Chapter 36
MARK
Ihead down the hall, back to my apartment.
The sting of everything that’s happened hits me hard, but I know I can push through it.
Dad offered me some meds, and Mom’s gotten some of her guys on this. The video’s already been taken down, so now they just need to find the bastard who did this.
Although, I bet Tim knows who it is.
He has to.
Thinking about him showing it to another guy—bragging about fucking me in the mansion—hurts.
I don’t doubt he meant the things he said, but it tears me up knowing he could feel that way and still embarrass me like that…and put me at risk by sharing it with another person…someone who obviously wasn’t all that trustworthy themselves.
He texted me. Asked me if I was coming back into town tonight. He said he needed to talk to me about something. I told him I’d be home, but I couldn’t talk to him yet. I’m not ready. There are still too many thoughts. I’m ashamed…and embarrassed…and so fucking disappointed.
I reach my door, fumbling with the keys for a minute, struggling to get the right one because I’m so distracted. Then I open the door and see Tim sitting on the couch.
He stands up quickly. He has this sad expression on his face. Like he just watched someone kill a puppy.
I’m glad he’s here because at least it means he cares. At least it means that all this passion…all these things that we’ve been feeling and sharing…meant something to him.
It’s confirmation I like, but I hate myself for liking it because it doesn’t change what he did.
“I told you I couldn’t talk,” I say.
“Hear me out. Please.”
And I will, if only because it means I get to spend another moment with his beautiful face.
“Mark, I didn’t ever share that with anyone.”
I want to believe there’s another explanation so much that it makes me sad.
“I think it was Keith,” he says.
“What?”
“Computer science major. Develops websites. I can tell you right now I let him use my phone sometimes when we were messing around. I always thought he was just checking to see if I was messaging other guys, but I found this…”
Tim pulls out his phone and shows me a suspicious app he discovered after our fight. “I think he hacked my phone and then released the video.”
“No,” I say. “Keith? He’s never been anything but nice to me.”
“You might have seen that side of him, but I’m the one who saw the crazy stalker side when he was trying to get back with me.
I told you he would show up at my place…
and I don’t know that it was a coincidence that we kept ending up at the same parties.
I think a part of this might have been a way of keeping tabs on me.
Look, I downplayed how crazy his shit was when we talked because you were his friend, but I’m not just talking about him showing up at my door. There were some threats in there.”
“Threats?”
“He said, more than once, that if I didn’t give us a try, he’d make me pay.”
“Why didn’t you tell me that?”
“Because he was just mad and upset. He was doing whatever he could to get back together. I thought that’s all it was, but now…”
I can hardly process it. It’s just one more fucked up thing in my life right now.
“Oh my God. Why would he do that to us?”
“I think that’s a good fucking question that we need to ask him.”
“Then you deleted it? And you never shared it with anyone?”
He shakes his head. “No. And I’ll fucking prove it to you.
Even if it doesn’t turn out to be Keith.
Give me a chance to show you, Mark. Let me show you that you can trust me.
I’ll do whatever the fuck I have to. I don’t know how, but I will, because you matter too much to me… and I can’t fucking lose you.”
Shitty as everything still is, hearing those words from him comforts me. I hurry to him, and we hug.
He holds me close, and I feel so safe in his arms…like they’re protecting me from all the horrible things that have happened in the past twenty-four hours.
“From the bottom of my heart,” he says. “I’m telling you I never showed those to anyone, and I love you so fucking much.
I love you more than I thought it was even possible for me to love someone.
Don’t let us die because of this. I need you, Mark.
You’ve made me a better person, and I know things are shitty right now, but I promise I’ll find a way to make it better. ”
He presses his face against my cheek, and I can’t deny him anymore.
I kiss him.
And the first kiss is so powerful it scrambles all the thoughts that have pulled and pushed at me all day long.
There’s this tremendous relief in knowing he didn’t deceive me.
And even though we don’t have proof yet, I don’t need it because him coming here tonight and talking to me is all the proof I need that he wouldn’t have done anything like that to me.
His kiss takes my breath away, so that I break away to gasp.
“Thank you, Tim.”
“What could you possibly be thanking me for?”
“For coming here today. For fighting for us.”
“I’ll always fight for you, Mark. Because you’re worth fighting for.”
We share another kiss. And it strengthens as he gropes at my body like he’s missed it.
I need him right now. Need to be with him to know that as long as he’s here I can make it through this horrible nightmare.