has been on the surface.
I didn’t know I could even dig deep with a five-year-old, but here the fuck we are.
“Will never hurt you or your mom again,” I state.
He nods his little head a couple of times, his dark hair flying around in the air when he does. “He was scary,” he whispers.
Reaching out, I wrap my arm around his shoulder and give him a gentle shake. “There is nothing for you to be concerned with ever again, Adam. I’m here, and I will protect you both, always.”
Adam turns his head slightly, looking up at me with big eyes. “Are you going to marry my mom?” he asks, his voice full of awe.
There’s no way this kid needs the real explanation of what me and his mother were or are. Hell, I don’t know what the fuck we are right now anyway. She’s my woman. She’s my old lady. But I don’t fucking trust her ass.
So, I’m not sure how that’s going to work.
Do I just go to the house King finds to rent, fuck her, play dad, then go back to the clubhouse and keep her separate from my entire life there? I’m just not sure how I’m going to do all of it, how I’m going to go about what happens next.
“Yeah,” I rasp. “I am.”
Adam smiles. It stretches across his entire face as he stares up at me. “And we’re moving?” he says.
“You’re moving,” I agree.
“Good.”
Adam dips his chin, his gaze moving from mine before he focuses back on the television without another question asked, his curiosity all gone as he watches some cartoon bullshit about a town that’s run by dogs. They even have one that’s a cop, which is kind of hilarious.
There is a noise in the back of the house, and I stand straight up, almost jumping to my feet, my entire body on high alert.
But then I see her shuffling down the short hallway.
Her face isn’t swollen anymore, just marred with different shades of purple and green bruises.
She’s healing, which can be an ugly and painful process.
“What are you doing?” she asks, her gaze flicking from Adam to me.
My lips twitch into a smirk. “Rim went out to grab some pizza. Friday night, pizza and movies,” I say.
“Pizza,” Adam cheers.
“That sounds nice,” Ryan exhales.
Frowning, I watch her for a moment. She lifts her head up, her gaze meeting mine as her lips curve up into a grin. “It does. Really.”
“Do you need something?” I ask.
We’ve been sleeping beside one another, but I haven’t figured out what is going to happen when we go home. I haven’t fucked her yet because her body is still recovering from her attack, but fuck me, I want to be inside of her.
Maybe if I come, I’ll be a little more clearheaded, but right now, I feel like a fucking teenager. And I’m afraid I’m going to make some random fucking decisions because my cock is in a constant hard-on state.
“I need to get it myself,” she says. “It’s time. The more movement, the better.”
Dipping my chin in a single nod, I watch her make her way toward the kitchen as I follow behind her. She doesn’t say anything about me being close enough to catch her if she falls. But that’s my exact purpose.
I want to ensure that I catch her. That I’m close enough to her to save her. Because I made a promise to her and to that five-year-old kid that I would protect her. Always. And that is what I intend to do.
Fuck.
I’ve already started falling for the kid, and part of me thought he was mine. But just because he isn’t my DNA, that doesn’t mean he’s not mine. His biological father isn’t going to come back from the dead anytime soon.
So, in a way, he’s mine.
It’s a goddamn double-edged sword, and each time I think about the situation, I can see her side, too. I hate that. I want to be pissed. I want to hate her. I’m still going to angry fuck her the moment she’s able to handle me, but right now, I feel compassion.
“You okay, legs?” I ask.
She turns her head, her eyes finding mine. She’s standing at the sink, gripping the counter with her fingers, her knuckles turning white as she does.
“I’m okay,” she lies.
Closing the distance between us, I place my hand on the center of her back. She lifts her head to look at me, her lips pressing together in a thin line. I watch her, waiting for her to ask me something because it is clear that she is thinking about it, but she never says it.
Instead, she straightens and releases her lips, smiling as she stares at me. “I’m okay.”
“No,” I rasp, wrapping my arms around her and drawing her against me. “You aren’t.”
But instead of forcing an answer, I lean forward and touch my lips to hers. For the first time since seeing her, I slip my tongue into her mouth, and I taste her. It’s long, it’s consuming, and it is fucking everything.
