Chapter 11 Carina #2
By lunch, I can make it down the easiest slope without falling—mostly. We eat at the lodge restaurant, where the men continue their subtle competition over who can order the most expensive wine and who knows the most about Swiss cuisine.
"The fondue here is exceptional," William informs us, then proceeds to explain the precise blend of cheeses used.
"No one cares about the cheese ratio, Will," Knox says, stealing a piece of bread from my plate. "They care that it tastes good."
"Understanding why it tastes good enhances the experience," I say.
"Does it though?" Knox turns to me. "What enhances your experience more—William's dissertation on cheese, or this?"
He feeds me a fondue-covered piece of bread, his fingers brushing my lips. It's deliberately intimate, a clear way to provoke his brother.
William's fork clenches. Travis sighs into his wine.
"Both have merit," I say diplomatically, though the word comes out garbled around the bite in my mouth.
"See?" Travis raises his glass. "And they say the Swiss are neutral. Carina's got them beat by a mile."
"We're not that bad," Knox protests.
"You literally just hand-fed her to annoy William."
"I hand-fed her because she's been working hard and deserves to be pampered."
"Everything doesn't have to be a competition," I say quietly.
"No," William agrees, his eyes fixed on Knox. "But apparently everything is."
The afternoon session goes better, maybe because I'm slightly wine-buzzed or maybe because I'm starting to get the hang of it. Knox talks me into trying a slightly steeper slope, promising to stay right beside me.
"I've got you," he says, holding my hands. "Trust me?"
I do trust him, which is how I find myself picking up speed, wind whipping past my face, adrenaline flooding my system. When I make it to the bottom without falling, I'm breathless with excitement.
"I did it!"
Knox catches me in a hug, spinning me around. "You were amazing! A natural!"
"She was reckless," William appears beside us, tension in every line of his body. "Carina, you could have gotten hurt."
"But I didn't."
"By luck, not skill."
"Why can't you just be happy for her?" Knox demands. "Why does everything have to be—"
He's cut off by my hand on his arm. "It's okay. Different perspectives, right? William keeps me safe, you push me to try new things. I need both."
The words hang in the air, meaning more than just skiing. Knox's expression softens. William looks away, jaw working.
"And where do I fit?" Travis asks, gliding up to us.
"You make sure we all survive each other," I say, which makes him laugh.
The rest of the day passes in a blur of snow and sun and small victories. By the time we head back, my whole body aches but I feel fantastic.
Back at the chalet, we settle by the fire with hot cocoa spiked with peppermint schnapps. I'm sandwiched between Knox and Travis on the couch while William takes the chair across from us, maintaining distance even now.
"Thank you," I say to the room at large. "For today. For the gear, the lessons, the patience. For..." I gesture helplessly. "All of it."
"You don't have to thank us," Travis says. "We wanted to do it."
"Even William?" The question slips out before I can stop it.
William looks up from his cocoa. "Especially me."
The simple admission hangs between us, loaded with everything he can't or won't say. Knox tightens his arm around me. Travis's hand finds mine.
"I should shower," I say, needing to break the tension.
"Need help?" Knox offers with exaggerated innocence.
"Knox," William warns.
"What? I'm being helpful."
"You're being an ass."
"Boys," I interrupt. "I can shower by myself. Revolutionary concept, I know."
I escape to my room, but not before catching William's expression—want and frustration and something else, something deeper.
Under the hot spray, I replay the day. Three very different men, three different approaches to caring for me. Knox who makes me brave, Travis who makes me feel capable, and William who, despite everything, makes me feel safe.
The problem is, I want all of it. All of them.
I press my forehead against the cool tile, letting the water cascade over my sore muscles. What kind of person am I, wanting three men? Dylan's voice echoes in my memory: Greedy. Selfish. Never satisfied with what you have.
But that's not what this feels like. With Dylan, I was always trying to make myself smaller, to need less, to be less.
With these men, I feel like I'm expanding, discovering parts of myself I'd forgotten existed.
Knox awakens my passion, my creativity, my courage to take risks.
Travis grounds me, makes me feel valued for exactly who I am right now. And William...
William challenges me. Frustrates me. Makes me want to break through that iron control and find the man underneath.
Today, when he was teaching me to ski, his hands steady on my waist, I felt it—the carefully leashed intensity, the want he won't acknowledge.
He needs to control everything, and I understand that.
I lived under someone else's control for so long that now I crave it and fear it at the same time.
I turn off the water and wrap myself in the plush towel, catching my reflection in the mirror. My cheeks are flushed from the day outside, my eyes bright. I look... happy. When did I start looking happy again?
A soft knock interrupts my thoughts. "Carina?" It's Travis. "Just wanted to check that you're okay. You seemed a little overwhelmed."
I open the door a crack, still in my towel. "I'm okay. Just... processing."
His eyes are warm with understanding. "It was a lot today. The competition, the tension. We're not usually quite that..."
"Intense?"
"I was going to say dysfunctional, but intense works." He pauses. "For what it's worth, you handled it beautifully. You have this way of seeing what each of us needs and responding to it. It's a gift."
"Or a curse," I say lightly, but he shakes his head.
"No. A gift. One we probably don't deserve but definitely need." He leans in, kissing my forehead gently. "Take your time. There's no rush to figure this all out."
After he leaves, I stand there clutching my towel, his words echoing. No rush to figure it out. But with the way things are escalating between all of us, I'm not sure time is on our side.
And judging by the tension building in this house, that's not a problem that's going away anytime soon.