Chapter 10
AXEL
I’ve never been a great talker.
But watching her retreat from me on the sand… retreat and try to run…
I’d rather talk until I’m blue in the face than watch her run from me.
We do the rounds on the beach, letting Lottie say goodnight. She’s quicker than we are to notice Granny Anna’s absence. Sterling’s gone too: a fact we don’t make Theo aware of when we meet him and Sadie mid-stroll.
If they find it odd that Taylor’s retiring early, they make no show of it.
Lottie looks ready for bed anyway, head heavy on Tay’s chest, tiny fist tucked under her nose, eyes drooping.
‘Night, darling girl,’ Sadie murmurs, leaning in to give her a kiss. ‘You be good for Aunt Tay-Tay.’
Lottie nods but barely stirs and Sadie smiles.
‘Exciting day tomorrow: you get to be a real pirate princess.’
Lottie’s eyes flare wide and she jerks upright, arm soaring and almost chinning Tay in the process. ‘ARRR!’
Theo chuckles. ‘You’ve still got it,’ he murmurs, grabbing her fist and kissing it softly. ‘Night, kiddo.’
She gives a yawn as she tucks her hand back under her chin and gives him a sleepy smile. ‘Night night, Daddy.’
Daddy.
Every adult stills as Lottie settles back down into Tay’s arms, blissfully unaware of the impact one word can have.
From the look on Sadie and Theo’s face, it’s as much a shock to them as it is to us. The happiest kind of shock. Sadie turns to Theo, clutching his hand, her other coming up to smooth away a tear before it can fall.
‘Wow,’ he whispers, the sound catching in his throat.
‘Yeah.’ She leans in to rest her head against his chest. ‘I guess now we’re married, it’s truly settled it for her.’
He nods, gaze still fixed on Lottie already dozing in Tay’s arms. Then he wraps his arms around Sadie and kisses her hair. ‘I guess it has.’
I clear my throat, feeling oddly unsettled by the whole thing. ‘You ready?’ I say to Taylor.
‘Wait.’ Theo’s eyes dart to mine, Sadie’s head lifting off his chest as she pins me with the same inquisitive stare. ‘You’re going to bed too?’
‘I’m just gonna see ’em up safe.’
‘Yeah,’ Taylor drawls, sending me an eye roll, ‘because you never know who might ambush us on a private island with its very own security detail. Or is it the bats you’re worried about?’
‘Shut up and move, Stone.’
She gives a low chuckle and I’d like to say I’m pleased she’s back to her teasing old self but Theo and Sadie are still giving me that look.
I shake my head and move, sliding my hand into the small of her back and encouraging her to move with me. I feel her tense, half a beat where her body heat teases me through the flimsy fabric, and then she’s moving.
To get away from me, or to do as I say, I don’t care, my hand stays.
‘Night, lovebirds,’ she calls back. ‘Don’t do anything we wouldn’t do.’
They laugh and I glare down at her.
‘What?’ she says.
‘You want everyone to know?’ I say through my teeth.
‘You don’t?’
I don’t answer her. I don’t need to.
Of course, I don’t want them to know.
I don’t want anyone to know.
Because everyone would have an opinion on it, and I don’t care what they think.
Especially when every single one of them would see we ended it before I’m ready.
Like you’re ever gonna be ready…
Screw you.
I am you.
Fuck.
Taylor
I don’t know why I want to provoke him, but I do.
Maybe I’m craving another Baby Girl scolding.
Sweet Jesus. I need to a get a grip. I’m on Aunt Tay-Tay duties. I’m supposed to be drawing up a rulebook. I’m supposed to be getting this under control.
But then, he was the one who pushed to do it tonight when I’m in no fit state.
Like a fevered pendulum, I swing from wanting to rip his clothes off to wanting to rip his head off.
And I’m not even sure why I’m angry at him.
The man is offering up everything I asked for, and I want him.
God, how I want him. In all the ways.
Ways I wouldn’t have realised if not for him and his surprising twist.
And that’s why I’m angry.
Because before, everything made sense. I wanted a child with a man I thought I knew. And he agreed.
But he agreed on his terms. And those terms have opened up an avalanche of feelings I never expected, not in a million years, and now I can’t hold them back.
There’s no holding them back.
Which is why we need rules, and why I need to claw back what scrap of control I have left to get it sorted.
And so I keep one step ahead as we walk, breathe in the soothing scent of the earth, the herbs, the flowers, the sea…
I concentrate on every tangible thing I can get a hold of that isn’t him, until my pulse no longer races from his continued touch against my back.
Until my thoughts become rational and clear.
We will talk.
We will draw up a plan.
And we will press reset on this whole baby-making scheme that was supposed to be mine but somehow became more about him.
His needs. His desire. His control.
And now you’re kidding yourself, because you willingly made it about him.
Him and your unleashed desire.
Damm it all.
My head is so right, and my heart needs to do one.
Preferably before we get to my room.
The villa is quiet and softly lit, the stone walls echoing with our footsteps as we enter. A member of Sterling’s staff appears to assist us but I dismiss her with a smile and a shake of the head.
We make our way up the sweeping staircase to the gallery landing above, branching off to the left where my two-bedroom suite awaits. An exact replica of Axel’s, only twice as big: babysitter privileges.
Before I can reach the heavy oak door, he’s already leaning past me and shoving it open. The heat of his body, the scent of his cologne: temptation personified. And I have to force myself to step past him and mutter my thanks.
I don’t pause as I head straight for the bathroom that joins the two rooms. Lottie may not appreciate freshening up before bed, but I sure need it.
‘Do you want to make yourself at home while I get her settled?’
At home? My subconscious rolls her eyes at me. You might as well ask him to get naked and hop on the bed!
And that’s not what I meant.