Gently nibbling on her bottom lip, I hesitantly break the kiss. “But you will be. Swear to fuck, legs. You’re going to be okay.”
“I’ve ruined everything. Every part of my life is in shambles. I’ve always ruined your life. And now you’re here protecting me and swearing you’re going to be there for me… for us.”
My lips twitch into a smirk. “You done?” I ask.
Her eyes widen, and her lips part as she stares at me. “What?”
I chuckle as my hand lifts and my fingers grip the back of her neck as gently as possible, although since I feel like a pent-up teenager, I’m starting to lose my edge… and my control over every part of me.
“You ain’t ruined shit, babe. We’re gonna work through whatever the fuck this is, and we’ll come out on the other side. We always do.”
RYAN
We’ll come out on the other side. We always do.
We.
It’s been a long time since I’ve heard those words. He used to say that when we were together, but I never expected to hear them again. The way he says it, I know he means it. Or maybe it’s the way he’s looking into my eyes.
“I wish…” I begin, “that I had myself figured out six years ago. Because—all of this. I can’t believe I walked away from it.”
I’m positive that this is a different man in front of me than the one who fucked everything with legs and told me to get over it.
The man who drank and smoked, who partied and ran around like he was a teenager but was really thirty years old.
At least that’s what I tell myself. This cannot be that same man.
“Legs, neither of us had our shit together six years ago. If we’re going to go forward, we have to stop talking about the past. It happened, but we can’t change it.”
“Does that mean you forgive me?” I ask softly. Although his answer won’t matter once he finds out the real secret I’m holding. I’m so damn dirty for this. I’m disgusted with myself, but I can’t tell him, not yet.
He shrugs a shoulder. “I can try.”
Atomic’s hand falls from my neck. He takes a step backward and then turns toward the fridge. I watch as he tugs it open, bending slightly as he rustles around in there, then brings two bottles of water out.
He twists the caps off, tossing them on the counter before he extends one of the waters to me. Wrapping my fingers around the cool bottle, I bring it to my lips and take a long pull. He does the same.
I don’t know if he’s trying to buy time, but I sure as shit want him to. I don’t think I’m ready for whatever it is he’s going to say. Placing the bottle down on the counter, I lift my gaze to his, holding his attention, then I sink my teeth into the skin on the inside of my cheek.
“I’m not going to say that it’s easy to think of you having had a baby with someone else, but I want this, legs. It’s always been us, and this is just the way life happens sometimes.”
I let out a heavy sigh and turn away from him. I can’t stand to look at his face. I’m a liar, and I don’t deserve his eyes on me. He doesn’t force me to look at him, though, not the way I thought he would.
Then I decide to give him some truth. “Grover,” I whisper, trying his name out again.
I like it so much that I plan to keep calling him that. From now on, Atomic is my past, but Grover, this man is my future. And I don’t care how cheesy it sounds. It’s the truth, and it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
Even if I’m a lying bitch.
“Yeah,” he rasps.
Turning my head slightly, I look at the back of Adam’s head on the couch, watching his Paw Patrol cartoon. He’s so perfect. He’s the best parts of Atomic and me, smushed into one perfect little brown-haired boy's body.
“I didn’t have a baby with anyone else,” I say. “I had Adam on my own. He’s always just been mine.”
That is the truth. He’s mine. He’s always been mine.
I don’t know if I should claim that kind of ownership over another person, but Adam is everything good.
I’ve kept him away from Ellen, away from my family, and I’ve tried to shelter him as much as humanly possible.
Although, all that sheltering was blown out of the water when Ellen’s bullshit came knocking my door down and beat the shit out of me.
Atomic’s lips twitch into a smirk. He always looks like he’s got a little inside joke, probably something dirty, working inside of his head.
It’s sexy and bad all rolled into one. He sinks his teeth into his bottom lip, then releases it and lifts his hand, curling his fingers around the back of my neck with a gentle squeeze.
“Then he’s ours, legs. Yours and mine.”
That hurts.
But not because he wants to claim Adam as his own, because Adam is his, and I’m keeping it from him. The lie causes me physical pain. This can’t be good. And I’m afraid I’ve now dug a hole too deep to get out of at this point.