Chapter 29
TIM
Icheck my button-up and tie in the bathroom mirror.
“I look stupid.”
“You look handsome,” Nanna says. She stands in the hall outside the bathroom as I check out one of the few sets of nice clothes I own—and only because Roy made me buy some so we could infiltrate some of the fraternity formals.
As Nanna steps into the bathroom to adjust my tie, I note the stark contrast between what I’m wearing and her sweats and old T-shirt.
While I’m out having dinner at some fancy restaurant Mark’s picked out, she’ll be keeping herself occupied with a few books she’s downloaded to her Kindle.
This is Mark’s and my first real date. A sort of cross between a date and a celebration of my job.
It’s been three weeks since I started at The Independent, a billiards bistro in Midtown.
I got the lead from one of my clients. Hasn’t been too hard falling back into my old line of work.
I kept dealing for Jesse a little bit just out of courtesy, but I’ve been out of the business for over a week and a half now.
Jesse was bummed to lose me, but he was understanding.
Said if things didn’t work out—which he assured me they would—he’d take me back.
Bartending won’t put a dent in the debt.
I know that. But as Nanna said when I told her I was going to be making less money now that I won’t be a bouncer anymore, “We might spend our lives trying to crawl out of a hole, but at least we’ll be doing it together.
” And I think she was right. Since I started this job, I feel like I can talk to Nanna and Mark about shit.
Even being underwater is better when I’m not alone.
“Maybe I should wear a T-shirt and jeans,” I say. “I don’t belong in a fucking tie.”
“Yes, you do. You look amazing, and I’m going to stand in the doorway and block you from your room until you promise me you’re going to wear it.”
“I can take you.”
She places her hands on either side of the doorway. “Make my day.”
As I chuckle, she smiles too.
“There you go. That’s the Timmy I want to see right now. My adorable boy who’s fallen for an amazing guy.”
My cheeks warm.
“Oh, God. Did I make you blush, Timmy?”
“Shut it!” I turn away from her, but I know she can see my profile in the mirror.
“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. You’re in love, and it’s so precious. I’m just happy you’re finally letting yourself have something for you.”
“You and me both.” I turn back to her.
She steps closer and runs her hands through my hair, eyeing it with care as she fixes it.
“There. That’s better. No, you’re going to go out and have some fun tonight, and you’re going to forget about the crazy old lady at home who’s been worried about you most of your life. You’re going to leave behind the past—those things that weren’t your fault.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t act like I don’t know what that talk was all about the other week.
I know you haven’t gotten close to anyone in a long time, and it’s because you didn’t have the fairest of upbringings.
Life isn’t fair, as I’m sure you’ve noticed with that and all this stuff with my cancer over the past year.
But that’s why when something good comes along, you seize it and enjoy it as much as you possibly can.
Because you never know when it might slip away from you. ”
“Thank you, Nanna.”
“It wasn’t that awful was it?” she asks, her expression saddening.
“What?”
“Being here? Taking care of me? I meant that when I said if I thought I could find a way to get rid of you, I would. For your own sake.”
“It’s just ’cause I’m stronger and won’t listen,” I tease.
“No jokes right now, Timmy. I’m being serious. Has it been all that horrible having to put up with me all these years?”
I can tell she wants me to be honest, but I can also see the pain in her face. Like it will kill her to know that I’ve been unhappy for all these years.
“They haven’t been easy,” I say. “But I chose to be here because I love you, and I care about you. And being with you has meant the whole world to me because you’re the only reason I ever had for doing anything at all with my life.”
Her lips curl upward.
“Thank you for saying that,” she says before hugging me.
“Now, have fun and wear protection.”
“Nanna!”
She pulls away and shrugs. “Just trying to keep things safe.”
I finish getting ready and play some rummy with Nanna before I hear a knock at the door.
It’s him.
My man.
My beautiful man.
I hurry to the door and open it.
Mark stands on the porch, looking so much hotter in a button-up and tie than I could ever hope to. He was fucking made to look like he belongs in his mother’s environment.
But the way he checks me out makes me feel more confident about how I look.
“Look at you,” he says. “Don’t you clean up nice.”
I’m blushing again. I want to fucking punch myself. I don’t ever get like that. What have you done to me, Mark? You’ve fucking broken me, and I sure as hell don’t want to be fixed.
“Shall we walk arm-in-arm to the car?” Mark asks with a big grin across his face.
“Whatever,” I say.
He comes in for a minute to chat with Nanna before we head out in his car together and drive to the steakhouse he made reservations at.
When we arrive, the host takes us to our table.
I keep checking around at the décor. It’s a nice place.
Way too nice of a place. White tablecloths are covered with so many fucking dishes.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many dishes on such small tables in my life.
An orchestra plays on the other side of the restaurant before an empty space where a few couples are dancing to the slow song that’s playing.
I check out the menu on the table, and when I see the prices, I want to hop up and leave.
“Mark,” I say. “The steaks are all like fifty bucks.”
“So?” he asks. “I wanted to celebrate everything that’s happened. It’s all on me. Just don’t order wine or go crazy with that, and we’ll be fine.”
As I pick up the menu, I’m shaking.
I’d never come somewhere like this on my own.
I take a few deep breaths, trying to find the cheapest item on the menu, which isn’t easy.
“If you order the goddamn chicken,” he says, “I’ll kill you.”
I check the price and it’s only like thirty dollars.
“Well, we aren’t at McDonald’s.”
He laughs.
“Please enjoy this,” he insists.
I remember what Nanna said back at the house about enjoying myself.
A few more deep breaths.
“Sorry,” I say. “I think I’d feel better if I hadn’t just given up my main source of income. How did you even find out about this place?”
“They host a bunch of functions I’ve attended with Mom, so you know…”
“Oh, makes sense.”
A bunch of rich guys can certainly afford to drop some cash on a restaurant like this, and as I check the wine menu, I can tell that they drop even more money on their drinks.
“It’s definitely not like going to The Independent,” I joke about my new place of employment. “A beer’s like five bucks.”
Mark chuckles.
The way he’s looking at me, I can tell he thinks it’s cute having me in an environment I’m not comfortable in, which is a rarity for me.
His smile helps soothe me, though.