Axel
If I said no, I wonder if she’d stop running. Because that’s what she’s doing. Even now, with me in her suite, she’s running. Using the kid as cover, ducking into the bathroom without so much as a backward glance.
But then what would I do? Follow her in and help put Lottie to bed? Yeah. Sure. Like I’d know where to start.
So I stay put, drag my gaze off the bathroom door clicking shut, and suck in a breath meant to steady me. But all it does is give me more of her.
Her scent, too damn addictive.
And though the space is identical to mine – stone walls, warm wood furnishings, an iron chandelier hanging low, arched glass doors leading out onto a private veranda – it feels different.
Because it’s hers.
She’s everywhere I look. In the dresses hanging off the wardrobe door. Her cosmetics stacked neatly on the dressing table. Her laptop closed on the desk. A glossy fashion mag hooked over the arm of the wingback chair. And her nightwear, folded at the foot of a very familiar-looking bed…
And just like that, I’m reliving last night: her wrists bound, her body arched, the sound of her begging me to—
‘Axel?’
Her voice jolts me like a live wire. ‘Yup.’
Shit. Did I really just say yup?
Her brows pull together, one corner of her kicking up. ‘You okay?’
I thrust a hand through my hair. ‘Sure. What is it?’
‘Can you see if Dino’s hiding somewhere? He’s not on Lottie’s bed.’
‘Gwanny sed she bwung it,’ I hear Lottie’s sleepy mumble from behind her.
I nod and she ducks back inside while I scour the room, looking for a flash of green. I find him next to the door, buried with a pile of Lottie’s books.
‘Got him!’ I holler.
‘Thank God.’ The door swings open and Tay’s there, face flushed, eyes wide with relief. ‘Crisis averted!’
She grabs it from me with a hurried, ‘Thank you,’ and vanishes just as quick.
‘No problem,’ I murmur to the empty room, striding for the drinks table and snatching up the nearest bottle. Grappa. Perfect. I pour and knock it back. The burn’s immediate. Fierce too. But it’s got nothing on the remnants of her.
A tap turns on, her low voice drifting over the running water, and I step out onto the balcony, letting the night air hit me hard.
Just who’s running now?
I drag a hand down my face and tune into the night. The moonlit landscape stretches out before me, Tuscan hills rolling into the dark, a yacht bobbing on the black water beyond. The faint hum of music and laughter drifts up from the beach, the waves and the crickets mixing with it.
Calm. Tranquil.
Yeah, right.
I lean against the railing, glass dangling from my fingers…
What’s she gonna say when she comes out? Is this where she calls it off, says she made a mistake in choosing me? That she wants to go to a clinic after all. Pick some faceless man to…
I clench my jaw tight, sickness rolling through me—
No.
No, I don’t want that.
Can’t even bear the thought of it.
Which means… I want this.
I want her to have my baby.
I don’t want to be a dad, no.
But I want her to have that.
Something that’s mine too.
Something that’s ours.
Always.
‘Axel?’
I turn, expecting to see her alone, but she’s not. Lottie’s tucked into her side, Dino clutched beneath her chin. And for a second, I’m living a different life: one with a wife, a child, a family.
Things I’ve never dared dream of.
And I don’t dare now.
‘She wants you to tuck her in.’
She what?
My mouth opens, but nothing comes out. I look at Lottie, who just blinks up at me.
‘She does?’
Lottie’s arms open in answer, her body leaning towards me, and I have to fight the ridiculous urge to step back.
‘If that’s okay?’ Tay says, struggling to keep Lottie balanced when I don’t move fast enough. ‘Axel?’
My voice refuses to come as I step forward, hands slow to act now there’s no music or dancing or teasing to hide behind.
The kid folds into me, small and warm, all trust and sleepy vulnerability.
Taylor’s gaze meets mine, her eyes as soft as her smile. She doesn’t say anything, thank fuck. Just turns and leads the way back inside, through the bathroom, into the adjoining bedroom made up into a twin. She pulls back the quilt on one bed and steps aside.
I lay Lottie down and the kid clings to my neck.
‘Night night, Uncle G.’
Before I can release her, she presses a kiss to my cheek and I freeze, a spasm of something tearing though me. I’ve never, not once, been kissed like that. The briefest, softest of pecks. The most innocent of gestures.
It digs in, claws at my gut, bites at my eyes: the tiny show of affection hitting somewhere I didn’t know still existed.
It takes Taylor lifting the quilt to make me move, and I take over. With fingers that feel too big, too clumsy, I tuck it beneath Dino’s chin and smooth the edge.
‘Night, kid.’
Taylor leans in, pressing a gentle kiss to Lottie’s forehead as I back away, stunned by how something so small could hit so hard.
‘Night night, darling,’ she murmurs. ‘You know where I am if you need me.’
Lottie gives a sleepy nod, rolling over with Dino still clutched tight.
‘You okay?’ Taylor asks, joining me on the threshold, her astute eyes narrowed, too sharp, too aware.
No, I ain’t. Nowhere near.
But I nod anyway.
Because that’s what I do.
She eases the door shut behind us and the quiet that follows presses in, squeezing behind my ribs.
For a second, I just stand there, staring at the grain of the wood, trying to catch my breath. The ghost of that tiny kiss still burns my cheek, like it left a mark I can’t rub off.
I move to get away before Taylor can push any further. Cross to the drinks table. Find the bottle of grappa and pour more than I should.
The liquid flashes in the lamplight as I throw it back, let the burn chase off the ache.
Behind me, I can hear the faint rustle of her moving around – the whisper of her dress, the quiet click of something set down – and it’s too much.
It’s all too much and yet, I won’t run. Not now, not ever…
Not until she tells me to.
And even then, I’ll stay close enough to protect but far enough not to ruin.