Chapter 9
MARK
“Where have you been?” Greg rises from the couch and approaches me.
“How the fuck did you get in here?” I ask, dropping the bag of Tim’s clothes beside the kitchen counter of my apartment. After I left his place, I swung by the laundromat to take care of the mess I made.
“I told the landlord I lost my key.”
I set my keys on the counter. “That was real clever. I guess I didn’t realize I had to let everyone in the building know we broke up. I guess I need to send him an email. Now get the fuck out.”
He stands there in a red hoodie and jeans, his short blond hair combed to the side.
He looks like a model. Like someone I would have pulled up a thousand times on my laptop when I was in my teens to jerk off to his image.
And while I admit it was hot being with him, that sharp jawline and those hypnotic blue eyes are just reminders of someone who broke my heart.
As shitty as his grades are, I’m pissed at how clever he was about being a sleazy fuck.
“Hold up,” he says in his most masculine voice—the sort I figure he has to use around all his frat bros. “You got to tell me what the fuck was going on between you and Tim Halwell.”
“What business of that is yours? And why do you think after what you did you get to come walking back into my life like this, acting like you have a say about shit? If I choose to fuck around with Tim, that’s my business.
But like hell I’m going to listen to you about anything after what you did.
Why don’t you go back to Morgan, and you two chat about how I’m totally losing my mind right now. ”
“Mark…”
“Get the fuck out before I call the police.”
He sighs before heading toward me. I step out of the path to the door, and he glances at the garbage bag stuffed with Tim’s clothes as he passes. When he reaches the door, he turns back to me.
“I am sorry about what happened,” he says. “And I hope in time you can come to forgive me, because I do care about you. And I want us to be friends.”
“And I wanted to be with a good guy, but I guess we can’t all get what we want, can we?”
“If you think fucking around with Tim Halwell is a way to protect yourself, you’re heading down a dangerous path.”
“You don’t even know him.”
“We both know what he is. What he does with guys. You think I’m bad? Why don’t you ask your buddy Keith about his games?”
I’ll have my chance. When I checked my phone this morning, I saw the message from him. He has the same question as Greg, and for a very good reason. Although, I don’t know how the fuck to explain this to him. I need to find a way, though, considering I agreed to have lunch with him.
Greg starts to head out, but glances at the bag one more time.
“It’s Tim’s laundry,” I say. I want to leave him with that…as a big fat Fuck You. “Goodbye.”
He closes his eyes like he’s summoning the strength not to say anything else. Then he heads out, leaving me reeling in anger. Fury.
This isn’t what I wanted to come home to. Not while I still feel exhausted and tired and dirty from the night before.
After he leaves, I get cleaned up and watch some episodes of RuPaul’s Drag Race while I work on some homework.
Although I don’t know what the fuck I want to do with my life, Mom encouraged me to major in poli-sci.
Said it would be the perfect foundation to apply to law school.
Her dream is I’ll enter the family business, but I don’t have any intention of following in her path.
The life she lives is an exhausting one.
As far as I’m concerned, I’m secretly majoring in biology.
As the afternoon rolls around, I get dressed and head out to meet Keith at the Starbucks on campus.
He wears a smile as he greets me, but I know he’s curious as fuck about last night.
“Hey, man,” I say as I sit and set my bookbag on the floor beside my chair.
“Last night was crazy for someone.” He’s obviously not beating around the bush.
“Yes, it was.”
“So…you and Tim?” I can hear the suspicion in his tone. See it all over his expression.
He feels like I’m keeping this from him. Like I was running around with his man behind his back.
“I don’t really know him,” I reply quickly.
“But you just hopped on his motorcycle with him? Come on. What’s the real story, Mark?”
“I talked to him the other day about the shit that he did with you. Told him off about it.”
It’s a half-truth…ish.
“And you became buddies over that?” he asks, his eyebrows pushing together as he struggles to make sense out of what I’m saying.
“No. He just doesn’t like Greg, either, and he was trying to get me out of a bad situation.”
“Did you fuck?”
“No.”
Not after he took me home last night, at least.
God, I wish Keith wasn’t still hung up on Tim. That makes what we’ve done so much more fucking complicated.
“Look,” I say. “I haven’t been like talking to you all this time about what he did to you and then been chatting him up behind your back.
That’s all I’m saying. I saw him at a party the other week and again at school briefly.
That’s it. He knows about what went down between us.
He was trying to help me out last night because I was wasted. That was it.”
His suspicion settles. Although considering how defensive I was about it, I’m sure he must know I’m not being entirely honest right now.
The bead of sweat sliding down my forehead and my warm palms assure me I know I’m doing something wrong by keeping the truth from him, but I can’t tell him we’ve already fucked twice and that I wouldn’t mind doing it again.
And why should I tell him? There isn’t really anything going on between me and Tim. We hooked up, but they aren’t going out, and I didn’t fuck him because I liked him. I fucked him because it felt good.
So fucking good.
“Ok, cool,” Keith says. “So how’s the fam doing?”
“Mom keeps calling, but I haven’t talked to her. Been too busy with work and school.”
“Well, you shouldn’t have taken on that job. You know your mom would have paid for your place.”
I glare at him. “Really? And have her rub that in my face? No. I got here on my own scholarship, and I pay for my own place. I don’t need Mom’s money to survive, and she needs to know that.
Trust me, if she was paying for all this, she’d be even more annoying than she already is, and I’d feel even more like I need to show up to every press conference and every charity benefit she signs up for. ”
“Just saying that waiting tables at a barbeque grill can’t be the most fun way of spending your free time.”
“What would be a better use of my time? Doing blow and K with your buddies?”
He shrugs, wearing a cocky smirk like he thinks that would be more fun.
I roll my eyes.
“So where are you getting this shit now that you can’t use Tim anymore?” I ask.
“Tim agreed to exchange shit with Jared so things wouldn’t be awkward.”
“And…?” I ask.
“I’m better.”
But considering the conversation we just had and the sad expression on his face, I know that isn’t true.
“No, really,” he says, obviously sensing my disbelief.
“It’s taken some time, but at least I can stand to see him when I pass him in the hall.
I didn’t realize how hard it would be to see him around on campus, but it’s getting easier.
I just kind of take deep breaths. Like I did when he was at that party last night. ”
My phone pings.
“Oh, must be mommy dearest calling to check in on you?”
I pull it out and see Tim’s name on the screen. I got his number so we could coordinate him getting his clothes from me.
“What’d she say?” Keith asks.
“Just about this fundraiser shit we’re going to next week.”
I don’t like lying to my friend, but he’d be weird about this. Plus, I can’t say we’re the best of buds since he’s still hanging out with Greg after what happened the other week. I know it’s a lot to expect him to choose sides, but it still irritates the shit out of me.
We catch up some more, talking about classes and gossip that’s circulating through a few of our mutual friends before I let him know I need to head out to catch up on my homework. That’s not the reason, though. It’s that Tim texted to let me know he wants to swing by to pick up his clothes.
I tidy up and take care of a little personal hygiene in case inspiration has its way with us, and Tim has his way with me.
While I was preparing for him to come over, I made sure the condoms were conveniently placed in the nightstand of my bedroom and checked to ensure there was enough lube.
I don’t know why I’m so obsessed with having sex with him again.
He won’t want to.
I keep reminding myself I’ve blown whatever chance we had to be a regular hookup the moment I acted like a clumsy fuck around him and vomited all over his clothes. But I still want it again.
Now I understand how Keith got into trouble.
Fucking Tim is like escaping all worries and troubles and being totally wrapped up in him and his passion.
Although, I can’t imagine why Keith fell for him.
Nice as Tim was to me when he helped me get away from that party, I’m not even remotely confused about the kind of guy he is…
and that there’s no chance of any sort of relationship forming.
I can’t understand how other guys don’t get that about him.
It’s clear he can’t do relationships. And equally important, that he’d be a shitty boyfriend.
I think they like the idea of tying him down. I just want a good fuck…desperately want it. So much that as I wait for him to pick up his clothes, it hurts thinking he could grab them and leave.
A knock at the door offers me hope.
I move to get it, but take my time. Don’t want him to think I’m too eager. But this pretense seems silly. I’ve never been good at hiding my feelings for a guy…even if it’s just to have sex with them.
“Hey, man,” I say after I open the door. I mimic the sort of casual introduction I used to get from Greg when we started seeing each other. It always came across as super-chill. Relaxed…even though I was anything but relaxed.